Explanations wanted please.

[ladybird64]

Hi all.

Please don't jump down my throat because of my question, it's genuine.
I don't understand how bringing memories of past events to the forefront of the mind can be helpful but it seems to be the basis of all therapies.
What's past is past, it can't be changed, surely no amount of talking about it will change that fact?
How does bringing up the past help correct the problems we have now..I just don't get it. :shrug:

Thanks for putting up with my irritating questons :)

[nomorepanic]

I agree Angie - I hate talking about the past but they insist on doing it and it makes me feel worse to be honest.

I want to live for the future not the past.

[looking4answers]

I can give you one example I just recently had a breakthrough on something that has caused me confusion and to even question my sanity for four years..My wife and I have traveled more than most people and logged many miles in the air and on the ground.. over the years.. I have always been one to want to see what was on the other side of the hill or next town ,so to speak..

For the last four years I have lived in a remote valley in the San Juan Mounains.. population 2000 people..I am a metro person not a cowboy living back in the little towns but have become somewhat of a hermit and haven't traveled because of ,, not feeling well, thinking I was too old and being tired..making excuse after excuse.. Ok here is the breakthrough..

We lived in New Orleans before Katrina.. On the west bank not in the flooding.The west bank is high and dry but we got severe wind damage and rain damage.. We weren't there during the storm and were forced to evacuate .. What I came back to was horrifying I couldn't even find our street because the land marks were gone. I spent almost two months sitting watching the news to see if our home had been one of the ones looted.. then allowed back in for one day to make photos and then back out again for a month.

I realized the other night when I was editing some video I didn't have the courage to for four years ago that my travel times that I loved so dearly wasn't stopped because of feeling bad , or too tired or lack of interest..It was because last time I left our home for an extended period it was so traumatizing that I had subconsciously in the the deep parts of my mind felt that something terrible would devistate our home here and yet another home be gone.."Home" safe harbor,feeling safe and secure in your own mind,shelter or permanent structure giving a feeling of togetherness and being settled.."

So all the time I thought it was because I was too tired and then I thought have I just lost my desire to travel to care or to learn or to experience..that isn't like me at all..When in fact it was subconscious feeling of disaster if I left for any extended period ...So in fact we learn things like that. Now that I know what it is..my life is easier to define and easier to fix.Hope this helps. Michael

[Bill]

I hate talking about the past but they insist on doing it and it makes me feel worse to be honest.

Michaels given a good example!:winks:

Nic, I think that's the point really. If talking about the past Didn't make you worse then it wouldn't need talking about and nor would those bad events then be affecting you in the present. This means that to move forward with a more relaxed state of mind, the past needs dealing with first which is why they need to understand where the present day anxieties originate so that they can decide the best form of therapy.

For example, imagine going shopping with your parents but each time you got lost and had to make your own way home. It just became a normal every day event. However, when the person grows up they become aware that they keep feeling afraid when they're left on their own or have this fear of losing those close to them but they can't understand why they feel so anxious so can't move forward with their lives.

The therapist then delves into this persons past and discovers that what the person thought was "normal" was actually a form of emotional abuse which without their knowledge then created "emotional stress" which over the years built up because it was left undealt with. They had developed a "fear of abandonment".

The therapist would then help the sufferer to understand why they feel so anxious and of course when the sufferer realises the reasons, they will feel worse because it stirs bad memories that they'd put to one side in the hope of forgetting.

Emotional stress from bad experiences will cause tension which leads to anxious feelings which creates problems in our lives in the present preventing us from moving forward.

We have to release those feelings to help us come to terms and accept what happened. In a way, the therapist I feel helps to de-sensitise the sufferer from those bad memories and that way they no longer cause emotional stress.

Of course I'm sure there's much more to it but basically bad events in the past cause emotional stress that often we're unaware of so therapy can help us to understand ourselves, ways to accept and come to terms with our past and then show us ways to move forward with a more relaxed approach to life.

As I know myself, bottled emotional stress left undealt with Always causes anxiety so the lid to the past Has to come off to help us accept and come to terms to help us move forward.

We will Always feel worse at first because it's like opening a wound that's never been allowed to heal. We just stuck a plaster on it, forgot it or thought it was just normal. Once we allow ourselves to heal though, the plaster can then come off so we can heal properly.

I feel really odd explaining this to "our Boss"- Our Caring Guardian Angel!!!:blush: I'll make a note so I can remind myself I hopefully returned a little kindness to a Wonderful Woman!......and Lovely Ladybird of course!:bighug1:

[london]

i have always thought that if you bust your leg you do need to know or remember how you did to get better

[nomorepanic]

Hi Bill

When I had hypnotherapy she tried to find some reason in my past that could have caused the panic attacks and decided that my mum probably loved my sister more than me. No way was that right but she kept saying that maybe that could have caused it.

My mum loved us equally and I have never felt unloved at all.

I felt that she had to find some reason and there just may not be one and certainly not going back to my childhood.

I am currently having counselling for the trauma I went through this past year with my illness and yes it does help to talk about the past in this instance because that is the problem so needs discussing.

I think I know what I mean anyway.

Hope you are keeping well Bill xxx

[margaret jones]

Hi Sometimes looking into our past will give answers as to who we are now and maybe why we behave the way we do .

This worked for me through councelling and made me understand why i behave the way i do .

Even though i had a happy and loving family life there where issues (be they small ) that have made me the anxious person that i am . I now aknowledge this and accept my anxiety as part of me

Take Care Margaret

[ladybird64]

Thanks all..glad the "boss" is with me on this one! (only joking..:whistles:)
I think we are going to have to agree to disagree gentlemen. Michael, your post illustrated well how a "light bulb" moment happened and how much better you feel for it and I'm truly glad for you. This was a recent happening and you have made the connection between what happened and your reluctance to travel but will this make any difference to your health anxiety? Will you do things differently now you have made that connection for yourself?
I just realised that what I've just written sounds very harsh and I didn't mean it to be, sometimes I can't transfer things very well into the written word!:hugs:
Now then, our Bill..lovely ladybird? :scared15:Compliments always accepted but totally unjustified!:D
I'll try and explain what I meant with the original post. With examples of course.:winks:

I did a few sessions of exposure type therapy a few years ago and had to give details of my history from childhood. Yawn. The therapist/cpn/whatever she was said that I had endured (her words, not mine) an extremely difficult life from a young age until my stressed self nowadays.
Even if that has contributed to how I am nowadays it is in the past, has gone and resurrecting it will not change my situation now. Seriously.
One issue that the therapist honed in on was the death of my mother at the age of 29, although I had been brought up by my grandparents because she couldn't/didn't want to look after me. The day she died I had just been taken to a convalescent hospital in the country because of a childhood spent mostly in hospital, I was 12 years old.

Trauma? You betcha, I wasn't allowed to go to the funeral and had nightmares about mum trying to get out of her grave for months.
Possibly a contribution to how I am now but even if it is, it is irrelevant! Talking about that, or any of the other distant "stuff" that went on would probably produce enough waffle to fill a book but would not change how I am now. Or maybe that's just me..I have a feeling that I may be in the minority with my opinion!

I am interested in the here and now and how I can improve my situation at the moment, not easy because I have a lot going on in my life as some of you know but it's possible. I take responsibility for me because at the end of the day, I'm the only one that can really help "me".
It's nice to have a little help from my friends though..:yesyes:

[Bill]

"Lovely" Ladybird:bighug1:

When we suffer a bad trauma that causes alot of hurt and upset, it can create anger which leads to tension, stress and later anxiety because the trauma was never dealt with at the time.

I feel your therapist has probably honed in on it as an underlying source to your present day anxieties because by the sound of it, it still causes you alot of hurt to think about so although naturally you want to forget the past so you can move on, the past hasn't forgotten you so it still causes you alot of upset to think about.

I'm honestly not sure myself how much help there is in going back to these events but the theory is that until a person come to terms and accepts bad events, they will still carry hurt inside them which will cause anxiety preventing them to move forward.

I think it's a bit like sufferng a panic attack. We try to fight them because they hurt us but once we accept them we can then lead a more relaxed life.

Another thought are the words "bitterness" and "resentment". Sometimes bad events can cause people to be suspicious and always expect everyone to treat them the same. Too much hurt can cause a person to become bitter so then the past still influences their present and future until they are shown how to release these bad feelings.

One thing I would say though is that continually going over the past I don't feel does any good but what sometimes does help is to try to identify causes so that we can learn how to accept, forgive and come to terms so that we can move on in a more relaxed manner.

Sweet angel Nic:bighug1:

They don't always get it right because often peoples lives are like puzzles so it's not always easy to identify the correct causes! I think you'll find there are other causes which have been compounded by all the traumas you've been through in the past year.

One thing you could try is close your eyes, let your mind go blank then drift back into past memories and allow your mind to think of the first memory that comes in that makes you think of "hurt". Then try again and see if other bad memories come to mind. My theory is that the events that have caused you the most hurt will be the memories that will come to mind first which will need dealing with to ease some of your anxieties.

As Margaret says,

Even though i had a happy and loving family life there where issues (be they small ) that have made me the anxious person that i am . I now aknowledge this and accept my anxiety as part of me

It's about that word again...."Acceptance" so we stop trying to fight against anxious feelings and hurt in our past that creates stress in the present.

Sometimes I feel there is no One cause but a build up of causes over the years but we still need to learn how to "relax" in the present whether the stress is being caused in our present day lives or in our past.:bighug1:

As for me Sweet "guardian angel" Nic, I've realised today I'm probably suffering from depression because of the various symptoms I'm having....but I'll get there!:hugs:

[den68]

i thought why am i going back reliving the death of my brother and other matters made me feel worse, but slowly i learnt to accept the things that had happened and move forward, but i think one of the most important things i learnt was that you cant change other people to be what you want them to be and now where my inlaws who used to make me sooo angry and id cry about things they do now i just think well i cant be bothered its not worth getting upset over. But if you see what im saying without going back and talking about things they had done and how i had felt i dont think id of been able to let go of past issues and move forward

[maddie]

ladybird I think I err on your side here. There are some things in my past that I am aware still affect me now, but I can't undo them or my reactions to them.

My problem with therapists is that I have a lot of small incidents which I know somehow connect into a bigger whole, but they seem to brush them aside as unrelated. They wait for the "bigger things" that fit their tick boxes, then home in on them, certain they have found the root of my problems. I can see the big picture for myself but there is something blocking my way out.

I tried hypnotherapy, but ended curled in a foetal ball after imagining a huge wall I couldn't surmount. The hypnotherapist was so woried about my reaction he wouldn't work with me again. I've tried CBT, but refuse to be labelled to salve their egos. I told one therapist the truth and she didn't know what to do with it, so changed the subject altogether. One girl I worked with kept telling me she knew I was more highly trained than her and was her presentation style OK?

I accept Claire Weekes works for many to cope with and reduce the effects of panic attacks. But the causes are still there. Some therapies say ignore the past, move on from here. I don't feel like I have anything to move on with. I don't know who or what I am without my "baggage". I have tried to write it all down - my life story - but it doesn't work for me just typing away alone. I need some interaction, someone to question my perspective and clarify my feelings for me. I have written bits to my cpn, but he's accepted them without comment, just filed them.

No matter how much doctors and therapists want to help, they can't truly understand or care because they haven't been there.

[blacksheep]

Different therapies work for different people so where as some need to look at their past and deal with issues that are holding them back then that therapy style will help, for others it doesnt. I have had the "lets prod around your childhood" therapies and they helped me understand my current mental health issues but didnt eliminate them, I have counselling at the moment where the therapist doesnt discuss the past and wont allow me to either - its weird as it kind of feels like I am being robbed!! lol, but I understand her reasoning so I am interested to see if now I can move forward...I think sometimes the therapist asks things about our past so they also get a feel for who we are and where we are coming from, a counsellor once said to me, we dont talk about your past for you we talk about it for me so I can see your view of yourself and how you respond to situations so I know how to move forward with you, at the time he was awesome, but the effect finally unravelled :/ anyway, thats my opinion slung into the arena :)

[pooh]

Why I believe some exploration of the past is important to progress....

Almost everything you read and are told about anxiety is that it is a learned behaviour that can be unlearned with a little bit of reprogramming ie learning to think in a different way and importantly to accept this and put it into place.
without having at least a little understanding of how and why we think and therfor react the way we do, how can we see the error in our behaviour patterns and change them? There isnt always going to be a difinitive answer of WHY you are the way you are but there are patterns that can demonstrate HOW. Unfortunatley all too often we fail to recognise these for ourselves and it takes a little poking about by someone else to help develop our own personal understanding and ultimately feed our progression.
I think its important to have some understanding of how we built up that automatic anxious response to things. In all honesty when you have suffered from anxiety for a long time i think the why no longer needs to be answered but you do need to understand what it is your doing and how long you've been doing it in terms of anxious behaviour.

Pooh

[JaneC]

I pretty much agree with Pooh. Obviously, if I'd been "cured" by seeing a psychiatrist and talking about the way my life was as a child, I wouldn't be on nmp, but I was definitely helped by gaining an understanding of some of the reasons why I am how I am.

Most importantly, it helped me to identify stuff I needed to avoid (and practise) with my children.

Of course, as blacksheep says, what works for one person doesn't work for another. I also can't say enough how important it is to have a "good" psychiatrist, or one you feel had a genuine understanding of your situation. I've been lucky enough to have had one psychiatrist I got on really well with, and another who was fairly decent. I have also seen (briefly, thank God) two psychiatrists and one psychologist who were absolutely no help to me whatsoever. Oops, sounds like I am never off the "couch" :blush:

[NoPoet]

I reckon it depends on the individual and the situation. There is no way the average person should try regression therapy (past life or alien abduction experiences) unless they are prepared to deal with the consequences; quite frankly most people have enough on their plate in this lifetime without knowing they got blown up during the War of the Roses.

As for negative past experiences in this lifetime... well my depression and anxiety are directly related to them, so if I didn't delve, I would effectively be dealing with generalised anxiety disorder with no fixed basis, which I would imagine is more difficult to treat.

Some people need to talk. Some don't.

[carldourish]

The past programs our internal processing of information. Check this youtube movie out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FG8mvmHgoI or release the past youtube movie

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZ9WfaGOTzo

Take care

Carl

[carldourish]

Another great video to check out

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZMGMVXvc7Y

carl