View Full Version : Anyway to convince myself this is JUST anxiety?
As you may have seen from my other post, I am keen to beat this anxiety through acceptance.
The only thing stopping me is that I have strong paranoia that my symptoms are not normal anxiety, but are permanent and caused from brain damage (either from drug use or from a couple of concussions I have had).
Professionals dispute this, and say that this is just GAD. However, I just can't seem to convince myself. It "feels" unnatural.
Does anye have any suggestions for how I can convince myself?
My attitude towards men may make my response rather biased. Men like logical reasons for things, their minds work differently. Alot of men ask others 'am I gay' if they wear a pink shirt for example, their self perception seems to come from their friends and family rather than from deep within themselves.
You're looking for validation for what you believe is a genuine physical cause. To me it makes perfect sense that if you have taken drugs and have had concussion in the past you will be at a higher risk of anxiety but this may only be temporary. The drug use may contribute to the paranoia that your fears have real physical grounds but complications from concussion are rare and would more likely manifest as pain, blurred vision or dizziness rather than anxiety.
Hi Davey Boy,
I'm very much with you on this one. I've been through all the same worries about having maybe done something permanent to myself, and having some kind of brain problems.
Basically, I've been told by a neurologist something I try to remember... if you are getting up every day, you have enough strength in your legs and your arms to carry out normal day to day tasks, if you have enough cognitive ability to work, speak to people, drive, etc.... THEN THERE IS NOTHING WRONG IN YOUR BRAIN
I try to hold onto this and try ACCEPTANCE OF SYMPTOMS but I know how hard it is. Try to think of it not as a fight, don't fight any symptom, let it wash over you, try NOT TO CARE LESS ABOUT IT...
I know how hard it is. Keep going strong.
Gareth
Hey Davey Boy,
I am a woman and I have major issues with needing constant reassurance from others. Maybe I am not looking deep into myself and that is why I am in the place that I am now.
I had health anxiety prior to full blown panic and anxiety and I find myself never trusting doctors, therapists, friends and even myself. The problem with us sufferers is we have the constant "what if" in the back of our heads. That is one absurdity of this disease. One day you will convince yourself that you do not have brain damage, and then the next something with switch on and you will begin obsessing with those thoughts again.
All I can say since I have gone through similar thoughts, is that you need to let go somehow. You do need to trust the experts that have examined you and said that you are ok. It is difficult to trust, we sufferers have many control issues, but in order for you to pass this, you need to let go somehow. You can spend hours going to different doctors, looking for the answer you want. You still won't get the answer you want yet you will continue the cycle.
I also believe you are having these thoughts as a coping mechanism for guilt. You are having guilty thoughts in regards to using drugs and other behaviors that you feel have risked you. If you can accept that you are well (which I am 200% sure that you are) than you need to work on putting this particular worry behind you so you can focus on the road ahead of you. You have paralyzed yourself with this worry. You will not improve until you accept that you are ok. I know you feel your brain is broke, but all of us feel that way. We do have brain damage and it is purely psychological. If our brains are so complex in that it made us this way, I have much faith that it can also be trained back. It will take a lot of time and hard work but it can happen. You need to accept that you are fine physically, before you will ever be able to accept anxiety. Best of luck and try not to worry. xxoo
Thanks you two, those replies have actually been incredibly helpful.
Reading your replies makes me realise just how big an issue this is for me, and just how sensitive I am to it. My thinking is very "All or Nothing" with this it seems. Reading Gareth's post, I found myself thinking that actually I am bound to not be brain damaged, and the difference this thought makes to my outlook is huge. For a few seconds I felt really positive and realised that I can recover.
Kerrigan, your post is actually very positive too, but my thinking is so paranoid that I just pick up on the fact that you say you can see it makes perfect sense that I might be at a higher risk for anxiety. Are you then saying though, that you think this increased risk doesn't make it more likely to be permanent?
It is the idea that this is permanent that drives the real fear into me, I am becoming more and more aware of this. My thought process then also looks to blame myself. For instance, I remember one time I had concussion, I was drinking a lot at the time because I was not happy with my life. I stupidly drank a few beers the day after the concussion even though I knew I shouldn't have. I just can't forgive myself for the fact that I did something so reckless that could now be a cause of my anxiety (even though I know logically, that chance is very low).
It is actually the fears over drug use that is bigger for me. I have binged on ecstasy a few times, and that scares me a great deal. However, these binges were actually after my GAD started, and in all fairness I don't think the binges have had any real effect on it. Psychiatrists also have told me not to worry too much, as in reality I would need to be abusing drugs heavily for many years before they had a real detrimental effect on my brain. They have said the media way overhypes how bad these drugs are, and whilst they are not good to use, they can be compared to alcohol in many respects - i.e. it will damage your body, but a few binges is not going to realisitically do you any noticable harm.
Hey Davey Boy,
I am a woman and I have major issues with needing constant reassurance from others. Maybe I am not looking deep into myself and that is why I am in the place that I am now.
I had health anxiety prior to full blown panic and anxiety and I find myself never trusting doctors, therapists, friends and even myself. The problem with us sufferers is we have the constant "what if" in the back of our heads. That is one absurdity of this disease. One day you will convince yourself that you do not have brain damage, and then the next something with switch on and you will begin obsessing with those thoughts again.
All I can say since I have gone through similar thoughts, is that you need to let go somehow. You do need to trust the experts that have examined you and said that you are ok. It is difficult to trust, we sufferers have many control issues, but in order for you to pass this, you need to let go somehow. You can spend hours going to different doctors, looking for the answer you want. You still won't get the answer you want yet you will continue the cycle.
I also believe you are having these thoughts as a coping mechanism for guilt. You are having guilty thoughts in regards to using drugs and other behaviors that you feel have risked you. If you can accept that you are well (which I am 200% sure that you are) than you need to work on putting this particular worry behind you so you can focus on the road ahead of you. You have paralyzed yourself with this worry. You will not improve until you accept that you are ok. I know you feel your brain is broke, but all of us feel that way. We do have brain damage and it is purely psychological. If our brains are so complex in that it made us this way, I have much faith that it can also be trained back. It will take a lot of time and hard work but it can happen. You need to accept that you are fine physically, before you will ever be able to accept anxiety. Best of luck and try not to worry. xxooWOW
Mya, we have spoken a bit already, but this post is almost scary with how right you are about me. In fact you've made me really come to understand just how much this is a coping mechanism for guilt. I have been starting to see that recently (as mentioned in my post above), but now I see this is more of an issue than I had even realised.
By the way, I was writing that last reply as you were writing this one, hence I didn't address it.
You are so right though, I have to let go. I guess it's like falling over backwards when people are going to catch you. Logically, you know you will be fine as you trust these people, and their strength to hold you safely. But then there's always that instinctive fear that you will hurt yourself. I am definitely a control freak, I want to know everything is right in my head. I just haven't found a way to let go of the controls yet. I guess I'm getting there slowly though. I'm gonna have to completely let myself go eventually though, and that does frighten me.
Maybe letting go completely even means to accept the possibility that I will not recover??? That, I am not sure of yet :huh:
P.S, Mya, yet the constant "what if" really is the absurdity of anxiety! It's almost a catch 22, you need to accept it to recover, but the nature of the problem makes you want to question it!
Davey re-read your last paragraph. You have answered your own questions.
Now you just have to believe what you say.
:hugs:
erin31, do you mean this one: "Maybe letting go completely even means to accept the possibility that I will not recover??? That, I am not sure of yet"?
Erin is absolutely right. We already have our questions answered but the issue remains in how to believe it and move on.
All anxiety sufferers are using coping mechanisms to deal with past guilt and traumas. Same goes for phobias. We perceive things in a larger magnitude for what they really are because we have not learned to accept past events.
You have admitted to yourself that you have abused your body in the past. You have guilt and fear for those actions. You must accept that what you have done in the past is done. You cannot change it. There is no point in dwelling on it. You are wasting energy by doing that. You need to be thankful that YOU ARE OK physically. YOU ARE OK. You have learned your lesson to take better care of yourself.
I myself have severe control issues as well. I am hypersensitive about my body and its symptoms. I am beginning to allow myself to just embrace symptoms but like you, I know I have to let go, it is just a matter of figuring out how. I know for a fact, that I will never be able to let go of everything, but if I can let go of little things one at a time I will be able to control my anxiety much better. Anxiety will never go away completely, this is our nature. It is a matter of being aware that it will be there, can strike at any moment, but we CAN learn to manage it so it is not the only occupier of our mind. I don't have the answer on how to let go, but with hard work, I hope I can help to guide you and myself to a path towards freedom
You sound like me! I convinced myself I'd "destroyed my brain" with one single usage of LSD back when I was 20, and a few uses of cocaine. It simply isn't true.
I am told by all sorts of people that I am a "black and white" thinker. Much like your "all or nothing" phrase. We seeks definite answers to everything and if we don't get them we go crazy. It's an emotional thing. I would imagine at some point in your life you've had a period where you didn't get the reassurance you needed, so you provided it for yourself. Your mind wants to continue to do this for you by answering all the questions about these weird sensations or feelings that you are experiencing.
And the permanence thing. Yep, that's me too. When I first experienced anxiety back in 2005 this was the thing that kept me up at night the most. I was terrified of it never going away. With lots of work and citalopram to help me, it did. I got well.
This time I'm flying solo without the pills and trying to ACCEPT, RELAX, ACCEPT, RELAX, ACCEPT, RELAX, ACCEPT RELAX...!!! Doesn't mean I'm not scared and totally p1ssed off with the whole thing... but will keep on keeping on!
Gareth
Thanks Gareth.
Actually, I think you're on to something with the "reassurance" thing. My parents never really did that. I don't think they really knew how to treat me, as the senstive type of person that I am. My dad is very much a macho man type of guy, and I get the impression my mum thinks I'm a bit wimpy with my worries. I guess they kind of dismissed my behaviour. Whilst I know I shouldn't worry as much, it's just how I am and I couldn't really help it.
Sorry Davey, you and I posted at the same time. I was talking about your previous post........
It is actually the fears over drug use that is bigger for me. I have binged on ecstasy a few times, and that scares me a great deal. However, these binges were actually after my GAD started, and in all fairness I don't think the binges have had any real effect on it. Psychiatrists also have told me not to worry too much, as in reality I would need to be abusing drugs heavily for many years before they had a real detrimental effect on my brain. They have said the media way overhypes how bad these drugs are, and whilst they are not good to use, they can be compared to alcohol in many respects - i.e. it will damage your body, but a few binges is not going to realisitically do you any noticable harm.
:hugs:
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