Gabrielle
21-11-09, 00:52
I'm really finding it hard to cope at the moment due to these panic attacks.
I used to suffer from them very badly as a student, which was four years or so ago now, and they seemed to pass on their own accord. I now have a full time, very demanding job and I never know how long my day is going to be. Sometimes I don't leave work until gone midnight (this is not by choice, and no, I don't get overtime pay!). I no longer have the luxury of leaving class, I have to stay. I can't have a "bad day" and not go in, I have to be there or my sick record will be poor. I'm finding it almost impossible to cope. My partner and I are surviving on my salary alone (he's a student) so I can't even quit. I've also studied for almost six years to get where I am now, and I don't want to quit or let this beat me.
I'm exhausted. Every day I have a panic attack on the train in and train home. I can barely eat all day. Right now, it's almost 1am in the morning, I'm home and I'm so terrified, I'm literally shaking and thinking I'm going to be sick. But I'm so tired and I desperately just need to go to sleep.
I don't know what to do anymore. I can't deal with this constant level of panic. No one seems to understand how difficult it is. Because I'm an emet, my panic always revolves around me throwing up, not me dying or anything like that. I feel I could rationalise away thoughts of impending death, but it's quite normal to vomit, so I never feel like I'm "safe" - this could always be the night/moment etc that I am sick.
Does anyone relate? Any words of wisdom?
:weep:
I used to suffer from them very badly as a student, which was four years or so ago now, and they seemed to pass on their own accord. I now have a full time, very demanding job and I never know how long my day is going to be. Sometimes I don't leave work until gone midnight (this is not by choice, and no, I don't get overtime pay!). I no longer have the luxury of leaving class, I have to stay. I can't have a "bad day" and not go in, I have to be there or my sick record will be poor. I'm finding it almost impossible to cope. My partner and I are surviving on my salary alone (he's a student) so I can't even quit. I've also studied for almost six years to get where I am now, and I don't want to quit or let this beat me.
I'm exhausted. Every day I have a panic attack on the train in and train home. I can barely eat all day. Right now, it's almost 1am in the morning, I'm home and I'm so terrified, I'm literally shaking and thinking I'm going to be sick. But I'm so tired and I desperately just need to go to sleep.
I don't know what to do anymore. I can't deal with this constant level of panic. No one seems to understand how difficult it is. Because I'm an emet, my panic always revolves around me throwing up, not me dying or anything like that. I feel I could rationalise away thoughts of impending death, but it's quite normal to vomit, so I never feel like I'm "safe" - this could always be the night/moment etc that I am sick.
Does anyone relate? Any words of wisdom?
:weep: