Anyone else have the same or similar?..

[tector]

My mum died of cancer 2 years ago. I dont know if it is coincedence or not but i seem to have an over active imagination but mainly with the bad things. The first was as soon as she told me she had cancer, i had visions of the future (dying in bed, funeral etc)
The second was i had a throat swelling. I was convinced i had cancer and had all the visions of me dying, leaving my family,after effects etc. The third was my fiance had a cervical cancer scare. I then kept picturing her dying, me with the kids, how i was going to cope .The latest and most scariest one is at the most inappropriate time (need i say more) i had a flash picture in my mind of gay oral sex. It was of no one specific and dissapeared as quickly as it appeared. I love my fiance and family very much and have a very healthy sex life with her. Ever since that day, i keep thinking about it and questioning myself. I am not attracted to males at all and consider myself to be hetrosexual. I have been to the doctors and he said it was just a silly thought and it should go away with time. He diagnosed me 10mg citalopram to help. Has anyone else had similar situation or understand how i am feeling or even know help to handle this situation?

[mandyclare]

so sorry to hear about you mum... seems you are having compulsive thoughts brought about by the awful stress you have been through. These thoughts are all thoughts that upset or disgust you and you mustn't feel bad for having them. I am sure there are people on this site that have had similar and will hopefully see you thread. I hope you feel better soon and that the meds work. Try not to worry too much about this.

All the best Mand x

[gypsywomen]

i think your still in shock from loosing your mum ,your now scared of loosing your family you love them so much ,these are normal feelings ,,, as for you being gay ,,its just your mind playing tricks ,, i think everyone at sometime or another have had sexual thoughts ,once again its a fact of life ,, try doing stuff to take your mind off these thoughts ,,DONT LET THEM IN

[PanicOver!!]

Hi Ya

As teh ladies say all hey are are thoughts
its a big thing to come to terms with losing a parent
sure you are not gay... i bet most people of both sexes have wondered about those things at one time or other.
you have no more controle over things popping in your head as you do over dreams
its what you do when you are in control that matters

[tector]

That is the hardest part. Everything has been fine up to that one point. Its as if someone has flicked a switch. These thoughts and images appear whenever they want. One moment i am fine with no problem and then the next thing a thought is there, just by someone walking past can trigger it!. I say to myself its a silly thought and it may disapear then a few seconds it may happen again with a different person. My imagination just runs wild and not in a good way...

[marie1974]

hi hun, my nan died of cancer quite suddenly 4 yrs ago and after that i became obssessed with cancer, i thought i had it and even if i got a sore throat i was convinced i had it, i fear dieing and being ill so bad and i had bad panic attacks etc, now 4 yrs on i get bad days still but i am able to keep busy and pre occupy myself, that is the only thing i can suggest really, until it passes, but i would say dont worry too much, i also saw a counsellor for 5 months who really helped me, mayb u could consider that too. hugs xx

[tector]

Thanks Donna
I thought that i had coped well with the situations and had them under control, obviously i havent. The latest anxiety of my imagination has got me to the point where i dont know what to do or think. I am even considering hypnosis. I will try anything to get my life back to how it was.

[tector]

LATEST: I have been trying what you all have told me and acknowledge that they are just thoughts. During the day the thoughts are overwhelming to the point of despair, but at towards evening they seem to ease and i can seem to brush them to one side and try and get back to normal...

[tector]

I have woken up this morning in a completely different mindset. I felt quite good as i went to bed last night but was very worried about this morning. Yesterday morning , i could not get back to sleep once i had woken up due to the thoughts jumping straight into my head. This morning though, i woke up knew they wasnt real and went back to sleep. The thoughts are still there but faint in the background at the moment. This can only be down to my fiance showing me her love by kisses and cuddles last night and by me eating. It goes to show that if you feel anxious you lose appetite, but if you dont eat the anxiety seems to grow; and i persevered without taking tha antidepressants. Today could just be a good day. I can feel it beginning to get worse as the morning goes on but i am fighting it. It is still not as bad as yesterday. I am still going to see a counsellor, specialist or hpnotherapist as i know know that i have anxiety and it can rage out of control. Pre-warned is pre-armed. Thanks people for all of your help so far...