A bit of advice needed.

[ladybird64]

Hi all.

I have recently been through quite a bad depressive episode and I guess it's only now that I'm really giving some thought to how bad it was.

Damn, trying to find the right words..:mad:

Ok, here's the right words. I feel lots better, can write a legible sentence (more or less) and can actually talk to my family instead of grunting "yes" and "no".

But..it's still there, just under the surface waiting to creep back up and kick my arse, I know it is. I have a lot on my plate but that's nothing unusual and I'm back in almost fighting spirit, "in control" me.
Truth is that I know that I'm not really ok and the "in control" me is just too fragile. I'm getting on with all my normal stuff again and don't actually "feel" depressed but I'm scared that it won't take much to tip me in the wrong direction. I'm even listening to a song I love while I'm writing this but I know it's a "trigger" and I've just replayed it 5 times for crying out loud. :mad:

I draw real inspiration from the fact that many people here have tried meds but in the end have managed their condition without them (no offence to anyone on meds) as I can't/won't take them for reasons I won't go into here. I came damn close to asking for them recently and I suppose I'm seeking some reassurance that what I'm feeling is temporary..that it will go.

I feel lost..tell me it's going to be ok please.

Oh and any practical suggestions gratefully received.

:hugs:

[Mya]

Dear Ladybird64,

I am so sorry to hear you are feeling this way. I want you to know I am in the same position as you right now. I have been in a very very dark place for a while. Recently, it has improved, but I can still see the funnel cloud spinning around me and I am just waiting for it to snatch me up again.

I think it is very good that you are aware that you could possibly be near a difficult time again. I am not on medication, however, my doctor would like me to be on an antidepressant. I have my own views as well why I would like to stay off them. I have no problems with anyone that may need to use them, but for me, right now, I am not ready.

I don't have much advice to give, but want you to know I am in the same spot as you at this time. All I can say is you need to try and surround yourself with positivity. Please make sure you avoid triggers such as the song you keep playing. I would do those same things. It was like self torture, and it was as if I was just trying to put myself in the bad place sooner as opposed to later. I don't know if you have any hobbies you enjoy doing but try and participate in things that uplift you. Maybe watch a comedy as well. Laughing is really the best therapy in my opinion. I used to have a fantastic sense of humor until I was struck with these issues.

You are doing the right thing by acknowledging this is happening and asking for support. If things do start to get low, don't beat yourself up for it. You are only human and we can only take one step at a time sometimes.

I hope you feel better soon and take care of yourself

xxoo

[maddie]

Hi all.

Damn, trying to find the right words..:mad:

Ok, here's the right words. I feel lots better, can write a legible sentence (more or less) and can actually talk to my family instead of grunting "yes" and "no".

But..it's still there, just under the surface waiting to creep back up and kick my arse, I know it is. I have a lot on my plate but that's nothing unusual and I'm back in almost fighting spirit, "in control" me.
Truth is that I know that I'm not really ok and the "in control" me is just too fragile. I'm getting on with all my normal stuff again and don't actually "feel" depressed but I'm scared that it won't take much to tip me in the wrong direction. I'm even listening to a song I love while I'm writing this but I know it's a "trigger" and I've just replayed it 5 times for crying out loud. :mad:



You managed to find the words I couldn't. I've been down a few black holes , but at the moment I feel like I'm on tiptoes on the edge of a canyon I couldn't get out of again. It's a very scary place to be, especially when outwardly I appear to be over "the blues".

I'm trying to keep going doing what I can to distract myself each day. I think the onset of winter and all the commercial madness of Christmas is making me worse. I'm going to stay snug at home and let what I can of it pass me by.

[Desprate Dan]

Dear Ladybird,

I have also just recently gone through a depresive period, i do take meds but still get depression, although i certainly dont want to take medication and i managed for years without it, but my depression together with anxiety became so bad i just couldn't function couldn't sleep or eat, nausea, couldnt focus on anything, felt so exhausted and weak felt my legs were ready to collapse and was constant trembling it really was an awful place to be...
I really dont know the answers to beat depression i dont believe medication is the answer it just helps you along a bit, i think you have to find the root cause and address it how ever difficult it may seem, but sometimes it seems there is no reason. Just try you best and like Mya said try and find a hobbie try something new and keep yourself busy with things that make you happy.
I only wish i had the answers, others have walked down the same path before and found the end and are now free of depression so i guess it is achievable.

Take Care x

[BabyRachel]

I realistically know itsonly temporary hun. Ive been really depressed before, and ive felt normal for years after... Im going through a depressed phase now at the moment to be honest... Cant eat... Its hard to sleep... im all faint.. and i just feel like why bothering... which is hard cos i need to fight my anxiety a lot right now, im going through some chalenging stuff and when your depressed its hard to fight!!

Im on meds but I can understand you not wanting to take them. You will get through this... We all will. Depression isnt forever... Its only a temporary low we go through, otherwise the highs wouldnt be so good!!

xx

[nervy-paul]

I too have been very depressed and am in that very same place as you ladybird. I had a 'minor breakdown' in 2007. I was working and had been off medication for a time, when all the travelling to and from work was stressing me, but I was ignoring the signs and keeping at it, keeping busy not wanting to acknowledge them or think too deeply, for fear of falling down again. It was one of three water problems we had in the house one evening just before bed, the water was trickling down the kitchen wall and it was though a grenade had exploded inside me. I was a gibbering wreck, shaking, crying and unable to think. I was calmed by a family friend, but I remember for the next few months being very agitated at night, trouble sleeping. I am dead against medications as well ladybird, but I was in such a dark deep place, I felt I had no option. It has been a battle, and I am tons better, am working part-time again, but I understand your feeling that 'black dog' is waiting around a corner, ready to push me over. All you can do is be aware of warning signs, don't ignore them, and talk to people. Sorry for rambling on abit too long. Thanks.

[ladybird64]

Thanks all of you, your encouraging words give me some comfort. :hugs:

[marie1974]

Hiya i had a bad episode of dep about 8 yrs ago now and battled with meds for about year and half, i finally got myself off them with exercise, but it was so blimin hard to motivate myself and for weeks i struggled and moaned and forced myself to do my videos and dvds in doors, then after a month or so i began to feel happier, motivated and actually enjoying exercise, i lost weight, toned up, had heaps of energy and got me off meds, years after that walking is my saviour, i power walk and it keeps me sane everyday, well helps anyway.

My prob is at the moment, i feel the signs of my dep coming back due to lots of stresses and money problems, i have no real support, my family r not interested and my mum suffers anxiety, i do too, so she no help anyway and my partner doesnt know wot to say really and he busy with work, i have my friend i moan too, but i feel so alone.

I have decided i really must start getting back into exercise and eating more natural healthy foods, it really does work, but getting yourself motivated can b a hard job, mayb giv it a try though and see how u feel after a month, do something every day for half hour and slowly build to hour, whether its in doors or outside walking. hugs xx

[steve2009]

I also agree with the feelings here.
Depression is a lonely place to be.
I also have taken up exercise. I'm getting on a bit, but rarely miss a half hour
jog every day. Most of the days the weather has been has been pretty awful
but I still get out there and do it. It is setting targets and completing them, however small, that helps. I would have liked to beat this period without medication but I was getting so little sleep at the beginning, that I had try and get some help.
I find it scary when I find myself in a better mood and when I have brighter periods, I also feel there is that Black Dog behind me. Perhaps, if we leave it far enough behind we may not feel its presence.
Let's keep on keeping on. :)

Steve

[ladybird64]

This is the only place I can vent, no other reason for this post, no need for replies, I know people understand.
My life is "have to". Have to take daughter to hospital 3 times this week for 3 separate appointments, have to go to Citizens Advice for help because that's what needs to be done and get let down by them as well, have to fight the DSS because nobody else will come in on my behalf, have to lose any sense of what I enjoy because there is no time..ever.
Have to get a grip and realise there is no point in hoping that something can ease this, have to accept that the emotional state is now so bad that moods are changing from reasonable to desperate within minutes and have to accept that this is it.
I would like to ask the world to stop for a wee while so I can rest, just to have time to rest and feel better but the world's not listening.

I just needed to say it.