W.I.F.T.S.
16-11-05, 11:08
I've suffered from depression, anxiety, panic and high levels of stress for 3 years. For most of that time I've had all of them at once- if the panic subsides, then the depression becomes more prominent... However, recently I've been feeling like I've been getting better, which is partly down to discovering this site and also reading self-help books, becoming more proactive generally and the simple fact of time passing. The problem I have at the moment is that my head is feeling better, but I think that my body (after being SO uptight for 3 years) has yet to catch up with it and my chest feels very tight a lot of the time (which causes heart trouble anxiety), I get pinching sensations in my chest and my body is very tired, tense and achy. I'm only 29 and I've had all the tests done by the doctor recently, so I should be able to just put it down to anxiety.
I think the reason why it is such a big issue for me is that throughout my illness there have been periods where I have felt like I have been getting better, but actually recovery has still been a long way off. It confuses me that I can't properly retrace the chronology of my illness, for example I know that 2 years ago I could drive down to London without much trouble (something which is very daunting now), yet two years ago I was so depressed that I wouldn't get out of bed till well into the afternoon and I'd wear gloves in the house because I was so scared of an urge to tear my eye out.
Sometimes I think of depression as like a virus. I've had a couple of bouts of it before and thought I knew how to handle it, but it mutates and attacks you in different ways each times. I've had anxiety and panic about hurting myself and other people, about death, about the nature of life and the fact that we're little ants on this giant floating rock- I just wonder if (touch wood) I am coming to terms with those issues, then what is there left to be frightened of?!
Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.
I think the reason why it is such a big issue for me is that throughout my illness there have been periods where I have felt like I have been getting better, but actually recovery has still been a long way off. It confuses me that I can't properly retrace the chronology of my illness, for example I know that 2 years ago I could drive down to London without much trouble (something which is very daunting now), yet two years ago I was so depressed that I wouldn't get out of bed till well into the afternoon and I'd wear gloves in the house because I was so scared of an urge to tear my eye out.
Sometimes I think of depression as like a virus. I've had a couple of bouts of it before and thought I knew how to handle it, but it mutates and attacks you in different ways each times. I've had anxiety and panic about hurting myself and other people, about death, about the nature of life and the fact that we're little ants on this giant floating rock- I just wonder if (touch wood) I am coming to terms with those issues, then what is there left to be frightened of?!
Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.