What are "Suicidal Thoughts"?

[NoPoet]

Hi all,

I'm trying to understand a few things about depression. When I first became ill with anxiety/depression in February this year, I developed a morbid fear of suicide. It was really bad back then - anything to do with death or especially suicide triggered horrible anxiety.

It seems to coincide with me reading warnings about citalopram and depression both having suicide risks. As soon as I read about that, it planted a seed in my brain that has been tormenting me ever since.

So if I have morbid fears that one day I might suddenly, somehow, become suicidal, does this mean I am having "suicidal thoughts"? Even if I am not suicidal and hopefully never will be? And have these thoughts been brought about by my medication? Should I tell my doctor?

Surely it's normal for everyone to at least think about suicide at some point in their lives, cos that's what the imagination is for - to explore concepts that we can't or won't get involved in. How can we not allow our minds to explore without being labelled suicidal or a threat to ourselves?

[guitarpants]

The only time to worry is when you start planning and actually looking forward to suicide as an escape and you are no longer fearful of it. Those are the people at danger of doing it. If you are fearful of it and do not want to do it, there's nothing to worry about. Everyone thinks about it at some point, or MANY times in their life, it doesn't mean they want to do it or that are going to at some point.

[Bill]

There is a difference between having suicidal thoughts and your problem. Your problem is caused by "a fear" of having suicidal thoughts.

What they mean by having suicidal thoughts is when you feel so depressed, you can't see any way out so you start thinking of ways to commit suicide. Alot of people who are this depressed will think these thoughts but it doesn't mean they'll actually act upon them.

Often people will start having these thoughts because they feel trapped in their lives by stress or anxiety which makes them feel there's no future and no point to living but in many cases when associated with anxiety, the fear of going through these thoughts and actually dying will often prevent the person from acting on these thoughts unless they felt dying would be better than living. The person Always gets better once they are are either prescribed ad's and/or the are helped into finding a way out of whatever it is that is making them feel trapped. i.e. changing their stressful job or tackling their fears that make them feel trapped. Sometimes though there is no apparant cause to a persons depression and that's when it's very important to take meds.

The doctor wouldn't necessarily need to know about your fear of sucidal thoughts because this fear will just be a symptom of your anxiety which will also be causing you other fears. Often when we suffer from anxiety we live in fear of various things and this fear will just be part of many. In any case, this is a fear of these thoughts rather than a symptom of feeling really depressed. IF you ever did actually start thinking suicidal thoughts Because you felt very depressed, that's when the doctor Would need to know.

In my worst days, I started to get suicidal thoughts because I couldn't see any way out of my situation. The only option I could see was to take od's because I just didn't care anymore and my life just felt hopeless and pointless. Eventually though I came out of it by finding ways to ease the feelings of being trapped such as giving up my stressful job and easing pressures at home.

It is Very Important to share feelings and symptoms of actual depression when life feels hopeless so that the sufferer can be treated.

Hope that makes sense.:shrug:

[maddie]

I agree with all Bill has said.

If you are afraid of suicide, you are not suicidal.

[everglades]

when i have felt sui, i know what i will do and how, and the need for it is a strong, desperate one
Sometimes it is a hoplessness, a need to not continue, sometimes it is an utter hatred of myself and a desp need to destroy what is me, and sometimes it has been knowing that others would be better off without me.

it is not about thinking about the word or its meaning - it is a need from within - that pulls very very hard from what others see as rational, yet can be completely rational in my own head
that is what is so scary - it makes complete sense when you need it - so it is hard to tell others as they dont see it in the same way and it is a battle of realities both with others and within my own head

i hope you never feel this way and if u do that you seek help

[KK77]

Thinking about suicide is a very common part of anxiety disorders. And, yes, this is mostly about fearing you'd attempt it, the consequences it'd have on others in your life and the associated feelings of guilt, and ultimately the fear of our own mortality. It's more of an obsessive thought fueled by fear, and that fear is likely to protect you from carrying such thoughts out.

Completed suicides (as opposed to attempted) are usually much more impulsive in nature - the person just "snaps" or flips out. The person seemed fine that day, then suddenly they're gone...

So to answer your question, I think it's very common to have such thoughts, and I've had them too at times in my life, but I know that I'd never carry them out. Not that I really fear death anymore, but because I have a responsibility to those I care for and love in my life.

[NoPoet]

Thanks everyone, this has reassured me, but it really makes me feel for those who suffer with genuinely suicidal thoughts.

Part of my battle against anxiety/depression has been a war between realities, as Everglades describes - you know what is "real", but somehow your thoughts and feelings become pulled into a dark place which you KNOW on some level is wrong, but it convinces you that it is right.

One day a medication will be developed that will be fully effective against suicidal impulses. Maybe we'll evolve our current therapies so that they reach directly into the troubled areas of our minds and pull the problems out by their roots. It will happen one day - until that day, so many people have to somehow "tough it out". My full respect and well-wishing to those who battle this every day and still make it through.

Everglades, if there was something I could do to help, I would... I guess the PsychoPoet Research Initiative has a new target: suicidal thoughts/urges.

[ladybird64]

Sorry if I'm being a bit slow in my understanding..is everyone saying that if a person regularly thinks about suicide, then there is practically no chance that they would act on what they're thinking?
I also believed that the only difference between a completed and attempted suicide was that the person was found before they were "gone".
Maybe I'm getting it all wrong.

[KK77]

Sorry if I'm being a bit slow in my understanding..is everyone saying that if a person regularly thinks about suicide, then there is practically no chance that they would act on what they're thinking?

Of course they could but the fear of death, suicide etc would probably play a big part in stopping them from doing it.

I also believed that the only difference between a completed and attempted suicide was that the person was found before they were "gone".
Maybe I'm getting it all wrong.

Therefore, that fear could play a big part in the difference between attempted and completed suicide. I don't want to go into methods here but an impulsive act of suicide is very different to a "cry-for-help" situation.

I hope it makes some sense. There are always exceptions, and I'm not saying it's set in stone, but, generally, exceptions don't break the rule.

[everglades]

there are so many dif places on the scale
but worrying that you might become suicidal, is very different to actually feeling the need.
ladybird - people act on their thoughts at dif times - sometimes impulsively and sometimes after days, weeks, months of planning
yes you are right the only dif is if they are found and saved
so i guess people are less likely to find out if someone acts on the spur of the moment -
but
just because someone is feeling sui, and perhaps even talking about it - DOES NOT mean they wont act

sadly for many of us who feel like this at times, the greatest need is to excape THIS world, as it is for us, - rather than a longing to get to another one
As i said above, for me it can be in response to different feelings, self-loathing, fear, hopelessness and an intense feeling of no other options - and when it is bad, i tend to withdraw deep inside my head - and it is very very hard to tell someone

please, if you know anyone who ever feels like this, listen to them and dont dismiss their feelings,

[NoPoet]

As with many things about mental illness, I am starting to think there are different types of suicidality.

One is, as everglades says, people who are so unhappy in this life they simply want to escape it, because they have given up hope of anything better coming along.

Another type is similar to the above, but the suicide attempt is more of a cry for help or an impulsive action that is not thought through properly.

I don't mean to reduce this to a basic level or anything, I'm just thinking aloud.

Our current method of thinking is that there is only one type of suicidality. I'm starting to think that the whole depression/anxiety/suicidality issues are far more complex than medical science believes, which is why science has such a difficult time treating them successfully.

Depression is a battle of hearts and minds. Until we understand ourselves better, our war against mental illness is being fought blindfolded.