I need a hug - the future seems bleak

[maddie]

Please could I have a hug.

Briefly, my daughter's not well and won't take her full meds as she is trying to study to make a better life for her and her baby. He has to go to see the ENT specialist next week following a burst eardrum.

My Aunt has Altheimer's and is in a home. They keep phoning me for suggestions how to deal with the problems they are having with her.

My Dad has been told that the cancer he has was worse than thought and he's had his gall bladder and part of his liver out. He has to go on a special diet, but my mum has stroke induced dementia and won't be able to cook it for him. I've arranged for some meals to be delivered but she says he'll have to work the microwave himself, which means I'll have to go every day as he's too weak. I feel guilty because I feel trapped by them. Tomorrow I have to shop with Mum, and collect dad from hospital. She's mad I can only manage to take her to the local shop not Asda. The hospital is a place of terror for me - parking, finding my way, the people. Dad's frail and on a walking frame now. Mum is annoyed because he's been told to rest and she wants his company not him going to sleep on her. I cannot make her understand how ill he is.

Once I've sorted them, I'm off to my daughter's for 2 days to look after the baby while she works.

I just can't see a happy end to all this. I broke down on Friday night - woke at 4am vomitting, sweating, having nightmares, shaking. I've been shaking and having panic attacks ever since. I was really frightened that I was going to go down and not get back. I can't take extra meds as I have to drive.

I wish I could run away, but know I couldn't live with the guilt if I did. My Mum's confusion scrambles my head. Neither of them understand my agorophobia and social anxiety. They have too much savings to receive help from Social Services and won't accept that they need to hire someone to help them. I can't shop and do everything for them. I don't do it for us, my partner does. My sister hasn't been here once. She's busy packing for 3 weeks holiday in Mauritius. I'm left with it all.

Please could I have a hug. I'm going to need it. Thanks.

[leo05]

:bighug1:hey maddie , sorry sorry to hear that things aint brill at the mo try to stay pos hard i know and hugs for you and i am here for you always . maybe someone from social services could speak to your mom bout your dad ?

is there no friends near by that maybe be able to pop in now and then to help out your mom n dad ?

hope that it goes ok for your daughter .
could someone else maybe be your aunts next of kin ?

your sister should help you more but you know already know that. :bighug1:

hugs
xx lea xx


i know you want to run away but you are stronger than you think.

try stay pos hun pm me anytime xxxx

[Alisonj]

:bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bigh ug1::bighug1:
You deserve all the hugs in the world. I am so sorry that so much is going on in yours and your families lives. Anyone would be so overwhelmed. I wish I had great advice for you but I atleast hope that you can find someone to help you out with your parents. I am not sure if it is different where you live but here we have home care and the VON nurses etc go in and help take care of people like your parents. It is covered under the health insurance.
I really hope you can get some rest, and someone to help soon. You are doing an amazing thing and I know it is hard but is shows how incredibily strong you are. Everyone has a breaking point and I know mine wouldve come much sooner.

[diane07]

Maddie,

What an awful time for you, sometimes it seems impossible to cope when you are expected to split yourself in three and be there for your hubby, your parents and your daughter, its no wonder you feel so low at the moment.

Give Age Concern a call maddie, they offer a hospital aftercare package, its not a permanent thing but it will help out for the time being, you don't pay for it and someone will pop in to your parents and shop and sort meals out etc, also speak to the hospital about your concerns, the will send out the Occupational Therapist, they will assess your parents to see what they can and cannot do and then hopefully coax them nicely into receiving more permanent help.

You cannot take all this on yourself, i understand how difficult a situation your in, but you need some help here, there is help out there hun.

I will find out what other packages are available for them, for your area, i take it they live close to you?

please don't despair, i'll help you out and i'll throw in a load of:hugs:

di xx

[maddie]

Thanks all.

Di any info would be great. They live a mile from me. Thanks for the hugs.

I took Mum to buy some food today. She used to be a great cook. Turns out she's been feeding my Dad on tinned meat and frozen veg, nothing else for months. Her diet consists of 1/2 tin soup for lunch and a banana and grapes for tea. Dad's been taking them out for a drive every day. I thought it was for her, but I think he's been going to cafe's to eat for himself. He can't drive for a while now.

[gypsywomen]

http://g.orkutnow.com/orkutnow/en/scraps1/hugs/this_hugs_for_you.gif

[PanicOver!!]

http://www2.worthingtonlibraries.org/teen/blog/Image/hug.jpg

[bottleblond]

Maddie


Awww hun i am sooooo sorry things are so difficult for you at the moment.
Remember you have to take some time for 'you' too.

http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:c5EqwBqOn47dUM:http://www.desicomments.com/user/2008/04/8828/6.JPG (http://images.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=http://www.desicomments.com/user/2008/04/8828/6.JPG&imgrefurl=http://www.sodahead.com/user/profile/389377/maggie/&usg=__wiD5ObbJdNB7PhKnroN2UGJaqPg=&h=381&w=483&sz=25&hl=en&start=7&tbnid=c5EqwBqOn47dUM:&tbnh=102&tbnw=129&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dhugs%2Bfor%2Byou%26gbv%3D2%26ndsp%3D1 8%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DG)

Love Lisa
xxxx

[Bill]

The rarest



When times are bleak and all hope feels lost,
It is difficult to find help free of cost,
We flounder and wallow through thick trees,
Without aim or purpose, no assistance or guidance,

Yet from the darkness, bright lights appear,
That show love and kindness to dry our tears,
Who provide support for our struggle through,
With comforting words said by so very few,

For we live, without often anyone to comfort us by our side,
Yet with our precious angels somehow we survive,
Through a lifetime, our lives cross,
Special people appear when all feels lost,
Through difficult times, they help us climb tall walls,
For they are indeed our angels, our rarest friends of all.:bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1:: bighug1:

[pollyanna]

You are under a lot of pressure, its no wonder you feel you want to run away, you are stronger than you think, but you still need help, you cant do this all on your own. all the above suggestions seem to be good advice.

sending lots of hugs your way, just wish there was more that i could do.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

:bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1:

Take care of yourself


P x

[Wolfie]

Hey Maddie *pounce*,

I am sorry to hear that you are under a vast amount of pressure and stress at the moment, but please take comfort in the fact that you are an extremely strong person - you are stronger than you give yourself credit for. You can definately get through this, not only do I believe in you, but so does everyone else here at NMP.
If you need any help or support or advise, remember that we are here for you at any time, you are not alone.

Lots of lovely hugs to you hunni,

Take care and never forget that everyone is here for you,

Much Love,

Chrissy xxxxx

[maddie]

Thanks everyone for your hugs and lovely words. It helps so much to have contact with people who understand.

Dad is at home, but very confused. He thinks he's still in hospital. The op was worse than expected - the tumor had gone through his gall bladder into the liver. The doc and District Nurse are going to him today and tomorrow. Mum can't understand what is happening. I've arranged for meals to be delivered as Mum isn't able to cook for him.

I haven't been able to take the full dose of my meds this week as I wouldn't have been able to drive and do everything. I took them all last night as my OH is keeping an eye on things today. I have a free day tomorrow before having to take Dad back to hospital for a series of tests during the day. I may rest up, or maybe go out for a walk - whatever takes my fancy so long as it's away from a telephone. That must sound awful, but I need to have a day off. OH is going to cook for me tonight as I haven't ben eating too well - just catching things on the run. He's back at work tomorow - 7am-9pm, but he's helping while he can and while his patience holds!

[Granny Primark]

:hugs::hugs::hugs:You are certainly in need of big hugs maddie.:hugs::hugs::hugs:
My dad started with alzeimers when he was in his early fifties.
Its such a terrible illness. If I can be of help to you please contact me.

[maddie]

Thanks GP.

I'm feeling so guilty. One of the problems that triggers my anxiety is that my memory is useless, I have constant headaches trying to keep a handle on daily activities, I have to write things down and I can't cope with sudden changes. Mum has stroke-induced dementia and I could cope with her for short periods of time as Dad was there to put her right or have sensible conversation with. Now I'm worried about them both and have two of them talking random nonsense at me about different subjects. My brain feels like it will explode. I feel so bad that I can't just go and cook their meals, but my agrophobia prevents me going shopping. I've been forced to shop twice this week for them and now I'm wiped out. I shouldn't be. It's so frustrating.

I'm scared what is coming next with Dad and then what would happen to Mum. I feel awful as I am unable to take the responsibility of them. I'm trying to keep rational and stop depression decending. That's so much harder to return from than anxiety for me.

I feel physically, emotional and mentally sick. I've called my CPN but he says if I can drive to my daughter's I'm OK. He doesn't understand that the journey and a day there takes me 2-3 days to recover from. I am going to see someone from the Advocacy service next week. I am very afraid that without some help from somewhere I am going to go under and not return.

[Southern_Belle]

First of all a huge :hugs:Maddie. I was wondering if you could order their groceries online and have them delivered to you. You could cook the meals in your own home and have OH take them to your parent's home. Your Mum could then just heat them up for lunch and tea. I don't know if this is possible, but just a thought. Hoping things are going better for you and I know you are doing the best you can.

Take care,

Laura

[Bill]

I feel you could do with ALOT more HUGS Sweet Maddie because of everything you're going through at present so.....

:bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bigh ug1:

But I would also like to add this because the words of this song are Especially for You because it describes your kind personality and what you're going through so I Hope you like it. xxx

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5v2sBBtBV0w&feature=related :bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bigh ug1:

[maddie]

Aw Bill thank you. :hugs: I really appreciate being compared to a pig. :) I feel a bit low on courage at the moment, but at least you raised a smile and warmed my heart. Thanks. :hugs:


Southern Belle, I appreciate your suggestions. We are now ordering meals in for Dad. Mum is still refusing to eat, but maybe she will when she sees his.

[Bill]

I really appreciate being compared to a pig. :smile:

I KNEW you'd say that!!! Typical!:lac: :D

Glad it helped a little though:hugs:....Hope you like the other thread I've started for you in the Deps section to offer you some "courage"!:bighug1:

[maddie]

I'm getting so confused with all these threads! I'm going to say goodnight on here and hope you find it.

Night Bill. Thanks for sharing time and friendship with me tonight :hugs: