hugs
25-11-09, 21:19
Hello!!
I'm a 25 year old female from the UK and I've been reading through this site for a very long time but finally plucked up the courage to join and post about myself. It's a bit of a long one I'm afraid but I've read everything to do with anxiety and have not been able to find anyone suffering like I am so I'm doubting that it's actually anxiety (which is probably what is making me feel worse!!)
It all started when I was about 18, my left eyelid started drooping slightly so I looked in my mother's health dictionary (worse thing to do ever!!) and it said that a possible cause was a tumour behind the eye, of course I panicked and started getting headaches, it turned out that I had just stretched the skin on my eyelid due to excessive rubbing when suffering from hayfever but my headaches never went away. I then went back to the health dictionary to read about brain tumours and anurysms (sorry can't spell) and panicked more, I then became obsessed with the thought of having a barain tumour or anurysm and was convinced that I had one. I just couldn't stop thinking about my head and for about 4 weeks I was always conscious of my head and would get shooting pains or swelling sensations on just the thought about getting a pain, I was petrified that I was going to suffer a brain haemerage. Somehow though I managed to stop thinking about it and I was absolutely fine and happy for the next 6 1/2 years.........
Then when me and my partner started planning for a baby last year it all came back but much much worse. After conceiving I had a couple of uneasy nights when I thought I was swallowing my tongue and would wake up panicking, this lead to going to bed one night after having a massive panic attack because I was so frightened to go to sleep. After having the panic attack I worried that it might have affected my baby so I started googling (why why why????!!!!) I came across some awful things which triggered my memory of when I was 18, all of a sudden I couldn't stop thinking about my head and I was getting head pressure and pains constantly just by thinking about it. This lead to major anxiety where the whole top half of my body went completely numb I couldn't feel it for a whole day. I tried to redirect the pain that I was feeling into my back coz I was certain that I would suffer a brain haemerage if I continued thinking about pain in my head.
I saw a doctor who said it was anxiety and referred me to see a counsellor. I went to see a perinatal specialist but although she listened to my wierdness I wanted her to look me in the eye and say that I wasn't going to die, she just looked at me as if she didn't understand. I pretended to feel better so I didn't have to see her anymore because I just wasn't feeling a click.
Anyway one year later I have a very happy and healthy four month old little boy who I love so so so much but unfortunately I am still suffering. I cannot stop thinking about my brain and head pressures and my whole body is constantly tense, I get shooting pains down my back just by thinking about it and I'm never relaxed, I constantly feel sick and think that everyday is my last day and that I'm not going to be here for my son , it's so awful. I worry about his health too and I'm just so trapped in myself that I'm starting to feel depressed. I've got such a good life and I'm planning my wedding for next year, I'm so happy really but this whole obsession is driving me crazy. I thought when I opened up to people it would go away but no it's there all day every day.
Is there anyone out there who is going through this?? I read about people getting symptoms from anxiety but I never read about anyone bringing the sensations on themselves just by thinking about it, I want to get back to normal and be the person that I know I am but it just won't go away.
Sorry I told you it was going to be a long one!! I really hope that someone can relate and will reply :)
I'm a 25 year old female from the UK and I've been reading through this site for a very long time but finally plucked up the courage to join and post about myself. It's a bit of a long one I'm afraid but I've read everything to do with anxiety and have not been able to find anyone suffering like I am so I'm doubting that it's actually anxiety (which is probably what is making me feel worse!!)
It all started when I was about 18, my left eyelid started drooping slightly so I looked in my mother's health dictionary (worse thing to do ever!!) and it said that a possible cause was a tumour behind the eye, of course I panicked and started getting headaches, it turned out that I had just stretched the skin on my eyelid due to excessive rubbing when suffering from hayfever but my headaches never went away. I then went back to the health dictionary to read about brain tumours and anurysms (sorry can't spell) and panicked more, I then became obsessed with the thought of having a barain tumour or anurysm and was convinced that I had one. I just couldn't stop thinking about my head and for about 4 weeks I was always conscious of my head and would get shooting pains or swelling sensations on just the thought about getting a pain, I was petrified that I was going to suffer a brain haemerage. Somehow though I managed to stop thinking about it and I was absolutely fine and happy for the next 6 1/2 years.........
Then when me and my partner started planning for a baby last year it all came back but much much worse. After conceiving I had a couple of uneasy nights when I thought I was swallowing my tongue and would wake up panicking, this lead to going to bed one night after having a massive panic attack because I was so frightened to go to sleep. After having the panic attack I worried that it might have affected my baby so I started googling (why why why????!!!!) I came across some awful things which triggered my memory of when I was 18, all of a sudden I couldn't stop thinking about my head and I was getting head pressure and pains constantly just by thinking about it. This lead to major anxiety where the whole top half of my body went completely numb I couldn't feel it for a whole day. I tried to redirect the pain that I was feeling into my back coz I was certain that I would suffer a brain haemerage if I continued thinking about pain in my head.
I saw a doctor who said it was anxiety and referred me to see a counsellor. I went to see a perinatal specialist but although she listened to my wierdness I wanted her to look me in the eye and say that I wasn't going to die, she just looked at me as if she didn't understand. I pretended to feel better so I didn't have to see her anymore because I just wasn't feeling a click.
Anyway one year later I have a very happy and healthy four month old little boy who I love so so so much but unfortunately I am still suffering. I cannot stop thinking about my brain and head pressures and my whole body is constantly tense, I get shooting pains down my back just by thinking about it and I'm never relaxed, I constantly feel sick and think that everyday is my last day and that I'm not going to be here for my son , it's so awful. I worry about his health too and I'm just so trapped in myself that I'm starting to feel depressed. I've got such a good life and I'm planning my wedding for next year, I'm so happy really but this whole obsession is driving me crazy. I thought when I opened up to people it would go away but no it's there all day every day.
Is there anyone out there who is going through this?? I read about people getting symptoms from anxiety but I never read about anyone bringing the sensations on themselves just by thinking about it, I want to get back to normal and be the person that I know I am but it just won't go away.
Sorry I told you it was going to be a long one!! I really hope that someone can relate and will reply :)