hi :-)

[flinkybinks]

hi,

i feel a bit upset writing this because i have to see what is wrong with me written down and that makes it a bit too real somehow. i'm feeling very overwhelmed by it all :weep:

but here goes - - i have panic disorder, agoraphobia, social phobia, M.E. and occasionally depression. sounds horrible! i have also had 5 miscarriages.

i'm struggling at the mo', and avoiding lots of situations due to being ill with an overactive thyroid (being ill around people is a panic trigger for me, and i'm unwell a lot :scared11:). i've also been through two very traumatic situations this year which i am struggling to deal with, getting nightmares and flashbacks.

i have very good friends who i can talk to about it all but i won't let them see me panic which is daft because they would be lovely and supportive - i hate anyone to see me that way so avoid it.

i am doing an open university degree and run a small animal rescue but find it difficult, but i do love to do both. i am also a vegan.

so hello to you all :byebye:

[diane07]

Hi faye c

A huge warm welcome to nmp.

You'll get loads of advice and support here and make some lovely friends along the way.

Best wishes

[Maj]

Hello Faye,

It doesn't just sound horrible, it is horrible what you're going through. You're only human and you've been through a lot. Don't sell yourself short though: an open uni course and running an animal rescue - you sound wonderful!! With all your symptoms you are still managing to be clever, kind and caring. Are you getting any help from your doctor for your anxiety symptoms? If not then I'd advise you to talk to your doctor about it as sometimes we need a little help. There are lots of people on here who are feeling or have felt like you do and you'll get lots of comfort and support from them. You are not alone.
Myra x:hugs:

[flinkybinks]

Hello Faye,

It doesn't just sound horrible, it is horrible what you're going through. You're only human and you've been through a lot. Don't sell yourself short though: an open uni course and running an animal rescue - you sound wonderful!! With all your symptoms you are still managing to be clever, kind and caring. Are you getting any help from your doctor for your anxiety symptoms? If not then I'd advise you to talk to your doctor about it as sometimes we need a little help. There are lots of people on here who are feeling or have felt like you do and you'll get lots of comfort and support from them. You are not alone.
Myra x:hugs:

thank u myra :)

i have always tended to focus on what i haven't done rather than on what i manage to do. i cannot do as much animal rescue work as i used to do and i get so upset and stressed about it, even though i am still looking after a lot of animals, i feel i am never doing enough and feel so guilty.

i have had antidepressants off my doc in the past, and she knows about my anxiety but we have never dealt with it individually now that i think about it. i was seeing a private councellor after starting to self harm for the first time at 40 years old (which really shocked me!) whilst in my first ever (and never again!) abusive relationship (got rid of him last june). she was wonderful but it was £30 a time and i could not afford to keep going. i'd previously had bad experiences with other councellors, who i was lucky to get for free (nhs and mind), but i guess i was unlucky with who i was given, and it made me avoid councellors for years, the trust was broken. that was why i tried private councelling. i felt very comfortable with her.

i know i need to get some help, i can't stay like this, it's so destructive. i keep making plans on how to get better, but i don't get better :unsure:

thanks again, x

[belle]

Hi and welcome :)

[Maj]

Faye, please go back to your doctor and tell them exactly how you are feeling. You deserve the right help. You can't keep struggling on as this in itself is exhausting. What a shame you couldn't keep seeing the counsellor you liked - it's all down to money, isn't it - it's so unfair. If I had the money myself I'd give it to you. You say you were "lucky" to see someone free on the nhs - it's not luck, it's an entitlement. Why don't you ask to see a different counsellor again and it could be someone you like this time. It's worth trying. Don't give up, you are such a giving, caring person and you deserve to have some of this returned. You can get better with the right help. Speak to your doctor again and tell them it like it is.
Myra x:hugs:

[Dante The Iguana]

I think it's frankly horrible that such a fickle thing as money should deny you or anyone else what they desire, especially when they really need it. Such is life I suppose, sadly. As someone who shares many of your afflictions, I feel a wonderful empathy and inspiration from you. I'm still very young, and fearful for my future... but to see you fighting and still caring for animals... and yet striving to do more... it makes me feel positive. Partially for selfish reasons, but more because I believe you have the drive to break through this. You've been through some horrific things, and yet you still seem to be fighting on... I feel you're an inspiration, not only to me, but to all of us. Hang in there Faye!

[ash1807]

I think you are doing great considering all that you have had to deal with

[Southern_Belle]

Hi Faye,

Welcome to NMP. I think you are going through a lot and yet still remain active which I don't think I would be able to do. I also have a thyroid problem but mine is underactive, either can really mess with you and can cause anxiety and/or depression issues. Many here will be able to understand how you feel and will give their support. Glad you found us.

Take care,

Laura