Please help me - feel like I'm going crazy

[tracey2009]

Hi There
I have just joined this forum as I am so desperate for any advise. I am sorry that this thread will be so long but I need to explain how I am feeling:

Basically, I am 30 years old and I have always been a worrier. As a little girl I would wake up panicking about my mum and dad dying. As I got older I could control my feelings and have been leading a pretty normal life.

6 weeks ago I woke up 1 morning with a feeling of utter dread! I know what triggered it. My dad has just turned 64 and retires next year. I know that he is scared of getting old and I am worried sick about him. You might say talk to him but I can't!!!!
This has certainly triggered it and I am constantly worried, panicky and very very scared. I cannot eat properly and I have lost over a stone in weight. I can't get to sleep at night and wake up for hours on end. This feeling just won't go away and I can't see that it ever will. Surely, as my dad gets older I am going to feel worse?
I am also deeply worried because I am scared this is in my genes! I know my dad is a worrier and he is probably going through the same thing I am. He is very deep and wouldn't tell us about it tho. His sister has bad nerves and basically she has now completely lost the plot and has to have careres as her husband cannot cope - I do not want to go down this road but I actually feel as tho I am going crazy/insane!

I have a constant 'feeling' in the top of my chest which won't go away and have heart palps and an upset stomache.

I have thought that I would rather not be here than go through this feeling day after day. But then I wouldn't do anything like that as the people I am worrying about would suffer!

I also worry about my mum as she is overweight and I am worried that my brother may be like me too but also hiding it.

I guess my question is what can I do?? I don't ever think I'll get over this.

P.s. I have a gr8 boyfriend who I love deeply and we have just bought a house together moving in next May. I mean, I have nothing to worry about really at all as I have so much to look forward to!!!!! I am not looking forward to any of it as I am so worried and scared.
I told him last night how I was feeling, it didn't help. He was really good but he doesn't understand why I can't stop worrying.

Also, I am worried that if I was to get some sort of medication now, how would I cope when something bad really does happen as I will already be on the medication.

I would be so grateful if someone could help me. I really don't know what to do.

Thank you so much for reading this awfully long thread! x

[PanicOver!!]

Hi

I have been through exactly what you are going through
first remember what anxiety is

Its when you over exaggerate what migh happen
and under exaggerate your ability to cope


Dont blame your B/Friend unless you have suffered you cant really understand just how bad it can make you feel.

You say you dont want to take meds in case it gets really bad but honestly it sounds like you are there already.
go and talk to your gp about it, what you feel isnt unusual you are not a freak and you are not going mad.

If you need to talk feel free to send me PM

Good luck

marc xx

[tracey2009]

Thank you for the advise, I am taking everything on board. I am so scared right now!

[PanicOver!!]

Tracy
I know how you feel

Anxiety can be terrifying but you will get through this
you just need to find what works for you nad you have made the first step by coming on here to talk about it so i know you will beat this

XX

[tracey2009]

Do you worry about something specific or is it just general worry. Because I seem to be worrying about my dad I feel I will get worse the older he gets. He's an athlete and very fit so can't believe I'm in such a state over it. I worry about how he will cope the day he's unable to run as it's his life.
I never ever thought I could get in such a state about something that hasn't even happened yet! I worry myself up even more as I'm pretty sure he suffers from this too (and does so in silence as he is scared of ending up like his sister)

[PanicOver!!]

Anxiety can tend to make you focus on one particular thing
Your dad will cope believe me
not to depress you but my dad was 3 months away from retireing and looking forward to spending time with my mum on breaks etc.
It was then mum was diagnosed with bowel cancer and she died 9 months later.
i was worried enough about dad then but 6 months after mum diead dad also got bowel cancer and yes while we were all frightened sick he coped. luckily he had an op and has now been clear for a year ... sorry im rambling but the morale of the story is people cope much better then you think and so will your dad and so will you

xx

[Jimpy]

Hi Tracey,

It really sounds like you have it awful right now. I have been in the same situation as you, as a youngster I would wake up in the night worried my parents and close friends where dying or where going to die. I know my dad has panic attacks and anxiety worries and I worry that it is also in my genes.

It sounds like you are really worrying and anxious about so much that it feels out of control and this is what more than likely is causing the palps, weight loss and feelings in your chest. What I did which helps me alot is excersise, which in my case mean going for a short jog which gradually gets longer over the days and then I stretch and do yoga poses (you can find them on any yoga websites, or get WII Fit if possible which is exellent) this has really helped me overall. As I am running and getting tired I imagine all the worry and stress being burnt away with each step.

I know on the surface it does not seem much when lined up against all your worries. But it is something which I have found helps me take control.

Your worries are totally normal they just sound like they have magnified and are taking over! please take some time to yourself, some quiet time and maybe try a little meditation, if your not sure how I have found some exellent videos on youtube. This will relax your body and even allow you to explore your feelings and thoughts in a calm and relaxed way. I have found once I am relaxed and approach each of my worries in turn, usually I write them down, things change perspective and I can get more of a handle on them and this in turn helps me relax and take stock.

I sometimes go to the libary to do this as it really helps to be in a relaxed atmosphere and away from home, or any distractions.

Have you considered that maybe these thoughts are directly related to the big changes you are making in your life? just a thought and I may be way off the mark but I know that when I have made or even planned a big change in my life (usually positive ones) My thoughts about all the bad and negative things in life spring up, as if they have a life of their own. It is almost as if when something really positive happens to me all the negative stuff I don't dwell or have control of gets to big for me. For me this has been only tempory and when the change happens things get back under control.

I hope some of this will help you feel a little better but remember you are not on your own and you can overcome this x x

[tracey2009]

OMG I am so sorry, that is so awful! Bless you. Makes me feel guilty that I am worrying when nothing has actually happened!

[tracey2009]

Thank you for your advise. I will try all that you have recommended. Do you think I need to visit my doctor or do you think it will pass?
You may be right and maybe I am also feeling like this as I have a big change coming up - moving in with my boyfriend. I do feel guilty about it as it's a new build and quite an expensive house (my boyfriend is quite well off). My mum and dad have always scraped by and my brother is in a council house supporting 2 kids on minimum wage. I guess a little of how I'm feeling may be guilt. x

[PanicOver!!]

Dont feel guilty it was only meant to show you hoe tough people can be so dont underestimate your strenth or your dads xx

[Jimpy]

I would visit your GP and I say this just so you can have complete piece of mind, which I have found is important when you feel how you feel right now. Explain exactly how you feel and what is on your mind, hopefully your GP will set your mind at rest about your physical symptoms, which are classic anxiety symptoms and i have had them more than once with varying degrees of discomfort.

Also try not to feel guilty about moving into a nice house! it is a great positive step but I know how you feel. If your worried or often anxious it is easy to see the worst in things, your not doing anything wrong moving into a nice house its a great thing to do and what is the worst that can happen? you don't like it and you move!

x

[tracey2009]

Thankyou xx

[Maj]

Hi Tracy,
You sound like a really caring person who's suffering from anxiety. Lots of us can relate to all the symptoms and worries you have, so you're not alone. You'll get through this. Have a word with your doctor who'll hopefully be able to reassure you. We're all different. I'm sure your family are proud that you're going to be moving somewhere nice. Don't feel guilty about it. I know where you're coming from when you talk about your brother but we all live our lives differently. I'm sure he'll be pleased for you to. If our family are happy we are all happy. Hope you feel better soon, I'm sure you will.
Myra x

[tracey2009]

Thanks Myra for your comments. I feel totally alone in this and feel as tho I will always feel this way. Will I ?

[tracey2009]

Dear Jimpy I keep reading your message over and over and it is helping me because what you are saying makes sense. I have such a feeling of dread I can't think straight and can't think of anything positive. I am assuming you have been in this situation? I am terrified about how long it is likely to last - I'm not coping with it at all!

[Jimpy]

Hi Tracey, I have certainly felt a level of dread and worry which sounds very similar to yours, at times it has really felt like I losing my mind. I am new to this particular website but just from taking a look around it seems
like an awful lot of us experience things like this sometimes. How long are the periods lasting where you feel like you can't cope? Is it all the time or do you get times where you feel ok?

I am always much worse after a bad nights sleep, which is often as I have a young baby who at the moment is teething!! Are you getting out walking at all? That is something I have often done when I feel at a loss and things have built up, try and stay positive I know it feels like the hardest thing in the world because these feelings are so invasive. Try and get a good nights rest tonight if you can take care, I know I not alone in wishing you all the best wishes for you xplease feel free to pm me anytime xx