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sal
09-11-05, 00:53
Been feeling really anxious recently but not as much as i have being feeling down. Got that feeling that there is nothing to look forward to and i cant seem to pull myself together.

Have stopped going out again, apart from work, really need time away from it but cant go sick again with anxiety/depression.

Got into the position where i can be bothered to come on the computer, phone a friend etc.

Drinking far too much wine on a night but at the moment it is the only way i can get too sleep and calm myself down. But on a morning i feel ill with the drink and guilty but by the evening i convince myself it isnt a problem to have a drink.

Feel like a lost soul at the moment and like no one understands, when in reality i know they do.

Know i havent offered much support on the site recently and i feel like i have being selfish for not being there for others that need the support. Again letting people down and i hate that feeling.

I have read posts but havent replied because havent had the words or advice to help them and that makes me feel like i am letting people down.

On reducing my medication at the moment but not sure it is doing me any favours. Simon and me have had a few problems to and it all seems to have added up.

I know full well i am not alone and have so many people to help and support me but i still feel isolated and back to how i felt a long time ago that i am on my own.



Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".

christian
09-11-05, 02:16
Hello my dear Sal

i've been feeling my spleen lately as well

just completely burnt out on systematic thought for a while
always trying to build something according to someone else's rules
thinking you have to do this and that and feeling haunted whether they are done or not
worried other people must think i'm crazy

i've given myself "permission" to be a lump for a few days and not push myself to be super social because maybe it's not ALL what Im about...

there isn't anythig to look forward to. so stop looking and start living
sorry for sounding like an advertisement

its funny I didn't think i was going to do any more postings but it turned out to be just a short bout of anxious self-hatred or something

don't know if this helps you
just trying to remind you not to give up
BECAUSE NOTHING IS PERMANENT
and not all is as heavy as it sometimes seems

christian
09-11-05, 02:19
i forgot to tell you not to drink too much wine
more than a glass or two is not such a good idea

have you tried singing and playing the guitar?

lainey
09-11-05, 10:03
Hi Sal

I know how you are feeling, I have been the same fro the last 3 or 4 weeks and it came to a head on Satutrday when I just burst out crying.
You are not alone as you know and we are all here for you as you have always been here for everybody continually. You are not being selfish for not offering support to everyone as you have done more than your fair share over the last few months.
I like you drink far too much every night and know that it does not help the situation but it does help to wind us down doesn't it. Alcohol does exacerbate the symptoms especially depression but it's hard to give it up isn't it.
I have come to the conclusion that it's the dark, long nights and the dull days that are making me worse could be the same with you.
I hope you begin to feel better very soon, always here if you need a chat.

Take care

Elaine x

desperate
09-11-05, 11:31
Hi Sal,

Sorry to read that, can you try phoning a friend tonight or something or arranging something to do?

Sometimes you need to to break the cycle.

Sarah

Piglet
09-11-05, 11:31
I think all of us on here have these times.

If you look at some of the posts there have been quite a few like yours Sal. I felt a bit poo and thought I sounded very negative a little while back.

Its ok and no-one thinks you aren't being supportive - I think its a site of taking turns really isn't it. We don't all feel good at the same time and we don't all feel bad at the same time either.

I keep thinking with me if I have glum days that perhaps its my age and other times I think besides our anxiety we all face mini crossroads regularly in our lives or times of reassesment which can be unsettling.

Big squeeze.

Love Piglet:)

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

pips
09-11-05, 16:08
Hi Sal hun,

Sorry you are feeling anxious and low darling.

I understand hun i get days where i feel rotten and everythings a struggle. I find you can over load on anxiety to. You are not selfish mate you have always given wonderful support. Sometimes you need time out that's all.

Reducing your med's might explain why you have been feeling so bad. Perhaps see whay you Dr has to say.

Please remember I am always here for you sweetie whenever you need me.

Take Good Care.

Sending you loads Of PMT matey.

Love & Big Hugs,

PIP'S X X X X

carlin
09-11-05, 19:44
Hi Sal
Selfish? I don't think so mate....as for the rest, you are still working, so that's a good thing? Every now and then we don't want to talk to people, you have enough to cope with at home and work for the time being,as for the alcohol mmmmmmmm...i can definately relate to that (along with a few other i would assume) have no sound advice on that respect, we all know it does us no good, and makes us feel more down, but to give it up? another story i think..if someone took my beer away of an evening i would hate to think what would happen to them!!! Youare letting no-one down, firstly here we all understand what's going on, you are still working, and at home things wil settle, do not be too hard on yourself, i used to feel guilty about absolutely everything, even when it never even involved me, but now i put right (or try to) things that matter to me and then deal with the rest. gosh none of this makes any sense. anyway Sal, take care and keep in touch darling xxxxxxjean

LisaS
09-11-05, 20:05
Hi Sal,

sorry you've been struggling lately, but like the others have said - we all have these moments from time to time and the thing is to just go with it..
You are still going to work which is a sign of a strong character, so you have the strength to get through this bit too. Sounds like you need a big hug.
I'm rather fond of the wine too, but have started having a glass or two every other night, which is working out really well as i feel much more awake during the day and every other night have something to look forward to! oh and saving money too!
so just be as you are for the moment. like Christian says, nothing is permanent. and read my sign off again - its so true.
if you need time out, take it, if you dont want to post, dont. You dont have to do anything, just look after yourself.
Reducing your meds prob has a bit to do with this.. its a good idea to talk this through with your GP and see if this is normal how you are feeling.
take good care hun,
Lisa
xxx

"do not fear to hope...Each time we smell the autumn's dying scent, we know that primrose time will come again"

Karen
09-11-05, 20:38
Hi Sal

I am really sorry to hear you are feeling so low. You are one of the least selfish people I know and are always here supporting others, including me.

I too have been taking time out and feeling guilty about staying away and not having anything to give to support anyone else. However, sometimes we just need that space and a break from things for a while. It doesn't make you a bad person or selfish at all.

As some others have mentioned, I too wonder whether the reduction in medication is exacerbating this. Have you been back to see your doctor to discuss this? Reducing too much too quickly can lead to worsening depression.

I think you cope marvellously with work and looking after Sam with everything you have been through. I am sorry to hear you have had a few problems with Simon recently but every relationship has its ups and downs and when feeling low it is more likely that you are seeing things in black and white at the moment. You both obviously care about each other a great deal and I hope things sort themselves out.

Although I haven't been in touch recently, I am here if you ever want to chat.

Take care.

Love,

Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

sal
10-11-05, 01:15
Thank you all for your replies, it really helps. I have done a lot of soul searching tonight and at the moment just feel lost as what to do next. Put Sam to bed tonight as Simon is on night shift and was so pleased and thanked myself for having such a special person in my life. I wouldnt even want to contemplate when it got really hard where i would have being with out Sam.

I have a day of work tomorrow which i am looking forward to as i feel so tired but cant sleep. I have talked to Simon and he has being great about everthing and understands more than i give him credit for.

Hoping it is just a rough patch, but am aware of how i feel as relying on diazepam at present to get me through my shirts at work, but thinking about work i am again under adverse pressure that is related to someone who used to be my boss causing trouble. The union is involved and they have basically told her she is skating on thin ice but it still causes stress and i question if i am ever going to go to that place and not have people trying to make my life a misery. It is scarey how many shallow people you come across in that enviroment and that is only the staff i am referring to.

Thank you all for your support, it is really appreciated.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".

alexis
10-11-05, 01:44
Hi Sal, I just want to say Im thinking of you mate, you know where I am if you need me, take care,xxx

love from Alexisxxxx

desperate
10-11-05, 12:45
Hi Sal,

Don't worry about the diazepam too much, that is what it is there for in a way, for when the going gets tough!

Glad you have a good support system round you too, sure it will help you get through this blip.

Sarah

seh1980
10-11-05, 15:51
Hang in there Sal - it's just a blip and it will pass soon enough :D

"If life were simple, word would have got around"

Karen
10-11-05, 17:35
Hi Sal

Sorry to hear the work situation is adding to your stress again. I hope this is soon resolved, as it is the last thing you need.

Glad Simon is so supportive and you have someone there for you.

Although things feel quite bad at the moment, you will come through this. Hang on in there. We are all here for you.

Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

Meg
10-11-05, 18:13
Sal,

Sorry you're having a tough time right now.

You can stop worrying right now about letting anyone here down. We are fine and each of us need to look after ourselves first before starting to spead out to help others/

Offload as much as possible and use your days off to help yourself and don't get pushed into doing more overtime than you want to.

Don't reduce your meds any more until you're settled and go as slowly as possible anyway.

Take care

Meg xx

nomorepanic
10-11-05, 19:58
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Know i havent offered much support on the site recently and i feel like i have being selfish for not being there for others that need the support. Again letting people down and i hate that feeling.
<div align="right">Originally posted by sal - 08 November 2005 : 23:53:23</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

Sal

Hey - you need to look after you first and foremost. We are ticking over fine here and you have more than done your share of helping people on here in the past.

Sorry you are feeling so down at the moment - sending you a big hug and I hope you can work things through soon and get back on track again.

xxx

Nicola

sal
11-11-05, 20:17
Thanks for you replies.

Think today has about iced the cake for me. I was supposed to get written reasons from this woman as why she wanted to mark my yearly report from my manager down from an exceeded to an achieved. Never heard from her then heard that she had gone to get my personnel file out to see if there was anything in there she could use. I cant believe she is allowed to read my personnel file without consulation from myself as there will be alsorts of personal information in there. Think that tipped me over the edge and spent most of the afternoon at work crying. Talked to some staff who i was on visits with and they were great. Really helped talking to one girl as she suffers from panic attacks and anxiety so i didnt feel so alone and reminded that i wasnt alone how we sometimes feel.

I approached this woman and asked where her written comments were but she said she hadnt had time, never mind letting it hang over me for the weekend yet again. So i mentioned that i wasnt too happy she had been in my personnel file and she got defensive asking how did i know.

I have sent an email to the governor as he knows about this and told her off for leaving it 7 weeks before contacting me. I have also got a Stage 1 Grievence form to fill in this weekend as obviously this has turned very personal and is past the talking stage.

Not sure how much more i can take from that place. Sorry for the twist.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".

desperate
11-11-05, 20:20
Hi Sal,

I think you have done the right thing, you have to make a stand sometimes and work grievances shouldn't be allowed to escalate and upset you in this way.

Glad yo could talk to that girl, helps doesn't it to know someone also feels the same.

Take care and try not to worry too much about it all, it'll get sorted.

Sarah

sal
12-11-05, 01:21
Thanks Sarah

Had more tears, but will see what next week brings.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".

lainey
12-11-05, 11:08
Hi Sal

Sorry to hear that you are going through so much at work, at least you confronted the person involved and have done something positive about it by contacting the governor. I am glad you have someone in work who knows how you feel and you were able to chat to her.
I am sure all this will be sorted, hopefully sooner than later.
We're all here for you mate.

Take care

Elaine x

sal
12-11-05, 12:43
Thanks mate

Have been up all night with the runs, Si is worried sick as he knows it is the stress of work. I start my shift at 1.30 and feel sick at the thought of going in. The guys i work with have all being great and supportive. I just am so gutted that she got access to my personnel file when there are a lot of very private issues that she is the last person i would want to see.

Hope you are okay.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".

lainey
12-11-05, 13:24
Hi Sal

I am sure you can complain about her having access to your personnel file. We keep all ours at school locked up.
I am sure you will be alright once you get to work, sometimes it's the thought that is worse than actually the situation, if that makes sense.
I'm so glad that you have Simon there to support you and that you are able to talk to him about all this.
Positive vibes floating your way!!

Take care chuck

Elaine x

sal
15-11-05, 13:27
Thanks Elaine mate.

Well i am supposed to get a reply tomorrow from her. Hopefully the governor will be in and he will reply to my email. I am going to type my grievance up later then hand it in tomorrow.

Thanks for your support.

Hope things are going well for you hun and work is okay.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".

lainey
15-11-05, 17:33
Hi Sal

Hope you get it all sorted, how are you feeling today chuck?
I'm fine, had a few blip days over the last few weeks but seem to be coming out of it again, doing more hours in work and distraction of work certainly helps me.

Speak to you soon.

Take care

Elaine x