Laura292
09-11-09, 13:22
Hi, my name is laura and I'm 18. I have been though depression twice now, firstly when I was about 15/16 and now. The first time was okay, I was depressed and I delt with that. I delt with that by self harming but it was okay. I felt down and sad and sometimes felt really bad but I could deal with all that. I delt with it by going counceling for abor a year and half. Didn't want to take any tablets as I thought it won't stop why ever the problem is, it will just hide it.
So I got through it, left school, got ood grades and went to work in the city. Life seemed so good. I found love, I was happy everything. Thing is, where o didn't go college, it was a bit hard to have friends. I'm not saying that it's their fault but as I was working, I grew up maybe a bit faster than them. I do have friends but not real ones. I was happy though because I has my boyfriend who I didn't know how to live without, and my family.
At the begining of this year, one of my brothers broke up with his girlfriend. Didn't bother me but I am a bit of a worrier. I had to see him cry as she cheated on him with another man. After all this happened, life was okay. Didn't really feel any different. I have 3 brothers by the way. So about a month later, there was a huge family row and I didn't talk to another of my brothers or his wife. My third and eldest brother was due to get married in september in Italy. Where I work with my boyfriend, my boss wouldn't let him have the first week off of work so he had to come out on the sat week after.
The week before we were due to go, me and my brother made up as his wife was pregnant so thy took me to see the scan and eveything. Then we got a call to say that the wedding is over, she walked out on him.
I always worry about my mum and at this point, that's all I could really think about.
We ended up going to Italy and on th second week, my boyfriend came over. My brother and his wife drove him to the airport and watched the planes after with my nephew. When we came back to England a week later, the next morning we had a knock at the door and my broter and his wife was there. They told us that on the way back from the airport, here was a crash and the person in the other car has died and that my broter could face jail. I mean he has never even had a parking ticket before. He don't remember anything and we think he blacked out.
So at this point, I'm worrying about my um who has has a really bad year already an also my brother. What he has had to go through. I know r wasn't one of our family thT it happened to but he has to live with the guilt for the rest of his life.
From that day, I can't remember feeling anything real. No real emotion. I know I delt sad and sorry but I didn't feel anything else. I started geting panic attacks and depression and I think anxiety. It's worse because I don't een want my boyfriend here. I do want him here but I don't if that make sence. I don't feel any love an then I panic because I don't feel anything and then I panic because where I work with him it's even worse and then I think I car hurt him but I know I love him! This has just stopped me feelin things.
So I'm dealing with all this stuff in my head and iv been breaking down majorly. Then, lucky me, my nan gets I'll who I'm so so so close to. You wouldn't believe how close I am to my nan. Can live without her, honesty.
So as you can see I'm pretty messed up. I have been put on fluoxetine 20mg and also given diazepam just invade I have anoher full blown panic attack.
The main this that bothers me is my head going over and over and over about my feelings. I can deal with being sad. Iv done that before. I'm just fed up and want to be normal again. The only thing o can do to chill me out a bit is have a bath and for some reason, I just wnt to be with my mum.
Hope this has made sence, typed it on my phone. Didn't want anyone else to see what I'm writin.
Laura
So I got through it, left school, got ood grades and went to work in the city. Life seemed so good. I found love, I was happy everything. Thing is, where o didn't go college, it was a bit hard to have friends. I'm not saying that it's their fault but as I was working, I grew up maybe a bit faster than them. I do have friends but not real ones. I was happy though because I has my boyfriend who I didn't know how to live without, and my family.
At the begining of this year, one of my brothers broke up with his girlfriend. Didn't bother me but I am a bit of a worrier. I had to see him cry as she cheated on him with another man. After all this happened, life was okay. Didn't really feel any different. I have 3 brothers by the way. So about a month later, there was a huge family row and I didn't talk to another of my brothers or his wife. My third and eldest brother was due to get married in september in Italy. Where I work with my boyfriend, my boss wouldn't let him have the first week off of work so he had to come out on the sat week after.
The week before we were due to go, me and my brother made up as his wife was pregnant so thy took me to see the scan and eveything. Then we got a call to say that the wedding is over, she walked out on him.
I always worry about my mum and at this point, that's all I could really think about.
We ended up going to Italy and on th second week, my boyfriend came over. My brother and his wife drove him to the airport and watched the planes after with my nephew. When we came back to England a week later, the next morning we had a knock at the door and my broter and his wife was there. They told us that on the way back from the airport, here was a crash and the person in the other car has died and that my broter could face jail. I mean he has never even had a parking ticket before. He don't remember anything and we think he blacked out.
So at this point, I'm worrying about my um who has has a really bad year already an also my brother. What he has had to go through. I know r wasn't one of our family thT it happened to but he has to live with the guilt for the rest of his life.
From that day, I can't remember feeling anything real. No real emotion. I know I delt sad and sorry but I didn't feel anything else. I started geting panic attacks and depression and I think anxiety. It's worse because I don't een want my boyfriend here. I do want him here but I don't if that make sence. I don't feel any love an then I panic because I don't feel anything and then I panic because where I work with him it's even worse and then I think I car hurt him but I know I love him! This has just stopped me feelin things.
So I'm dealing with all this stuff in my head and iv been breaking down majorly. Then, lucky me, my nan gets I'll who I'm so so so close to. You wouldn't believe how close I am to my nan. Can live without her, honesty.
So as you can see I'm pretty messed up. I have been put on fluoxetine 20mg and also given diazepam just invade I have anoher full blown panic attack.
The main this that bothers me is my head going over and over and over about my feelings. I can deal with being sad. Iv done that before. I'm just fed up and want to be normal again. The only thing o can do to chill me out a bit is have a bath and for some reason, I just wnt to be with my mum.
Hope this has made sence, typed it on my phone. Didn't want anyone else to see what I'm writin.
Laura