Struggling to cope

[Gabrielle]

I'm really finding it hard to cope at the moment due to these panic attacks.

I used to suffer from them very badly as a student, which was four years or so ago now, and they seemed to pass on their own accord. I now have a full time, very demanding job and I never know how long my day is going to be. Sometimes I don't leave work until gone midnight (this is not by choice, and no, I don't get overtime pay!). I no longer have the luxury of leaving class, I have to stay. I can't have a "bad day" and not go in, I have to be there or my sick record will be poor. I'm finding it almost impossible to cope. My partner and I are surviving on my salary alone (he's a student) so I can't even quit. I've also studied for almost six years to get where I am now, and I don't want to quit or let this beat me.

I'm exhausted. Every day I have a panic attack on the train in and train home. I can barely eat all day. Right now, it's almost 1am in the morning, I'm home and I'm so terrified, I'm literally shaking and thinking I'm going to be sick. But I'm so tired and I desperately just need to go to sleep.

I don't know what to do anymore. I can't deal with this constant level of panic. No one seems to understand how difficult it is. Because I'm an emet, my panic always revolves around me throwing up, not me dying or anything like that. I feel I could rationalise away thoughts of impending death, but it's quite normal to vomit, so I never feel like I'm "safe" - this could always be the night/moment etc that I am sick.

Does anyone relate? Any words of wisdom?

:weep:

[Alisonj]

I am so sorry you are having a rough go. The first thing I would suggest is letting your doctor know what is going on. Let them help you decide what is best for you. Also find an outlet to help you relax since you are under so much pressure. Find something you enjoy and make sure you set time aside to do it.
Try and remember that although they are completely horrifying at the time panic attacks cannot hurt you. It may seem like it but if you try and accept what you are feeling instead of letting it win you can slowly train your brain to react differently to them. I really hope things get better for you soon. I have suffered for 18 years off and on and know how horrible it can be.

[sportynic1]

hey i know what your going though.ive had panic attacks since i was 15 and now am 24 been on many different pills and they are just making me feel like so odd.its like i dont even know the real me now. what your saying is what is happing for me too.i worry about the stuiped wee things and i get so worked up i just get so sleepy after i worry. its like i dont wanna go out the house cos i know ill panic. its like i feel everyone knows i take panic attacks and they think am a total freak. i know its all in my head but its so scary.what i do find helps me to take my mind of panicking is music. i listen to my ipod every time i go out and that keeps my mind of my music. it helps a wee bit. i also need to keep my fone in my hand.if am waiting at traffic lights i need to be on my fone co si think everyone is looking at me. does that soudn stuiped?
what makes me feel safe is not going out i know thats not the way to live.i wanna enjoy my life but these panic attacks are controling my whole life. i get so upset cos i know its all in my head and nothing i can do about it. i get so mad at myself am like why am i pancking etc.... i just get so angry even the now am so mad at myself cos my mind is stressing out over nothing. i cant cope with daily things now. even getting up i dont wanna do cos i know ill panic if i bang into something or if the fone goes i jump.
i know its hard but people are here to help. if i can help then ill do my best. i thought i was alone now i dont feel the only one who suffers from what i have.