Please read this!

[Ange!]

If this post can help even ONE person, i'll be happy.

The last few years have been a very dark place for me, and i'm pretty sure it has been for you all! I have been acting the part of what I thought I should be to cover up what I was really feeling. Anxiety had taken over my life (thought processes, physical symptoms and avoiding)

I'm a born worrier and analytical person, so as this started I analysed it all, looked into it, came up with more conclusions that fuelled my anxiety even more (I didnt know I was doing it at the time!)
It has affected my personality, my relationship with my husband, my relationship with my kids, my relationship with my family, my performance at work, my sleep and a hell of a lot more.
It has ended up with countless visits to the doctor, specialists, A&E and endless days of staying in bed, exhausted.

I felt as if I was having a nervous breakdown last week and the week before - and to be honest..I probably was! Nothing was functionig as normal (or whatever the hell normal was..looking back, it was "acting" normal)

I am VERY fortunate and extremely privelleged to have an extremely supportive and understanding family (even though sometimes I have not felt it as I have been too deep in my own anxiety to see it) but the person who has helped me the most is my brother. Unfortunately he has been there done that wore the t-shirt!!
This has been building up in him for years and has resulted in him being taken over by anxiety (I will not tell his story, it is his to tell if ever he chooses to) but he is on a path to recovery and is an inspiration to me and has given me two pieces of advice that have made me feel (finally) that I can have a normal life!

I will now share these with you for the hope that it will reach you and help you:

1) Get rid of all your books on these symptoms / behaviours and read this one book once - then keep it as a reference. This book was "At last a life - Anxiety and Panic Free" by Paul David (this was in response to the latest one i'd bought and showed him (CBT for dummies - in itself a fantastic book, but he recognised that it would probably make me feel worse as all I would do is further analyse myself!)

I could not put this book down as it has hit the spot and finally made me feel as if I am on a journey to a normal life - not recovery, but a normal life!

The main points are: Give up the fight! There is no cure for this, you have to accept it and go with it. You can't control it. I know this doesnt make sense, and to be honest, it didn't to me until I read ithe book.

Our anxious states are making our nerves highly sensitised! our adrenaline is pumping like mad as we are in a constant anxious state! Everything then builds up on this - we concentrate on why we are feeling what we are feeling starting the "What if" process and then fuel it further.
Its weird that even with the CBT book, I thought I was recognising my thought processes and trying to change them - which in honest made me worse - the panic attacks started really badly even though I was doing this (didn't make sense to me!)

If we had a cold, we would recognise the symptoms as a cold and carry on with things - all these symptoms we have are all down to our nerves being in the highly sensitised state (as if we are being attacked by a bloody dinosaur or something!) and it is natural for our bodies to be like that.
We have to accept it, and tackle it (not avoid it) - in time our bodies will give less importance to it and it will fade.

2) Panic attacks - another tip by my brother - make a little "rescue pack" for panic attacks. Accept they will happen, and when they do, get your rescue pack (mine is Rescue remedy spray and rescue remedy pastilles! God only knows if they do anything physically, but they make me realise that it is a panic attack, that it will pass - which in turn helps them to fade over time! I don't even go into the "Why is this happening to me?" "What if i pass out" etc thing which only fuels it.

3) Mood - I'm not depressed, therefore won't go down the route of anti depressants (although in all honesty - this was a magic pill I was hoping for!) but feeling constantly anxious makes my mood dip (as is only natural) so another tip is to make a "happy pack" (lol - I sound like a right loony now, but again, this is credited to my amazing, inspirational brother whom I love deeply!) Be it happy songs on your i-pod, photos of happy memories carried with you that you can use as your "mood rescue pack"

Anyway - sorry about this long post - and I only hope that it makes sense and doesnt read as one long rant.

Please, please forget about symptoms and recognise what you can do about this - Let's reclaim our lives!

Ive only started on my journey to recovery (after being at the doctors two weeks ago expecting a magic pill to numb it all following my breakdown, then being heartbroken as I wasn't given this magic pill that certainly doesn't exist for ANXIETY - which made me go into further into anxiety / panic attack hell)

Good luck to you all - Life really is too short for us all to feel this way.

Ange
x

[PanicOver!!]

Hi

Great post and i couldnt agree more
a few months back i was in a very dark place and the best advice i had was to just go with it and dont fight it... i am now almost completely recovered and the anxiety no longer rules my life
you are totally right about us sufferers surrounding ourselves with negative stories and thoughts

one book i would recommend is below

Life Isn't Just a Panic

http://www.babystepspress.com/panic.GIF Escape From the Prison Without Walls
by Denise Ranauro








good luck with your fight x

[gypsywomen]

i have read this book it is good

[sarah jayne]

I hope that one day i'll be free of this anxiety that rules my life. Im going to get that book !
Sarah x

[mandyclare]

Great messages here.... i'm sure it will help many people

Mand x

[Ange!]

And thank you Mandy for sending my the message inspiring me to put it all down x

[chickpea]

Great post!:yesyes:

I'm reading Claire Weekes "Self help for your nerves", which sounds very similar to the book you've recommended - it's all about what your physical syptoms actually mean (and oversensitized nervous system) and that you have to face them, accept them and they will lessen their hold.

I am 8 weeks into what I think of as a breakdown, and feeling so much better. I'm very optimistic that I won't just recover, but will have a better life than ever before.:)

[orchid]

Ange,

This is a great post. I feel we need more like this. The good advice we get from fellow sufferers and recoverers is often far better than reading the official line from the medical profession who I feel dehumanise anxiety, make it seem like a disease that must be treated their way (CBT) and their way only, forgetting that anxiety is a normal human condition and can be dealt with much more simply on an ongoing basis. Yes, some of the techniques are helpful, but they are not the whole story and some can even be counter-productive at times.

I thought I'd write a list of the things I read about anxiety that made it worse for me and debunk them, hoping that it will help a few people from panicking further and making it worse, and a list of things that genuinely do work to help people get better!

1) 'Anxiety is incurable' - well, what a helpful statement to read when you are looking for help and support, but it's amazing how many books/websies say it. It's a deceptive statement. Anxiety cannot be 'cured' as it is a natural human response and can be helpful at times, so you wouldn't want to cure it in that sense. But Anxiety as we know it, the really wretched kind that lingers and inhibits, can be. You can come out of your darkest days and look back and wonder where they ever came from. You can feel 'cured' of an Anxiety attack/disorder and don't believe anyone who says you can't!

2) You have to face your fears/challenge your thoughts - well, to an extent yes, but only unrealistic, exaggerated fears with no basis in reality, and not when you are at your most anxious. Take it steadily, one step at a time. Trying too hard too soon makes you feel worse and only prolongs the anxiety, when you're sensitised you can only cope with so much, your brain's not ready yet. When you're calmer you'll see things more clearly, naturally. Have faith in your body's natural ability to deal with things as and when.

3) Look after yourself. Do whatever it takes to feel better, you have the right to live life to the full and do not have to listen to your inner bully trying to paralyse you. No matter how much it tries to pull you down, shake it off, push on through to do what you want. Rest if you need to. Spend time with family and friends if you'd like to. Do things, go places, whatever that may be, from a trip to the shop to a holiday abroad. Make plans, engage in hobbies, passions and interests. Don't do these things because you want to beat your anxiety, do them because you want to live. Keep on living as if anxiety was not there, and eventually it won't be. It's a gradual process but it's real and doable.

All that I have said above I know because I have been through three real anxious episodes in the last few years, but I'm getting better at beating them and they have got shorter each time. And not only have I had anxiety but I have also done all the things I wanted to do - moved to London with my boyfriend, got a very good job, travelled extensively and more. If you'd asked me if I could do any of those things at my darkest point 5 years ago I would never have believed it, because anxiety distorts the truth. And it wasn't always easy, but it was worth it, and just by doing it, I've gotten better each time.

I would also heartily recommend the Paul David and Claire Weekes books listed above and would add 'Free Yourself from Anxiety: A Self-help Guide to Overcoming Anxiety Disorders by Emma Fletcher and Martha Langley. Like the above two books it is full of real warmth and realistic positive messages. So much of anxiety is caused by not understanding it, and these books will all help to make it easier, removing the power of the 'bogeyman'. I think of anxiety as being like the Wizard of Oz - seemingly complex and powerful but really just a little man behind the curtain, exposed as a fraud when uncovered.

Good luck everyone, there is a way out of the woods!

[Downsinthenorth]

"Give up the fight" (Angel)

Exactly right - fighting your own nature is a waste of time and energy, and will flood your body with adrenalin, making all your symptoms much worse.

"You do not have to listen to your inner bully ..." (Orchid)

Again, so true. That terrible inner voice saying such cruel and unhelpful things. Would you actually say anything like that to another person, especially if they were suffering? No, of course you wouldn't! So why do you find it acceptable to say it to yourself? (This is what I am telling myself to break myself of the habit of verbally abusing myself).

Downsinthenorth

[Ange!]

Fantastic responses - thank you very much!
:D

We all seem like intelligent, sensitive, caring people - which is perhaps our downfall in all this!!!! We can help each other through this.

Totally agree that unless you've been through it - you cant help
(Doctors have been useless for me as they try to treat the symptoms and not the root cause! Thus giving more importance to the symptoms and fuelling it further)

Do you know what i've noticed - and this is my own personal experince... Up until recently, I constantly looked at the "Symptoms" sections of these forums - which although useful..made me feel worse and fuelled me further! I didn't want to entertain the "Self Help" bit
(I've not lost the irony of this!!! lol)


It's finally fallen into place for me now, and although I accept that I will still have crappy days / moments - so what - i'm only human, everybody gets crap days (it's our ability to deal with them that makes us!)

x

[Rain]

Thanks for this post. I found an e-book version of Paul David's book that you can download for electronic readers such as the Sony Reader and am about half way through it. It seems to talk a lot of sense.

[mumsie]

Hi all
I agree totally. Acceptance of your symptoms and yourself are key. If you accept whatever is thrown at you then you stop being afraid of it. Anxiety never killed anyone, however scary it is at the time, and believe me I've been there too! I also agree that it's better to go with the flow about implementing self help strategies and just do what you can when you feel up to doing it. Otherwise you just put more pressure on yourself and possibly set yourself up to fail at something. Some people find one thing helpful and someone else may find the same thing counterproductive. Yes at some point it is better to face irrational fears but do it slowly, gradually and in your own time. It probably took a long time to get anxious and it's fine for it to take a long time to get better. Be patient. Love yourself the way you are. Good luck all

[harasgenster]

Good post. I've suffered from anxiety and depression for 10 years and have learned a lot. I was agoraphobic for all of three months, it didn't take it's hold because I did this:

FOR AGORAPHOIBA
1) Realise that a panic attack won't kill you.
2) Go outside
3) If you begin having a panic attack, stay with it for a couple of minutes. Tell yourself you'll "just walk to that tree" or something; saying to yourself - "It's ok it's just a panic attack, it's to be expected, I'll get to this tree then go home".
4) At home, wait out the panic attack. They only last ten minutes if you accept that they're not dangerous. Put the TV on or the radio and concentrate on that.
5) Go back outside and do it again and again.

This sounds a little bit hardcore but I did this when I was 19 and can assure you it works. I wasn't in therapy, knew nothing of CBT but I've realised that this is similar to CBT in some ways.

The best way to beat a panic attack is to let yourself have one. If you sit in fear waiting for it to happen you will give yourself a panic attack and then you will become afraid of it and make it worse. Just be firm with yourself and tell yourself that panic attacks can't hurt you. Get on with your life as if you'd never had a panic attack before and if you have one play it down - call it teething troubles or something. Don't give them power they don't deserve. They're harmless and common - they're horrible, they're terrifiying, but thinking of them in this way increases their ability to control you. Cramp can be very painful and horrible and can sometimes have you bent double but when you get cramp do you lock yourself away? No, because you know it's "just cramp". It's not pleasant but it can't hurt you.

I haven't had bad panic attacks for years now. I've had a couple in the last two years but I curbed them quickly because I wasn't afraid of them.

I don't know if this next thing will help anyone else or make them worse so use your discretion! I find feeling the pulse in my neck actually calms me! It might sound stupid but it's because I tend to be aware of other symptoms before
I am my heart racing. If I suddenly feel dizzy I feel my pulse. If it's fast I think "Oh, I'm anxious, there's nothing wrong with me", same for nausea or blurred vision or anything. Years ago I would have concentrated on the dizziness/nausea etc. and thrown myself into a panic attack. Recognising it as an early symptom of a panic attack takes away the power of the attack because I think "it's just anxiety". Ie. there's nothing wrong.

When it comes to CBT for dummies and other self-help...good for panic disorder if you ask me. Rid yourself of panic attacks first, then work on your thought patterns. You can't concentrate if you're having panic attacks all the time.

What helps me is to make a notebook of helpful thoughts. When I feel bad about something and I feel depressed or anxious for days I'll eventually be able to come round to the "logical" thought and realise my thoughts are overwhelmingly negative. When I find a thought that makes me feel better I write it down - I'm making my own self-help book basically, of every thought that helps me and everything I do that makes me feel better so that I can reference my own successes when I feel down in the future.

These are all things that have made a difference to my life so I thought I'd slot them in here in case they're any good to the rest of you.

Good luck.

[Alicat]

Thank you so much for this thread! I'm going to do the photo thing.

I've bought 'At Last A Life'. just not read it yet. I'm going to now