Munki
20-11-09, 23:16
I've posted on here before about my GAD and Efexor treatment that works well for me.
Recently, I've had a possibility of a new agent (I'm an actress) and a very good agent at that. This could mean that everything I ever wanted may actually come true. Obviously, this is a long shot and I may get nowhere but I'm opening the doors to a new opportunity. Lots of them.
However, I am crippled with fear at the concept. Suddenly knowing that I have no idea where I might be or what I might be doing is literally paralyzing me with fear.
The said agent is an agent I had several years ago but I was unfortunately going through a depression at the time so took a sabbatical. She did scare me somewhat but was incredibly professional. Her tone was quite intimidating and she took no crap. At times, she could make you a nervous wreck. There is a lot of this in the industry but its par for the course!
She has asked me to call her on Monday and I know that if she takes me on again, I could be on the right road. But I really am TERRIFIED. Do you think this is association with last time? The feeling is convincing me its a 'hunch' or a 'bad feeling' but I think this is an incorrect reading. I don't know how to make sense of my feelings right now.
So, today I almost talked myself out of it and resigned myself to giving up at the age of 34. I know this is probably stupid. The worst is that I emailed her and told her how she was my favourite agent and now shes keen to speak to me. If I change my mind shes going to think I'm a nightmare.
I just have all these irrational fears that she could ruin my career though I know thats stupid of me. I also fear that my life will become unbearable and I'll crack up. Or that I'll lose everyone. It's crazy!
How do I deal with this? Reason with it? Or is it just not worth taking the risk? I love the work but just fear the phonecalls about auditions. i can live with the rest of it, it's just being told that I have to be somewhere 'tomorrow'. That's the bit I find so hard to deal with as I'm a wreck all night!
Should I just give up and live a peaceful life without the anxiety or is it good to push myself and feel scared?
PLEASE HELP!!
xxx
:wacko:
Recently, I've had a possibility of a new agent (I'm an actress) and a very good agent at that. This could mean that everything I ever wanted may actually come true. Obviously, this is a long shot and I may get nowhere but I'm opening the doors to a new opportunity. Lots of them.
However, I am crippled with fear at the concept. Suddenly knowing that I have no idea where I might be or what I might be doing is literally paralyzing me with fear.
The said agent is an agent I had several years ago but I was unfortunately going through a depression at the time so took a sabbatical. She did scare me somewhat but was incredibly professional. Her tone was quite intimidating and she took no crap. At times, she could make you a nervous wreck. There is a lot of this in the industry but its par for the course!
She has asked me to call her on Monday and I know that if she takes me on again, I could be on the right road. But I really am TERRIFIED. Do you think this is association with last time? The feeling is convincing me its a 'hunch' or a 'bad feeling' but I think this is an incorrect reading. I don't know how to make sense of my feelings right now.
So, today I almost talked myself out of it and resigned myself to giving up at the age of 34. I know this is probably stupid. The worst is that I emailed her and told her how she was my favourite agent and now shes keen to speak to me. If I change my mind shes going to think I'm a nightmare.
I just have all these irrational fears that she could ruin my career though I know thats stupid of me. I also fear that my life will become unbearable and I'll crack up. Or that I'll lose everyone. It's crazy!
How do I deal with this? Reason with it? Or is it just not worth taking the risk? I love the work but just fear the phonecalls about auditions. i can live with the rest of it, it's just being told that I have to be somewhere 'tomorrow'. That's the bit I find so hard to deal with as I'm a wreck all night!
Should I just give up and live a peaceful life without the anxiety or is it good to push myself and feel scared?
PLEASE HELP!!
xxx
:wacko: