Maybe_Baby
18-11-09, 05:46
Hello Everyone!!
It has been a very long time since i visited NMP.
Unfortunately I'm starting to feel like i can not cope again. I have been doing so well, and i am only hoping this isn't the start of a down fall for me.
I've suffered panic and anxiety since 2004 on and off, nothing i couldn't live with, until 2008, that's when it really started to control my life. I don't know what kicked it all off, i don't know how my lovely boyfriend or family put up with me. Some days i'd just sit and cry. I was cracking myself up!! Monitoring my pulse 24/7, i was convinced my heart was going to stop!!
I'd be at A&E at least 3 times a week (guarantee this would be night time) with panic attacks, or convinced my hear was going to stop. I had countless trips to my doctors.. Loads of ECG's, heart monitors, medication, concealing, CBT therapy - you name it!!!
Then come January this year i started developing serious problems with my eating.. I couldn't swallow, i felt as if i was chocking on everything, it got so bad i was hospitalized for dehydration on a couple of occasions. My weight plummeted from a healthy 9 stone to 7 and a half in under 6 month. It got to the point where i was prescribed milk and fruit drinks from my doctor to help build me up. (They were disgusting) I was just utterly depressed, i'd getting myself in such a rut i couldn't see a way out...
Bring on June i discovered i was pregnant!!! - (This kind of flung the cat among the pigeons) I was like a sea of emotions.. !!! I started getting panic attacks every day.. Then something clicked inside me - I realised for the sake of the little person growing inside me i NEEDED to start eating!! I needed to sort myself out AND FAST!! Anxiety was NOT GOOD for my baby.
I am now 6 months pregnant and up until now i have been feeling fine. I have not had a panic attack for over 3 month - TOUCH WOOD. My anxiety is 100 times better - but certainly not gone. I have more good days than bad, put it that way.
Now i'm starting to get very "Over aware" of my heartbeat again.. timing my pulse whenever i get a free minute. The night sweats are back.. I'm starting to get the familiar "tight feeling" in my head & chest. The bad thoughts.. Im finding myself gasping for breath, the Air hunger is back too - The lot!!! Along side all of this i am suffering TERRIBLE nightmares.. No matter what time i go to bed, i wake up at 3.30am on the dot every morning having had a bad dream. Now before i never suffered nightmares, so im wondering if this is something associated with pregnancy also?!
I just dont know why all this is creeping back on me. I was doing so well. I was getting so many positive comments from people noticing how well i have been coping. :weep:
- Also - Does anybody know what it means to dream about an angel? This dream wasn't so scary, but it freaked me out BIG time.
Sorry for the longgggg post. xx
It has been a very long time since i visited NMP.
Unfortunately I'm starting to feel like i can not cope again. I have been doing so well, and i am only hoping this isn't the start of a down fall for me.
I've suffered panic and anxiety since 2004 on and off, nothing i couldn't live with, until 2008, that's when it really started to control my life. I don't know what kicked it all off, i don't know how my lovely boyfriend or family put up with me. Some days i'd just sit and cry. I was cracking myself up!! Monitoring my pulse 24/7, i was convinced my heart was going to stop!!
I'd be at A&E at least 3 times a week (guarantee this would be night time) with panic attacks, or convinced my hear was going to stop. I had countless trips to my doctors.. Loads of ECG's, heart monitors, medication, concealing, CBT therapy - you name it!!!
Then come January this year i started developing serious problems with my eating.. I couldn't swallow, i felt as if i was chocking on everything, it got so bad i was hospitalized for dehydration on a couple of occasions. My weight plummeted from a healthy 9 stone to 7 and a half in under 6 month. It got to the point where i was prescribed milk and fruit drinks from my doctor to help build me up. (They were disgusting) I was just utterly depressed, i'd getting myself in such a rut i couldn't see a way out...
Bring on June i discovered i was pregnant!!! - (This kind of flung the cat among the pigeons) I was like a sea of emotions.. !!! I started getting panic attacks every day.. Then something clicked inside me - I realised for the sake of the little person growing inside me i NEEDED to start eating!! I needed to sort myself out AND FAST!! Anxiety was NOT GOOD for my baby.
I am now 6 months pregnant and up until now i have been feeling fine. I have not had a panic attack for over 3 month - TOUCH WOOD. My anxiety is 100 times better - but certainly not gone. I have more good days than bad, put it that way.
Now i'm starting to get very "Over aware" of my heartbeat again.. timing my pulse whenever i get a free minute. The night sweats are back.. I'm starting to get the familiar "tight feeling" in my head & chest. The bad thoughts.. Im finding myself gasping for breath, the Air hunger is back too - The lot!!! Along side all of this i am suffering TERRIBLE nightmares.. No matter what time i go to bed, i wake up at 3.30am on the dot every morning having had a bad dream. Now before i never suffered nightmares, so im wondering if this is something associated with pregnancy also?!
I just dont know why all this is creeping back on me. I was doing so well. I was getting so many positive comments from people noticing how well i have been coping. :weep:
- Also - Does anybody know what it means to dream about an angel? This dream wasn't so scary, but it freaked me out BIG time.
Sorry for the longgggg post. xx