View Full Version : School & being away from the home.
Good evening.
I have missed a lot of school recently due to my suffering of stress, anxiety and depression (all three diagnosed by a doctor). I have been off for the whole of this week in hope that I will calm down and be able to face school again on Monday.
My parents are planning on taking me out tomorrow so that I can get a taste of the outside world again and hopefully relieve the worry of going back to school. All I want to do is stay at home where I am comfortable and happy. I can't stand school at all and I don't like being around most of my family let alone outsiders. I am extremely afraid of going back in on Monday and I have no idea what I can do about it.
Any suggestions, advice or just nice comments will be greatly appreciated. Feel free to ask questions also.
Thank you.
I've finally replied. Sorry for not replying for ages but I took a rather long break from NMP. Thanks for the posts everyone.
Love, love. x
I got major panic attacks at school because i was stressed with home life and i got depressed alot, i suffer with bad anxiety. I left when i was 14 and im 16 now and if it wasnt for anxiety or panic etcetera i'd be fine. It has taken over my life dont let it take over yours. Im sorry i couldnt help much good luck hun x
Ruby
Thanks a lot for your reply, Ruby94.
I don't understand why I can't just stay at home and have school work sent to me for me to do at home. It would be so much better and easier and I would live life in such a happier way. How did you manage to leave school at fourteen?
Love, love. x
Hi i sufferd terably at school due to bullying ect i was a very sensative and anxious child.I ended up skipping classess makeing up false illneses just to stay off.Got to admit now when i look back i regret it all i wish i had of stuck it out as i would have leanrt more and gained some life skills and mixed with other people.If you confine your self that will become your comfort zone and you will start saying mabyee next week i will go and it gose on and on and on did for me for 3 years.Know its hard but i think once your there and talk to others,get into a conversation with someone about something you both like you will find you ease up.
Preaching over ha ha this worked for me anyway good luck youl be fine :yesyes:
What is it about school that you do not like Britain ? Have you suffered with bullying or is it something else? .Its part and parcel of life !having to do things which we dont like much .It isnt good to be isolated at such a young age ,you need to learn social interaction as well as learning different subjects .All this ,helps equip you with life skills youll need when you are a young adult .Most things are never as bad as we imagine them to be when we suffer with anxiety we think of the worst .,Unless your parents are willing to teach you themselves at home ,I dont think there is any chance of you being educated at home .The best advice in that case is to make the most of it and do as best you can ..Everyone is good at at least one subject ,im sure you are no different ..Try to accept you have to go and it wont be that long before you will be looking for work ...That can be a daunting experience without a good education ,especially nowadays .Good luck and try not to worry about it .. Take one day at a time ...Sue
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I hated school and truely believe this is where my anxiety started. For this reason as soon as my youngest son told me he too hated school I removed him and educated him at home. I just could not bear the thought of him feeling the way I did every morning before I went.
This is not about not wanting my son educated, he gets a good education at home and can still take exam's if he wishes, it is about wanting my children to be happy.
My oldest two children were both happy going to school and have both gone onto university which makes my husband and I very proud but we are equally as proud of our youngest son who works just as hard at home. He just needed to do things differently.
I hope things work out well for you. Happiness is what we should be striving for. :hugs:
i left school at fourteen and regretted it for the rest of my life i missed six months due to just wanting to be at home then was signed of then just couldnt go back, had all sorts of people involved. i just wish i had known what i no know and taken the bull by the horns and gone back as i found if i was there one day the next was easier if i missed a day it was harder to go back. i had work sent home i was at a grammar school straight a student but my work was forgotten not marked and i was slowly forgotten and as soon as i was sixteen that was it i was no longer there problem, try and fight it you will appreciate it one day i have no gcses but a brain it is a waste. also you lose friends and become lonely and you stop meeting new people which is not good for anyone. hope you can beat it if ever you want to talk or ask a question message me. good luck with your future xx
Thank you everybody for your kind responses.
I don't have anybody that I consider a friend and I do feel rather lonely. Being at home is what makes me happy and I've pleaded to my mum about letting me stay home because I know that I will be happier at home than in school. My mum works at a primary school teaching classes and as a special needs teacher and my dad used to be a teacher in a college yet neither of them like the idea of me being home-schooled. Home-schooling would be the perfect option for me, in my opinion - I well-and-truly am not bothered about not having friends and not learning certain social skills as I plan on working from home in IT when I am older anyway. Home is where I am happiest:- school is where I am least happy.
Love, love. x
Do you know why your parents are so against you being home schooled?
Is it because they fear you will hide away and not meet people?
We all need social skills and yes, friends.
When we took our son out of school we made sure that he continued to have many out of school social activities. He has recently started his own business and has to deal with people every day so social skills are very important.
I think you have to discuss this more with your parents. Home schooling can work. It is something more and more parents are doing but it does take a lot of hard work.
:hugs:
lc2613 there is no reason why you can't take GCSE's now. Just because we leave school doesn't mean we can't still learn. Many people who did take GCSE's at school go on and take more qualifications once they leave school. As you say, you have a good brain. :hugs:
I'm okay with going to people's houses and people coming to mine and I don't mind going a short distance around my house but going away for long periods of time where I won't be enclosed and with people that I am comfortable with makes me sick with fear.
Love, love. x
lc2613 there is no reason why you can't take GCSE's now. Just because we leave school doesn't mean we can't still learn. Many people who did take GCSE's at school go on and take more qualifications once they leave school. As you say, you have a good brain. :hugs:[/QUOTE]
i havent taken my gcse,s but i finished a child care practice course and have started an open university degree in youth studies so yes it can be done i just feel my fear and anxiety got in the way and i missed out on so much and lost a lot of friends through it and once your out of the system its hard to get back in and meet people i think it can really affect a persons confidence. my eldest had a really bad experience at his previous school i was going to take him out as i did not want to see him upset day in day out but i changed his school and he is like a different child and am so glad now that i didn,t take him out. i just believe there are so many more pros to mainstreame school but it is great that you have your son in activities it is so important it sounds like you have an excellent balance and are a really understanding mum.x
hi
I've had my daughter home from school for just over a year she suffers with severe anxiety and school phobia both diagnosed she will be going back to school full time next week she has been to visit and they went quite well. I think maybe you could speak to your doctor or school nurse about your anx our school nurse gave us lots of info on how to deal with the anx while in school. It might be possible for you to have a home tutor provided by your local LEA. I don't know if you've been refered to your local CAMS team if not that might be worth looking at.
Try not to worry about going back in after been absent just take it lesson by lesson day by day.
Take care
Thanks for your reply, spaced.
The doctor has said nothing about school and we haven't spoken to the Connexions woman at our school. I really want to be home schooled but my parents just totally dismiss the idea and say that I need to be "normal" (even though I don't like the idea of normal being me suffer every single day). I don't know what a CAMS team is and we haven't been referred to them as of yet.
I do worry about going in. I think that I am being forced in tomorrow and I really don't like the idea of it. I'm sick with fear from going back - I hate it.
Love, love. x
bottleblond
29-11-09, 18:44
Hi Britain
My Panic attacks/anxiety also started when i was at school.
Please try to stick it out though hun because trust me when i say, home schooling would be the worst thing that you could do because your fear of the outside world would intensify, potentially making your situation alot worse.
Do you have a guidance teacher that you could perhaps confide in? Having someone at school who you feel comfortable with would be a benefit to you.
I think you are being very brave and please try to push yourself as much as possible because you are very young and if you fight it now, then your teenage years can be fun and exciting like they should be.
Best of luck
Lisa
xxxx
:bighug1:
Thanks for replying, Lisa.
I hate the teachers at my school and I have zero friends. I'm on the verge of breaking up with the girlfriend because her and I don't communicate and because she seems not to care about anything that I am going through at the moment and there's not one person in my school that I completely trust as of yet. I don't feel comfortable at all when at school. I only ever feel comfortable at home when everything is available should I need it (toilet, food, drink, family, etc.). I've tried to force myself to go into school but it just breaks me inside and I feel like just giving up on life.
Love, love. x
hi CAMS is the child adolescent mental health service I think it would help if some one connected to school know how you were feeling although my daughter is due to go back to full time mainstream school next week the staff are already aware of her problems as it was the school nurse who sign her off in October 2008. She has been at a school since september but a referal school (it's a small school with no more the 6 in a class and alot more relaxed) they've been working on her confidence and self esteem to prepare her for going back to school. As a last resort I am willing to home school my daughter but I would really like her to go, I'm her mum and I'm dreading her going back but it's the best thing for her so I'm just praying things go as well as possible for her, giving her all the support and reassurance I can.
I think your parents should talked to someone at school so they are aware of whats happening and see what help and support you maybe be able to have at school. If your attendance continues to be a problem then the ESW educational social worker will be involved.
I know how hard things must seem at the moment but they are things out there that can help.
I hope when you do go in that things aren't too bad for you lets us know how it goes it will be hard at first but will get easier.
Take care
Thanks again, spaced.
My dad's coming into school with me tomorrow morning and talking to the head of upper (we have an uppersite and a lowersite at my school) and we'll see how things go from there. I am REALLY dreading it and don't want to go in AT ALL.
Give your daughter a hug from me and wish her luck, please. Congratulations on helping her work her way back up. I hope that all goes well for you both.
Love, love. x
Anxious_gal
29-11-09, 23:12
I hated hated hated school it was torture every single second waiting for the bell, every morning waking up petrified.......
But you what helped? I went to a councillor and my doctor and they contacted my school, so I would go to school but did not have to stay in the classroom, I was allowed to leave when ever I wanted to.
so that really helped.
I did skip a lot of maths class's because the teacher made feel nervous.
none of the students questioned why i wasn't at half my class's I assumed they thought I was just being defiant.
make sure you have lots of support :-)
Thanks for your reply.
I only have to go to lessons that I feel comfortable with but it's no so much the lessons themselves but the whole idea of school. I hate being away from the house for any longer than 5 minutes and school is in the next town over and for six and a half hours. I can't stand it at all. >.< Argh!
Love, love. x
Anxious_gal
30-11-09, 03:52
are you agoraphobic? That's my main problem.
honestly the only cure i have found is to keep going out! even a few days of not going anywhere then makes it harder for me to go outside.
the more you avoid the smaller your comfort zone gets and soon you won't be calm anywhere.
I know it isn't easy but you need support, like doctors, therapists, friends, online friends,
if you haven't done so talk to your doctor, if you find that he doesn't get it and he's not helpful try a different doctor!
you have to keep pushing! don't give up, try reading some helpful books.
Anxious_gal
30-11-09, 03:59
good luck with going to school day! I know your terrified out of your mind! I left school at 16/17 for two months, but I was glad I went back went even though I didn't like it.
PM if you ever want a chat :-)
My mum's forcing me to go in so that I don't end up agoraphobic but that is what I am happy with. I am happy with my comfort zone and I don't ever plan on leaving it. I don't even want to go to the doctor (whom I'm seeing tonight). I just want to stay in my comfort zone. Thanks for the luck. x
Love, love. x
bottleblond
30-11-09, 14:25
Could you perhaps do a few hours at school each day and biuld it up when you feel more comfortable? Is this a new school you are attending?
Anxious_gal
01-12-09, 03:38
why don't you want to get better?
It's not a new school, no. I asked if I could only go in on certain days at first and then build it up gradually like that but my mum refused. I got taken out of school early yesterday and early today because I feel that it's all too much at once.
I want to be better but I don't want to go to school.
Love, love. x
ladybird64
01-12-09, 13:37
Hypothetical question for you. :)
Lets' say that your parents agree that you cannot cope with full time school but let's also say that home schooling is not a viable option.
Would would you say is a fair compromise, one that you would adhere to?
Hypothetical question for you. :)
Lets' say that your parents agree that you cannot cope with full time school but let's also say that home schooling is not a viable option.
Would would you say is a fair compromise, one that you would adhere to?
Thursdays at first, and then Thursdays and Mondays, and then Thursdays, Mondays & Fridays, and then Thursdays, Mondays, Fridays and then either Wednesdays or Tuesdays added depending on the week. Miss first and maybe fifth period of every day and only go in 4 days a week instead of 5 days.
Love, love. x
Ihonestly think that would be a good plan of action ,Too much too soon has a detrimental affect when trying to cope with anxiety .Small steps produce big results ..I hope a compromise can be agreed on Good luck Sue x:hugs:
sometimes it is hard as a teenager to comunicate how we feel to our parents i know from personal experience we never talked we just argued. one day i handed my mum my diary and said read it and she cried because she then understood there was more going on in my head than just being a teenager rebelling. maybe showing them this website may help them to see how scared you actually are and then hopefully they will be with you on reaching a compromise you and them feel comfortable with? xx
Anxious_gal
02-12-09, 00:30
ok I was justing wondering as I missunderstood you!
I'm sorry your having such a hard time, I do hope it gets easier for you
Thanks a lot, mishel:- that's very kind of you. My parents have now agreed to easing my way back in and I told them about No More Panic after they agreed. Hopefully this plan will work. Thanks for your help and comments, everybody.
Love, love. x
Anxious_gal
02-12-09, 14:22
aw your so brave, it can be so hard telling people what you need and getting them to listen!
i think the easing yourself back is a good idea because only you know how much you can handle and getting too stressed out is not good.
I don't know how I managed school but I didn't have a choice I had to go but I am glad I finshed school,
aw your so brave, it can be so hard telling people what you need and getting them to listen!
i think the easing yourself back is a good idea because only you know how much you can handle and getting too stressed out is not good.
I don't know how I managed school but I didn't have a choice I had to go but I am glad I finshed school,
I can't wait until I finish school also - I don't know what it is about school that I don't like because the teachers aren't that bad, most of the kids are nice and the school is letting me in and out of lessons if I don't feel comfortable with them. I just hate being away from the house. My birthday is in under a week and I am worried about whether or not I will be able to force myself to go out and celebrate with my family - I suppose that if I do then it will be a giant leap but just the thought of it makes me sick with anxiety.
Love, love. x
ladybird64
03-12-09, 12:15
Hi Britain
I'm really glad that some kind of compromise has been reached. :)
I'm middle aged now but like so many others here, had major problems with school and hated leaving my house..it was my safe place.
The trouble is, and I'm not trying to be condescending because you are obviously an intelligent guy, that at some point in your teenage life you will need to come out of the house and will have to do things that do make you feel uneasy.
The whole annoying thing about anxieties and phobias is that they are very often senseless, we don't know why we feel the way we do..it's just there. If you cut yourself off now I can promise you that it will be harder and harder to get out and do anything..even a budding IT consultant will need to leave the house on occasion :winks:
It would be great if you could stick a grin on your face and do that party, yes I know you will probably hate the thought of it but with every achievement you are giving your anxiety a boot up the backside.
I hope everything continues to move forward at a pace that helps you. :)
Hi Britain
I'm really glad that some kind of compromise has been reached. :)
I'm middle aged now but like so many others here, had major problems with school and hated leaving my house..it was my safe place.
The trouble is, and I'm not trying to be condescending because you are obviously an intelligent guy, that at some point in your teenage life you will need to come out of the house and will have to do things that do make you feel uneasy.
The whole annoying thing about anxieties and phobias is that they are very often senseless, we don't know why we feel the way we do..it's just there. If you cut yourself off now I can promise you that it will be harder and harder to get out and do anything..even a budding IT consultant will need to leave the house on occasion :winks:
It would be great if you could stick a grin on your face and do that party, yes I know you will probably hate the thought of it but with every achievement you are giving your anxiety a boot up the backside.
I hope everything continues to move forward at a pace that helps you. :)
I am currently typing this from school so going back is a start. My dad told me that my mum's planning on taking me for short walks with my dog that will gradually get longer and longer. I hope that I can force myself out on my birthday. Thanks for your comment. :)
Love, love. x
Hi. You sound so much more positive already!
It really is a good idea of your mum to take you for walks with your dog, yes it will get you out of the house but it will also give the two of you plenty time to talk.
Use these walks as an opportunity to have a good talk to your mum and tell her exactly how you feel. Whether you feel good or really bad let her know.
I never had support when I was younger and going through my (quite horrendous) teens and I think things would be a lot different today if I had.
It is obvous from your posts that you are quite mature for your age and now you have the help and support to turn this around.
Keep posting updates on how you are doing.
Good luck :hugs:
Thank you so much - that is so sweet. I really feel good that you've said that I am mature for my age (it's nice to not fit the stereotype). :)
I shall keep you updated as requested.
Love, love. x
Anxious_gal
03-12-09, 18:45
aw you went to school! that's so good! :-)
aw you went to school! that's so good! :-)
Indeed. I went in until half way through 5th period on Monday (I had a free period anyway so there was no point in me being there), I went until about 3rd or 4th period on Tuesday and I went at about 09.30 - 15.00 today. It seems to be going well. :)
Thank you everybody for your support. <3
Love, love. x
bottleblond
03-12-09, 20:12
Awwwww well done you!! :yahoo::yahoo:
You are doing sooooo well.
Keep up the good work.
Lisa
xx
:hugs:
well done for going in I hope things continue to go well for you
Take care
bless you,,bless you,,totally irrelevant i know,,i can be your friend,,,if you want,,,i had a daunting time at school many many years ago,,,in those days, home schooling wasnt an option,,,but it is today, and we have to move with the times,,if ever you need to talk,,,contact me hun,,,,
regards
julia,,aka jools
you have got guts well done for not running away be proud of yourself! xx
Thanks everyone.
I still dread school and am worried sick about going out of the house but at least I'm trying new things out. It's my birthday tomorrow and I don't think that I will be able to go out for it - my dad's mum is also coming up from southern England tonight and my dad wants me to travel to Manchester (from Runcorn) to pick her up but that seems like quite a big distance to be in a car for me.
Love, love. x
Hi Britain
Firstly a massive well done for going to school. :yesyes: I'm an old fogey but I can remember having problems myself with school at times but I'm so glad I persevered and carried on going.
It's so important to try new things. Happy Birthday for tomorrow! Do try to go out somewhere. Could you compromise with Mum and Dad and pick somewhere you'd feel comfortable then maybe stay for a short time?
Driving from Runcorn to Manchester does seem a long way when you havent been out much. I would give it a try. Maybe take an ipod and listen to your music as a distraction. Remember nothing bad will happen to you.
Let us know how you get on.
lex:hugs:
Hi,
Being in the same boat myself, I completely empathise with your situation. It's really hard to know what to do, and judging from the posts this issue divides opinions. I really think that the answer is relative to your personal situation...indeed, I don't think there neccessarily is a specific answer. You have to do what you think is best.
I sense from your posts though that you are very set in your ways- anxiety can make you like that. I find I sometimes react quite badly to suggestions from family members beacuse I feel 'You have no idea how hard this is for me!' But don't shut them out- or their suggestions. You need people, even if you don't think you do.
It's your life, and you can do what you want with it, but don't allow your anxiety to rob you of living your life to the full. I'm trying to overcome my anxiety every day, and although it's a long process I know that I don't want to live my life dictated by fear.
Ok, some Q's (you asked for it! :D)
Are you seeking help for your anxiety/depression?
Can you see yourself getting better?
What do you want to get out of life?
Do you realise that you can (and will) get better if you choose to do so?
Please don't just accept your situation as given. You can do something about it if you're willing to try! Don't give up!
Best wishes
Hi again,
Sorry, I didn't realise there were so many pages of replies, so I was replying to your original post! :blush: Doh!
But well done for going in- I know how hard it is, I've been through exactly the same thing. If this is what you want, keep pressing on.
:yesyes: Big thumbs up!
(And weirdly I'm doing the dog walking thing too, starting at the bottom and working my way up)
(Also realised I sound a bit scary on my last message. I'm not really, I just don't want you to stop trying.)xxx
Hello,
i'm having the same problem as you now, so i don't have much advice. Very Sorry.
I was wondering if the school has been working with at all while you have been going through this?
School was very helpful. They let me work away from class in the library and they said that I can go in and out of lessons as I want. Now, though, I am out of school (as I have been for 2+ months almost) and I was supposed to be given tuition by the education board. My therapist is going sick at the people that are supposed to organise it because we haven't heard anything from them. The school were very helpful at first but not so much any more.
Are you seeking help for your anxiety/depression? ~ I get therapy and psychiatric help.
Can you see yourself getting better? ~ ...yeah. I can but it's scary getting there.
What do you want to get out of life? ~ I want someone to love and someone to love me. I want a daughter, a nice house and a nice girlfriend. As long as us three are happy, I'm okay with it.
Do you realise that you can (and will) get better if you choose to do so? ~ soon? Not soon, no. I've been like this for 3+ months. I still fear going back into school.
Love, love. x
backflip95
10-02-10, 10:43
It will happen soon, i have been like you for 3 years, but i didnt get the help that your reciving, my school didnt help, they forced me. It may seem like your not getting very far very fast, but when i look back to when i was first diagnosed, i know i am much better!
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