empyroline
04-11-09, 15:49
Hey there,
I joined yesterday and thought i'd introduce myself.
I'm 33 . My anxiety engine is always running, shifting up or down the gears, humming gently in the background. It's only now I'm recognising that I do have anxiety, though the term has been kicking around me. And I guess I have eventually developed some sort of coping mechanisms but It's still getting in the way of my life.
I'm currently unemployed and shacked up with my partner in his parents house. Just had another rejection letter this morning.
I moved to Carlisle from Edinburgh in February and have been unemployed until now apart from a brief spurt as a Summer holiday playscheme worker.
I worked with the kids fine it was the other staff that were an issue - as there were a lot of big personalities I became a bit of a wall flower. I'm a slow burner, It takes a bit of time to feel comfortable.
But i really haven't adjusted well to being away from what Edinburgh. I know it's daft but even the accents down here make me uneasy.
So within the first few months of unemployment I got offered a job running a library but couldn't take it- I was so freaked out. The buck? would stop with me. I'd be responsible for other staff and have to sort out all the problems, there was no one to ask, what if there were issues to do with fines? I'm not good with numbers and when I look at the screen it all becomes a matrix , then I start to panic.
But never mind, I was accepted onto teacher training in Newcastle. I went through, spent one night, freaked out and came back to Carlisle, I tried again the next week - made it to the station and had another freak out - perhaps it might be a panic attack - no hyperventilating though.
I can't really explain what went wrong. True, the chap I was due to move in with was a bit odd and the house was grim but I was already freaking out in July after the pre - induction. Everyone was so Up for it! Yee hah! and I had worked with kids on an estate in Edinburgh and although it's got it's good side it is grim too. No Yee hah for me!
So I don't know if it was just not for me, or if it's anxiety, or what? It's hard to have instincts when your always a little on edge. And I didn't want to start on the course on the wrong foot - I knew it would just spiral.
Anyway I have managed to defer and perhaps if i can make some links contacts in NewC I might be more comfortable. But I don't really know how to do that.
So I have really mucked things up.
Can't find a job - looking in Carlisle and Edinburgh. Seem to be over qualified due to having a pgdip in Art. Don't really want to do art any more - it makes me feel ill sometimes.
I can do social situations but I usually need a few drinks and to know some peeps.
I don't really have panic attacks or I don't recognise them...
erk don't really know what else to say...
I joined yesterday and thought i'd introduce myself.
I'm 33 . My anxiety engine is always running, shifting up or down the gears, humming gently in the background. It's only now I'm recognising that I do have anxiety, though the term has been kicking around me. And I guess I have eventually developed some sort of coping mechanisms but It's still getting in the way of my life.
I'm currently unemployed and shacked up with my partner in his parents house. Just had another rejection letter this morning.
I moved to Carlisle from Edinburgh in February and have been unemployed until now apart from a brief spurt as a Summer holiday playscheme worker.
I worked with the kids fine it was the other staff that were an issue - as there were a lot of big personalities I became a bit of a wall flower. I'm a slow burner, It takes a bit of time to feel comfortable.
But i really haven't adjusted well to being away from what Edinburgh. I know it's daft but even the accents down here make me uneasy.
So within the first few months of unemployment I got offered a job running a library but couldn't take it- I was so freaked out. The buck? would stop with me. I'd be responsible for other staff and have to sort out all the problems, there was no one to ask, what if there were issues to do with fines? I'm not good with numbers and when I look at the screen it all becomes a matrix , then I start to panic.
But never mind, I was accepted onto teacher training in Newcastle. I went through, spent one night, freaked out and came back to Carlisle, I tried again the next week - made it to the station and had another freak out - perhaps it might be a panic attack - no hyperventilating though.
I can't really explain what went wrong. True, the chap I was due to move in with was a bit odd and the house was grim but I was already freaking out in July after the pre - induction. Everyone was so Up for it! Yee hah! and I had worked with kids on an estate in Edinburgh and although it's got it's good side it is grim too. No Yee hah for me!
So I don't know if it was just not for me, or if it's anxiety, or what? It's hard to have instincts when your always a little on edge. And I didn't want to start on the course on the wrong foot - I knew it would just spiral.
Anyway I have managed to defer and perhaps if i can make some links contacts in NewC I might be more comfortable. But I don't really know how to do that.
So I have really mucked things up.
Can't find a job - looking in Carlisle and Edinburgh. Seem to be over qualified due to having a pgdip in Art. Don't really want to do art any more - it makes me feel ill sometimes.
I can do social situations but I usually need a few drinks and to know some peeps.
I don't really have panic attacks or I don't recognise them...
erk don't really know what else to say...