josephine
04-11-09, 13:15
Hi everyone,
I am feeling rather low and useless today. I have come on to the forum so i do not feel so alone. Infact this is the only place i feel i fit.
I am 40 years old and once again i am sitting at home alone on my own. My husband works away alot of the time and my 13 year old son is at school.
Since my son started secondary school my aim was to get out there and find myself a job. but her i am nearly 3 years down the line and i have achieved nothing.
I have suffered anxiety all my life and bluffed my way through.But now i have completely lost respect for myself.My husband pays all the bills and i just stay at home and take care of the house. i know i am worth more than this but have no idea wher to begin out there in the big wide world.For the past 13 years all i have been is a mum. I have no work skills to speak of and practically nothing to put down on a cv. Without a cv i have no chance on getting employment. the idea of an interview terrifies me. I have to take a beta blocker just to go to the shop!!!!!!!
I do go and visit my elderly and disabled parents a few times a week. I clean, shop for them and generally help them out and when i am on the bus on the way home i feel like i am part of society. it feels good, but scary too.Only medication allows me to do this.
I suffer from social and general anxiery. I also think i have a touch of agoraphobia as i do not like being out on my own or amongst strangers.But i push myself to do it .
How will i ever beable to work?and contribute to my families life. My husband would like another child and has never pressured me to work. Having babies is another matter , i would love one but it terrifies me.I would have to come off my meds and that would be hard.i have also suffered 2 miscarriages in the past and am frightened of it happening again.
I am sorry to waffle on. but i feel so worthless today. How can my son and husband respect me when i hate myself.
I have no idea what to do for the rest of my life. i havent achieved much, apart from my son, for the first 40.
Life is for confident, outgoing non anxious people.For me it is a fight.where do people like me fit in?
I would have had a entirely different life if i wasnt an anxious person.All those hopes and dreams and i wasnt able to achieve them.
Sorry again to go on. I just feel alone today.
Thankyou for reading this.
LOve Josephine.x
I am feeling rather low and useless today. I have come on to the forum so i do not feel so alone. Infact this is the only place i feel i fit.
I am 40 years old and once again i am sitting at home alone on my own. My husband works away alot of the time and my 13 year old son is at school.
Since my son started secondary school my aim was to get out there and find myself a job. but her i am nearly 3 years down the line and i have achieved nothing.
I have suffered anxiety all my life and bluffed my way through.But now i have completely lost respect for myself.My husband pays all the bills and i just stay at home and take care of the house. i know i am worth more than this but have no idea wher to begin out there in the big wide world.For the past 13 years all i have been is a mum. I have no work skills to speak of and practically nothing to put down on a cv. Without a cv i have no chance on getting employment. the idea of an interview terrifies me. I have to take a beta blocker just to go to the shop!!!!!!!
I do go and visit my elderly and disabled parents a few times a week. I clean, shop for them and generally help them out and when i am on the bus on the way home i feel like i am part of society. it feels good, but scary too.Only medication allows me to do this.
I suffer from social and general anxiery. I also think i have a touch of agoraphobia as i do not like being out on my own or amongst strangers.But i push myself to do it .
How will i ever beable to work?and contribute to my families life. My husband would like another child and has never pressured me to work. Having babies is another matter , i would love one but it terrifies me.I would have to come off my meds and that would be hard.i have also suffered 2 miscarriages in the past and am frightened of it happening again.
I am sorry to waffle on. but i feel so worthless today. How can my son and husband respect me when i hate myself.
I have no idea what to do for the rest of my life. i havent achieved much, apart from my son, for the first 40.
Life is for confident, outgoing non anxious people.For me it is a fight.where do people like me fit in?
I would have had a entirely different life if i wasnt an anxious person.All those hopes and dreams and i wasnt able to achieve them.
Sorry again to go on. I just feel alone today.
Thankyou for reading this.
LOve Josephine.x