lost my fight

[pixy]

hi everyone just a quick message about myself.
my name is pixy and have suffered from depresson and anxiety most of my life[ and im not young] everything is a uphill struggle and im finding it hard to cope. at the min i am in a mental hospital because im feel im loseing the fight to live as i have been fighting for so long and i am so tired and sometimes wonder if its all worth it,in the hospital at the moment is a 70yr old lady who suffers from depression and in her younger days was a sister in the same hospital so folks what does that tell you. i really dont want to suffer this so called illness as she has done so what can i do? keep going on liveing in misery or do i do something about it now can anyone out there help me as im so tired of it all

what do i do?:lac:pixy

[diane07]

Hi pixy

A huge warm welcome to nmp.

You'll get loads of advice and support here and make some lovely friends along the way.

Best wishes

[Jaco45er]

Hi Pixy

Welcome to NMP. I do hope you find a way through the thoughts you are experiencing.

Best wishes,

Jaco

[Maj]

Hello Pixy, Hopefully you'll meet lots of people on here who'll be able to support you and make you feel better. You are not alone. The thing about anxiety and depression is that it affects all walks of life, young and old, all professions. The 70 year old retired sister is just as able to suffer from depression as the rest of us. Please don't let this make you feel hopeless. Where there is life there is hope so please don't despair. You don't know what's round the corner. I really hope that you start to feel better. You'll get lots of support here.
Myra:hugs:

[ItsNeil]

Hi Pixy, my name is Neil. I was really sorry to read your post as I too am suffering from Depression (13yrs). And i do know exactly how you feel as I have been out of Phsychriactric Hospital almost 2 months now, after being in there for over 4 weeks.
I was in a bad state, very suicidal,self harming & punching & headbutting walls & doors..... something i would not normally do i have to add!.....& i found the only way i got through it was to only think 1 hour ahead, they had occupational therapy groups on & i just used to plan what i would do for the next hour, then the next one & so on. Next thing you know its lunchtime, another hour gone etc etc.
I found it really did help me thinking like that, you dont have anything to loose trying!
As i say i have been out a cpl of months now & it is a bloody struggle, but im still here. I think my meds have helped but they do take time to kick in.
I booked myself a holiday yesterday, very extreme, Snowshoeing in Bulgaria & that is the only thing which will help me get thru xmas.
So please do try to just take each hour 1 by 1, then before you know it you will be discharged & on your way back.
If you would like to PM me anytime plz do.
HUGS Neil

[pixy]

hi neil, thankyou for your reply i have been in hospital now for 8wks and im finding it very hard i get out at weekends for leave which i am on at the minute. i am going to try and take your advice 1hr at a time the days are so long in there it drives me mad i look forward so much to bed time when i can get peace from my thoughts as im sure you know where im coming from. they started me on new meds 3wks ago so im just waiting for them to kick in then i hope i will start feeling better its been long and hard these pass 8wks but im going to keep trying even though i dont thimk its worth the effort. glad to hear your going on holiday i hope you enjoy it as i think you to have been through a lot thank you once again my friend for taking the time to talk to me and i hope we talk again soon

best wishes pixy:bighug1:

[Maggie-may]

I'm sure things will start to feel better for you soon, when the new meds kick in, I am so grateful that I have never been bad enough to be hospitalised, I cannot even begin what you or anyone else is/has gone through! I have been depressed since I was about 13yrs and I am now 49yrs, some days are better than others, although when I lived in Canada, my G.P was brilliant and kept me from going off the deep end, whereas here in England I have seen a psychiatrist and been prescribed meds, I haven't been able to talk to anyone, I thought that I would see the doc, at least once a week, but it's the N.H.S so I guess that's not an option, anyhow hang in there, I'm sure things will get better soon

[nervy-paul]

Hi Pixy,
Sorry to see your having such a rough time of it, I remember you posting before and you were on leave from the hospital. I have been lucky enough not to have been put into hospital, I cannot begin to imagine what it must be like for you. Neil is right in that you take each minute, each hour, each day at a time. Don't be thinking too far ahead, as that would likely just stress you out. Give yourself little goals, everyday goals such as reading a book or taking a walk, anything at all like that, and give yourself praise when you achieve them. I know it isn't natural for us depressives to praise and think good things of ourselves, but you need to build your self-esteem up little by little. It isn't easy I know, it is a long hard road, but I'm sure you can do it.
Take care and look after yourself. Feel free to PM me.

Paul :hugs:

[meena]

Hi pixie.
It was very upsetting to read your post,i pray you get better soon,and dont let go of hope in getting well,hope is the ladder in getting well,cling on to it.
my thoughts and prays are with you.
kind regards.
meena.:hugs:

[marie1974]

Hi pixie, keep talking on here and you will find that u get lots of support and meet people who have the same experiences as you, i have met some wonderful genuine people on this site and i am sure u will do too. hugs and i hope u start to pick up soon. xxxxx

[Mystical]

Hi Pixy,
So you a voluntary in-patient and now you on weekend leave - that shows a degree of improvement... Thinking about how long you have been in the facility and whether it's the first time or not, I'm guessing not! You'll find a great crowd of supportive ppl in NMP - especially in the chatroom where they waiting to meet and greet you properly.... If you'd rather stay with messages - that's fine too.... Here to help,,, and here to get help, which is true of most of us - Welcome Pixy .... Stu aka Mystical :)

[london]

first rule never give up your get better start thinking of good thing and say a prayer
wish you better god bless

[pixy]

thankyou everyone for your messages its nice to know there are people out there that understand what i have been going through but i have more bad news my husband had a heart attack on monday he is out of intensive care now and is waiting on some tests to see how much damage has been done to his heart i feel so sorry for him as i think if i had not been depressed and in hospital it wouldent of happened he was traveling 30miles just to vist me after doing a days work then making his dinner its just not fair if i wasent here this would not of happened so what do i do now ? i discharged myself from hospital so i could vist him but i really dont feel well at all cant cope with the stress of it all how selfish is that unhappy and stressed pixy

[ItsNeil]

Awww Pixie, Im really sorry to hear about your hubby, I hope that he makes a full recovery & I want you to know you are not to blame.
When I was in hospital my girlfriend at the time, who was a real diamond to me also suffered a heart attack, she is just 40 yrs old. It was her 3rd one, she has a knackered ticker, but of course I blamed it on myself because thats what we do. It took me a while to realise it but she would of of had it anyway.
Obvisouly the stress etc doesnt help but im sure your hubby will be more worried about you now, because you will not be getting the care & being looked after like you would in hospital. I think he will be more relaxed & less worried if you re-admit yourself, which means you will be helping him as well as yourself.
Best wishes to both of you Pixie & hold in there.

Neil xx

[becca]

i am young even though i feel like im a hundred i have been through lots of shit too eve though some people think it doesnt matter coz im just a kid. i have been in hospitals but i now have things to live for a boyfriend family and my school works going really well. im sure there must be something to live for but because of the depression and anxiety you just cant see it. i know its hard and i may sound patronisioning and naive but there is always something to live for sometimes its something big sometimes its something small but there is always something xxx