Will this never end . . .

[Bint36]

:weep: Hi there

I am desparately trying to gain some control before I spiral out of it. And I certainly feel like I am going crazy.

Here's a quick summary: I am convinced I have cancer of some sort or the other. I hate opening my eyes in the morning and having to face another, long, chest-tightening day, this is usually followed by sickness. My head never stops talking to me, all through the night and I am exhausted.

I lost my father to lung cancer in February and my mum to lung disease in August so my friends are telling me it's a grieving process. Which I fully understand, but it doesn't make the worry any less.

I started having panic attacks just after my dad's death and seeked holistic therapy which really helped, reflexology, etc. Believe me I've ended up down the A&E on a couple of occasions, I think I've had 4 ECGs this year already. Then when my mum passed, they started again but I thought I had control over them. About three weeks ago I started getting stabbing like pain in my right side, under the rib, which spread through my stomach and then to my back. It came and went but so did this black cloud in my mind that started to creep in. Could this be sinister, so I went to the doctors and they told me no, it's could be gallstones or an ulcer. Then the worse I could possibly do was go on the internet and started searching disease, I think I had every symptom to every disease known to man.

I'm on medication for these conditions but the pain still comes and goes and the more stressed I get the worse the pain gets. I go for a ultrasound on Saturday. That's going to be the longest week in my life I think. I also take Biruspone but I don'k think it's doing very much.

Anyway, I've just read Claire Weekes book and I started to see my symptoms being related to Nervous Breakdown.

I am 42, married with two children who are worrying about me. I just want some peace, and to see light at the end of the tunnel. Will it ever get better? Everyday seems harder plus worrying that I'm being completely selfish!

It would be great to get some posts, thank you :weep:

[Maj]

Hi,

No wonder you feel so anxious - after losing your mum and dad in such a short space of time - how sad for you. It's very early days and I think anyone would feel like you do. You definiely need T.L.C.:hugs: I'm so glad you have Claire's book. If you read and follow her advice then you can't go the wrong path to recovery. Anxiety brings horrible symptoms, doesn't it? But you can and will get through them. Just give yourself time. You'll get support from reading posts on here as well as there are many people going through what you are. Take care.
Myra x

[ChrisMayo]

Hello.

I know what you are going through all too well. In the past year I have thought I've had Cancer, HIV, Lupus, Lung Cancer, Leukeamia (have just about got over that), Cirrhosis of the liver (my current worry), Brain Tumour, Spinal Tumour, pretty much everything.

I have also on nearly all of these occasions been 100% convinced I have the disease. So bad that I have stopped eating, stopped going out, scared to get out of bed, because the belief was so strong, and I assumed I was dying.

I've had tons of tests. You may like to read my recent post on the 1st page of the forum, which will tell you how bad it has been for me.

I am still worried something is seriously wrong, and can't get it out of my head.

I've started new meds, been on them for 12 days, so it could be my anxiety is really high, and will settle soon, but either way, it is horrible, and I know what you are going through.

Basically, I've thought something was up for nearly 3 years, i've had hundreds of symptoms, some come and go quickly, otherwise stayed in some form all the time, but, nothing that I can tell has got worse, and nothing has made me actually ill, other than through not eating and mentally.

I'm only 22, so it feels terrifying for me to consider all this at such a young age, and I know how horrible it is for anyone.

Blood tests are quick and reassuring, and will often rule out most major problems, or point to some abnormalities, you could talk about this with your doctor.

It is rare for our worries to come true regarding our health. We aren't doctors, but us with health anxiety think we know it all, and know all the symptoms etc, but we don't know all the hundreds of other possibilities, we just think the worst.

Take comfort in knowing that most if not all on this Health Anxiety board have been through similar, or are currently, and we all share the same beliefs, and are here to support each other.

It takes time, and strength, but you'll get through it :)

x

[mandyclare]

I just want to give you the biggest hug ever.

You have been through an awful time.

These symptoms are all classic of anxiety, stress, and depression.

I am glad you have good friends to get you through this difficult time and I hope everybody here on NMP can be of some help and reassurance either.

I hope things get better for you very soon. Private message anytime you need a chat.

mand xx

[Bint36]

Thanks for the posts. I've been looking through the forums and it's amazing how many people feel the same way. I can draw strength from some of it, if that's a good way to look at other people's suffering.

I do think my doctors are sick of me though with my constant stream of complaints. They tested my liver and kidneys last week and the result was fine. That was a long four days wait because I like a drink and was convinced my liver was on it's last legs.

It's spent the last 20 years of my life trying to lose weight and now I have (around a stone) I'm worried that's it. Apparantly, nervous energy, sickness and depression will do that do a person. Oh yeah, try telling that to me!

My friends are very supportive which is great and my holistic therapist says that the pain in my right hand side is where the angry organ lives, the liver. She says I'm angry about something!

So I should be blessed that I am surrounded by a network of supportive friends and family but this has taken it's hold and looks like it's going to run it's course, whether I like it or not.

Thanks again.

[gypsywomen]

sorry about your loss ,as Myra says it wont help your anxiety,, we all dwell on certain illness its not nice every pain and ache we run to doctors thinking we have something bad your not alone,,you probably don't have ulcer or gallstone ,,doc just making sure ,, the pain of gallstone is that bad you need gas and air so severe ,,,try to be strong your not having breakdown we all think this to ,,remember your not alone xxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Bint36]

Thanks for the kind posts and hugs x

Can I just ask whether anyone constantly feels their heart beating. It feels like it's hammering away in my chest, even when my chest doesn't feel heavy or tight?

Sometimes I ask the kids to feel and they say either that they can't feel it at all or aren't you suppose to feel you heart beating mum.

It's a horrible feeling and I'm convinced it's related to my problem in my stomach. I think I read somewhere that if you have stomach cancer, it can cause chest pains.

I'm sorry for all these posts. Thank you.

[Maj]

it'll most probably be palpitations caused by anxiety. An ecg can rule out other things and put your mind at rest. Some g.p. surgeries actually carry them out there. I'm sure this is just another symptom of anxiety and will pass if you try not to be scared of it.
Myra x

[AndyB07]

So sorry to hear about your parents, and everything else you are going through. I hope it's some comfort to know that lots of us share your symptoms, and that it's very unlikely there is anything really serious wrong with you. Unfortunately there's no quick cure for anxiety, but with support from people around you and on here, you WILL start to feel better...it's been 4 months for me now, and improvements have been slow. One of the hardest things is to accept that the symptoms you feel really can be down to anxiety....there is an anxiety symptoms article on here somewhere that is very useful. You will see that palpitations are one of the most common manifestations. I hope things improve for you really soon, you certainly deserve it.

[Bint36]

Thanks for assuring me about my heart beat.

It's amazing, I was reading a forum yesterday evening and saw written that a liver test reading of normal doesn't rule out Cirrhosis. That's been a big worry for because I like a glass or two of wine. My tests came back normal but now I'm panicked because there could actually still be something wrong with my liver. I've spent all night worrying about it and the pain in my r-h-s has got worse thinking about it. I've been assured by three doctors that my liver is fine, not enlarged, etc.

I keep thinking that I will be THE ONE to have something wrong with me because I'm so sure of it.

Thanks again