Whats wrong? ... EVERYTHING!!!

[Maybe_Baby]

Hello Everyone!!

It has been a very long time since i visited NMP.

Unfortunately I'm starting to feel like i can not cope again. I have been doing so well, and i am only hoping this isn't the start of a down fall for me.

I've suffered panic and anxiety since 2004 on and off, nothing i couldn't live with, until 2008, that's when it really started to control my life. I don't know what kicked it all off, i don't know how my lovely boyfriend or family put up with me. Some days i'd just sit and cry. I was cracking myself up!! Monitoring my pulse 24/7, i was convinced my heart was going to stop!!
I'd be at A&E at least 3 times a week (guarantee this would be night time) with panic attacks, or convinced my hear was going to stop. I had countless trips to my doctors.. Loads of ECG's, heart monitors, medication, concealing, CBT therapy - you name it!!!
Then come January this year i started developing serious problems with my eating.. I couldn't swallow, i felt as if i was chocking on everything, it got so bad i was hospitalized for dehydration on a couple of occasions. My weight plummeted from a healthy 9 stone to 7 and a half in under 6 month. It got to the point where i was prescribed milk and fruit drinks from my doctor to help build me up. (They were disgusting) I was just utterly depressed, i'd getting myself in such a rut i couldn't see a way out...
Bring on June i discovered i was pregnant!!! - (This kind of flung the cat among the pigeons) I was like a sea of emotions.. !!! I started getting panic attacks every day.. Then something clicked inside me - I realised for the sake of the little person growing inside me i NEEDED to start eating!! I needed to sort myself out AND FAST!! Anxiety was NOT GOOD for my baby.

I am now 6 months pregnant and up until now i have been feeling fine. I have not had a panic attack for over 3 month - TOUCH WOOD. My anxiety is 100 times better - but certainly not gone. I have more good days than bad, put it that way.
Now i'm starting to get very "Over aware" of my heartbeat again.. timing my pulse whenever i get a free minute. The night sweats are back.. I'm starting to get the familiar "tight feeling" in my head & chest. The bad thoughts.. Im finding myself gasping for breath, the Air hunger is back too - The lot!!! Along side all of this i am suffering TERRIBLE nightmares.. No matter what time i go to bed, i wake up at 3.30am on the dot every morning having had a bad dream. Now before i never suffered nightmares, so im wondering if this is something associated with pregnancy also?!

I just dont know why all this is creeping back on me. I was doing so well. I was getting so many positive comments from people noticing how well i have been coping. :weep:


- Also - Does anybody know what it means to dream about an angel? This dream wasn't so scary, but it freaked me out BIG time.

Sorry for the longgggg post. xx

[Alisonj]

Huge hugs. During all three of my pregnancies my anxiety was much better than normal. Until later on. I think the hormones get alittle working overtime and it causes us to feel much more anxious.
Being pregnant you are for sure going to feel your heartbeart more as you are pumping alot more blood than you would normally. I remember being able to always hear my heartbeat in my ear while trying to sleep. It was horribly annoying. Pregnancy can do some crazy things including vivid dreams, sometimes good ones and sometimes awful. I really think what you are experiencing is very normal for pregnancy but because you have suffered from anxiety in the past it is making you feel those all to familiar bad things. Just remember you only have three months left and try and enjoy that time. Feel your baby move, get the room ready, keep yourself busy and occupied.
I have no idea what it means to dream of an angel but I am sure it means nothing bad.
If you start feeling anxious come in here and chat with someone. I can really help. If you want I can send you my msn addy and you can reach me anytime you need too. I have had anxiety since I was 14 and through 3 pregnancies so I can help anyway I can!!!!

[jude uk]

Well I had a dream about Billy Connally as I was driving Glasgow Celtic to a football match and I think I would have prefered the Angel dream, having said that I read that Angel dreams are meant to be signs of good things to come.

All your symptoms do seem to be anxiety related. The swallowing one I can relate to and it took ages for me to eat my dinner, breaking it in to small bits.


Your pulse will beat even if you check it or not and will no doubt beat faster if you keep checking it because of your anxiety, so dont even bother with that one...That leads us to ask "is it beating to fast is it beating to slow and what does it mean"
I cant get a breath is another common sign of anxiety...In fact try and hold your breath and I promise you you cant hold it for too long, so that tells you air is getting into your lungs.

You know that the feelings cant hurt you but that other side of our brain sends us running around like a headless chicken.

You will overcome this and be a better person for it...

[gypsywomen]

Dreaming of angels always means that you study your present attitudes. The angel is a divine messenger that can give you some new insights in finding a new way. If a woman dreams of an angel, the angel represents a longing for harmony, emotional connection and guidance. Seeing an angel symbolizes good luck and shows the strength of your character. If you are an angel in your dream, there is love and friendship on the way. Being surrounded by angels means you will find inner peace and satisfaction.

hope this helps

[leigh0911]

Maybe baby ohhh I really feel sooo sorry for you at the minute. I was living your nightmare this time last year.

I too was having a baby and coping well with my pregnancy till it got to the last 3 months. I was booked in to have a Ceaseran and at a routine check my heart rate was really fast. The midwifes reassured me that it was down to my anxiety and the extra weight I was carrying, but I would not have it. I was convinced I had some rare heart condition I had seen on TV many years ago and that when I was having the operation my heart would stop!! I spent the last 8weeks of my pregnancy torturing myself and taking my pulse constantly, every day seemed to be a battle.

I had my little boy in November and yes my heart rate was fast during the surgery, but lets be honest who's wouldn't lol, I am still here and the heart problem seemed to vanish haha.

I went straight bac on my tablets the day I had him and I seem to be getting a little better.
Try not to worry and enjoy your pregnancy you will be fine, If I can help just get in touch.

Leanne xxxx:D

[Chrissie21]

Hi

Poor you to be so worried during what should be a happy time..I can totally relate as I was exactly the same when pregnant. i was up the hospital all the time freaked out.

Afterwards I just wished that I could have stopped worrying and enjoyed the pregnancy. I ended up in such a state that I didnt bond with my son until he was a year old. please dont take this the wrong way but - My only bit of advice would be please, please dont google and delve into pregnancy complications etc on the internet. Fill your mind with far more positive and realistic thoughts. Make yourself google nice things like 'baby grows'! 'baby names' and force yourself to focus on the amazing positive things are about to come. my little boy is 2 years old now and he is just to lovliest little thing that I could have ever imagined. I wish i could have thought about that and not all the crazy thoughts that I had when I was carrying him.

As long as you keep with all your doctors appointments, get all the checks u will be fine. 100s of babies are carried and delivered safely every day. totally obvious but please keep telling yourself that.

I sincerely hope you dont take this reply in the wrong way. I just wish someone had said this to me when I was pregnant!

Take care X