Jabz
16-11-05, 02:41
hi. just need to rant.
just when i thought i was getting better, i was able to go to the movies, hang out with friends, be in school. the worst happens, whats worse than having a panic attack ?? .. having a couple of them in a completely closed off environment. i live in NYC, and i was coming home from work, when the subway decided to stop on the bridge, i was already anxious and higher than usual, but this was the killer. one, because i already had a panic attack on a bridge before, and two because i started experiencing new symptoms. i also didnt have any water. i started getting the all too unwelcoming, paralyzing feeling, my skin was burning to the point of painful, my head closing in and pushing in, heart racing and the chest burning, which was a new symptom. and of course derealisation.....no where to go. i then got up and started walking through the car, and then was able to get into the next car using the doors in between. there i stopped, i was more rleaxed but my mind was racing, something new i also noticed...basically the train repeated the go, stop for 10 minutes, go routine for about 40 minutes. all of which were torture beyond belief, for the first time ever, i actually wished i died instead of fearing it, i just didnt wanna die a painful death like that.
i then switched cars again because i still had 20 minutes till i got home.i wasnt getting panic attacks, but i was extremely nervous, restless, trembling while sweating. after i got home, i opened all the windows, my parents were yelling at me telling me its freezing, but i was sweating and couldnt put my mind on pause.
now, 2 hours after, im in my frustration phase..mostly because this is the first one in SOO long, i was actually confident in myself until it happened again, and i feel like i will end up back at the beginning, AND i really dont want to. i mean obviously it wasnt deadly, and im still here talking about it. but i hate this recovery process, that after a month it all goes to the garbage. someone have any comforting words for me please? my parents dont understand this.
thank you
Stan
just when i thought i was getting better, i was able to go to the movies, hang out with friends, be in school. the worst happens, whats worse than having a panic attack ?? .. having a couple of them in a completely closed off environment. i live in NYC, and i was coming home from work, when the subway decided to stop on the bridge, i was already anxious and higher than usual, but this was the killer. one, because i already had a panic attack on a bridge before, and two because i started experiencing new symptoms. i also didnt have any water. i started getting the all too unwelcoming, paralyzing feeling, my skin was burning to the point of painful, my head closing in and pushing in, heart racing and the chest burning, which was a new symptom. and of course derealisation.....no where to go. i then got up and started walking through the car, and then was able to get into the next car using the doors in between. there i stopped, i was more rleaxed but my mind was racing, something new i also noticed...basically the train repeated the go, stop for 10 minutes, go routine for about 40 minutes. all of which were torture beyond belief, for the first time ever, i actually wished i died instead of fearing it, i just didnt wanna die a painful death like that.
i then switched cars again because i still had 20 minutes till i got home.i wasnt getting panic attacks, but i was extremely nervous, restless, trembling while sweating. after i got home, i opened all the windows, my parents were yelling at me telling me its freezing, but i was sweating and couldnt put my mind on pause.
now, 2 hours after, im in my frustration phase..mostly because this is the first one in SOO long, i was actually confident in myself until it happened again, and i feel like i will end up back at the beginning, AND i really dont want to. i mean obviously it wasnt deadly, and im still here talking about it. but i hate this recovery process, that after a month it all goes to the garbage. someone have any comforting words for me please? my parents dont understand this.
thank you
Stan