Emotional scars

[phil06]

Well I finally walked out the job today big relief in many ways however I'm worried about emotional scars the job has caused me. I'm worried I'll bump into the customers in other jobs, worried about references, worried I won't stick other jobs. I have a year and a half of memories of how crap the job is and how it's set my anxiety off the rails further.

I probably sound silly but I'll be glad of a clean slate but will I ever fully forget the place? Will it become easier? I'm hoping I can put it all behind me try and get back to where I want to go? My job was quite unique so I know the environment won't be the same again which is good.

Still..the memories I feel like cutting ties on social networking sites with them incase any customers add me and as I don't like all the staff. I had or or two in the past. I feel it's like running away though but I just have so much anxiety worries and fears, bad experiences in the job. It's going to be hard to put them to rest. :blush:

[phil06]

Can anybody relate to this?

I feel almost victim to something bad well my anxiety mind does. I feel emotionally scared, feel it's changed my outlook on life/work. I keep getting flashing images, signs of my old job. I'm worried about the negative thoughts as they continue to torment me with these horrible images. Basically my OCD some customers creeped me out and when I feel creeped out it's awful.

I honestly feel damaged. My non anxiety head says ok I've left onto better things but my anxiety has all these awful images and experiences. I can't take any of it away I've had the crap job, some crap experiences. My head also is shouting I'm being childish letting it get to me like this. I don't want the scars so I keep fighting it. :weep:

My non anxiety head tells me there's some real tricks being played on my mind. I fear, I'm tense so past experiences can get to me. I feel myself being worked up easily. I'm worried about future anxiety incase it gets me this way. It's very hard to explain but maybe somebody whos experienced this knows? it's a new spike, degree to my anxiety or whatever you want to call it. A backlog of the past, a fear, a bad experience me being silly being worked up over nothing.

[maddie]

Phil, I can relate totally to all you are feeling. I was attacked at work 9 years ago and left. I ended up with PTSD, depression, anxiety, agrophobia - the works! All I can say is get help now. Your doc should be able to refer you to a counsellor who can work through all you are feeling with you before you do become scarred by it. I left it much too long to ask for help.

With regards to your social networking, why not open new identities with a nickname and only let the people you want to talk to know how to find you.

Good luck finding a new job where you can be happy and put the past behind you.

[Gazman]

**Kicks Phil06 up the arse** don't let people at work / work life get to you so much! It's work, not life and you will move on to better things.

Chill out man, i've been there too, i was 17 when i started my 1st job and was there for 2 years and it was awful the way i was treated and it really affected me too but i didn't realise it at the time, if you must, then sever ties with the people you don't like and keep the ones you do like.

And stop analyzing it all! What good does it do? Yes you have some worries about getting a new job now, but don't let it get you down, atleast your away from that crappy job.

Some people say a job is a job and you should just get on with it but i disagree, it's your life and if you don't like it for any reason and it gets you down then i would change it.

I walked out of the job mentioned above and didn't tell them, just got my stuff 1 day and walked out with my middle fingers raised up behind me :yesyes: I then found a really good job and i had no references and only have GCSEs.

[phil06]

Phil, I can relate totally to all you are feeling. I was attacked at work 9 years ago and left. I ended up with PTSD, depression, anxiety, agrophobia - the works! All I can say is get help now. Your doc should be able to refer you to a counsellor who can work through all you are feeling with you before you do become scarred by it. I left it much too long to ask for help.

With regards to your social networking, why not open new identities with a nickname and only let the people you want to talk to know how to find you.

Good luck finding a new job where you can be happy and put the past behind you.

What I done was removed about 10 people who I least liked from work tonight and left about 10 who were ok (might delete later). Really want a clean slate. I mean it's all silly stuff that has got to me but I feel damaged by it the way the anxiety has pounded me down by the job. All my posts about my job worries. I mean when I say scared I think people who have had real trauma but mines is really really petty tit for tat stuff. For the last year and a half my life's been a one up game on people with games even in friendships.

Basically it got that bad I took a step back. I gave up easy in the past and felt I've been trying for that long I was actually calling myself to go to square one. After all I'm still young..got more interviews next week. :D I kind of don't care anymore I just want some "me" time to clear my head. I think with work a climate can really get anxiety suffers as they are more on the edge and tense. I battled on as it was what everybody does but in the end I released why? I've no commitments and it's not worth the stress.

There was a few problems here: anxiety, stress, a poor job/bad people to work with and poor friendships. I want more and better. I now feel I'll be happy to go through 20+ jobs in 5 years again as it's me. I enjoy change I actually hate just putting up with it. Fair enough if I find a job I actually enjoy. I've been paid off from jobs before which I genuinely enjoyed.

Now I can have my life back..the anxiety however that's an everyday battle... :blush: I'm kind of mr sensitive right now for some reason..



**Kicks Phil06 up the arse** don't let people at work / work life get to you so much! It's work, not life and you will move on to better things.

Chill out man, i've been there too, i was 17 when i started my 1st job and was there for 2 years and it was awful the way i was treated and it really affected me too but i didn't realise it at the time, if you must, then sever ties with the people you don't like and keep the ones you do like.

And stop analyzing it all! What good does it do? Yes you have some worries about getting a new job now, but don't let it get you down, atleast your away from that crappy job.

Some people say a job is a job and you should just get on with it but i disagree, it's your life and if you don't like it for any reason and it gets you down then i would change it.

I walked out of the job mentioned above and didn't tell them, just got my stuff 1 day and walked out with my middle fingers raised up behind me :yesyes: I then found a really good job and i had no references and only have GCSEs.

Thanks kind of summed that up myself like that. Forget everybody I'll do what I want to do and yes I feel positive about it. Got another interview on Monday I won't give up. Might even go back to college. I know people stressed in there job putting up with it too but as I say I've no commitments. I'm 21 why the heck did I last that long...it was long over due I walked out I just hope I can let the memories fade.

[KK77]

Give yourself a break Phil! You've made a decision to start over again, and well done. Don't look back. Erase all the crap and rubbish and look forward to the things you want and once you feel more secure you'll be looking back with a different perspective. But at the moment you need to protect yourself by moving forward and not dwelling on the past. Take care.