i dont know where else to post this....

[kirstyelizabeth]

im on day 4 of citalopram and its like im relying on it to change my world around as quickly as possible otherwise i just feel like i should give up and take myself out of this world completely.

I got put on citalopram a couple days ago when my boyfriend split up with me and i tried to OD, until then i guess i had lots of anxiety with all my previous relationships, id always find a way to ruin the relationship, or i wouldnt trust the boyfriend and accuse him of stuff etc. and i guess over the years it has got worse and now ive pushed my currently bf who i love so much over the edge that he dumped me. and it wasnt until i went to the docs this week that i even realised that i had anxiety, i just thought i was depressed.

It took me a lot of guts to go to the doctors, i knew i should have gone years ago but didnt think there was actually anything wrong with me.
I told the now ex that i had finally got he guts to get some help and he said maybe it wasnt the end for us, but his mum seems to be pushing him away from me saying im no good for him in this state etc. So one minute hes keep and the next minute hes not, and he wont come see me for the fear of his mum having a go at him (hes an adult but a mummys boy) so everytime he lets me down i hit another low....and right now im at that low and dont know if i can carry on any more.

He isnt the reason i am how i am, other factors such as no friends, no social life, lack of money, messed up family, stress at work etc are all factors as well, and the doctor hasnt signed me off work and i just cant cope any more :weep:

sorry i needed to rant. :(

[guitarpants]

I hear ya, I've been in a much similar situation and I didn't realize how bad it was until it got REALLY bad. Don't rely on the drugs to cure you or give you the answer. That won't ever happen, and if you get your hopes up for that, you're going to end up even worse than when you started. They need to be paired with therapy, you should look into cognitive behavioral therapy which is the gold standard for this sort of thing. A lot of people recommend "Self Help for your Nerves" by Claire Weekes. I started reading it myself recently and I've found it more helpful than any doctor or therapist could be. You can get through this, you just need help right now.

[kirstyelizabeth]

i dont feel like im getting help, i already had to se 2 GP's just convince them to give me drugs as they thought i would OD on them. I would see a therapist but i also dont feel like the GP wants to help me in that way, i just feel like they are pushing me aside and just giving me drugs.

[Dolan1989]

I know this is easier to say than to do, but forget about the boyfriend, for now.

If you speak to him again, maybe try and be strong, tell him you understand that it is hard for the both of you, so you are going to take some time for yourself. Once you are happier in yourself you can then get back in touch, and show him that you've made a difference and then he'll have no problem with getting back with you.

You won't feel like this forever, I promise you that. You're just going through a hard time so you need to reassess things.

Just concentrate on yourself, and making yourself happy. You'll then find it easy to either get that boyfriend back, or perhaps even find a better one that would feel strong enough to support you if you ever needed it again.

If you want to chat, pm me.

Nat x

[kirstyelizabeth]

easier said than done when i work with him and see him 5 days a week and the doctor wont sign me off work....:(

[labamba]

Hi
I would not give up hope that you may get back together but a little time out for you if nothing else time for the drugs to help a little would give you a boost and a break. It's obviously not ideal having to see him everyday. Remember that some companies you can self cert for seven days without having a doc line so if it feels too much this might be a short term solution. I think gp may be reluctant to sign you off in that if you are in company you are less likely to harm yourself. However if you feel that bad I would go back and explain how you work together etc and you need time out. Cbt is good a book therapists recommend is mind over mood it's about writing your thoughts and making them more positive. Book can be found on amazon I know how you feel the more anxious you are the more desperate you feel. Really try hard to rationalise your thoughts. Take care and feel free to pm
me. X

[kirstyelizabeth]

i dont think i even have the energy or enthusiasm to help myself at the moment with this self help stuff, i just feel like im in a dark room and theres no point in trying to get out of it anymore :(

[guitarpants]

i dont feel like im getting help, i already had to se 2 GP's just convince them to give me drugs as they thought i would OD on them. I would see a therapist but i also dont feel like the GP wants to help me in that way, i just feel like they are pushing me aside and just giving me drugs.

There is a lack of appropriate mental health care all over the world. This is what happens. Medical doctors are mostly ignorant of mental health issues and lack the ability to understand what you are going through, so they give you the pills. They WILL NOT WORK alone, you're setting yourself up for disaster. If they even work, they are going to make you feel worse for a number of weeks initially. You suffer from some of the same things I do, the lack of a support system, helpful family, network of friends etc. This is why you NEED a counselor/therapist. No drug or other person is going to fix you, this is something unfortunately you will have to turn around on your own with the help of others. No, I'm not saying you have to do it by yourself. Nervous illness always puts a strain on relationships, especially since it's a hard thing to understand from people on the outside. Look at this as an opportunity to fix the anxiety/depression you've been suffering from for so long and having a better life.

[kirstyelizabeth]

thanks, im glad its not just me thats finding getting the help the problem. ill give the meds a couple of weeks and when im back at the doctors ill ask about a therapist.

[guitarpants]

Just remember, it's not as bad as it seems right now, especially when you suffer from anxiety. I've still not recovered, all that has changed is my state of mind. Over the past few months I've thought of offing myself multiple times. I realize now that's just dumb and wasteful. The physical symptoms I've been experiencing from anxiety aren't as bad as I made them out to be. Sure, I wish they weren't there, but anxiety amplifies everything. I would notice them, then wonder why they aren't gone yet, and what else it can be, then I go right back into stress mode again, and that is exactly the reason I wasn't recovering. While in that cycle you simply can't. Anxiety is one of those things that you can't sit and wait out until it gets better, you have to take action. People suffer too long unnecessarily for that reason.

[kirstyelizabeth]

you're right, it is a cycle, its a bloody viscious one at that. Im so glad ive found this site otherwise id be in a far worse state than i am now. Thanks ninjaXero

[guitarpants]

I know, things suck right now and you don't want to do anything but just sit at home. I've done that for the past 3 months, and I won't get those 3 months back. Some people have done that for years, you don't want to be one of those people. Right now it looks like nothing will ever get better, only worse. But listen, the only inevitable thing is that you will recover and get better for this experience. You will recover, but things are going to be difficult for a while, and unpleasant. I'm not slinging optimistic BS at you either, I'm just going through a similar thing as you right now and I can relate.

Just hang in there. Life would be easier if there were an instruction manual. But we write it ourselves.

[kirstyelizabeth]

i know your right in everything you say but its hard to find a reason to carry on each day. I seem to be managing work ok but im not sure im going to tomorrow when i bump into the ex and im worried that im going to have a break down at work and thats the last thing i need at the moment to add to my problems. Its everything outside of work thats giving me no reason to even try.

[kirstyelizabeth]

whenever i think of my ex i get really bad heart pulpitations and i cant control it. and im worried im guna be like this every time i see him at work tomorrow :(

[guitarpants]

Ignore the palpitations, they aren't going to hurt you. Just go on with business as usual if you can. The more you are able to do that, the faster you will recover.

[kirstyelizabeth]

well i managed another day at work, and bumped into the ex and it went ok! im sure its not the drugs already so maybe im just having a good day for a change

[labamba]

Glad all went well for you today. It's good having a good day too when you have been feeling down. Let's hope the cit works soon for both of us! Take care

[kirstyelizabeth]

it better work for us both soon!!!!

[kirstyelizabeth]

day 6, and i just feel like screaming or crying or both! i cant take the ups and downs right now :(

[Masa]

Take each day as it comes, I'm sure you will start feeling better soon. You need to give these pills at least 2 weeks to work.. Just stick with it - I'm sure it will get better soon.

Good luck :)