iheartshoes
02-11-09, 21:18
Ok, ill start from the beginning, hope youve got some time spare! Lol!
Basically i was with this ass of a guy for 2 years. He completely ruined my confidence, and pretty much made me cry everyday. I didnt realise any of this was happening at the time, stupid i know. Oh and in that time my cousin killed himself so there was alot of crap happening. So one day i went to get my hair cut, and i got a bit shakey. I call it a wobbly head, it feels like your neck goes all tense and you head feels like it shakes. Anyway, so i got this and the hairdresser went 'are you ok?'. I said yeah, i just feel a bit weird. So i popped to the loo, and i thought, ooooh my god how embarressing! Then when i came out all the hairdressers gathered round me and started making a fuss. Saying i looked pale etc. My mum was there and she was like are you ok? And i thought, i dont know! Apparently not! So anyway, i felt a bit shakey, but sat down to finish my haircut. Then after i sat wondering what had just happened. It scared the crap out of me. I dont know if it was a panic attack, as i managed to sit and stay in the salon. Anywho, so from that moment i just felt completely petrified of what had happened. I couldnt be around anyone. My then bf worked away pretty much full time so i didnt see him. Even my mum or anyone being in the house scared me. I didnt eat properly for a long time. My stomach just felt like it was in knots. And my mind just kept racing about what had happened. I stopped seeing friends and family, and work fizzled out. So now we're 3 years on and im still scared of something. I dont like being around people socially because im scared of having a panic attack and embaressing myself, even though i havent had one since that day. Im terrified of meeting my new bfs mum coz i think if i pop round for a chat, ill have a panic attack and look like a ****. I play all these situations in my head over and over. College is hard too. I get this lump in my throat that makes me feel like im going to burst into tears, but i havent actually done so yet. You'd think id be able to go, sweet i can control it, but i dont trust myself. Im still scared! I cant even manage the cinema with my bf coz i imagine myself suddenly wanting to run out and then hed think i was an idiot. Its soooo frustrating! I read a website today that says the only thing you fear is the fear itself. That you should push yourself into the situation, try and welcome an attack and let it wash over you. Then your over it and wont fear it anyone. I just cant get the guts to do it though. Its ok when your at home thinking yeah ill give that a whirl, but when your in the situation crapping yourself, you just cant make yourself think rationally. I know im close to getting over this, i just cant take that final step. I dont believe in myself at all. Im not depressed or anything, just frustrated.
Basically i was with this ass of a guy for 2 years. He completely ruined my confidence, and pretty much made me cry everyday. I didnt realise any of this was happening at the time, stupid i know. Oh and in that time my cousin killed himself so there was alot of crap happening. So one day i went to get my hair cut, and i got a bit shakey. I call it a wobbly head, it feels like your neck goes all tense and you head feels like it shakes. Anyway, so i got this and the hairdresser went 'are you ok?'. I said yeah, i just feel a bit weird. So i popped to the loo, and i thought, ooooh my god how embarressing! Then when i came out all the hairdressers gathered round me and started making a fuss. Saying i looked pale etc. My mum was there and she was like are you ok? And i thought, i dont know! Apparently not! So anyway, i felt a bit shakey, but sat down to finish my haircut. Then after i sat wondering what had just happened. It scared the crap out of me. I dont know if it was a panic attack, as i managed to sit and stay in the salon. Anywho, so from that moment i just felt completely petrified of what had happened. I couldnt be around anyone. My then bf worked away pretty much full time so i didnt see him. Even my mum or anyone being in the house scared me. I didnt eat properly for a long time. My stomach just felt like it was in knots. And my mind just kept racing about what had happened. I stopped seeing friends and family, and work fizzled out. So now we're 3 years on and im still scared of something. I dont like being around people socially because im scared of having a panic attack and embaressing myself, even though i havent had one since that day. Im terrified of meeting my new bfs mum coz i think if i pop round for a chat, ill have a panic attack and look like a ****. I play all these situations in my head over and over. College is hard too. I get this lump in my throat that makes me feel like im going to burst into tears, but i havent actually done so yet. You'd think id be able to go, sweet i can control it, but i dont trust myself. Im still scared! I cant even manage the cinema with my bf coz i imagine myself suddenly wanting to run out and then hed think i was an idiot. Its soooo frustrating! I read a website today that says the only thing you fear is the fear itself. That you should push yourself into the situation, try and welcome an attack and let it wash over you. Then your over it and wont fear it anyone. I just cant get the guts to do it though. Its ok when your at home thinking yeah ill give that a whirl, but when your in the situation crapping yourself, you just cant make yourself think rationally. I know im close to getting over this, i just cant take that final step. I dont believe in myself at all. Im not depressed or anything, just frustrated.