Hallo All I'm Back

[Yvonne]

Hallo All

Haven't been on the site for a while. However intend to start messaging as from now.

Recap on my story; Was withdrawing fromSeroxat end of last year beginning of this. Went into a horrendous withdrawal because the med was being withdrawn too quicly by my doc. Went back on usual does of 20mg and it didn't work. Then 30 and it didn't work.

What Ii should have said before the above was that we moved last year. 50 miles away from my roots and everything I knew. I was looking forward to it. New house etc etc. I was very enthusiastic about the future.

However, when I began to withdraw from the Seroxat I went into an awful depression with loads of crying and horrendous anxiety. Withdrawal of course but I do have to take into consideration the big lifestyle change.

My doctor ended up sending me to a psychiatrist to sort out the medication saying that she wasn't an expert on these type of meds (that was for sure!).

I was introduced to Citalapram at first with a small dosage, still continuing to take the Seroxat as the cross over couldn't be done by just stopping the Seroxat.

I have been on 30mg Citalapram for the last 10 weeks. I have felt some improvement - but life is still a struggle.

I get anxious a lot. I've had a couple of panic attacks with symptoms never experienced before. My depression is still very much with me, I can lift at times to a reasonable degree.

I am at home alone a lot. I am not working and my husband is at work during the day and my daughter at college. I feel very isolated, I have no friends in this town, I do have a couple of very nice neighbours who I have coffee with.

I get out during the day just to take the dog for a walk or go to the shop. I can go to the same shop every single day and every single day I still get the same level of anxiety.

I have tried to so hard with this. I went to a depression support group at Mind and am currently attending another group there for anxiety. Last week I had terrible anticipatory anxiety and just burst into tears before I went so just didn't go.

I am studing CBT from a book called "Mind Over Mood", I keep a thought diary and generally do try to help myself as much as I can.

I think that I have read every book on the market, have studied the Linden Method. Have done lots of relaxation which relaxes me at the time but has no long term effect.

I know that distraction is a big help. However I can't seem to get involved in any sort of hobby. I lack both motivation and interest.

My problem with the anxiety is that I get al the nasty symptoms but the main thing is this unbearable urge to cry. I have this lump in my throat and "gutted" feeling together with a weight on my chest.

The anxiety seems to threaten me all the time and never seems to reach a crescendo. The crescendo or releasing of it is by crying. I am getting so fed up with it.

I saw the psychiatrist this week for a review of the Citalapram. She told me that the reason that it isn't working that well is because basically this medication isn't as strong as Seroxat. She has suggested we increase it to 40mg. I am quite happy to do this - at the moment having been on the new dosage for two days I am getting side effects of zombieness and increased anxiety.

I would really like to know if anyone else suffers with this terrible wanting to burst into tears syndrome. I feel low of course and the psychiatrist said that I am suffering 50% anxiety and 30% depression.

Is anyone out ther on Citalapram? if so, I would really love to hear your comments on it.

Take care everyone and I am sorry that this was a rather long post.

Yvonne


Y Goble

[Meg]

Yvonne


There are loads of threads under ' medication' about Citalopram.

The crying thing is very normal - do cry as much as you want to during the day.

You need to find something to help you keep busy and even maybe smile - dvd's, new friends and some interests - yoga class, day class in something, volunteering a litle bit to add to your distraction repertoire during the day.

Being isolated and lonely is not good when you're struggling however much you're practising .

Volunteering ... (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=3767)

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[Piglet]

Hi Yvonne,

I can relate to the bursting into tears thing, when I was very acute 6 years ago I used to do this ever such a lot.

Even now when I feel too panicky that is exactly what I feel I will do, I actually think this could be cos I need to release tension rather than a feeling of feeling low.

Do you cry cos you feel low or like what I just said???

Love Piglet :)

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[Yvonne]

Thank you both for your replies.
Piglet, it's usually the release of tension thing - obviously I don't cry when I'm in a shop or something but it is a struggle holding it in.
Take lots of care
Yvonne

Y Goble

[Sue K with 5]

Hi Yvonne!

I have been on the same medication as you for 3 years now ! For me they were my knight in shining armour, it takes a while to start to work, because it is a slow process but you also need to have CBT or therapy to enable you to cope better with the symptoms !! Hang in there though! They do help trust me !

If you ever need to chat please feel free to PM me anytime, I will help in anyway I can

Take care and dont lose hope! 3 years on and I am still fighting and even going out more now which is great !

sue with 5


scknight

[Yvonne]

Thank you so much Sue
Love
Yvone

Y Goble

[peterg]

Yvonne,

I was on citalopram until February 2005. The doctor switched me to Lustral (sertralinehydrochloride) and stated in his medical report that he had noted sometimes an increase in anxiety when citalopram is used.

I felt I got on well with the citalopram, however, the Lustral has showed results with me and I'm now back at work full time.

I have just finished the "Beating the Blues" CBT course which I have also found useful...although my anxiety and depression has not been beaten just yet, I am leading a good quality of life.

Don't forget that the medication can take three weeks to kick in !

Al the best,

Peter

[peterg]

Sorry Yvonne,

Did not read you original posting well enough re. 10 weeks on medication.

I tried working through Mind over Mood which was recommended by my GP and CBT therapist.

I will try to go back to this now I've finished the "Beating the Blues" CBT course.

Let me know how you find it !

Bye for now
Peter

[Yvonne]

Everyone, thanks for the support.
Peter,
Last week when I was out shopping with my daughter I had a panic that lasted for about an hour and a half. When I say a panic. It was just very very high anxiety. I felt like I wanted to cry (as usual) I was light headed, pounding heart etc. I felt as if the anxiety was worse I must admit.
When I saw the psych this week she has advised to increase it because I have had better days. I have been on it 10 weks now.
I've increased the dosage to 40mg - she said ths med is so much weaker than Seroxat (which I was on) and so I need to take more.
I am like a bloomin zombie. My eyes feel so tired. I feel low. I feel like I have a bad hangover - do you know that feeling? I'm sure you do.
I absolutely forced myself to go out with my husband this morning to Clacton Shopping village. I have a big big fear of agoraphobia getting hold of me so I go out even if I feel like I'm dying.
We went in a shop and I had panic c oursing through my body. Felt like falling over, jelly legs, wanting to cry, racing heart, fast breathing etc. But I stayed in the shop!!! It was torture. However, I do make myself do these things and I never seem to get any better!!!
Maybe the increase in med is making my anxiety worse - but I do get so fed up with it.
Did you feel less depressed on the Citalapram? I would like to know because I feel that it has only just barely taken the edge off my depression. I'm getting worried now in case no med ever works for me.
Anyway thank you so much for replying to my post.
Take care to you
and all others listening
Yvonne

Y Goble

[peterg]

Sorry to hear about the panic attacks.

Don't let it concern you too much as this worrying will make you feel even more lousy. It sounds great what you are doing which is not letting the anxiety stop you from going to the shops etc.

If it is any consolation I still suffer from anxiety attacks. I had a bit of a big set back at work which led to an anxiety attack two weeks ago and what seemed like a permanent tight chest, shaking hands, generally feeling really lousy. Doctor signed me off for a week with "panic disorder" and then two days recognising the ongoing depression I have been suffering from. I went back to work on Wednesday which was very difficult and I felt awful the rest of the week, however, I am now benefiting from the small sucesses I am making and small steps forward.

Try logging the enjoyable things that happen to you and think of the reasons why they make you happy. Think of any bad things/ setbacks as temporary things which you will recover from: the panic attacks are a prime example...they are really horrible at the time, but you do recover. Thye best lesson I learnt was to work with the symptoms and not fight them or get more low as a result. This always led to a downward spiral for me until I finally no longer saw the panic attacks as a threat.

Bursting in to tears is what I do and I believe is a symptom of depression. Try to counter the downward spiral with thoughts of what makes you happy. Do something you and your husband enjoy....try a meal or the picturs perhaps. I found doing simple things like alking along Southend pier before it caught fire, very enjoyable and the air did me good. The treat was a drink at the end of the pier or a simple lunch.

Again, I too experienced the awful feelings that you refer to in your last post. I truelly believe that me getting out of the house and doing some exercise/ walking etc helped me through that phase.

Have you spoken to your GP ? If you feel you are not improving, it may be that citalopram is not right for you ? Remember we are all different and that probably explains why there is such a large range of SSRIs available. That said I am not an expert so speak to your GP. I was on Citalopram from October 2004 to February 2005. I did show signs of improvement but have recovered better since. I cannot say, and this is the important bit, whether that improvement was due to the change in the medication or a continuation of my improvement and working with the panic attacks and not fighting them ????

Anyhow, hope that is a little food for thought and see what others have to say....let me know if you would like to further compare notes.

I am only trying to make sense of my own experiences above and listen to what your specialists have to say.....and others on the Forum !

All the best for now,

Peter

[RedMozzy]

Hi Yvonne,

I was on seroxat a few years ago when I was depressed and had Panic attacks but when they came back a month or so ago, my doctor told me they dont like to prescribe it anymore because of the withdrawal problems so now I'm on fluroxitine (something like that.. prozac) which although didnt seem to kick in as quick, does seem to be working now.

Hope you feel better soon

Alan

"Life's a roller-coaster and I am not strapped in"

[Yvonne]

I'm overwhelmes with these wonderfully supportive messages I'm getting thank you all so much.

Alan; did you get any bad withdrawal from the Seroxat? If you didn't you are definitely one of the lucky ones. Thank you so much for your well wishes.

Peter, I'd love you as a support - and thank you.

You've touches on something here that I've been practising for ages; ACCEPT THE FEAR. Sorry I really wasn't shouting.

I've studied Claire Weekes' books many times. She says accept, let it take you - let it do whatever it wants. Also, I have studied the Linden Method (which wasn't cheap) he says the same thing - invite the fear - ask it to do it's very worst. I also just read a book which someone sent me over the net called "Panic Away" - the author also says when in an anxiety staate just ask for more.

.........Well, I do all that. When my heart's racing I just tell it to kill me if it wants! When I'm breathing too fast I just try to ignore it and let nature take its course. When I feel like crying though, obviously I have to hold it in especially when I have a queue behind me in Tescos!

I am trying all the time to go with it. What I really really can't understand is that I can go to the same shop every day and every day still get the same level of anxiety. It's strange, I thought that practise made perfect.

Thanks for all your advice about getting out for walks etc. My husband and I take our lovely boxer down to the beach at Walton every week. Also I live next to a wood and I have lots of countryside around me and I do try to walk the dog as much as I can. Nothing seems to help much.

The only thing that does seem to help is when I've been in company and chatting (that is the right company of course) and generally taking my mind off myself. Also if I've been completely physically active indoors or whatever I can feel better - however my energy spans are incredibly short.

The move here from Romford seems to have hit me so hard. When I moved I was enthusiastic about it all. I only worried about my daughter starting 6th forom college. She has settled well and so has my husband.

I think there are so many issues for me that are keeping me anxious/depressed. My eldest daughter is at uni and my youngest is getting more independent so maybe I'm suffering from the good old housewive's problem "empty nest syndrome".

I don't have any friends in this town. I don't like driving too far. I feel isolated and bored in the house. I can't motivate myself like I used to - it's all been very hard and I really feel as if I try to help myself.

Maybe the Citalapram isn't the right med for me - but for now the psychiatrist feels that an increase would be the best idea. She mentioned Venlaflaxine the other day as an alternative to this medication but she said that I would go down very low for the first few weeks. That's why she thought that we should try an increase on this med.

I keep trying, and shall keep on trying.

Thanks so much to everyone for reading my rather long mails.

Take care all
Yvonne

Y Goble

[nomorepanic]

Yvonne

I am just catching up on some old posts so wanted to say a warm welcome back here.

Nicola