View Full Version : I've lost my Best Friend
Just to let you know our black labrador who was 15 and a half (nearly 83 in human years) had to be put to sleep today. We'd had him for nearly 13 years so the place feels empty without him. He was a Truly Wonderful dog and my Best Friend, especially since losing my father 4 years ago and I feel empty and lost without him. I just can't breathe with the pain I'm feeling.
For the past couple of nights he'd been yelping at times because he couldn't get up without being lifted. Yesterday I called the vet out who tried steroids. Last night I stayed with him until I managed to get a couple of hours of sleep at 8am this morning. However, when I woke, he still couldn't get up until I helped him so I called the vet again who said nothing more could be done.
Since yesterday evening I haven't been able to stop crying so today after we'd lost him, I took my mother out shopping but I couldn't concentrate. When I got back home, I sat in the car and sobbed. A part of me knows his suffering couldn't go on but another part of me won't forgive me so I keep feeling a Really Bad person but I miss him desperately and the place feels so empty without him.
When I lost my father, I felt my heart break. It broke again today. I am Really struggling to cope, especially on top of the depression I've been suffering from. Sometimes it feels there is just Too much pain in living as my tears never want to stop. I couldn't bear to watch him suffering but nor can I bear losing him. I Miss my Dear Best Friend So So Much!!! I just can't stop crying and I just can't stop this terrible pain I'm feeling. I feel So Very Alone. I'm sorry.:weep:
If I'm quiet, please don't worry. I'lI probably just need some time as I've got to find a way to stop this terrible pain without my Beloved Best friend who I always found comfort with. I'm absolutely heartbroken. I can't see to type anymore. Sorry.:weep:
Dear Bill,
I know no words can comfort you at this time, but I want you to know I am so so very sorry for your loss. My beloved angel, Mya, for whom I have this user name, is so close to my heart. I almost lost her a few months ago and I can not imagine the pain I will feel when she leaves me. She is one of my bestest friends and is with me through thick and thin.
Just remember that heaven received another angel today. Although he is no longer with you in physical form, his spirit will always be with you. He is so lucky to have had 15 years of a beautiful life that you gave him. I know how hard it is but try to celebrate his life and your life with him.
I know nothing anyone can say can make the hurt better, but just know we are thinking of you.
xxxooo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZ9PJhL5zK8&feature=related
Oh bill
I do feel for you , just cant imagine how yr feeling
i am so so sorry for yr loss
love sue x
Desprate Dan
08-12-09, 21:58
Oh Bill my heart goes out to you, i believe you done the right thing, you set him free from pain and he wouldnt want you to feel so bad he was your best freind so its only natural for you to feel so down, you had nearly 13 good years with him, think of the good times you shared the times when he made you chuckle to yourself, i had a black lab myself and they never grow up they are always pups and thats how you should let him stay in your memory.
Bill you need a cuddle..:hugs:
Dan
Dear Bill
Im so sorry to hear you lost your best friend and I do know what you are feeling.
Please take care of yourself Bill I know how bad you must feel right now but it will get easier as time goes on. You gave your Dog a wonderful life Bill and in return you found a best friend and you will always have those good memories.
love Carol x
Oh Bill I'm so very sorry. Your lovely dog has given you nothing but acceptance and unconditional love which is something we rarely get from people.
Of course you feel guilty that you had to have him put to sleep but you did it out of love and unselfishness as you couldnt bear your best friend to suffer. Believe me Bill I know as I've had to do this a few times over the years.
I just wish I could give you the biggest hug you've ever had.
Lex :hugs::hugs::hugs:xxx
Vanilla Sky
08-12-09, 22:29
Dear Bill I am so sorry for your loss. Please try not to take the guilt feeling on board, it is all part of the grieving process, I think any of us who have been in that sad situation with our dearly loved animals have all felt every emotion from sadness to guilt, we go through it in our minds over and over, could i have done anything different etc etc. And the reality is we could not have Bill, As Lorac says, you gave your dog a wonderful life and you will know that , in fact , i think you already do on some level , you just can't see it as you are fogged by grief. It will pass Bill and it will get easier, Keep coming on to the site for support Bill, Love to you sweetheart , Paige :hugs:xxx
xBettyBoopx
08-12-09, 22:31
Oh Dear Bill
I am sobbing with you my friend. I am so so sorry for the loss of your beloved dog. There are no words Bill when we lose a pet, it's like we're cut and part of us has gone with them.
My friend Bill, pm me anytime, I know your agony and pain. Sometimes this suffering seems too much for us to bear. Know you are in my heart and I am so so sorry Bill.
http://img.123greetings.com/eventsnew/pet_lossofpet/1021-013-09-1101.gif
Love
Els
xxx
i know your hurt all to well bill,,i had a wonderful german sheppard called wolf,,the most intelligent dog ive ever come across then and now,,he was my shadow,,because of him i managed to walk round the block or further on a good day,,wolf taught himself to see me across the roads,,when i became confused and my eyes went fuzzy through panic,,blocking my path if i tryed to walk into traffic,,only allowing me to walk when it was clear,,he could sense a panic attack coming on before i did,,and lay close to me,,he even saved mine and my childrens lives from a fire when it broke out next to me,,i owed him so much ,,the day we had him put to sleep with kidney failure,,was the hardest i thought id ever go through,,that morning we sat in the garden he rested his head against my cheek,,his body so close ,i think we both knew it was the last hour together,my heart broke, all my confidence went with him,,i never realised just how much i relied on his companionship,,how i trusted him. but through the hurt i felt id been so lucky,,he,d given me so very much,,and yes like you i felt id not done enough,,but i bet you had loved him and a good dog only asks for love, comfort and a pain free death,when the time comes, the pain does ease,,but even though ive now got other dogs i keep wolf close in my heart,,and thank god for a wonderful friend,,:hugs:
Oh Bill I'm so sorry.
As easy as it is to say in mere words, you shouldn't feel a 'bad person' for what happened.
If anything, it goes to prove just how deep your love and respect for him went because you didn't want to see him in pain.
A 'bad peron' (as you say) would have acted totally selfishly and wanted to keep him there to save their own feelings & fear of lonliness but what you did was totally UNSELFISH and you put his needs before your own.
Mya, Sue, Dan & Carol are right - you gave him a wonderful life and you must have so many fond memories that, one day, you'll be able to look back on with a smile.
It'll be a long process of taking a day at a time and if you feel like crying then do so - don't bottle it up - it's all part of the healing process and although it's still too raw for you to see a light at the end of the tunnel, it is there.......as are we.
Hugs
Magz
X
:bighug1::bighug1::bighug1:
Bill I'm so sorry about your wee dog. I know how heart-breaking it is to lose a dog - they are such a huge part of the family. My heart goes out to you. They don't ask for much and can listen to all your mumps and moans (well mine did anyway!). My thoughts are with you at this very sad time.
Myra x:hugs:
Bill, i am so so sorry for your loss, i know how close you were:weep:
i can't say anything else but i'm always here for you:hugs:
Thinking of you
Di xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Veronica H
08-12-09, 23:22
I am so sorry to hear you have lost your dog Bill. I know how much he meant to you. You have done a very brave thing today and you did it for him because you have always done the right thing by him, and it was his time. :bighug1::bighug1:I know how much this hurts. We are all here for you.
Veronicax
Bill im so so sorry to hear of you loss :weep:..I know how much you loved your dear friend .You did the kindest thing and with time you will know that .Cry those tears but remember the wonderful times you had together and the things you shared .He will always be with you alive in your heart .God bless you both ..I found this and thought it would be what he would have said to you ... all my love :hugs:Sue ..www.petloss.com/poems/maingrp/friendto.htm.
:bighug1:
Bill. i am so so sorry i too have shared the agony of losing a beloved pet, you are in my thoughts bill... P x
hugs for ya bill and here for ya if ya need to chat anytime - i know what dogs mean to me so giz a shout if ya need too
tc lea xx
omg bill i am so sorry to hear about yogi. my heart really goes out to you. i know how much you loved him and how he was your best friend. my heart just dropped when i read your post. it was such a shock. i know there is nothing i can say right now to make you feel better. but sending big hugs. pm me anytime if you need to talk. again bill im so so sorry
love debera
x x x :bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1:
As Debera says, it was a total shock to read your post, Bill. He looked a lovely dog and I am so sorry that you have lost him. You did the right thing. He's running free and out of pain now.
None of us can stop the pain you are feeling at the moment, but I hope the hugs will help.
:bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1:
Bill, I am sending you lots of hugs across the water. I know how it feels to lose a beloved dog. He was a very lucky boy to have had you as a best friend for most of his life. Try to think of all the happy times you shared. He will always live on in your heart.
BabyRachel
09-12-09, 10:03
Bill I wish there was something I could do to ease your pain.. I feel so terrible for you, I cannot imagine the anguish you must be feeling at the moment..
Make a special place in your heart and soul for him and he will always be with you in spirit.. It must be so hard, but try to remember all the strength and joy your friendship gave you.. Keep the good times in memory.
Take care Bill, we are all here to support you through thick and thin. xx
No words Bill just the hugest:bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1 ::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1:
Luv Kaz x x x
Dear Bill,:hugs:
I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your dog. I know he was very special and meant the world to you. You did a very brave thing and you know in your heart it was time.
I'm thinking of you dear Bill. I wish I could say something to ease your pain, but I know I can't. We are all here supporting you.
Love Judy.xxx :bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1:
mandyclare
09-12-09, 14:43
Bill
You set him free to run and play forever. He will know that everything you did for him you did through love and care. Treasure every memory because nobody can take them.
I've written my poem about bereavement below, I hope you like it.
The Journey of Bereavement
I will hold your hand on this journey you must take
be there strong and constant with each footprint that you make
on the pathway of acceptance that is lined with hopes and fears
I will laugh with you your laughter, I will cry with you your tears
and when the travelling's over and you've reached your journey's end
you will race towards your future
and I'll smile for you my friend.
Big Hug.. mand x
bottleblond
09-12-09, 14:53
Bill
I am so very sorry to hear this and i know exactly how you are feeling.
My last dog (Sam) passed away at the age of 11 and it tore my heart out.
I couldn't eat, sleep or stop crying, i was in a right mess.
I decided to have Sam cremated and i now have him in his lovely little box in my livingroom.
I am so sorry for your loss bill and you have my heartfelt sympathy.
Love and hugs
Lisa
xxxx
:bighug1:
Hello Bill,
My heart goes out to you at your loss. Labs are wonderful dogs, and he will always be by your side.
:hugs:
eternally optimistic
09-12-09, 19:15
Oh Bill. Bless you, my thoughts are with you at this very very sad time.
It is so very hard to lose such a close "friend". Our dearest pets are such a comfort when times are tough.
My thoughts are trully with you.
Please take care.
Best wishes, Bill.
Jackie
Bill,
My thoughts are with you at the moment.
You take care of yourself
ash
Hi Bill,
I know how much your dog meant to you and I am so sorry that his time with you has ended. :bighug1::bighug1:
Lynnann:flowers:
http://i121.photobucket.com/albums/o233/natashatipps/LossofDog.jpg
Hi Bill, I was very very sad to come on and read your thread tonight, what sad new and i am very sorry, u did the right thing though and he is happy now and not in any pain, so please remember that and keep thinking of all the good memories u have together.
you have a lot of people on here who care about you and support you and we r all here when u need us, take as much time as u need and u r not alone. hugs xxxx
ladybird64
09-12-09, 21:52
Bill, my friend. I'm so sorry. :hugs:
Dearest Bill, as the owner of a black lab, I can totally understand your pain, they are the most faithful friends we have the privallege of knowing, he will always be with you, dog hairs to, you know how it is, even if you go on holiday you always find a loose hair somewere, you did the right thing by him, he will thank you for that, you take care and take all the time you need to get over your best friend, my love and thoughts are with you at this time hun
Emms and Bubs :woofxxxxxxxx
I've just popped in to Apologise for not replying and to "Thank You" for all your lovely messages both on here and via pm. I'm sorry but I'm in a Really Bad place and I keep feeling a Really Bad person. I can't relax and I keep feeling aggitated. I feel Very Alone and the pain just won't stop.
I know some will say he was just a dog and others who have lost their best friends will know how I'm feeling but to me, he meant so much more to me because of my situation. I have no friends my age and I have no one I can comfort me. I care for my wife who "fortunately" for her sake has dulled emotions because of her illness and the only other person I can talk to who understands me is my mother who also has her illness that won't get better. It frightens me to think of life without her too.
My best friend was much more to me than my best friend. He was my companion I could always rely on who would always be there for me when I needed an escape.
I had to ring the out of hours surgery helpline because I couldn't stop crying and I couldn't understand why I kept shaking and felt so aggitated. The nurse explained to me Just how Important my best friend was to me and why losing him has affected me so badly. I just didn't expect to feel so ill. There was nothing the nurse could offer though except to ring the GP.
I haven't slept for any length of time or gone to bed for the last 2 nights. I've lost my appetite and the pain just won't stop. The doctor has put me on ad's to help me through this.
I just wanted to Thank You because I never expected So many kind messages and I didn't think it would be fair to curl up and ignore you all but now I've said what I needed to say, I doubt very much I'll be posting for a while as I just feel too ill at present so please forgive me if I don't reply to your very kind pm's of support for a while. I've just got to try and cope as I always have before.
You're All Wonderful people who are an Absolute Pleasure to know, even through this virtual world on nmp. Without you, I would probably be as I was in my dark days so I'm Very Grateful to ALL of you who have been SO kind to me. I just wish I could be kind to me too but my mind is fighting a constant battle to find some peace. I just wish my pain would go away. If angels do exist, the only ones I've "met" are Yourselves. Hold me and please don't let go because I keep feeling I'm falling into darkness and being alone in this dark place frightens me. I'd Never want Anyone to be in here with me though. I also know that others are suffering much worse than me so I'm Sorry for being like ths. I told the nurse on the phone, I just don't want any fuss because I keep feeling a Bad person and I just want to curl up and be left alone. Strange to fear being alone but wanting to be alone! Don't ask me why I feel like that because I don't know why!!!
Thank you for being the Caring people you ARE! I hope one day when I feel better I can find a way to return your kindnesses that I really don't deserve because I will Always be indebted to all of you.:bighug1:
1179 I'll never let go Bill. Holding you tight and hoping that you will be back with us very soon. Take care, my friend.
Hope this works.....picture of my Best Friend....
Desprate Dan
10-12-09, 07:37
1179 I'll never let go Bill. Holding you tight and hoping that you will be back with us very soon. Take care, my friend.
Me too Bill, you remember the leaf???
Well were all still here that leaf was so lonely left by a thread on the end of a branch blowing on its own in the wind, well guess what it fell into the carpet of leaves below who were all waiting to embrace him and suround him with there love and help ease the pain... Thats all of us Bill at this very sad time, we will wrap our love a care around you to try to ease the pain..:hugs:
Stay strong my friend.
Dan..
Your dog was a gem Bill. Mine was taken to a pet cemetry that I drive past quite often. I imagine her running over the hills with a stick in her mouth. She too was whimpering in pain before she died. You did the right thing. xxx
Bill I'm sorry youre in so much distress hun. If it becomes unbearable you could contact The Blue Cross Pet Bereavement Support Service....0800 096 6606. I you ring there are people there who you can talk to.
Also if you prefer to write about how you are feeling, the Blue Cross can offer you support through their email support line pbssmail@bluecross.org.uk
Just a thought mate...take care..Lex :hugs::hugs::hugs:
Hi Bill, Just remember no matter how bad u feel, we r here for u, all your friends at nmp, take some time and just dont give up, i will send u a email, something positive for you, im so sad for you Bill, but u r not a bad person, never ever.
Dear Bill, you have been such a staunch supporter for many of us in our darkest hours, such a kind man and certainly not capable of doing a misjustice to your best friend, you know you had to do what you did to save your lovely dog from severe distress, and that takes great love and strength. I understand that it is another hard blow to take, but you have the deep care of all of us on here. I wish there was something I could do to take the pain away. God bless you.
I'm so sorry Bill.
Thinking of you :bighug1:
:)Dear Bill.
So sorry about your loss.I wish you love keep your chin up.
Love Ronny.
10 years ago I felt trapped and alone in a stressful job and caring for an ill wife. I turned to mild selfh which led to od's but I had my parents to comfort me.
4 years ago I lost the only one who understood me in my father. I felt trapped and alone in my caring role and I wanted to return to my old bad habits but I turned to "my best friend" to comfort me so I could carry on caring for my ill wife together with my mother who needed my support.
Now I've lost "my best friend" but my mother is now also ill. I feel trapped and alone and I want to return to my old bad habits but now I have no "best friend" to comfort me but still I must carry on caring for my ill wife together with my ill mother who needs my support but who is also my only shoulder to cry on.
If I survive and I lose my mothers shoulder, what then will comfort and support me? The ad's I've now been prescribed?
In "it's a Wonderful Life", George Bailey stands at the bar praying for God to show him the way. George then walks to a bridge and an angel called Clarence flies into the water to be his guiding light.
But that's just a wonderful fantasy film that hurts just as much as cold lonely reality because real life is the total opposite. I just think I must be a hopeless cause so I can only see one ending to my story. I just find it strange how life seems to keep throwing all it's got at me to see how much I can take and how much it can take from me before I break. I'm sure one day I'll get back to coping as I always have before though. It's No Ones fault. It's just my destiny because I know I Can't be helped! I just hope one day I'll be back with those who could love and comfort me but then I probably won't be in need because all my pain will be over just as it is for "my best friend". I feel so empty inside and hurt so much. I miss him SO badly that I feel I can't breathe because without him I feel I have no one and nothing to comfort me. My story never ends. Where are you Clarence?:weep:
:hugs:dear bill, im so very sorry for your loss and for how you care feeling right now - you have to believe the reality of your situation the sme as others see it bill - not how you see it - you have just suffered a major blow, we are physically connected to our dogs bill, we love them and they love us the same as humans, so dont dare beat yourself up for being devastated - in time you pain will lessen, but ofcourse your loss brings up also the loss of your father, so you are doubly grieving (maybe?)
next to remember is that no matter what choices youve made in life that you think make you weak and not deserving of love, respect , care etc are not true and are only thoughts that you tired weary depressed mind tells you - the reality is a deeply caring, loving and sensitive man who deserves like all good human beings to be happy.
you can get there bill - you dont have to feel like this, but you have to stop telling yourself negative things and to start beleiving in your own worth - so many ppl care for you an dlike you on this site - you must start to believe this! you have coped before, you are coping now and you will cope in the future bill, please tell yourself this and start to know it in your heart and you will be amazed at how strong you can feel?:hugs:
Hi Bill, u r def not a lost cause, its only you that is thinking this, u r remarkably strong and gifted, i know u had support b4 when u needed it but, most of the work to repair yourself was done by u, only you can make yourself better and u will get there again.
You r right, sometimes some of us seem to get all problems in the world and others sail through life with no probs, but you know wot Bill, u r one of the most strongest people and have dealt with so much and u r still here, that can only tell u one thing, and that is that you r a very strong, determined, caring, sensitive and thoughtful man.
You must try and pull yourself through this, u can do it, and we all know u will get there bill, also try and gain as much support around u as possible at all time, ring help lines that people on here have given u, shout and hollar and make people listen to u and also keep talking on here, because talking helps so much, u r not alone, but i know u feel that way, keep calling for help Bill and make people listen, there are people that will listen to u and help. hugs always xx
If I survive and I lose my mothers shoulder, what then will comfort and support me?
In "it's a Wonderful Life", George Bailey stands at the bar praying for God to show him the way. George then walks to a bridge and an angel called Clarence flies into the water to be his guiding light.
Where are you Clarence?:weep:
Although it might only be from a distance and as 'weak' as it might seem because we can't be there physically, WE'LL all be here to support you Bill.
'It's a Wonderful Life' may only be a film and there may be no visible signs of 'happy ever after' in real life but there are many people in the world......a lot of whom are members of this site.....who want so much to be able to help ease the hurt & pain of others.
I'm sure we'd all like to be called Clarence....just to be able to take away someone else's pain and help them see the good things in life and how much they help others without even thinking or being aware of it.
:bighug1:
Magz
:flowers::flowers:
"Dear Bill: Remember- No Man is a Failure who has Friends"
You may think you have no one to comfort and support you during your times of need, but you have so many around you that you don't seem to see.
I believe we all have a Clarence and you may think I am a dreamer, but in my worst times of despair, I have always had very very strong faith in my Clarence for keeping me safe.
God will only give you as much as you can handle. It is true. Bill, you have had demons thrown at you, and you would have never had thought you would survive all that you have already. But you have. Any other demons that come your way, you will survive. You must have the trust in God to keep you strong. He will keep you safe.
Clarence has been with you throughout all these bad times. He has helped to keep you strong so you could take care of your wife, your mom and your dog. Your dog has joined Clarence. And one day you will too. But throughout this path of life, you must remain strong and finish your mission that we are all here to fulfill. You may not know the answer, others can give you their word of advice, but your soul will guide you there. Once you make it through that journey all this pain will no longer be a reality and you will have an understanding of why it came into your life.
It's just my destiny because I know I Can't be helped!
Clarence can't give you all the answers, he can give you the strength to get through each day, but you are the driver of which path you want to take. Make up your mind Bill, do you want to keep walking to find the right path or do you want to stand still? Whichever you choose, Clarence will always be beside you.
And remember, Bill, "Strange isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?"
You have touched many lives, Bill. Lives you may never know.
Desprate Dan
12-12-09, 07:08
Bill, You are no way a lost cause, you are a very special person indeed and we all truely sympathise with you at this sad time. Your beloved friend would hate to see you feeling so low so dont let him, i bet now he is running free from pain, your father will be chucking him sticks and he will be chasing them and retrieveing them, he will be so happy that you chose to set him free.
Bill you really need to concentrate on yourself for awhile now, i am really concerned about you, just wished i lived closer so i could help you more, but all i can offer is words of comfort i feel so useless, you have given me so much good advice and support since i joined NMP, its only right that i feel so hopeless that i cant do more to help you..:weep:
You will never be alone Bill as long as you have NMP..:flowers:
Dan
JohnLuke300
12-12-09, 12:08
Bill, 'It's a Wonderful Life' is a very poignant depiction of depression. It shows how George's perception of his situation is skewed by his emotional state. The truth was his situation was know where near as dire as he believed it to be. Clarence show him this, he shows George how much he has done for others and the positive effect he made to their lives. He also shows George glimpses of what life would have been like if he had not existed. In the end George made the choice to live and to confess his turmoil to those he loved. It was the correct decision because taking his life would only negatively effect those who know him. Bill using 'It's a Wonderful Life' is a very apt example. You embody many of the virtues George did in the film and your situation again like George's is caused because you care too much for the suffering of others. I say 'too much' because you pay the price for that empathy. You are very emotional over the loss of your dog, but like George so many people would be negatively effected if you were no longer in their lives. You have had such a positive effect on all the people you have interacted with on this site, including myself.
Take care Bill,
John :hugs:
magpie girl
12-12-09, 17:47
hi bill ive just read about your loss and my heart goes out to you:hugs::hugs:I wish there was something i could do to take away your pain my friend but nothing prepares you for the pain and heartache you feel when your best friend has to go.Just remember the good times and the loving care you provided for your 4 legged friend xxxxxxxxxx
bellabessnjet
12-12-09, 22:39
Dear Bill,
You've been such an insperation to me, reading your posts makes me feel understood.
April 08 I lost my dog bessie, me and my husband had her for 12 years too. She took herself off to die, I was devasted. I felt that since our son was born in 2002 I'd let her down. not only was she my companion, but also my bodyguard. My hubby used to work 4am-12 noon, 1 morning (sunday) she would not stop barking at 6am. I was so angry with her, came down hats when I realised someone had tried to get in, If they had God only knows what would have happened to me!
The day before we had take her to the vets, she took herself outside, it was freezing, she laid down and refused to come in.I remember putting a blanket over her and taking food out to her, (I'm crying just thinking about her) anyway next day my hubby took her to vets! end of story. Good news we went to local dog sanctuary 6 months later it took another 3 months but we found (more like she found us) our ideal dog Missy. She is lovely though it has took me a while to get used to her. My son has autism but he will take her out, a blessing in disguise as he wouldn't go out before. Please keep going there are more animals out there that need your help and can offer you comfort, take care
Angela
Dear Bill, on reading bella post (the one above) made me think back to when my lovely neighbours lost their beautiful labrador last year, he too had been poorly for a while and he had to be lifted so that he could go to the toilet, they kept him as long as possible before he went to heaven. My neighbours were devastated and said we are never going to get another dog, we can't stand the pain of losing him. Six weeks later there was black labrador puppy sitting in their car, and what a complete joy he is. Their pain has diminished and joy has replaced it. Perhaps you might consider another labrador when you feel able to cope. God bless you Bill.
So sorry Bill to hear of your loss,I know how much he meant to you through our past posts and my heart went out to you when I read your post informing us all.Always remember that they don't really leave us and now that he is in spirit he will always remember the true bond that existed between you both.
I would like to remember here if I may a quotation that was said in a film called Ghost, "The love inside,you take it with you,it's amazing" as many people have said love never dies and you have both been very privileged to have shared your lives together.Always know that my thoughts are with you at this time and I hope you feel more at peace with yourself and stronger soon.Love and hugs-Mothermac xxx
hi bill, if you read any of these, please just let us all know u r ok, as lots of people worry about you in here, huge hugs xxxxx
Dear Bill,
I wanted to express my deepest condolences over your loss. I have just read through this thread and your heartbreaking posts brought tears into my eyes...
I know how it feels losing a father and a best-friend-pet :weep:
However, I KNOW that there are angels, as without them I am not sure I'd be still here... And I do believe that our loved ones joining them in the spirit world and become our guardian angels.
I am sure that your daddy and you beloved dog are with you in each moment and watching over you always.
Sending you loving thoughts and hugs,
Zsofi :hugs:
Bill my heart goes out to you - I am going to be in the same boat shortly - I have a black lab that is 12 going on 13 and I know he doesn't have much time left...I am DREADING that day! It sounds like you gave him a WODNERFUL life - in time the feelings will ease and life will go on!
I have received a message from Bill. He's been having computer problems as well as feeling low. It included this for everyone who has been concerned for him:
"You're welcome to let others know I'm "ok" just in case anyone is worrying about me and say I'm doing my best to get back to being "normal" in every sense!"
thankyou Maddie for letting us know, hugs xxx
Thank you Maddie for copying my message.:hugs: I'm Very Sorry if I've caused any worry to anyone who cares about me. I've had problems with the pc and it's still very unreliable but I'm getting help to sort it. I've also been getting bad sinus pain so I've been taking painkillers and even going to bed with a hot water bottle pressed against my jaw to ease it. It drives me up the wall so I've been having trouble concentrating on anything. I'm also on ad's which the doctor won't let me stop because I think she knows how I'm still feeling inside because I've also got various worries and stresses at home so I'm really struggling to hold my mind together. Of course there are also Christmas pressures with only me to care for and cook for 3 of us. My mind just feels really troubled because it's trying to process too many concerns and feelings so I'm feeling very fragile so things just feel too much at present which is the other reason for my silence! Too many issues and emotions to cope with at once so I still feel that even when the pc is sorted, I still need some time to fix myself before I can be of any use to anyone.
After hearing from Maddie I was concerned about causing any worry so I wanted to reassure those who care about me that despite what I've said above, I'm "ok" and plan to come back some time after Christmas once things and my mind settle.
I've read all your lovely replies on this thread but I must admit I've not read anything else yet. I need some time before I feel able to process things better. I'm just not with it at present.
John sums me up nicely - you care too much for the suffering of others. I say 'too much' because you pay the price for that empathy. You're right John because when something happens to crack my heart, it takes a long time to repair, especially when other things compound the pain it's suffered and my emotions feel laid bare.
I Will be ok though. I just need time.
Please have a Lovely Relaxing Christmas and I'm sorry if I've caused any worry by being quiet but I feel for one reason or another it's been beyond my control.
Thank you for caring and for being the Lovely people you Are!:bighug1:
Glad to see you back online Bill ....I will look forward to reading more of your posts sometime in the New Year when youre feeling stronger...take care matey. Hope you have a peaceful Christmas :hugs: Lex xxx
hello Bill, nice to see you back, take as much time as u need and hopefully u will start to feel stronger again, i hope xmas day with your wife and mother goes well and although it will b hard for you, try to relax and have a few mince pies ;) i hope 2010 will b a happier year for you. huge hugs and merry xmas. xxx
Under~The~Stars
23-12-09, 22:04
Bill, there are no words that I can give you that will help ease this pain you feel. But just know that I know exactly how you are feeling right now. The feeling is indescribable... Unbearable... I know :weep: I have been where you are. And please believe me in time it will get easier. I know it porbably doesn't feel like that right now, but it will :hugs:
I hope you find even a little comfort in this - http://www.petloss.com/poems/maingrp/rainbowb.htm I was given this when my beautiful boy passed away. They live on in our hearts, Bill...
Take care, sending you all the hugs in the world :hugs:
Just know that I am thinking of you. As are a LOT of other people :hugs:
x
Its good to hear from you Bill...look after yourself x
Thinking of you today Bill, your angel will be helping you get through. Will look forward to getting you back when you are rested. God bless.
Just in case you pop in:
:bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1:
sending hugs to you bill and hope u doing ok. xxxxxxxx
I hope I'm not being presumptuous here, but I just thought that when Bill returns, the title of this thread might be upsetting for him. So I've started another "To our friend Bill" for us to leave our messages. :flowers:
hi bill,
i dont know you well, but have read lots of your lovely posts as ive been on here a few years now.
i just wanted you to know your not alone in this pain.
i have a post on here from 2 years ago when i too lost my dearest friend in the whole world to me. my lovely dog yandi.
she was so so much more then just a dog. she cared for me when i was in my twentys. she loved me when noone else would. so i feel i really do feel your pain. i still cry a lot over her and if i could get her back, id do anything.
dogs are such amazing creatures. even tho you have lost your best friend, you have also been the luckiest person in the world to have been selected to have your dog in your life. as much as i miss yandi, i feel so priviledged to have been the one she chose to live with.
your pain will turn into beautiful memories with an exeptional being.
:bighug1:
Hi Bill
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, made me feel awful for not staying in touch.. hugs sent
Reading your story brought back so many emotions for me! We had our dog put to sleep almost 5 years ago, when we were told he was experiencing kidney failure. He was only 7 years old, but was a part of our family, and my best friend also. I was very depressed after losing him, and all I can say is that the pain does weaken with time. To this day though, I can not talk about him without getting a lump in my throat and wanting to cry:weep:. I miss him terribly, but I am glad he is not suffering anymore. Sorry for your loss, and sending a big hug your way!!!
I'm still dreaming about him and he still feels around me. If I keep busy, I'm ok. It's when I stop to think I get problems.
I know some people who have never owned a dog will wonder how losing a pet can be so traumatic but they really do become part of the family.
However, in my situation I feel he meant much much more to me because he really did feel like my best friend. He was the Only one I could really talk to who I knew would stay by my side. When I went through my bad times 10 years ago when I felt totally alone, he was the one I turned to for comfort because there was no one else.
When I lost my father 4 years ago, I came home and took him out. I knew he would provide me with the comfort I needed.
Losing him......who was there to turn to? My wife just couldn't understand his suffering which made it even more painful to bear as I felt that everything was on my shoulders. How could I tell the vet it was his time when the vet kept asking me to decide? To lose him would be too much to bear but to see him suffering was also unbearable. I couldn't win either way.
The night before, I slept downstairs with him. Previously he'd collapsed in the kitchen and lay in his on wee because he couldn't get to the door in time. I couldn't move him. I just had to wait until he'd finished before cleaning him and clearing the mess. The next morning he was still in the same position he'd gone to bed in. I gave him some treats but when I moved just a foot away from him he gave up and laid his head back down. A labrador would do Anything for more food! I begged him to move. I prayed he'd get up. I just couldn't face losing him. I waited and waited that morning, hoping that by some miracle he'd move but he just couldn't so I had no choice but to call the vet.
When the vet came round, she saw his condtion. He'd look up with expecting eyes looking for fuss or treats but when I looked back at him I felt So bad. I wanted him to be as he was. I didn't want to be forced into a corner.
The vet just wouldn't say it was time and my wife just kept asking questions. Could anything more be done? She showed the vet that he could get up if he was helped up and dragged him around the garden to show he could still walk if he was supported. Every time they let go, he flopped back and just couldn't move. He'd lay down flat, often in his own mess.
I tried to explain he was a dog and not a human being. A human being can be put in a nursing home but a dog just can't understand. He would bark out of frustration and pain.
On and on it went with the vet unable to make the decision for us. I knew what had to be done but I couldn't say the word. Only when my wife asked the vet what she would do if he was her dog did the vet say it was his time. Only then did my wife understand it was beyond hope.
I couldn't stay and watch. I didn't want the memory of seeing his eyes looking at me when I felt I was betraying his expectation. I couldn't bear to watch losing my best friend. I couldn't even watch as they carried him out the house. I just went upstairs alone and sobbed.
I couldn't sleep after that. I felt so aggitated. I couldn't relax because every time I closed my eyes I saw him and I felt so bad and uneasy. If I could have reurned to bad habits, I would have because losing him felt like losing hope of any future but I still have to think of my mother who is ill. If i lose her, what will be left? I can't think of a Happy New Year because I fear it too much. I don't want to lose her too. I just don't know how I'll cope without my best friend to comfort me.
Now, I just feel empty. The whole experience has drained me and it's reminded me just how weak and soft I am. I know what you think of me but I can't see those things in me. As John said, I'm "too" caring which means I'm too vulnerable for this world which is why I don't belong. Maybe one day I'll find peace away from hurt, pain and suffering.
I try not to think about losing him too much and I'm trying to work out ways so that I can cope with the future. Maybe I'll go out more and try to meet more people. Maybe if angels really do exist such in the people like yourselves, there will be others I can find in real life. The only other option would be to give up on living because there is no happiness in feeling alone.
I'm still taking amitriptyline 25mg which knocked me out at first which is why the doctor prescribed them to help me sleep. I'm glad she did. Now though I want to come off them so I'm reducing them. They can't cure feeling alone but I've lived with that for 10 years anyway so I can learn to live with my "loyal companion" again even without my best friend to comfort me.
As for finding another best friend, I just couldn't cope with another dog as there are too many other problems at home.
I feel almost back to normal now so hopefully soon I'll be posting more but I still need a little more time before I feel able to cope.
Anyway, I honestly can't find the words that would feel adequate to say in reply to your kindness and compassion so I found this old poem and I've adapted it to suit. I hope in some way it will go towards thanking you for thinking and caring about me. At least with you around and your kind words, I know I'm not entirely alone.......(By the way, the angel never appeared like in the film It's a wonderful life so I guess that proves reality just isn't the same as fantasy....but I do know angels really do exist....because they reside in all of you otherwise you wouldn't be the caring people you are!!!:hugs:) So to all the angels on this thread and others on nmp who I know care about me.....
The appreciated angels
“A message of gratitude”:-
Through your kindness and compassion,
With no pretence, mirages or illusions,
Upon others lives you bring tranquillity and harmony,
Providing us with inspiration, alleviating all our anxieties,
Your auras of authority ardently allure,
The pure in people that persistently pours,
From their innermost sub-consciousness, in the most sacred of souls,
No one can resist your magnetic charm that reverently revolve,
Glowing lights of enchanting examples,
Attracting all with crystals of clarity,
Shining brilliantly for all eternity,
Sharing your sensitivity, softly, subtly,
Enigmatic, elusive, flittering, fluttering,
Butterflies with velvet wings, angels that sweetly sing,
One precious moment appearing, in one fleeting second moving on,
Continuing your mission, sounding your empathic song,
Admired by all,
In their minds you stand tall,
Respected and loved for the sincerity you radiate,
To all you help, your caring compassion is so Richly Appreciated!
Just keep being YOU and NEVER change. Let others learn to be more like YOU because without people like you this world would lose ALL hope!....and don't laugh because I mean it because this world will Always need such Caring people as all of YOU!!!:hugs:
Wishing you ALL a Happy Healthy New Year.:bighug1:
Bill, I know it's no use me saying I understand your pain. To some measure I do, because I lost a dog who helped me through a breakup, divorce and years of lonely living alone after. I still think of her, but know that I did right to end her suffering when it became impossible to elleviate it.
You are a kind, wise, caring man. And you are a friend. You don't have to be brave and strong, give from yourself or respond to other to be here. friendship works two ways. Please allow your friends to help you through your pain. We miss you.
:bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1:
Thank you for being a friend sweet Maddie but I feel it's something I need to work through myself as I always have had to do alone before. I see no future other than to keep surviving in the hope of finding people like yourself who really understand me. In this world it seems so easy to assume everyone thinks the same with the same motives and therefore people can also be so easily misunderstood. That's why I miss my father and my best friend so much. My father understood me and my best friend would always console me without judging me and my motives because they knew me so well.
Thank you for caring sweet Maddie. Hopefully one day I'll find myself again. I've already talked too much about me on here.:hugs:
Desprate Dan
31-12-09, 05:08
Bill i am so glad that you came on and posted although i was almost in tears reading the story, Bill you know everyone is behind you and cares so much about you, but i understand that there is times when you need just to be on your own, but when ever you feel you need a hand just reach out we are all here to help you, because you are such a special caring and understanding person and for all the help and advice you have given to us all in the past, its our duty to be strong and be there for you when you need us to be...
Thinking of you
Dan
Southern_Belle
31-12-09, 15:22
Bill,
I am so sorry for your loss and hope you will feel better soon.
Many hugs,
Laura
xBettyBoopx
31-12-09, 17:58
Bill:hugs::hugs::hugs:
I do understand your pain and I know how hard it is that no one else can even help you through it. We all think the world of you on here and I hope that the heartache and pain will soon diminish. I pray that 2010 will be a wonderful year for you my dear friend.
Love
Els
xxxx
Hello Bill
I am glad that you returned. You are missed.
I am so sorry for the loss of your dog. I cried reading your post.
I have a new dog (pic above of how he looks) and I cannot even begin to imagine how I would be if anything happened to him and I have only had him for a while.
You must be feeling terrible - I cannot even begin to imagine how much so. You are right in saying dogs (or any pet) become part of the family.
I am also so sorry for the loss of your Dad.
I lost mine a year ago and miss him so much, so much so, that I can't think too much about him or it becomes too much.
You seem such a good man, Bill, and I love reading your posts. I hope that you will return once you feel up to it. I have read so many posts saying the same.
Until then I am sending you a big hug .
:bighug1:
hi Bill, you are most definately not soft and weak, like i have said before you r extremely strong, you have had to have been and i know you worry about your mother and i cant imagine your pain, but never doubt your strength.
Thankyou for my email and i am so pleased you posted on here, u have so much support and that poem was beautiful. hugs xx
Imagine walking along with your beloved father on one side and your best friend (your dog) on the other. Now picture losing your beloved father and after a few more steps you then also lose your best friend. Now picture that you've been left alone to carry an ill partner on one shoulder and an ill mother you love on your other shoulder. Now picture that you've been walking on a frozen lake and that your weight feels so much that you fear that as time goes by the weight might ease but in return you know you'll be left with more hurt and more pain and left feeling alone in an empty wilderness knowing that the only comfort you'll find is when you find peace when later the ice breaks beneath you.....and that is how I feel.
I cannot look at a new year with optimism. I can only look at it as another step towards the time I'll be left feeling totally alone in an empty wilderness waiting for the ice to break. It will be my only escape but I've only myself to blame. Such is life and such is fate when you are too weak to abandon your weight on the frozen lake.:hugs:
dear bill - so sorry for your loss - and how terrible of the vet to put you in that position - he really should have said enough was enough - they are after all in a position of impartiality but i suppose they are too worried about being sued etc.
i appreciate the point you made about all the problems you have are stopping you from getting another dog but i am sure owning a dog made these problems much more bearable - you have coped before and you would again. so many pet owners make it unnecessarily hard on themselves by not getting another thinking it would be disloyal to the memory of the pet who has passed but think of it this way - they would want you to be happy - they are now free and out of pain and there are plenty of adult dogs/puppies looking for loving homes. They bring their own love with them too.
i had to decide to put my grandmas dog down when my grandma was in hospital - he was in a terrible state and was with him when the vet came to do it. it was one of the most upsetting things i have had to ever do so i cannot imagine what it must be like when it is your own dog - we have 4 dogs of our own so we do have this to come for all of them one day. i have also lost 4 cats to road accidents - all young - the last time it happened right in front of me and the card did not even stop - i had to watch my cat die in the road so you are not alone. the kindest thing any pet owner can do is to let them go when it is their time and this is what you have done.
Poem for the Grieving…
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn’s rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there, I did not die…
-Anonymous
Under~The~Stars
02-01-10, 14:12
Bill, I can relate so much to what you say and how you feel...
You are such an amazing person, and I just hope so much that you get the happiness that you deserve...
I don't really have any advice, I'm sorry :weep: But I just want you to know I'm here if you need me...
x
It's coming up to nearly a month since I lost him and yet sometimes when I'm reminded about him I still feel like crying but when that happens I try to think of other things.
I've stopped taking the ad's and I feel no different to how I was before I lost him so I'm not intending on going back on them.
I just wanted to say a Huge thank you to All the kind caring people on this thread who have comforted me.
I think now with Christmas out the way, I need to try and re-build my life within my limitations.:hugs:
:hugs:dear bill, when your tears start to flow, why not try to let them? your heart and mind want to release all of your pain - tears are our way of doing this - you will not die or go mad or never stop crying - please let your feelings out - honour them - you will feel better - i have lost a parent bill, the same as you - who was the most important person in my life - i am in a lonely relationship that doesnt work th eway i want it to, and i have lost 2 pregnancies in th elast 5 years that have again broke my heart - but bill, im still here - i do have my angel daughter though, which i know you dont have. and i know you are fearing the loss of your mum - but bill until you breathe your last breath you have yourself, you are your greatest friend bill - and you have so many friends here - real friends, even if they are on a computer, we are all still real ppl. you have loved and lost bill, but if you hadnt you wouldnt have your wonderful memories and such strong feelings of love for you dad and you best friend - the connection we make with our pets is deeply profound to those who have pets, so we all know where you are coming from - in time you may feel you want to give your love and care to another pet, who knows? let your feelings out bill, they wont harm you - but holding them inside may? tc, emma xxxxx
Good to have you back Bill :bighug1: :bighug1:
Under~The~Stars
04-01-10, 17:14
:hugs: xx
thinking of you bill xxxxx
hi bill,
the grieving is an important part of it i think.
i remember crying for a whole month after losing yandi...the only reason i stopped is because my husband gave me a new puppy who needed me, so that would distract my tears....i knew the pup would not replace yandi, but the distraction was great and now 2 years on, my new little dog is very attached to me, and i love him.
i still cry to think of yandi, i will never forget her. we pulled out bed out into the loungroom for her last week of life as she couldnt get to our room...we took turns checking on her all night. we bought tasty treats like bbq pork to entice her to eat...anything to hang in there...i wouldnt let go of her...
she wasnt in pain, so we decided to let nature run its course, she was so attached to us i felt this right, even tho the vet kept leaving messages saying we needed to put her down....
the last night she was alive, i finally told her it was ok to go, i knew i had to let her go and i felt she was hanging on for me, we gave her a bath together, and she loved it, we took her out on the lawn in the morning to enjoy the sun, which i know she also loved...we then decided to drive her to our family farm as she was such a nature dog, sadly she didnt make it to the farm. it was surreal really. i gave her some icecream, which she licked, she then looked at me like it was time to go, she lay her head down, and was gone in a minute...very quietly....
gosh, im crying now writing this....a part in sadness, but mostly in love for her.
its important to cry, remember and keep loving them for what they gave us- a much more amazing life then we could have otherwise had. dogs are just the most amazing creatures....they love unconditionally. they dont care what you look like, how much money have have etc...they just want some food, a place to rest and hugs...lots of them...
as painful as my loss was, as is yours, its worth it to have had them in our lives.
this will become less painful for you bill over time. you wont forget him, but you will have wonderful memories...
thanks for this thread...i love sharing my lovely story of yandi with other dog lovers who i know understand life with dogs.....
:bighug1::bighug1:
they love unconditionally. they dont care what you look like, how much money have have etc...they just want some food, a place to rest and hugs...lots of them...
Yes, although their lives are so short, sometimes they are better than human beings and sometimes have a better life than us human beings too!:winks:
let your feelings out bill, they wont harm you - but holding them inside may?
I agree Emma but sometimes when a wound bleeds with no plaster to help heal it, the bleeding can never stop so sometimes there is no choice but to try and keep the wound closed, even if it does then fester within your body. A wound can only heal if or when the right treatment can be applied but sometimes an adequate plaster can never be found or provided.:hugs:
:hugs:bill, i agree as i am in the same situation myself now - although at some level i am able to see light at the end of the tunnel, even though i am in a very dark place right now - i hold on to the fact that it isnt me anymore creating my dark place, but someone else is doing this to me - before i was blaming my whole self now i can see more clearly that other ppl have a responsibility too - would i be right in saying though that you have no-one else to share responsibilty with and so you feel you have to always 'blame' yourself? - i understand how you feel when the tears are constantly there and sadness wont go away, im sorry for you that you feel this way right now, or at least you did a while ago - how are you now?, emma:hugs:
I thought of you just a short while ago Bill. I've started swimming again to try and de-stress myself!! I've not been for a while and I have to pass a farm. The memory came back of my friend's dog, Skye, a beautiful collie, who passed away last year. My friend lives in the middle of a housing estate, about three miles from this farm. One day Skye got out of the house and ran away. My friend and her family were distraught - wondering, was she knocked down by a car, taken away by someone, wandering the streets....? It wasn't until the next day that she received a phone call from the farm I've mentioned to say that they had Skye. She had turned up there and was happy as larry!! We went and collected her. The farmer said she was such a beautiful, great dog. We still laugh about it to this day the fact that Skye had arrived at this farm - she had class - no dirty back streets, housing estate for her!!! I still get a lump in my throat when I think of her. Beautiful Skye. So I can imagine how you must feel about your dog. They are irreplacable.
Myra:hugs:
Still thinking of you Bill
X:hugs::hugs::hugs:
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