What next? I'v already self diagnosed a brain tumour, cancer & heart probs!

[jojo81182]

This is seriously getting ridiculous... I cannot get these thoughts out of my head, i am absolutely convinced that all these anxiety symptoms are being caused by some terminal illness.... headaches mean a brain tumour, mark under my toenail definitely has to be cancer as a friend of mines partner is currently undergoing tests for the exact same thing, metallic taste in my mouth surely means that my insides are rotting away and thats what the funny taste is, oh and every little twinge in the chest area is a heart attack.

I believe This all stems from June this year when I lost a baby girl 21weeks into my pregnancy - after delivering her I lost alot of blood and also had to go into theatre to have the placenta removed for which I had to go under general anaesthetic - oh my god, im fat, fat people die when they have a general anaesthetic - this is all i could think about, i seriously thought that when they wheeled me into theatre that it'd be the last time i'd see my other half and would never see my 5yr old daughter again. That feeling of going under has stayed with my ever since. There was alot of commotion when they were prepping me in theatre - I heard the anaesthitist say 'we have to ressuccitate her' WHAT? im not dead am i?!?!?! No, I wasn't, i was told that he actually meant STABALISE her... I hate that man.

So after suffering the odd panic attack here and there I am now, I think, I fully fledged hypochondriac and its doing my head in... its ridiculous, its like any logic I ever had has completely gone out of the window. Since losing he baby we have had great financial difficulty - had to pay a grand to the balliffs for council tax arrears and then at the beginning of October had to fight to not get evicted from our house. We were informed of the Post Mortem results of our baby girl - nothing wrong with her, me or placenta - just one of those thing apparently. So now... NO STRESS but this bloody anxiety has kicked in and feel like im going off my rocker.

Started prozac & pyschotherapy on Tuesday so am hopefull im going to stop it before it gets any worse... ANY WORSE? god, i couldnt imagine that it COULD get any worse but from reading peoples stories on here, I think I have it mildly.

Anyway, i actually didint mean to write all that but I have and now I feel I have gotten it off my chest! Lol... If you have got this far, thanks for listening!

xx

[maddie]

Huge hugs jojo. You've been through some terrible ordeals this year. I'm glad you are getting therapy.

Write as much as you like - nmp is the ideal place to let off steam.

I hope you find information on here that will help and soon fnd people who have been through similar experiences to talk to.

[hunnybunny]

bless you, youve had some major upsets to cope with, so its hardly suprising your feeling this way. But the main thing is you are doing the right things to get you back on your feet again Im sure a few months down the road your going to feel a whole lot better. in the meantime there are lots of people on here who can help and reasure you along the way.:hugs:

[margaret jones]

Hi JoJO
What a terrible time you have had no wonder your feeling like this . You can write on here as much as you like and it does get it off your chest i know . Glad you are getting some help i hope you will soon be feeling like your old self

Take Care Margaretxxxx

[Maj]

Hello Jojo,

I'm so sorry about your loss - no wonder you feel so anxious after all you've been through - you're only human for goodness sake:hugs:Health anxiety is just a continuous path of one health worry after another. It's early days for you but you will get better again. There are lots of people on here with the same symptoms as you and just reading posts from them can make you feel better. I hope you feel better soon.
Take care
Myra x

[jojo81182]

Thank you Girlies, it really is amazing how good it can make you feel just getting things off your chest instead of letting it whizz around in your head all day every day and I also think that writing your thoughts (ie the whole illness thing) makes you realise just how irrational and far out your thoughts actually are. My other half kinda laughs when I tell him and I can see why... for a usually logical and rational person to be coming out with these things must be quite amusing in some ways!! lol

[mandyclare]

Hi Jojo

You have suffered huge emotional sorrow and trauma... you are doing amazingly well to be able to open up about your suffering like you have above. Have you been able to have counselling about losing your baby and the trauma you suffered at the hospital? maybe it would help just a little?

I can't even begin to imagine the pain you have suffered and I hope in time things get a little easier for you.

Lots of love
Mand x

[jojo81182]

Hiya Mand... Thanks a million, yeah, it has been a seriously tough year, I SO cannot wait for it to be over and to get rid of this anxiety malarky would be THE best end to it. I didnt accept the offer of counselling regarding the baby initially as I thought I could deal with it, ive dealt with other serious crap in my 27yrs and thought that this would be like no other but clearly not.... I work for the NHS and they have a helpline thing for counselling etc so I called them on Tuesday morning - they said that they'd contact me within 3 days with a counseller and would have an appt within 10days... I got a call on Tuesday afternoon and was in with a psychotherapist at 3.30pm on the very same day! I must say, very good service, i now have 5 sessions with him booked up which I am thrilled about as my GP said she would refer me for counselling and CBT which she hadnt done... so it was a god send really. I really found that Tuesdays session did me the world of good and when I came out of there i felt like myself again for a bit and have also had some good half days since which is a massive step up from previous weeks so im keeping positive about the next session, I actually cant wait for Tuesday to be here! Hopefully that combined with the prozac is going to be the answer for me! I must say, this site has also been a god send, it makes you realise that you arent going mad and that soooooo many other people feel exactly the same, everyone has been so lovely too!

How are you doing anyway?

lots of love xx

[maddie]

Jojo that's great news. I hope the therapy goes well and you continue to feel better. Do keep letting us know how you are doing.