Anger

[KK77]

I wanted to start a thread about this because it’s not something we seem to discuss much here.

I have suffered with anger problems for many years and I think that it’s one of the major factors in anxiety and depression. I think that a lot of us have problems with confrontation. You know, emotions all over the place, thoughts running wild in our heads ... what the other person may say and what we should say and the outcome etc. I think that fear lies at the heart of anxiety and depression and that fear creates a sense of insecurity. Perhaps that very insecurity – whatever it may be about – creates our anger. It’s like the insecurity with the jealous and possessive girlfriend/boyfriend. And there’s always anger involved with jealousy.

Bottling up your anger is no good for your health in my experience. There comes a point where you just explode and the anger’s been multiplied by a hundred times. I’ve had times in my life when I’ve repressed the anger so much that I’ve made myself physically ill. I don’t know to be sure, but it could have started off my depression and anxiety.

Then there are those people that get angry and have to express it. One minute they’re OK and something happens and they just flip. Maybe this is better than the person that keeps things bottled up but these people also have their problems in relationships with others.

So where’s the middle road? Obviously everyone can lose their temper but I think that a lot of people with depression and anxiety have major problems expressing their anger. Personally, I’ve found it difficult to find this balance. Maybe in some ways we’re more sensitive to hurts, slights etc. Maybe we take things far too personally. There could be a million reasons, but all this causes anger in us that has to be released somehow. If my anger isn’t released I find my depression starts up. This eventually creates anxiety too.

So anger can turn inwards as self-hate, depression/anxiety etc (and probably physical illness in the end) or outwards towards others and the world.

Perhaps I should start punching my pillow again...

[BabyRachel]

I find it difficult to express my anger because I'm scared of the consequences...
Also at the moment I seem to go to bed angry and wake up fuming?? Its really weird... I seem to calm down after a while... But its just very odd...

[erin31]

When I first came off venlafaxine my anger knew no bounds and was more frightening for me then the panic attacks. I could get so angry at the smallest thing but really what I am angry at are all the bad things in the past.
I try and look forward, never look back but it isn't always easy to do.

I think we should let our anger out. I see a Chinese doctor who tells me that we must never keep anger in. She tells her clients to go into a room and 'let it all out'.
I find letting go like this hard to do but I do turn to exercise to help get rid of my anger, whether it is a brisk walk or 30 minutes pedaling furiously on a bike it does help.
You have started a good topic and it will be very interesting to see how others deal with their anger.
:flowers:

[den68]

im really bad for locking my anger up. I think its got something to do with my mum being very dominent and every time i got angry as a kid i would be punished for it but i do love my mum so not blaming her. Now when im really really angry i do the worst thing and just go quiet which isnt good but sometimes i find i cry with anger and then feel better i think that must be a release

[nervy-paul]

I find anger/irritation a problem. I work part-time in a canine rescue charity shop and some days, I find the customers very annoying and I feel the anger in my belly and the pressure in my head. They don't necessarily have to do anything, just them walking in the shop and looking at stuff is enough to irritate and make me feel very anti-social - quite a problem for someone working with the general public!!! Most days I am fine, but their are those days when I would just rather not deal with the public, and would be quite happy for no-one to come in the shop, though I realise that wouldn't be fair on the dogs we are making money for. I find talking about it with the people I am working with helps, along with dog walks and listening to nice music helps. You're right Erin31, this is has the makings of a great and fasinating topic.

[KK77]

Exercise is definitely a good way to combat frustration and anger Erin. Since I've been more active I've felt a lot better both mentally and physically.

I find myself getting really wound up when dealing with people too. Because of my job I have to deal with the public all the time and I've been known to blow my top a few times. The problem is that I'm really calm, then suddenly lose it which can come as a bit of a shock when the person doesn't know me.

This week I've been really angry actually, which is probably why I thought of starting this.

[mothermac]

Yeah,I agree with you guys,anger is something I try to control but I do lose the fight sometimes.Iwork in Tesco and we have to be nice ALL the time to customers and we get mystery shoppers to test us and most days I feel the anger welling up inside me when I see greedy people buying crap and lots of junk food and coming in the shop at 9pm at night when they should be at home not buying more and more stuff.Sorry for the rant but I know feeling like this makes my anxiety worse as Igo home feeling mighty hyper-I think I need to calm down.(lol).

[maddie]

Anger is a major problem for me. I have to hold it in because I fear I could really hurt someone if I let it loose. I often feel like destroying the house - just totally trashing it. But that wouldn't resolve the causes of the anger and they are now beyond reach or rectifying.

I now tend to be too passive to compensate for it, which means when I do blow it's spectacular!

[Milo]

I too have a major problem with Anger. Firstly I bottle it up for ages and I relate all sorts of things that may have happened in the past to the current situation and my anger increases. I usually only blow my top and let it out after a few drinks! The problem is then that the next day it all comes back again as I dont feel anything has been resolved and the cycle continues.
I am also passive / aggressive. So I behave in nasty ways - with my wife mainly, to try and get a reaction from her - this never works and only makes things even worse.

[Typer]

My thoughts are that anger turns in on itself if not expressed (safely) and becomes anxiety

[cavycool]

This topic really struck a chord with me as it is something I have never been able to accept about myself.

Anger is a big issue for me...sometimes I feel that I can control it and after a horrible experience during my early twenties where I let my anger/jealousy of a good friend and her relationship with my boyf boil up into actually punching the friend, I feel that I have come a long way in terms of 'coming to terms' with my anger issues. Luckily my good friend eventually forgave me for my actions but our relationship was never the same as I was never truly able to express my reasons for conducting myself in the way I did. Sadly I think she was a little scared of what I might do next and I have spent a long time regretting it :(

These days I feel my job has truly helped me to channel my anger....as a teacher I need to control my emotions and be able to stand in front of 30 kids (11-16 year olds) and calmly deal with whatever they throw my way (usually paper aeroplanes lol). This has been a great challenge for me and the fear of my anger jeopardising my job and reputation has been enough to stop me from exploding. That is not to say that teaching is not a minefield of anxiety bombs waiting to explode in my face....it is a very stressful job....but that it has helped me to refocus. I also feel I can be a little passive to overcompensate my angry thoughts and feelings!

Overall though I think my 'explosions' of anger mainly happen within my personal relationships which on occasions, still find difficult to manage.

How are people able to maintain relationships with their boyfriend/girlfriend when they know a situation may occur that will make you explode?? My poor boyf doesn't know when the next 'eruption' is going to happen :blush:

[KK77]

I think we have to tackle the anger very early on, perhaps when it's only at the frustration stage. If someone or something annoys us we have to speak up and if necessary enter into confrontation at that point. We have problems saying "No" at lot of the time I think. We let a situation that we're not happy about continue and don't say anything until it reaches the point where we explode or get ill. Sometimes I don't feel angry or annoyed at the time, but then I dwell on what happened and get worked up about it. I get angry with myself for not saying anything at the time. Or I start thinking about something that happened years ago and go over events in my head and get angry and worked up over how I dealt with it.

So dealing with whatever it is that you're angry about there and then and ending it so it doesn't escalate into something explosive is really the answer, even if that means taking action that you're not comfortable with.

Thanks for all your replies.

[marcc64]

I cant help but be angry most the time :(

[muppet]

I I am also passive / aggressive. So I behave in nasty ways - with my wife mainly, to try and get a reaction from her - this never works and only makes things even worse.

o my god!!! this seriously sounds like me at the mo. I absolutely hate myself afterwards. Then wonder why my hubby puts up with me when i am like this. I thought i was feeling better cause i was going to the gym more. I think i need to take a big deep breath and walk into another room!

[Jellyfish]

This is a very good topic.

I have problems expressing anger because (and don't laugh) I end up crying out of frustration! It's actually quite embarrassing, as I find crying in general embarrassing, I supposed I've had it instilled in me that crying is a weakness. I know it's not, but things we learn in childhood really do stick.

The other reason, is that people tend to trivialise my problems anyway, and brush it under the carpet, which is a vicious circle, because it only gets me more angry. And very resentful. Especially when others around me are allowed to have their hissy-fit tantrums, and an army of people around them are like, 'oh poor you, there there'. Then they have the bloody cheek to complain that they are still feeling alone? And what do I get? Not even so much as a 'how are you'. See? I'm getting angry just writing this! :mad:

So I end up keeping it in and hide it. Which is very unhealthy, I know that too. What's more unhealthy is that I feel angry more or less, all the time, every day! I wish I could express anger more coherently, for want of a better word. And what's the point, nobody gives a toss anyway. Apparently, I haven't been through what they have been through, and their problems are so much worse, and that I should count myself lucky and blah blah.

Sorry for the rant!

[PoppyC]

Hi
I can relate to your post. I am not really the type to lose their temper but when I do I go over the top, act like a drama queen and then I breakdown and cry for ages. I feel a lot better later on.
I had an outburst yesterday in the christmas section of the garden centre of all places.
I wanted to scream, (not sure why really - I think christmas is making me emotional at the moment for various reasons) blamed everything on my poor boyfriend, (couldn't find the 'right' christmas tree) and ended up sobbing my heart out in the car for ages after storming off.
Sometimes everything just seems to build up doesn't it.
A woman at work annoyed me this morning and I felt myself getting angry. I find the best way (for me anyway) is to walk off on my own when I feel temper rising and just sit and be on my own for a while and let the anger feelings slowly subside and just let the tears come. I always feel better after crying.