Im so scared, im sure that i will be dead in a few years

[sarah jayne]

Im so scared, my health seems to be going worse every day. Im sat here crying as i write this. I feel so weak and shaky. My joints are sore, my left ankle is badly swollen and im struggling to walk. I have daily heaadaches, i have had these since august. What have i done to deserve this ? Im only 28 and ive got 2 children to look after, im so scared of dying and leaving them without a mum. I used to be so active but now i cant do much at all. The only relief i get is when im asleep and i dream that im 'normal' again, then i wake up and im still in this horrible nightmare. Im scared my husband is going to get sick of me being like this as im not the person he fell in love with, i love him with all my heart but i feel guilty for making him live a crap life with me. My fingers feel weak as i type, im so scared. I had blood tests yesterday but i dont get the results for 2 weeks. The doctor said there is definately something going on, one of the things hes checking me for is rheumatoid arthritis, im so scared of ending up as a cripple. Im sorry for rambling on, i dont think ive ever felt as low as this.

[MOJO]

Hello!:hugs:
I'm so sorry that you are feeling this bad Sarah jayne. If it turns out that there is something wrong when you get your blood test results back I'm certain that the doctors will be able to start treating you and have your symptoms under control fairly quickly. I don't think for a minute that you are not going to be here for your family.
Do you think that maybe being told by the doctor that there is definately something going on, has ramped up your anxiety and that is why you are feeling so bad today?
I know we all feel bad for putting our partners through all this and it is hard for them, but they love us and will be there for us through thick and thin. You wouldn't leave your hubbie if things were the other way round would you?
I hope you soon feel a bit calmer. Sending you lots of hugs.:bighug1::bighug1::bighug1:
Judy.xxxx

[PanicOver!!]

Hi

so sorry you are feeling low at the moment.
You are not going to die it's the health anxiety taking hold.
You are not alone I have been there where you are an come through it so I know you can too. I'm sure your husband loves you to bits.
Stay strong. Thinking of you

xx

[Gaza]

Hey, now come on let's get you settled down. Your fear my girl is making this worse, your feeding it with adrenaline which will make you feel like hell. Doctors, they are all they same they have said the same thing to me for over 30 years now and they have never found anything major, just daft minor ailments.

Anyway, the point is you are adding panic to panic and making yourself feel 100 times more worse than you should be feeling. Your husband needs to understand the support you need at this time, maybe he's not sure what to do, maybe a little lost with it all. You need more emotional support, you sound very vulnerable and you shouldn't be, family and good friends need to know how low your mood is and you need some good old fashioned healthy hugs from them.

My right ankle gives me a lot of problems and has swollen up more times than I can remember, I began a light exercise program and rotated my ankles when I was sitting watching TV and it help the joint, I took some anti-inflammatory meds at first, but now I have learnt not to overstress the ankle joint. There is loads of harmless and healthy options for swollen joints - so don't dismay.

To say the only relief you get is when you sleep tells me you are overly-stressed out and need a good rest and time to recuperate. You need quality time to relax and let those stresses go......your serotonin levels (happy brain messenger) sound low (from too much stress) so you may need a low dose of an anti-depressant to beef you up a bit and give you some vitality back. If you are taking any meds like these then you need to have them reviewed by your GP as they are not giving you the full benefit.

By the way rheumatoid arthritis I had the blood tests and found that I was ok, just worked too hard and made my finger and knee joints swell.....remember your only human and fallible, learn to say no to those who over demand your time, it will help you to value yourself more and get that rest and recuperation your body deserves.

God Bless and Take It Easier.

PS. My Daughter has 3 small children and normally very healthy young woman, since the birth of her third child she is always suffering headaches, backache, joint pains, so I took her to the GP and helped her get some antidepressants and now after 3 months she feels a little better and more able to cope, we all muck in and help her on her off days and this allows her the time to get her energy back. So get that support, it makes a big difference.

[Typer]

The scary part is not knowing what is wrong. I am glad you have had some tests...best to wait for the results and then go from there.

If it does turn out to be RA .... I have a friend with RA and she lives a happy and fruitful life. It's under control with meds and she has also done many alternative things which seemed to have helped a lot.

[Gaza]

To add to my last comment rheumatoid arthritis can be successfully treated and 0.8% of the population can get it, but it is very small. So don't worry get the results and post and let us all know and I would be surprised if you did have it......and rambling on is a great way to express your concerns and everybody does the same.....so vent your concerns and get the support you need.

This site was designed to get a community of helpers, carers and sufferers to access one another......so vent some more my gal and get that negative frame of mind changed and lets get you feeling better about yourself.

Tell Hubby you need a hug and get one from the kids too....

All the best Gaza

[anx mum]

Hi sarah know exactly how u feel hun im exactly the same. Its horrible when u feel so alone ur hubby wont understand cos he aint been thr it. Yesterday i was in tears too its so wearing wished u lived closer maybe we could support each other.

[Andyc21]

Sarah can I just say that a lot of what you feel is how I feel too.

For the past 6-12 months I have had bad muscle twitches pretty much every day that usually come on when the anxiety comes on. I get joint aches lately but I notice my joints click and ache when my anxiety kicks off and then when I wake up in the morning after not being anxious for 8-9 hours they feel better but then the cycle starts again when my anxiety comes on during the day.

I get badly fatigued a lot, everyday I am tired and my head hurts and my eyes are bloodshot and I eat well, don't drink alcohol or take drugs or medication and I look like a drug addict. My eyes have dark rings under them, my skin has bad acne break-outs and my skin is also dry and pale.

Yet blood tests tell me I am ok... There is no way that is correct. I know my own body and I know i'm not ok, I feel like i'm dying most days aswell.

[sarah jayne]

Thanks everyone for replying. Your all so kind, i dont know what i would do without this site at the moment. I still feel really bad today, infact i feel abit worse but im determined to stay strong for my kids sake. Whatever it is thats wrong with me im going to fight it, its just going to be so hard waiting 2 weeks for the results.
Sarah x

[mumof4]

i wish u all the best and i hope u get the results to help u and make u better.

all the best

[messianictalmud]

Hello Sarah Jayne, what great name you have! reminds me of Doctor Who's companion.
Have you tried explaining how you feel to your husband? I'm sure he'd understand.

I think what people are saying to you is right that a big issue at moment is "Health Anxiety".

I think perhaps the doctor should have chosen his words more carefully with you.
Just for a few minutes imaging if you can that the doctor had just said let's take some routine blood samples!

How does that seem to you ?

I think that is what your doctors is doing really, try thinking of it that way.

Also another thing to tell yourself which I think is the absolute truth is that, if something was seriously wrong then you'de be in hospital for treatment and test's.

Yes I know doctors do loads of test's but them the've had years of medical training and can spot serious things quickly (more so these days).

Try not to worry, I know it's easy to say but worry makes our anxieties worse it's like a vicious cycle.
We worry about our health, which makes our anxiety more intense, then our bodies react to our anxiety like muscles tensing up, which then makes us feel worse! doesn't it?

Hope that's of some help.