Im Useless Pathetic And A Nobody!

[Ruby94]

Hello Again

Ive just worked this out.. everytime i get an attack i get a whole new bundle of symtoms straight after, it leaves me with more stress and too much depression to cope with right now!!

Everytime i get an attack my sleeping pattern is messed up and i wont leave the house for two weeks untill im forced to!!

I want to be a midwife but i dont go to college or school i dont even have a future no more because of panic and anxiety, its ruining my life. Im only 16. And im a nobody. Ive even gave into my guy and i let him not wear a condom other wise i get more stress from him.

Tonight i didnt let him come so he got in a stress with me and said 'F this' turned over and now hes gone to sleep.

I .. Honestly had ENOUGH!


i cant take this no more..

the panic.. the anxiety.. the stress.. the depression.. being a failure.. being pathetic.. a loser.. oneday a loner.

Im good for no one. I truly hate myself.

[Girl_Interrupted]

Hi there Ruby94,

Firstly you are NOT pathetic or a loser, you might have anxiety but that does not make you a nobody. Secondly do not feel pressured into having unprotected sex with someone just because you don't want to give 'him' more stress. You have to think of your sexual health and any unwanted pregnancy. If someone truly cares for you they will understand this.

I'm 34 and have suffered from HA since I was 12, at times I felt like you do now, but believe me there are times I am grateful for my HA, sounds strange, but it has made me the person i am today. Yes i have my crappy days, but deep down inside i have learnt about compassion and have an understanding of the world and the people in it.

I always feel that 'hate' is a strong word, i sometimes dont like myself but i never hate myself, we are all good at persecuting ourselves for not being 'normal' or we don't fit in, but we are all beautiful and unique, and don't let anyone tell you different : )

Hugs xx

[KK77]

You must have some respect for yourself Ruby, otherwise others won't have any respect for you either and this will bring you down even more. If you want to be a midwife then go for it. No matter how low and depressed you feel have some dignity for yourself. No one is a "loser" - there's only giving up.

[SleeplessFog]

Ruby, don't hate yourself, you are not a loser. If you want to be a midwife, then definitely go for it. No one can stop you from doing what you want except yourself. You are definitely worth it and you are not pathetic.

We are all here for you :flowers:

[Alisonj]

Ruby I have talked to you many times and you are not a loser at all. What you need right now is to take care of you!!!! Do not let your boyfriend put any unwanted pressure or anxiety on you. You can be a midwife. You can be someone. My attacks started between age 14-15 and I let them win and take over my life. But I had no idea what was going on. You know what you are suffering from. Get help! Dont live this way, you deserve so much more. It is a horrible wicked awful disease or problem and it can take alot out of you at times. Find peace. Listen to relaxation music, find a yoga class, read on mindfulness and see your doc. Please take care of yourself hun. You are now and will always be a great person!!!!

[Danath]

Hiya Ruby,

First off can I just say, I find it abhorrent that your boyfreind is constantly insisting on unprotected sex, its not as if he has to suffer the consequences of a potential pregancy and so it is not his choice. It is YOUR body and it is absoloutely unacceptable for him to have a strop at you because you didnt want an unprotected ejaculation to occur. It is after all, common sense in the bedroom. I think this is sometihng very important that you should have a serious discussion with him on.

I am in a similar position to you, I want to be a nurse, albeit a psychiatric nurse but have a fear of puking, and I have to come to terms that cleaning it up and witnessing it happening may be part of my job some day. I think it might be a good idea to see about getting some treatment in the form of antidepressants or cognitive behavioural therapy, you can see your doctor about this who will put you in touch with a local group called 'Mind' who can arrange for cognitive behavioural therapy for you.

I have also had similar problems with getting out the house, I'm just now taking my baby steps and am now able to go into town although i'm still under pressure doing so.

its not easy but you can recover from this and you need to build up your self esteem and self worth and realise you are not a useless loser and have much to offer to the world.

hope this helps

Dan

[cascade70]

Hi Ruby, it took me six months to accept that something was not right with me. And i eventually broke down in front of my family which was a shock to them as they thought i was OK, but i went through this battle alone. Bad anxiety which brought on chest pains, which brought on negative thoughts that i had a heart condition, which brough on panic attacks, which brough on depression, the vicious cycle so to speak. So i attended to the doctor and i was referred to someone of whom i have had three CBT sessions with and i am seeing hte benefit of it although i am still some way off you recovery. But yesterday something really positive happended to me, i woke up after having another one of those sleepless nights in bed and went to work feeling like shit. I could do concerate on my job and my muscles were tense and sore, i also had more chest discomfort. But this morning on reflection to yesterday, i reliased that the feelings i had yesterday were anxiety and not physically health related.

For the first time i accepted that i am suffering from anxiety and not some heart problem that has not been picked up by the doctor. So i know i am making progress and i feel quite good today although i know there are going to be more set backs but i will see them as temporary. I am know having a vision of me in the coming months of someone returning back to the way i was rather then being six feet under. I when i do get better then i will still be on here helping people any way i can.

One of the things that strikes is that you say that you want to be a mid wife and that is a goal to should fully focus on although that is easier said than done at the moment. But when you reach your goal you will be in a position to help others who are going through what you are going through now because i lot of women do suffer from anxiety and depression after giving birth. So that is ONE BIG POSITIVE for you to focus on because you have seen ti, done it, and worn the t-shirt so to speak. You will come out of this a stronger person, but you cant do it on your own so seek help and do keep us all infromed with regards to your progress.

[Ruby94]

:weep: Oh Thankyou So Much Everyone, it feels like you are all here for me and it feels like a huge hug ive been calling out for, for a long time. Cascade70 your post brought me to tears i dont know what to say .. i came on here earlier to all these posts. Thankyou so much everyone please forgive me for my bad post i shouldnt hate myself. Thankyou so much you dont understand how exremely greatful i am for all of your time. :') god. Thankyou so so much


*HUGE HUGS*

Ruby

[Cell block H fan]

Kinda looks like your guy is not helping with your self asteem!
Does he want a baby then? Sex without a condom= baby.
You're too young to be bogged down with so many negative feelings. Sometimes things all pile on top of us & it gets so bewildering we need outside help. If I was your age, & feeling the way you do, I would go and talk to the doctor. Have you got a good one?
You're young & healthy & have a lot of good times ahead of you. You have every right to be able to enjoy them.
Hugs to you :hugs:
xxxxx