I think I'm ill!!

[craigos27]

Hi all. I have been reading many posts on this forum and i thought i would share my own experiences in the hope that i can convince myself that i am not going mad, or that i dont have a serious illness!

My 'illness' began about 3 months ago. I began having sensations that i could not breath properly. It mostly occurred on a night when i was going to sleep. This sensation did not really bother me as it was not always there. I just continued with my life, i felt 'normal'!

Then (about 2 months ago) i was going to America on holiday. The night before i went i suddenly woke in a state of panic - it felt like my heart stopped beating for a short time. I assumed I was anxious due to the fact I dislike flying. Whilst in America I was physically un-well - sore throat, fever. Had some sensations of feeling breathless - ignored these and carried on with life!

About 2 weeks after America I spilt with my long-term partner. I also changed jobs. I then began to feel really stressed and low. And then it all began.....I have never been the same since! My breathlessness sensation increased in frequency and duration. I began having 'pains' in my heart. My pulse rate went really fast. I felt ill. I began obsessing over my 'symptoms'. Went to the GP (first time in years) - ECG and Bloods took. ECG was fine. Bloods revealed a raised White Blood Cell Count. This FREAKED me out. I assumed all sorts - Cancer, HIV, Leukemia. My mind went crazy. The GP stated that I have had some form of infection - I believed it was something more severe. The GP stated that my breathlessness etc was due to anxiety. I never believed (and still don't to some degree that anxiety could make me feel like this). My bloods were re-took 2 weeks later - White Blood Cell Count lowered. I continued to think something was wrong however.

My 'anxiety' symptoms continued. Whatever was going on affected all areas of my life - work, home and so forth. For instance I had to walk out of a meeting at work because I felt like I couldn't breathe. This then made me feel poorly. I was (and still are to some exent) OBSESSED that I had some major physical illness.

My symptoms continued. I also began feeling physically poorly - a lot! One night I felt ill - fever, temperature. I assumed it was Swine Flu. I contacted the NHS helpline - told them my symptoms. Swine flu was diagnosed and Tamiflu was prescribed. Looking back I actually question if I had Swine Flu. Maybe it was anxiety making me feel ill?! Who knows?!

I went back to work after my 'Swine Flu', yet I felt different, never felt like me! The sensation of not been able to breathe continued. I was obsessed that I had some form of lung disease / problem (I am a light smoker so this didn't help!). I then began feeling really detached from the world. Felt spaced out. Felt like the world was functioning and i was watching it happen. This detachment would come and go. But then it started increasing. I had to leave yet another important meeting as I felt weird. Felt dizzy and light headed. This dizziness continued. My symptoms got so bad that I spent a lot of time in bed. I knew something wasn't right. I done many of searches on the internet, looked at my symptoms. In fact I became (and still are) obsessed with doing this. I then started to read about a condition called Labrynthitis (an inner ear infection caused by a viral infection - could explain my raised White Blood Cell Count?). This condition affects balance, makes people 'dizzy', makes people have vertigo and importantly, can induce high levels of anxiety. I was adament that I had this condition.

I went to see my GP (again!). I was diagnosed with Labrynthitis. I was sceptical of the diagnosis though, mainly due to the fact that Labrynthitis is a very hard condition to diagnose. I tried to believe however this was the reason I have been so anxious. I continued to experience many dizzy episodes / detachment. Going outside was (and still is) a horrible experience - my detachment / dizziness / anxiety increases dramatically when out.

I have become extremely anxious - possibly due to Labrynthitis. I am OBSESSED that something is seriously wrong with me. I have become aware of every sensation in my body. Anything that feels unusual makes me instantly assume that I have a serious illness. If I Look back over the past few weeks I have led myself to believe that I have had:
-Cancer: lung cancer / male breast cancer.
-Hodgkins Lymphoma.
-Brain Tumor.
-MS.
-OCD.
-Psychosis.
-Schizophrenia.
-Parkinsons Disease.
-Heart Failure.
-and many more.

My 'symptoms' have been:
-Shakiness
-Sickness
-Loss of appetite
-Lung ache
-Chest Pain
-Palpitations
-dizziness
-vertigo
-breathlesness
-headaches
-sinus problems
-temperature
-tingling sensations
-body twitching / jerking
-feeling 'on edge'
-detachment
-freezing cold feet
-fatigue
-aches and pains
-and many more.

I have become constantly obsessed with checking / looking at my body. I keep feeling for lumps, bumps and much more. I sometimes make myself believe that I have found lumps / bumps or feel pain. I feel neurotic and out of control. Its destroying my life.

So my questions are:

-is this 'normal' for someone with anxiety?
-What can be done to help me?
-Will I ever feel 'normal' again?

I apprecite to some extent that I have been poorly, and possibly are suffering from Labrynthitis and anxiety. Somedays I feel like I am getting better, other days I feel dreadful and out of control. I intend to re-visit my GP and discuss dealing with this horrible state of mind. I also intend to ask for a chest x-ray as i feel this will 'help' me.

I hope and wish that any sufferers of anxiety find peace at some point in their lives. I have never appreciated how anxiety can debilitate someone.

Good luck to everyone x

[looking4answers]

Im sorry to say that if you have been diagnosed with this disease that myself and most of this site has the same illness..Im starting to wonder..because I feel everything you mentioned almost on a daily basis.. Im not trying to be sarcastic here but its really something to think about for all us. As for getting sick in America..thats a real possibility . Some people that travel . can and do get sick here yet i have been to 83 countries and everytime I have been to one.. I usually get sick there..Maybe its all in my mind but then again could be change in climate,allergies, water..etc. .

Yes all of what you experienced is normal with anxiety .
You have to check with your doctor from time to time,.maybe some therapy since it might help you with the daily issues. and also you have to work at ignoring as much as you can things you are obsessing about right now..
Yes YOU WILL FEEL NORMAL again..


Most of all you are in the right place with people that care to help you along anytime you need them. We are all in the same boat here and anxious to help others anyway we can..
Im really sorry you are feeling bad but if there is anything I can do to help you feel better please let me know..I have been there most of my life...some years I feel absolutely normal others ..I have bouts with anxiety.. some years its off and on. So its like you say ..some days better than others. Biggest thing here is FEEL BETTER.. Michael

[fazman3000]

Hi craig,

What your going through sounds really hideous... but here your talking to a lot of people with similar issues..

I too just started having panic attacks around 3 months ago.. I got better and now recovering again.

If it helps I can tick off every single one of your symptoms. I get all of that - though looking at how you have explained it you seem to fear mid-long term health issues where as I worry about impending death!

I'm not qualified to say so but I would be almost certain that your experiencing anxiety and nothing more (horrible enough as that is on its own).

Anxiety really can do this to you.. I'm having to realise this again myself.

Instead of googling real health worries, try looking for symptoms of anxiety and you will see that everything you experience while having an attack is for your own benefit - even though it doesn't feel like it at the time. Everything your body does - it's doing it to protect you and your continued anxiety is fueling it. It will NEVER harm you.

It's one thing knowing this but another to really understand it. You will get better and learn to control it but it will take time and PATIENCE. Imagine the irony in trying to force it away overnight, anxiously fighting out anxiety lol :) just take your time with it. But at the same time try to put yourself in social situations (pub/town etc) as much as possible.

The way I look at it is... If I'm driving/out in town and I suddenly start thinking 'I'm going to have a heart attack' i then counter that with 'I was fine at home so why would being out of my comfort zone affect my physical health?'.

Definately look up on breathing exercises too... learn as many as you can to find one that works for you and practice them during periods when your not suffering anxiety or at least at times when there isn't that much present.

All this said (and you'll hear this a thousand times over) it doesn't matter what you do, nothing serious will befall you.

As for feeling normal - well I couldn't tell you what normal feels like, not anyone on the planet could tell you that. Every day you wake up you feel how you feel, you shouldn't really strive to feel any different. If you wake up with a hangover, accept you're hungover same if you wake up with a cold or anything.

Hope at least some of this helps, its a strange place to be in but it won't last forever.

Message me if you ever want a chat ok? x

[Downsinthenorth]

Firstly, well done for going to your doctor's and getting yourself checked out. It is important to keep an eye on your physical (and mental) health, though it is difficult not to become morbidly anxious about it (believe me, I know!).

"Is this normal for someone with anxiety?"
Your symptoms certainly are, but the situation is often complicated by the fact intense and prolonged anxiety affects both your mental and physical resilience, and so you will be more susceptible to infections, etc. I get bronchial infections, migraines and stomach upsets very easily when I get too low, which in turn, has an adverse effect on my mental well-being. It is a real vicious circle, I'm afraid.

"What can be done to help me?"
Go back to your doctor and find out what is available for someone in your situation. Monitor your symptoms so that you can find out what remedies work for you, to alleviate the anxiety and its side-effects. Check out this board for ideas, but you might want to visit your local library and borrow some self-help books. Do research constructively so that you understand what is happening to you, and can take steps to deal with it.

"Will I feel normal again?"
It's hard to believe when your feeling so incapacitated, but yes, you will. Two things will help speed up your recovery. Firstly, try not to get angry with yourself for what you might perceive as "weakness". It isn't - your (and everyone else's) mind and body has a limited tolerance to the stresses and strains that life places upon it. Now you just need to learn how to deal with them in a healthy way, that works for you.

Secondly, try to accept the situation rather than fight it. It feels like giving in, but it isn't. The worse thing you can do is to struggle against it, as this will flood your body with adrenaline and make your symptoms far worse. Just try to be patient as your mind and body need time to recover. Hard to do, but try not to worry about your symptoms - although they are frightening, they can't really hurt you, and acceptance seems to be a important part of dealing with them.

Look after yourself :)

[craigos27]

Thanks so much for your responses. I went back to the GP this morning. I have been prescribed Fluoxetine and a small dose of Diazepam. I am not a fan of medications to be honest, but i know i need to take them to help me. So fingers crossed.

Have took my first dose of Fluoxetine and Diazepam. I actually feel quite relaxed. I have been tempted to look up the side effects of both these drugs but I am not allowing myself to do so.

I am beginning to realise that I have a journey ahead of me, but I will not allow this anxiety problem to defeat me. I have a good life, with lots of things that normally make me happy!

I have decided that:
-I will reduce the checking of my body.
-I will stop looking in google for any symptom i have as this makes me worse.
-Come to terms with the fact that I have an anxiety problem.
-Attempt to go back to the gym!

I will update on how I go.

Good luck to everyone x