Okay Heart Obsessed...help

[Meewah]

Okay Here goes

For two years since my breakdown I have been obsessed with my heart. I have been protecting myself from anything too physical just in case it brings on a full heart attack. I am convinced that every ache or pain I get is a warning of a impending heart attack. My sex life has disappeared, I wake myself worrying most nights. I feel I am compounding the problem by avoiding exercise. I feel muscle aches in my back or anywhere in my rib area and bang the anxiety is through the roof. I sometimes meditate when I am at my worse and this allows me to face what I am feeling and then rationalise where the discomfort is coming from. Why oh why cant I get on with living. Many times have been spent worrying if to go to the docs again only to send me for another ECG (last one March 2007) and feed my anxiety. I feel what I need is reassurance not tests but may be tests are reassurance but yet I cant stand the wait or any bad news.


Help

Mee

[looking4answers]

Hi Mee,

I know the troubles you are having all too well. I have been doing the samething off and on for years. I wish I knew what caused what we are having I could really use some good info about the causes..For me I don't have a clue. I go from not caring about feelings I have to full focus on them. Sometimes im not even sure why I bother.

There is something here that I must mention that I even know for a fact that might or might not make you feel better. Ok..you say they keep sending you for test. The test turn out ok but you can't shake the feeling of anxiety and you need more test.

I have to say bottom line test don't mean anything. I am not trying to be unsupportive here but supportive. I have had several cardiologist tell me that there have been countless people that have been checked out and had test and tested perfect and walk out of their offices and die within hours sometimes minutes of their test when they tested fine.

There is no written guarantee that you will live another day ,another moment or even another minute.. You could sit right in a hospital and if your body was to give out , they can't stop it. My brother age 44 got up to go to work one day and had a massive coronary. I have a cousin that is an emt that knew the guy that went to pick up my brother and my brother died on the way to the hospital and the emt told my cousin if he had been in with a team of doctors they couldn't have done anything for him.

His heart just exploded. My brother was not a unhealthy person so that was so shocking for myself and family. Anyway like I said no guarantees.. so in a way the test are meaningless. Even me going to the doctor and having a through exam and ekg I too wonder about how accurate and how well they have checked me out.

It goes without saying you just have to live your life with nothing to spare, every second don't waste it .Put your desires and happiness above your worries and being afraid.. I argue with myself many times about the value of life and what it means ,why we were born just to die..I looked at my dogs and how happy they live not knowing they will die and then I realized yesterday that you must live with no fear even when the end comes.

I woke with anxious thoughts yesterday morning. I don't know why but I went out to feed my dogs and horses early . I found my female dog with blood coming down her mouth all swollen and bloody and blood dripping all over her paws. I am not sure what happened to her. I went in and called the doctor and they came over and as she lay there its almost as if she smiled at us. She wagged her tail and tried to act normal. She was the toughest animal I ever knew .She would face down any other animal or human that tried to invade her territory and threaten us or the horses. She would
chase coyotes over hills and even into there turf where it was dangerous for her. She would even challenge bears and other creatures that came around.

She would wander the neighbors and make friends with their animals and even patrol their properties.. In other words every moment of her life was spent against the odds never a dull moment nor being afraid. Even at the moment she was walked over to the hospital vehicle and jumped in and was put into a blanket she wasn't afraid.

She looked at me with her beautiful little brown eyes as to say "don't worry about me im ok" and then I think she died. I learned a lesson from my dog. Live today and face death when it comes with a smile knowing you had your time here and you lived it to its fullest. I tried to cry but couldn't with those thoughts in mind. It was like her telling me to do the same. She was the finest animal I have ever owned or known and the bravest .

She lived her life and died the same way with bravery . She encourage me and I hope that maybe my thoughts will encourage you to do the same. No one is promised one moment on this earth. Not you ,not me ,not the president nor prime minister. We are all going to die one day at the time you are meant to. So how you decide to live is us to you and I . Are we going to ruin our lives being miserable and scared or we going to live and enjoy every moment and then smile as we pass from this life.

I think I would rather try living like my dog did. Live it to the max and die facing it with a smile. I hope this helps you ,thinking about her sure has me tonight..

[cascade70]

I think to say that tests done by doctors is meaningless is an absolute shocking statement to make. Ok it does happen that fit and healthly people do pass away and things can get missed by doctors but to state tests carried out by medical professionals dont really mena anything is just ridiculios

[valleybear]

I agree with Cascade. It is very counter productive for those of us with HA to start disbelieving the Dr and Specialists. Of course there are tragic cases where no one can forsee a sudden illness, but c'mon, we have spent our lives trying to reassure ourselves and in the long run if tests come back with no negative results and the Dr says that you are fine...believe them. They will be right and will be reporting your state of health at that time. Tests are there for a reason and health professionals are to be trusted to give you the correct information.

[ames6767]

I was feeling good till I read that :(. I do understand what you were saying but I had just convinced myself that the drs had checked me out and I was ok. hope you feel better soon meewah x

[Meewah]

Thanks for your replies.

I feel it is too easy to just carry on regardless. Sudden death syndrome does not bother me. Its the I knew something was wrong but did nothing that scares the hell out of me.

I don't know what I fear the most been told that I have a life threatening illness and that life will be limited or the Medical tests/ Institutionalisation or the fact that I wont be here for my Kids growing up.

I dont want to live everyday at the docs, but yet I want to know when I should go and that I am afraid is the hardest thing.

In the case of a dog or animal, I read that humans are the only animal that can comprehend there own mortality. So please I would love to have that inability to think about the end.

Mee

[cascade70]

Like Ames I was feeling good today until i read your comments Meewah, then i started to get some negative thougts into my head. I notice that you stay in the USA and in the UK we are very lucky to have a free National Health Service as well as a 24 hour hotline which is also free. The bad habit that people pick up is that they read matrerial off Google and the negative statements just jump out and send them into a panic. And thats is what i think your statment could have dome to Ames who was clearly feeling somewhat down when she posted the message. On reading your post i am sorry for your lost and i do agree that you should live life to the full. I read a post earlier about a man who is the age of 60 and for the last 20 years he has been worrying about his health, he now feels that he has wasted so much time doing this and advised myself to accept that i will have good days and bad but worrying is negative goal settings so its good to stay positive as much as you can.

[Alisonj]

I live the same way Mee. My dad had his onset of heart problems in his 20's and died ealry 40's. Ever since my heart is my obsession. I take a ton of supplements geared towards heart health, obsess over my blood pressure and every little twinge etc.
I have been checked out alot but I still worry that I am going to develop whatever it was that caused my dads heart troubles. I havent even used salt in 2 years on anything at all. I completely understand the fear. But at the same time I am trying to learn to live. Live without thinking I am dying. Realize that if something is going to happen it will whether I spend all day worrying about it or not. So why waste the time. Did someone close to you have a heart problem?? If you want to chat more please feel free to pm me. I understand your fears and feelings completely.

[valleybear]

My cardiac related HA definately stemmed from when my father had his first heart attack. Both he and my mother died suddenly of heart related issues...also my husband. I know this is what keeps my anxiety going in that direction. Could say so much more, some of which may be of help, but can feel myself stressing and getting anxious just reliving it all so please forgive me today...not in a great place. XX

[looking4answers]

I apologize to anyone that I offended . The biggest thing or point I was trying to make and perhaps a rather blunt way"sorry" Is that .Sometimes test cannot guarantee someone a passing grade, a doctor isn't a psychic, they can only tell you what is obvious to them.The cardiologist were just saying to me, and these are people I know and trust..that we can only find what we can and do what we can ,other things are unpredictable and non guaranteed.

What Im saying is sure you should put your trust in your doctors to the best of their abilities and trust the test the make and say "hey there is nothing wrong" but if you are looking for a stamped seal of approval that you are ok and nothing is going to happen ..im sorry it just doesn't exist.

I will give you one example that is personal to me and Ill let this thread alone. My brother in law had HA to the MAX . He would not drive anywhere because he was afraid of having a car crash, he would go to the doctor on the average of once a week for a mole or a spec on his skin. He would hear his heartbeat and get scared
that it was this or that.

He also was a brilliant mathematician. He had four children that are beautiful and a beautiful wife . He worried from the time he was a little boy about heath. He went out of his way to make sure nothing happened to him and he was healthy . We were on our way to see him and my wifes family in the Philippines and he was walking down a street and a jeep went around another vehicle and on the sidewalk and ran him down and killed him by accident. He was 52 . He lived his life like many of us worrying about every little thing.

He went to the doctor regular ,ate perfect meals ,didn't smoke and was the picture of health and then got killed by a freak accident. That is all im saying is there is no guarantee on life and it doesn't come with a warranty .Im sorry I was just stating the obvious here and im sorry it bothers some of you that you don't understand what I was trying to do .

I too am fighting an endless battle to clear my mind of negative self destructive thoughts. You think I wanted to hear from my doctor friends what they told me as the the truth. I also had to just walk away and think the same things you say ,trust the doctors and trust the test but in the back of my mind I keep hearing my cardiologist friends echos in my mind.

Im really glad that you all have the trust and faith in your doctors and im sure you should ,Once again I apologize for anything that I said that was taken in a bad way and the best to you Mee.. I hope things get easier for you and you feel better. Please forgive me for anything I said that made you feel bad or anyone else.

[Alisonj]

I had not read this whole thread until now. I really wish I had not, I real ill just reading it.