blip again, wish it would stop!

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

i'm been on cit, for 2 years, side effects are still on going shaking and dizzyness, I started on cit in 2004 for 2 years, started at 20mg eventually up to 60mg, cause of my panic attacks, anxiety plus severe depression, cause the dr says they were not working for me, he changed them and put me onto Venafaxine, which cause me to get really worse, very suicidal, I was on them for about 1 year, then I was put back on cit, and since then still have the shakes and the dizzyness. I did not have the shakes or the dizzyness before starting cit all those years ago, though when the dr stop and change from cit to Venafaxine, the shakes and the dizzyness had stopped. since being back on the cit 20mg eventually up to 60mg, in Jan 09, dr reduced to 20mg to help lessen the shakes, though I still have the shakes and the dizzyness. though when I change over to different meds, i have no affects from with drawel. I have lots of blips, plus I go for counseling every week. since being on cit, I have no motivation, though I'm working on trying to keep postitive, very hard, when it's a fighting battle in my mind. right now I working on staying out of hospital this Jan 2010. I hope so, though I've started to wobble again. wish it would stop.



Yvonne

[KK77]

I think it's time you visited your doctor again Yvonne, because it sounds as though you need to have your meds looked at again. There are meds that can be prescribed to help reduce the tremor if your doctor thinks you should remain on citalopram, but it sounds as though you need the higher dose.

I don't know if you've been on any other meds apart from venlafaxine and citalopram but there are many more that you could try.

Have a word with your doctor and I hope you feel better soon.

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi Melancholia77,

Thank you, I will go and see my dr again, he was going to change my meds when I was at 60mg of cit, then he changed his mind. in the hospital one dr says that my med were to change, then another says no. I will go and see the dr again. I never understood why they changed their mind.

I will keep you posted.

Yvonne

[Asha1979]

Hi Melancholia yes I echo the above posters advice - go and see your doctor you should not have to go through this x

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

I went to see my Dr, she is taking me of citalopram, and starting me on a different tablet next week. I stopped the cilalopram today. I keep you posted how thing go. thank you for your support and advice.

Yvonne

[KK77]

Wish you luck Yvonne. Let us know how you get on. You'll get there in the end ...

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi Melancholia77,

Since being off Cit, I have had a great week, got my motivation back, no more dizziness and no more shaking. I talked with my dr, she says not going to put me on anything at present, she is going to keep an eye on this, to see how things go. I am on Trazadone, which helps me to sleep in the evening, the dr and I think Trazadone is doing a bit more than helping me to sleep, like helping my mood to positive. my dr is pleased with my moods and that I have had a great week. I let you know how things go.

Yvonne

[NoPoet]

I was going to recommend you wean yourself off cit and try something else. There are loads of medications out there. Just because cit isn't for you doesn't mean something else wouldn't work.

Depression and anxiety can be cyclical, so you feel better for a week, then have a blip for a week and so on. I'm still investigating why this happens. If you are on the right dose of the right med you should find the blips decline dramatically.

[KK77]

Hi Melancholia77,

Since being off Cit, I have had a great week, got my motivation back, no more dizziness and no more shaking. I talked with my dr, she says not going to put me on anything at present, she is going to keep an eye on this, to see how things go. I am on Trazadone, which helps me to sleep in the evening, the dr and I think Trazadone is doing a bit more than helping me to sleep, like helping my mood to positive. my dr is pleased with my moods and that I have had a great week. I let you know how things go.

Yvonne

Great news Yvonne! Trazodone is definitely a good option if SSRIs don't agree with you. I'm surprised doctors don't prescribe it more often as it can help a lot with sleep, anxiety and depression. And it can apparently increase dopamine too, thus helping with problems like tremors that SSRIs can cause.

I think it's wise of your doctor not to try anything else and see how it goes with the trazodone.

Very pleased for you :yesyes:

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi

Thank you for your support and advice, this web site is awesome and is very helpful.
thank you for being very helpful. I appreciate this thanks :hugs:

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

I'm still having a good week, however, my anx and panic attacks are back, now realising that cit helped in away, though cause me to suffer the side affects and lose motivation, when I go and see my gp next week, am going to ask her if there is something that can help reduce the anx and panic attacks.

I look back to see why I feel so anx and panicky, I can not find anything, then I look to see what is ahead, maybe it cause of the anniversary of my mom's death, though it has been 12 years ago. I dont know why I'm getting panicky over that. maybe because I want to stay out of hospital this time, if I get past it this time round, then I will be able to get past that time of year, every year.

I hope I get past these panic attacks, puts you off your food.

Yvonne

[KK77]

Don't forget that coming off citalopram can cause temporary anxiety and panic. It can be part of the withdrawal process.

When you see your doctor discuss how you feel. But it could be a temporary withdrawal blip and you may feel better again next week. It doesn't automatically mean you need to go back on citalopram.

Let us know how you get on Yvonne and wish you well.

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi Melancholia77,

Thank you for the advice, propably that's what it is, I will let my gp know how I'm feeling. well that's Christmas over with, thank goodness, now for new year. Yes I will let you know how I get on. Hope you have good day today.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/images/avatars/yingyang.gif (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/member.php?u=23731) Melancholia77 (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/member.php?u=23731),

I went to see the dr this morning, I let the dr know about the panic attacks, she says they are not withdrawal symptoms from cit, she also says that no way she putting me back on to cit, though she has given me more trazodone 7 days worth. I've to take them at night, after I have taken my usual doseage 50mg, and only if I get panicky to panic attack, I can take another one and to see how things go, I have another double appointment with her next week. after discussing with the dr, I realised that there is a whole lot of things going on in my life that can cause me to get very panicy about. Being refused funding for course, my friend going home for good in Feb 2010. plus new year's eve is tomorrow the anversiry of my mums death. and a few other things too. that I am working towards staying out of hospital this coming year. I dont want to go into hospital and spend another 2 months. hopefully after new year has passed, I will be less panicky. hopefully not panicky.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi

Still having panic attacks, now they have got worse, not just panicking in the evening, I'm also panicking during the day. I wish it would stop, very draining and tiring. I keep telling myself to relax and listen to relaxng music. though this did not seem to be helping, eventually last night I managed to relax, and go to sleep with out having a panic attack, though it was short lived, I woke up in the middle of panick attack at 3am, took ages to stop, then I had more of these horrible panic attacks, trying to relax and stop it from taking control.

I'm going to have to pull out of my uni course, as I can not consentrate on my assignments, got to get this panic attacks under control. it feels like forever.

is there any other ideas to help to overcome them. very much appreciate any ideas please.

I managed to get past new years eve, then had my family up the next day, and we ended up talking about my mom, my son wanted to know what happened the night before my mom died. gee I knew this was helping my son with his problem, did not help me with mine, after my family went a way home, my panic attacks got worse that day, I have only just got over the overwhelming stage with the help of First Crisis.

I very much want to o/d or self harm, thank God I didnt.

Yvonne

[KK77]

Things will gradually get better Yvonne - it's just the time of year as you've said, the memories and fears ... you're bound to feel panicky and low.

From what you've said, you've done very well to keep out of hospital and I'm sure that you can keep it up. Let the panic attacks come and go - don't fight them, and they'll gradually decrease in intensity and frequency. Also, if you're just on trazodone, perhaps your GP could give you something extra to get through this period? Perhaps some diazepam? Don't be afraid to ask your GP - they may say no but you have the right to ask for an alternative.

Keep strong and be positive that this will get better and eventually pass. You've done incredibly well already and nothing lasts for ever - the good or the bad ... it all comes to an end...

Take care and keep posting your updates here.

All the best.

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi Melancholia77,

Thank you Melancholia77, for your advice and support very much appreciated, thanks.

One stress releifed, I had an appointment with my tutor today over the phone, his advice was to continue with my course, though I can defer part B for the Spring and start it in August 2010, just keep doing the two modules that I'm studying just now. what a releif this is, means I can pay for the two that I'm doing now and pay for the rest in August, or If I change my mind, I can be come associate Student and study a module at a time. Now I have time to think about it. plus I can have extra time to complete my assignments. I hope these panic attacks will eventually stop. since the phone call to my tutor, I have not had a panick attack today. Praise God for that. I got a letter to write now. going to write my letter to helpdesk to get part B deferred. let you know what happens. plus let you know if I have anymore panic attacks.

Yvonne

[Gaz1981]

Hi Melancholia77,

Thank you Melancholia77, for your advice and support very much appreciated, thanks.

One stress releifed, I had an appointment with my tutor today over the phone, his advice was to continue with my course, though I can defer part B for the Spring and start it in August 2010, just keep doing the two modules that I'm studying just now. what a releif this is, means I can pay for the two that I'm doing now and pay for the rest in August, or If I change my mind, I can be come associate Student and study a module at a time. Now I have time to think about it. plus I can have extra time to complete my assignments. I hope these panic attacks will eventually stop. since the phone call to my tutor, I have not had a panick attack today. Praise God for that. I got a letter to write now. going to write my letter to helpdesk to get part B deferred. let you know what happens. plus let you know if I have anymore panic attacks.

Yvonne

I know it might seem a bit random, but since you're not medicating right now, had you considered learning about tapping or thought field therapy? Those are really good for controlling the symptoms of a panic attack, if you take the time to learn the techniques right. They aren't a cure by any means, but if you can actually control it when it happens, it might not be so bad.

[yvonne_uk_98]

I know it might seem a bit random, but since you're not medicating right now, had you considered learning about tapping or thought field therapy? Those are really good for controlling the symptoms of a panic attack, if you take the time to learn the techniques right. They aren't a cure by any means, but if you can actually control it when it happens, it might not be so bad.


Hi Gaz1981,

Thank you for your advice, may I ask what do you mean by tapping or thought field therapy?

Please could you explain, very much appreciated thanks.

Yvonne

[Gaz1981]

I was introduced to this technique by a woman called Gill Harvey Bush. She does lots of things like tapping, thought field therapy, hypnotherapy etc etc. She really knows her stuff, she was trained by Paul McKenna and shes also been on the Jeremy Kyle show as part of their therapy team.

I was looking for her site because she did telephone consultations too, but it appears shes isn't doing it anymore. Shame, she really was good at it. I found these videos on Youtube though and they really give you a good idea of what you're supposed to be doing to get the results you're after.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9l-VDOGqmd4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8nF8rdDxGs

[KK77]

I was introduced to this technique by a woman called Gill Harvey Bush. She does lots of things like tapping, thought field therapy, hypnotherapy etc etc. She really knows her stuff, she was trained by Paul McKenna and shes also been on the Jeremy Kyle show as part of their therapy team.

I was looking for her site because she did telephone consultations too, but it appears shes isn't doing it anymore. Shame, she really was good at it. I found these videos on Youtube though and they really give you a good idea of what you're supposed to be doing to get the results you're after.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9l-VDOGqmd4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8nF8rdDxGs

Very interesting. These techniques can be really useful and are definitely worth trying, but you didn't say how it's helped you because I noticed from your latest thread that you're still having anxiety issues.

[yvonne_uk_98]

I was introduced to this technique by a woman called Gill Harvey Bush. She does lots of things like tapping, thought field therapy, hypnotherapy etc etc. She really knows her stuff, she was trained by Paul McKenna and shes also been on the Jeremy Kyle show as part of their therapy team.

I was looking for her site because she did telephone consultations too, but it appears shes isn't doing it anymore. Shame, she really was good at it. I found these videos on Youtube though and they really give you a good idea of what you're supposed to be doing to get the results you're after.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9l-VDOGqmd4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8nF8rdDxGs




Hi Gaz1981,

thank you for your advice, and the hyperlinks, I went to youtube, these techniques look good, and simualar to except for the tapping bit. they are simular to the Godly way of staying in control of stress, anx ect...

I am working on them. takes time.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

last night my panic attacks got worse and my anx was very worse, never felt like this in any other time when I'm anxs, this was the worst ever, striaght into the overwhelming stage, I became suicidal, Praise God that I'm going to see my gp tomorrow morning at 8.30 am. I have written down what I want to let her know, plus I am going to ask for Diazipam. today I feel a little better, as I went back to bed today and slept, though I kept waking up in the middle of panic attacks, and doing my breathing exercise and reminding my self to relax, right now I'm listening to my worship muisc which I find relaxing.

plus still trying to get a letter together, to get my course of part b for the spring deferred to August 2010. doing this inbetween panick attacks. going to try and finish it today, very important that I get it finished. and emailed to the appropiate people.

Yvonne

[HappyNow]

Hang on in there. Looks like you're over the worst of your blip.
Life can be scary enough without the anx, but you've made it thus far, so you're STRONG - and you ARE gonna make it.

Cit has been the best thing that's happened to me for a long time, so I'm really glad of mine. I always try to remember what my GP told me when I was feeling really bad. All these feelings are SYMPTOMS of what's going on, nothing to do with your natural ability. I used to feel pretty worthless, but now realise that it's just the way I FEEL not the way I am.

Remember, that you ARE BRILLIANT, even if you feel crap some of the time!

:)

[KK77]

Hi,

last night my panic attacks got worse and my anx was very worse, never felt like this in any other time when I'm anxs, this was the worst ever, striaght into the overwhelming stage, I became suicidal, Praise God that I'm going to see my gp tomorrow morning at 8.30 am. I have written down what I want to let her know, plus I am going to ask for Diazipam. today I feel a little better, as I went back to bed today and slept, though I kept waking up in the middle of panic attacks, and doing my breathing exercise and reminding my self to relax, right now I'm listening to my worship muisc which I find relaxing.

plus still trying to get a letter together, to get my course of part b for the spring deferred to August 2010. doing this inbetween panick attacks. going to try and finish it today, very important that I get it finished. and emailed to the appropiate people.

Yvonne

Hope it goes well tomorrow Yvonne. I think she should definitely give you something to help with these awful PAs.

Let us know how you get on.

[yvonne_uk_98]

hi,

I went to see my gp, she gave me Diazepam 2mg for a short time, and next week we will discuss going on something long term, as my panic attacks and anx takes a long time for me to get control. As I have lots of things that cause me stress, which can cause me the panic attacks. Renfrewhire Womens Association, I do voluntry work for to raise awareness against domestic violence, not getting funding for uni course, my dad has cancer,my friend going home for good etc...

Only recently that I resolved in a small way about the funding, to split the course up a bit, that I'm only paying for 2 modules for now. that is one hurdle dealt with.

now for hurdle 2, take control of these horrible panic attacks and bad anx. It's a long process and lot of hard work. I'm tired and exhausted, had a panicky morning, going to go for a sleep. My son is going to the chemist for me to get my meds. I'm too panicky to go. I have canceled my appointments for tomorrow, as I want to be in control of these panic attack and my anx. when I go to my appointments I can work on the problems that I have. Hope to God I dont have a panick attack going to sleep.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

hi,

How long does the diazepam take to work? I took my first one at 5.00 pm, I've to take one 4 times a day. my son did not goto the chemist until nearer to 5.00 pm. Since taking my first dose, I feel tired. I still feel anx and tired.

When I went to sleep earlier, I had panic attack, did my breathing exercise and reminded myself to relax, I slept for a good few hours, when I woke up I was in the middle of panic attack. I can not think straight anymore, I'm going to go to bed early tonight.

Yvonne

[KK77]

Glad she gave you diazepam - I thought she would. It usually works pretty quickly - it's not like antidepressants that take weeks - so you should feel it's helped within the next couple of days.

It's good that you have your son helping you. Take care and hope you start to feel better soon Yvonne.

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi Melanholia77,

Thank you for your advice and support, very much appreciated. I had good sleep, it felt good to go to sleep with out the panic attacks and wake up with out the panic attacks. though while later this morning i had a panick attack. once the kids have gone to school, I can relax. hopefully I can read my module. not going anywhere today, hopefully my dad will not need me. dont fancy walking out in that slippy snow.

going to phone my dad, make sure he is alright. a bit later on, too early for my dad to be up.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

hi,

Phone my dad, no answer, must have been still in bed. i checked my emails, took diazepam, felt drowsy after a while, I fell asleep, I felt great after my sleep. still get the panic attacks though not as bad as they were. later on this evening, I phone my dad, we chatted, he say not to bother going up on Friday cause of the weather, and what it is like at his place. What a releif, I thought I would have had to go down, I do my dad's washing on a friday for him, he only has the friday slot for his washing.

I had planned to read my module for uni, that went out the window, I fell asleep. got some of my uni stuff done, doing a bit at a time. maybe tomorrow I will get some reading done.

Yvonne

[KK77]

Well it looks like the diazepam is doing its thing - it will make you feel a bit sleepy till you get used to it - and the PAs should hopefully start to lessen. How long has your doctor put you on it for? Do you not think the trazodone is also helping?

Keep smiling Yvonne - I think you're doing extremely well.

[yvonne_uk_98]

Well it looks like the diazepam is doing its thing - it will make you feel a bit sleepy till you get used to it - and the PAs should hopefully start to lessen. How long has your doctor put you on it for? Do you not think the trazodone is also helping?

Keep smiling Yvonne - I think you're doing extremely well.

Hi Melancholia77,

Thank you for your encouragement, very much appreciated, thanks.

my gp has given me one weeks, as she is thinking of putting me on another anti-depressent for long term, as Trazodone only works with helping me to sleep at night, though it dose not work as well as it did, I've been on Trazodone for a very long time. I have been reduce from 150mg to 50mg slowly, I had problems getting up for my kids in the morning, the higher dose, cause me to sleep in. I found it hard to stay awake during the day.

50mg does not cause me to get tired, still trying to work out in what way is it helping, not found out yet what it is doing. I still get sucidal, and very low mood. I can only see it helps with sleep. the rest of it , is me working on my low mood, being positive. lot of hard work. I do my best to keep me busy.

knowing that anti-depressants take about 6 to 8 weeks to work, I do so hope that I dont have those horrible panic attacks after this week of diazepam.

Yvonne :hugs:

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Since being on diazepam, I've been sleepy, up to last night, I feel calm, though I still feel panicky before I take diazepam in the morning, plus during the night back to waking up in the middle of panic attack. well at least during the day, things have been alright.

I have not manged to study, hopefully I can now, as I'm not so sleepy. I still get panicky when I'm in the kitchen cooking, washing the dishes, I do not run, I carry on doing the cooking or washing the dishes, I wish the panick attacks would stop. my friend keeps telling me they will stop eventually. I know they stop when you do the breathing exercise. I have only started back cooking since being off the citalopram, I could not do that while on citalopram, too shaky then.

it would be good to cook without the panic.

Yvonne

[KK77]

Hi,

Since being on diazepam, I've been sleepy, up to last night, I feel calm, though I still feel panicky before I take diazepam in the morning, plus during the night back to waking up in the middle of panic attack. well at least during the day, things have been alright.

I have not manged to study, hopefully I can now, as I'm not so sleepy. I still get panicky when I'm in the kitchen cooking, washing the dishes, I do not run, I carry on doing the cooking or washing the dishes, I wish the panick attacks would stop. my friend keeps telling me they will stop eventually. I know they stop when you do the breathing exercise. I have only started back cooking since being off the citalopram, I could not do that while on citalopram, too shaky then.

it would be good to cook without the panic.

Yvonne

So things are slowly improving - that's good - at least you're not going backwards. Keep going and don't let the PAs stop you doing stuff. Your body will soon get the message if your brain starts to accept things, instead of the usual battle. The panic can't harm you and as soon as body and mind accept that you'll find it easier. In time the panic should subside. I hope your doctor has a good replacement for the diazepam, but the breathing and learning to detach yourself from the panic/anxiety is the best med you can get - in fact better.

Keep doing all the things you enjoy and don't forget that you've done very well so far and will continue to improve - even if it's frustrating and slow. Keep posting!

Best wishes

[yvonne_uk_98]

So things are slowly improving - that's good - at least you're not going backwards. Keep going and don't let the PAs stop you doing stuff. Your body will soon get the message if your brain starts to accept things, instead of the usual battle. The panic can't harm you and as soon as body and mind accept that you'll find it easier. In time the panic should subside. I hope your doctor has a good replacement for the diazepam, but the breathing and learning to detach yourself from the panic/anxiety is the best med you can get - in fact better.

Keep doing all the things you enjoy and don't forget that you've done very well so far and will continue to improve - even if it's frustrating and slow. Keep posting!

Best wishes



Hi Melancholia77,

Thank you for your encouragement and advice, very much appreciated. This morning I woke up at 6.35 am, I had a good night sleep, got a busy day, first going into town to get my son new shoes, then help him pick new clothes, as long as he does not take forever to choice, that will be good.

I have a driving lesson this afternoon, weather permitting it wil go ahead, I hope so, as this is a double appointment lesson this time, I kept some Christmas money to book a double appointment lesson. I'm looking forward to it. this gives me a confidence boost.

After that I will be going to do my weekly shopping, My friend comes with me, she gives me support when I am out shopping. my friend helps me to complete my shopping trip, as when i go my self, I end up feeling very ill, have to stop to get out of the shop asap.

plus some of my childhood memories have came back up. got to pray and deal with it. one of the ones that I had forgotten about.

I will one day talk about it, when I'm ready to talk about it. yuck, going to get ready. off out. I let you know how things go today later on, after I have done the seminar through uni when I get back. hope I can focus, I managed to read 1 page and a half of my module last night. it's a start. need to read the whole module, then the next one.

I have two modules to do. 2 assignments to do. plus get extentsions.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Praise God that my son did not take too long in the shops, he mangaed to get himself new pair of shoes, some clothes, my panick attacks started, they were awful, enough to make you sick. though I continued to do the clothes shopping with him. Then we came home, made it home intime for driving lesson, I was still panicky through my driving lesson, though managed to came down, cause my mind was taking off my panick attacks. going through dual carrage way, got my speed up to 50mph, this was scary, though a good challenge. When I came home, I started to panick all over again, I took a diazepam which help to calm me down. Praise God.

put food shopping off until tomorrow, I have had a long day, do a bit at a time. got a counselling appointment tomorrow, looking forward to going tomorrow.

Went to seminar online at uni, put my contributions in, though I'm behind, I feel at least I says something this time. still got 9 parts to do in the seminar. hope to God that I can contribute in some way.

going to have a peaceful evening, hopefully. try read some more of my modules.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

did not have great sleep last night, work up at 3.00am, tryed to get to sleep, been waken since then. now to stay awake, got an appointment with my counselor at 11.00am. At 12.00pm, going to do my food shopping, hope I can stay and do a full food shopping, it would be great. then after that, got to go to my dad's with his shopping. spend time with my dad, then go home. Praise God diazepam takes the edge of the panick attacks and my bad anx. got meetings to attend, got a busy week ahead of me.

going got to go, book taxi to counselor, it is still too slippy outside mine, once i'm in the town its alright there.

let you know how today goes after I've contributed to uni seminar.

Yvonne



let you know how things go today. plus got the uni seminar to contribute too.

Yvonne

[KK77]

Hello Yvonne

You seem very busy at the moment getting a lot done - well done for that. Having all this anxiety and managing to lead an active, normal life is a big challenge and we must take each step slowly and carefully. Make sure you don't push yourself too much because your state of mind is far more important. Pace yourself and if you feel you've got one or two important things done, give yourself a break and a rest - and congratulate yourself for having done it. You may have panicked when you went shopping with your son but the important thing is you got through it, you coped.

I'm feeling a bit low myself at the moment and have increased my medication. We all have our moments.......

Very happy that you're still doing well....

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hello Yvonne

You seem very busy at the moment getting a lot done - well done for that. Having all this anxiety and managing to lead an active, normal life is a big challenge and we must take each step slowly and carefully. Make sure you don't push yourself too much because your state of mind is far more important. Pace yourself and if you feel you've got one or two important things done, give yourself a break and a rest - and congratulate yourself for having done it. You may have panicked when you went shopping with your son but the important thing is you got through it, you coped.

I'm feeling a bit low myself at the moment and have increased my medication. We all have our moments.......

Very happy that you're still doing well....



Hi Melancholia77,

Thank you for your encourage meant, I hope you feel better soon, Thank you for being beautiful friend and wonderful at supporting me. You are amazing.

Well today, when I went to counseling, we discussed things about my mom, this was quiet upsetting, then we did some relaxation, it was fun. after that I went into town and went for a cuppa, as I started to panic, I forgot to take diazepam with me, all day today I had a panicky day. when I went shopping with my friend, though my panic got worse, I had decided to stay in the shop and continue to do my shopping, even though my panick got worse, I was looking for my friend, then she re appeared, I let her know that I was panicing. and she waited until I was finished with my food shopping, then we both went to the check out. I was pleased that I had done it, and for once I was alright about it being finished, and not panicking to get out the door. Praise God.

though when I got home, I took diazepam, then eventually I started to calm down, it felt good to be home, and be calm. I have the drs tomorrow at 2.00 pm, thank good ness it is much later than in the morning.

let you know what the dr says tomorrow. hope I get a good night sleep.

the senior lunch club has been cancelled cause of the weather, thank goodness, I knew it would be cancelled, you can not ask senior citizens to walk in that slippy snow.

I have a meeting on Thursday, at least I can take a break tomorrow, however I am going for lunch with my friend. time to ourselves and time to catch up.

let you know how things go tomorrow. if you need to talk, I'm here for you.

Yvonne

[Logan_Five]

Yvonne - sounds like the diazepam is making a difference for you. 2mg is a fairly low dose, but the fact that you are taking it 4 times a day will help to take the edge off it. I have 5mg tablets, which I take as and when needed - sometimes I take just half a one. They aren't a long term solution but they can get you through a rough period. Stay strong and take care of yourself!

[yvonne_uk_98]

Yvonne - sounds like the diazepam is making a difference for you. 2mg is a fairly low dose, but the fact that you are taking it 4 times a day will help to take the edge off it. I have 5mg tablets, which I take as and when needed - sometimes I take just half a one. They aren't a long term solution but they can get you through a rough period. Stay strong and take care of yourself!


Hi Logan_five,

Thank you, Yes diazepam is working for me. I seen my gp today, she has put me on Sertraline 50mg, and she says that I to start reducing the diazepam and start taking the Sertraline, that I can take the diazepam when I need it until Sertraline starts to work.

Plus I have been reading a lot of information about personality disorders, found that a few of the disorders suite me to a tee, I took the test, a good few times, then printed the results. When I was seeing the dr today, I showed her the results, then she let me know what my phychristrist says that I have personality disorder. Wish he would have told me about it. though it is good to know now. I asked the dr to try and get me some leaflets as there is not enough information for Dependant disorder. There's quiety a few others, there information for the rest of them.

Does anyone know can I take Sertraline in the morning. I take the rest of my meds in the morning, except for trazodone.

going to make dinner, going to take diazepam after I have made the dinner, I want to know if I'm less panicky when i make the dinner. If I take the diazepam before then, I will not know.

let you know how it goes later on this evening.

Yvonne

[KK77]

Hello Yvonne

I also take sertraline 50mg. I take mine in the morning as it can interfere with sleep if you take it in the evening. You shouldn't have a problem reducing the diazepam as you haven't been on it for long or on a very high dose.

I'm feeling a bit better thanks. I've upped my dose of sertraline from 25 to 50mg and feeling a bit spaced out, but apart from that, no other side effects. Let's hope it helps us both........

You sound much more positive and happier Yvonne. Keep it up!

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hello Yvonne

I also take sertraline 50mg. I take mine in the morning as it can interfere with sleep if you take it in the evening. You shouldn't have a problem reducing the diazepam as you haven't been on it for long or on a very high dose.

I'm feeling a bit better thanks. I've upped my dose of sertraline from 25 to 50mg and feeling a bit spaced out, but apart from that, no other side effects. Let's hope it helps us both........

You sound much more positive and happier Yvonne. Keep it up!


Hi Melancholia77,

Thank your for your encouragement, very much appreciated. Glad your feeling a bit better, yes I hope Sertraline works for us both. time I got home from shopping, I have decided to start the tablet tomorrow morning with the rest of my meds.

As I cooked dinner, I didnt panic, I was shaking, this was not a panic attack, I got so nervous cooking. to me it was a nightmare, I stuck it out, I did it, though I took diazepam afterwards, as I was panicking towards the end off cooking. I did my breathing exercise through cooking, when I went into a panic near the end of cooking, my panic was not as bad.

I found out at counselling, that when your panick attack is starting very small, thats your breathing changing, and something in your head has trickered the flight or flee, though you are unaware of it at first, when you start to feel the small panic starting, this is when you start to do your breathing excerise. try not to wait until your panic attack is in the middle, thats why it takes a bit longer to stop. The next time this happens, I'm going to give it a try, and let you know how it goes.

For the seminar at uni, I have decide to concentrate on my studies and get assignments 2's started, I have a lot of reading to do and to catch up. I tryed last night to contribute, it went way over my head. I am going to email my tutor to let him know. plus I managed to do the letters to defer my course and for study time lost. all I need to do is post them, do that tomorrow.

today I finally up graded my bank account, now I've to let everyone know that my account number has changed. I will let them know tomorrow, I will do some at a time. I have the blood clinic to go to in the morning, my dad been asked to go and see his gp, My dad has been suicidal, very depressed. I know what my dad's wishes are. I sorry to say, that I'm glad I was not there to hear what he had to say, cause I have heard him talk about severval times, I ended up in hospital because of him talking in this way. even though he told me on the phone today, I was so releifed that I was not there to hear it. I know this terrible, I should be supporting my dad, it's very hard to stay positive when my dad's talking like this. I hope he doesent, I know this is one of his wishes.

now to get back to being positive, I hope I have not put anyone down reading this. I am sorry if I have.

got a meeting tomorrow to up-date-website, looking forward to this, I type and the director tells me what to put on the website. I have to ask her something about getting help for these personailty disorders. I will let you know how this goes.

got a few emails to answer, going to check the web to find more info for the personality disorders, so that when I go and see Pyshcartrist, I will have the info and the results from the test to show him.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

this morning when I got up, I thought I had slept in for my appointment, I dashed around getting ready, once I was ready to leave, before going out the door, I went and checked my mobile phone for the date, that's when I noticed that my appointment was not today, its next week. phew, glad I didnt need to go out, as I thought, then my dad phoned me, and asked me to help him get to the drs.

I helped my dad go down to the drs, his gp gave him anti-depressant, later on my dad asked me doese these anti-depressant work, I says yes they do, and I tryed to explain, then my dad says that he was not going to bother taking the tablets.

that's his choice, he will propably forget and take his meds. once the dr has put it in his dosette box, he will take them.

I helped my dad with his shopping, then I went to my meeting, was meant to be updateing the website, however the accounts need to be update and fixed of errors. I have taken the accounts home, got to up date these accounts and find the error.

walking to the bus stop, I started to get panicky, the panick attack was very short, I crossed the road to get away from the icy and slippy pavement. Praise God that when I got accross the road, the pavement on that side was not slippy. my panick attacks came and went as quick as they came. this started since 5.30pm.

during the meeting, trying to find out what happened to the amount of money that we could not find, I was begining to doubt myself, my thought pattern started to be negative, how could I have missed such a big amount, I shouldnt have given the accounts to someone else to do, when I was not well enough to do. before the meeting finished, found where the missing amount of money came from and where it went. then found out that it was not my fault, it was the person who took over while I was not well.

I'm losing concentration, can not focus.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

today was a bit panicky, though they were not many, I did the breathing exercise as soon as my panic attack was a small flutter, this helped to prevent it becomeing a full blown panic attack. I had panic attacks on and off today, felt like someone know the panic button to press. I had good morning with some friends from our womens group called Women on the move. I went and picked up my dad's prescription, did some shoping, I felt panicky in the shop, was only in and out of the shop. went to taxi stand and got a taxi to my dad's house, I was glad to get in, then I had to get my dad's dirty washing together, soap powder and goto the laundrette room at the shelter housing. put his washing on, then went back to my dad's waited there for the 40 mins the washing get done, then back over put in dryer. Once that was done, I collected my dad's washing, I phone home to ask one of my kids to come down to their grandads, so that i could have help going home. as it is still icy on the pavements were I stay.

I had a ok sort of day, though a bit panicky, I managed to keep it under control. now I'm so tired, been up since 5.00am this morning. I wish I could get back to a proper sleep pattern. I propably will one day.

going to go for a sleep, so tired. it's saturday tomorrow, can have a long lie in, though I dont know, if I'm going to get a good night sleep, or some sleep. I hope I get a good night sleep.

Yvonne

[KK77]

How you doing on the sertraline Yvonne? I've been very spaced out and tired today - hope it's just temporary. Depression is easing though.

Glad you're still managing to cope. Keep yourself busy and you'll be fine. What subject you studying?

[yvonne_uk_98]

How you doing on the sertraline Yvonne? I've been very spaced out and tired today - hope it's just temporary. Depression is easing though.

Glad you're still managing to cope. Keep yourself busy and you'll be fine. What subject you studying?




Hi Melancholia77,

day 3 on Sertraline, I think so far no side affects, I dont know if its doing anything, though takes time to work. I'm haveing arguements with myself, I get suicidal, wanting so much to self harm or o/d.

I am studying Theology level 1, I had to cut my course from part tme to doing the 2 modules that I am doing, because of lack of funding.

I did not have a long lie in today, i was wakened from 4 am, I'm getting tried, my dad phoned me, and he wanted to go out for the day and he asked me to go with him, I went with him and I took my youngest son with me. we had a good day. thank goodness that My dad girlfriend didnt do her back seat drivng. when we got back to my dad's, we watched a flim, I was supprised that I managed to watch a film, except for when I could not focus. I watch most of it, which is a change for me. I had lost all interest in the televison.

I'm so tired, gong to go to my bed.

Yvonne

[KK77]

I'm haveing arguements with myself, I get suicidal, wanting so much to self harm or o/d.

That could be a side effect when first going on sertraline. I hope once it kicks in you'll start to feel better though.


I am studying Theology level 1, I had to cut my course from part tme to doing the 2 modules that I am doing, because of lack of funding.

Well, at least you keep yourself busy. Education can do you no harm....

Take care and keep going - you're doing very well.

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi Melancholia77 (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/member.php?u=23731),

Thank you for your encouragements, very much appreciated. I went to church today, the churh is planning a play, I have put my name forward for the play, we will not be doing the full play, only part of it. Practice starts a week on Tuesday. I need to keep busy since these modules will soon be coming to an end.

I have been having dizzy spells, since starting Sertraline, at first I did not link the dizzyness to the tablets, I had to think about it, then I linked it to Sertraline, I hope this time it wears off. I dont think I could go through that again.

I have been wakened since 4.30am this morning, I'm getting tired, wish I could sleep right through to 7am, that would be good.

oh negative thought parttern, need to go and do something postive, hope To God I dont act on it. let you know how things go.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Day 5 on Sertraline, had a few dizzy spells, gettng up slowly, making sure to be careful. I had a few panic attacks today, plus my anx was way too much, I took a diazepam to help calm me down.

my gp phone to let me know that we had to re-arrange the appointment, going to see her on Friday after noon. Now need to find someone to do my dad's washing on Friday.

My friend is going home soon in Feb, I'm not looking forward to that. I had driving lesson, my instructor was very pleased with me, now I to decide what to happen next for next week. I think I would like to practice more left reversing before moving on to something else.

I have a busy week ahead of me, got tidying up to do, its house inspection tomorrow. I dont like the house inspector, he can be very moody.

getting tried, need to do the bathroom, and the rest of the living room, got the my kids helping. then got some studying to do before going to bed.

I have an appointment tomorrow, though the inspector is coming, he will have a pass key to get in. Maybe one day I will be able to stay in and be calm with no panic attacks. usually when I leave he arrives just after I have left the house, really weird. I have in the past stayed in for him, I dont feel very comfortable when he comes, because of his moodyness, I dont cope to well with it, I feel better when not being there. Yes I know, I'm avoiding the issue, have horrible thought partterns etc...

Yvonne

[KK77]

Hi Yvonne

Sertraline can cause dizziness but I shouldn't think it'll last long. I'm slowly adjusting to my higher dose. Had a lot of tiredness, a few headaches and no appetite but it's getting better. I think the spaced out, drugged feeling is the worst.

Glad driving lessons are going well. You seem to have made a lot of progress. Reversing/parking takes some time to master but I'm sure you'll get there....

Have you mentioned the inspector's attitude to anyone? It doesn't sound right to me. He shouldn't be making you feel uncomfortable like that. Couldn't you ask a friend or relative to be with you when he comes? If he sees you with someone else he may not be so funny and moody with you. Perhaps you could have a chat with the relevant authorities about him. Don't beat yourself up over it though - I think many women would feel very uncomfortable with someone like that. Anyway, I hope the inspection goes well.

Mention the negative thoughts you've been having to your doctor Yvonne. It sounds as though your GP is supportive.

Keep positive anyway and let me know how you get on.

[yvonne_uk_98]

[QUOTE=Melancholia77;604337]Hi Yvonne

Sertraline can cause dizziness but I shouldn't think it'll last long. I'm slowly adjusting to my higher dose. Had a lot of tiredness, a few headaches and no appetite but it's getting better. I think the spaced out, drugged feeling is the worst.

Glad driving lessons are going well. You seem to have made a lot of progress. Reversing/parking takes some time to master but I'm sure you'll get there....

Have you mentioned the inspector's attitude to anyone? It doesn't sound right to me. He shouldn't be making you feel uncomfortable like that. Couldn't you ask a friend or relative to be with you when he comes? If he sees you with someone else he may not be so funny and moody with you. Perhaps you could have a chat with the relevant authorities about him. Don't beat yourself up over it though - I think many women would feel very uncomfortable with someone like that. Anyway, I hope the inspection goes well.

Mention the negative thoughts you've been having to your doctor Yvonne. It sounds as though your GP is supportive.

Keep positive anyway and let me know how you get on.



Hi Melancholia77,


I am glad your feeling better, hope your appitte is back to normal.

:hugs:


Thank you for your encouragment, very much appreciated, thanks.

Yes I told someone about the inspectors moods, all I got was oh he is not like that, you have got it wrong. he''s a very good inspector, always in a good mood. gee, wish he was.

I waited in for the inspector, though I went to my appointment, when I came back, I dont think he had been, I waited for a few hours, then My dad phoned, and needed me, I had to go out again. I think I missed him. if I receive no letter then this will be good news, If I receive a letter than thats not good news. I hope I dont get a letter.

I had a good day today with my dad, plus when I came home, and started to cook, I had no shakes, panick attacks Praise God for that. though afterwards, I had a small panick attack, did my breathing exercise, which helped.


My dad wants me to go to his tomorrow morning for 8.30am, to take him into town. hope to God I'll be back in time for my appointment.

Oh yesterday when I was walking down to the shops, I was minding my own business, this guy stopped me and started talking to me, saying things like not seen you since school, how are you, gee I started panicking, I was not expecting to be stopped by complete stranger, who thought they knew me. after that took me ages to calm down. I phoned my friend, to talk to and calm down. which helped.


Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Day 7 of Sertraline, still havng dizzy spells. I hope they go away soon. I had a busy day today, I had to go to my dad's at 8.30am this morning to help take my dad to the hospital to get his hear aids checked.. then spend the day with him.

At 5pm, I went home, spend some time with my kids, then went to church for house group, we watched flim Amazing Grace, I tryed to stay focused on the flim, I missed bits as I could not stay focused long enough.

Yvonne

[KK77]

How you doing Yvonne - haven't heard from you for a few days....?

I've been very up and down ... more down recently though. One minute I think the increase is helping, the next minute I feel as though I've gone backwards. I should have expected it really. Anyway, I had a weird episode of breathlessness this morning but it seems to have passed. Also for the last couple of days I've been feeling SO tired....

Hope you're still doing well!

[yvonne_uk_98]

How you doing Yvonne - haven't heard from you for a few days....?

I've been very up and down ... more down recently though. One minute I think the increase is helping, the next minute I feel as though I've gone backwards. I should have expected it really. Anyway, I had a weird episode of breathlessness this morning but it seems to have passed. Also for the last couple of days I've been feeling SO tired....

Hope you're still doing well!


Hi Melancholia77,

Sorry to hear you have not been feeling too good, I hope your feeling better soon. I will keep you in my prayers. its horrible when you feel that you have went backwards instead of forward. take it easy. :hugs:

Sorry for not writing in here, I have been at my dad's, yesterday I had my womens group, we are planning for Women's International Day, some Gala day. then I had my weekly appointment with my gp, let her know how things are going, so far everything is going good. though I have had a good few panic attacks, my anx going through the roof, I taken diazepam to help me calm down.

When I got home yesterday, my dad phoned me and my sister phoned me, and says that she could not be bothered going to my dad's this weekend. I go during the week to my dad's, my sister does the weekends, not this weekend. I went to my dads and got his shopping, not enough time to relax. hopefully I can relax now, my dad's girlfriend is with him.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Did some studying today, felt panicky, I did my breathing exercise to help cope with panic attacks, I think its to do with my assignments are due soon, I've not started yet. still waiting on tutor letting me know if I have extra extensions. I hope so.

need to get back to reading modules. Maybe not this evening, got accounts to do, I will start that. I've only got 1 week left to get them done. only takes usually a couple of hours to get them updated and done, all depends, need to get them ready for the auditor.

feeling a bit paniky, going to listen to my worship music, and practice my bsl sign language at the same time, got to keep practicing.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

I slept in this morning, though made it in time for my driving lesson, I was not panicky during my lesson, Praise God, I practiced more of reversing left corner, did it much better today. next week going to do reverse parking. I'm looking forward to it.

I still get dizzy spells, I wonder if it will stop. I managed to do my weekly food shopping with out being anx and panicky. :)

getting anx right now, going to listen to my worship music.

Yvonne

[KK77]

Well done - it's good that you're enjoying life and seem so much happier. It looks as though it won't be long before you go for your driving test!

I've felt a little better the last couple of days. I think that I'm getting used to the higher dose of sertraline, although I still get a lot of tiredness which is disruptive and annoying. But the main thing is for it to control my depression. I can tolerate some fatigue if it makes me feel better.

How you doing with the sertraline? You seem better :yesyes:

[yvonne_uk_98]

Well done - it's good that you're enjoying life and seem so much happier. It looks as though it won't be long before you go for your driving test!

I've felt a little better the last couple of days. I think that I'm getting used to the higher dose of sertraline, although I still get a lot of tiredness which is disruptive and annoying. But the main thing is for it to control my depression. I can tolerate some fatigue if it makes me feel better.

How you doing with the sertraline? You seem better :yesyes:





Hi Melancholia77,

I'm glad your feeling a little better, :) :hugs: yes tiredness can be a bit of annoying, when that's all we do is sleep. though it helps us.

I think Sertrailine is working great for me, as I'm not as suicidal, as I can get very bad with being Suicidal, and end up in hospital. I'm still trying to stay out of hospital, even though I'm having a better time this Janurary, with the support of you and this amazing web site, I still to get past february, I usually pick up, then have a bigger blip right after managing to pick up. here's hoping no hospital this year.

just taking a day at a time, I was able to do the accounts today, I've only did the bank account, of updating it, still got the cash account todo. Got to get it done before Friday, as I have a meeting, being the Treasurer, I need to get this done.

I took a step in faith out of my comfort zone, I went to church for Singing with a group of people for Sunday Service, as one of our pastors is leaving, well not leaving Church of Scotland, she has been promoted up to Modorator. got to practice some songs. going for practice next week, I'm a bit panicky this evening.

:hugs:


Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Sept in today, managed to get to lunch club, for 1pm, became very panicky, I did my breathing exercise, I had to take a diazepam to help calm me down. as soon as diazepam started to work, I managed to talk to the senior citizens, and help serve food to them. I went to the bank, had to cancel all my dd and standing orders in my old account and start another standing orders for my new account. wish it was easier. got to be done.

came home, I've had a busy day today, I've decided to miss House group, I've had a long day.

going to play a game for a couple of hours, then check these accounts to make sure I have not missed anything out. plus check the cash account.

going to see my gp tomorrow, let her know how things have been going. I think I'm doing pretty well, even though I still have panic attacks, though they are not as bad, except for when I need to take diazepam. Almost on top of these panick attack, need to get on top of my anx.

It is getting closer to my friend going home for good, she is going back to Swizterland, I'm going to miss her. I know I can phone her and email her. it wont be the same though.

let you to how I get on at my gp.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

I seen my gp today, I let her know how things have been going for me, that I have been cooking meals, which is a change from when I was on citalopram, thiis is an improvement. Plus I still getting the dizzy spells, I agreed with my gp to stay on Sertraline for a while to see if the dizzy spells will settle down, I've to keep an eye on the dissy spells, let her know.

My friend was with me to see the gp, I managed to ask my gp about changing my Physcaitrist, though I will go and see him this Monday, she says that I've to try and talk to him and let him know, this way I dont go on a waiting list.

Talked over a lot of things with my gp, like losing weight, I asked her to referr me to the gym workout, this way I can get in cheaper, going through my gp.

Plus I have learning difficulties, I asked her to refferr me to be assessed, so that I will know what they are. I want to put a name to it, I know I have learnng difficulties.

I got a lot done to day. I went to my friends house, we played wii sports, trying to do some exercises, though it was just our arms that was moving. It was good fun.

tomorrow, I have my women's group, my dads washing and a meeting in the evening, I'm busy tomorrow, let you know how my day goes when I get back tomorrow evening.

today I had a short lived horrible negative suicidal thought. Praise God it was short lived.

Yvonne

[trena255]

hi there i was put on 175 grams venevaxline now my shrink hows put me on citalopram but i do do a lot of racki healing to what are the side effects cuase i still dont feel better ive never been so ill vin my live

[KK77]

Hello Yvonne

Glad the sertraline is helping with the moods. Even if you still get those dark moods, the fact that they're so short-lived means you're improving. You've learned to accept that they won't last long and this is what's helping along with the medication in my opinion. And it's good to see you getting out and enjoying life, despite the problems you face. You've been very brave.

I'm OK thank God. My mood's improved although I'm in a lot of pain at the moment, but I try to get on with life and not let it isolate and imprison me - which can happen easily if we let it.

Take care of yourself... :yesyes:

[yvonne_uk_98]

hi there i was put on 175 grams venevaxline now my shrink hows put me on citalopram but i do do a lot of racki healing to what are the side effects cuase i still dont feel better ive never been so ill vin my live

Hi Trena255,

Sorry to hear your not keeping too good. What dose of citalopram are you on, how long have you been on citalopram, I know a couple of the side affects, not them all. and citalopram does take time to work. keep taking them, they will work.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hello Yvonne

Glad the sertraline is helping with the moods. Even if you still get those dark moods, the fact that they're so short-lived means you're improving. You've learned to accept that they won't last long and this is what's helping along with the medication in my opinion. And it's good to see you getting out and enjoying life, despite the problems you face. You've been very brave.

I'm OK thank God. My mood's improved although I'm in a lot of pain at the moment, but I try to get on with life and not let it isolate and imprison me - which can happen easily if we let it.

Take care of yourself... :yesyes:

Hi Melancholia77,

Thank you for your encouragement and advice. Where is the pain, do you mnd I pray for you, If I knew were the pain is, I can set up a prayer chain to help, more prayers the better. Would this be alrght with you?

I'm glad that your mood's have improved, sorry that your in a lot of pain. I'll pray and hope that your pain goes away and heals.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Friday morning I went to my womens group, we are planning for Women's International Day, we have a month to get ready for it. After my womens group, I went to meet my daughter in town, we went for lunch, then after that she wanted me to go shopping with her to buy new mobile phone. I'm glad it was only a mobile phone she was lookng for, as I can not stand it going round the shops with her, she takes all day to make up her mind.

I remember going clothes shopping with my daughter, she took all day, we went from shop to shop all over the town, I end up very anx, find the day exhausting. I tend not to go with her when she is clothes shopping.

She managed to pick a new mobile phone, and this time she was paying for it herself. now she will have to look after it, hope she does, this time, since she paid for it.

After that, we got the bus up the road, I got off earlier than my daughter, as I was going to my dad's to do his washing, I was getting panicky, cause my dad had phoned me twice to see what was keeping me from being at his, I'm usually there by 3pm. Anyway I got there by 3.15pm, grabbed my dad's washing, went to the washing room, and did his washing. While in the washing room, I waited until my paniky feeling had stopped while doing my breathing exercise, I can not let my dad see me like that, I only get a lecture of my dad. even though he gets panic attacks too.

I spend the day with my dad, watched a film with him, then cause it was too late, I stayed the night and my son too stayed over.

Today, My son and I went to town, we went to my sons fav barbar, which was shut, we found one, he got his hair cut. I also treated him to lunch. then we came home. I have had a busy day. even though my son was driving me round the bend.

This evening, I came online answered my emails, got bible reading to do tomorrow, checked the bible reading, the words are alright, emailed the deacon to let him know that the chapter and verses are alright. I get nervous doing the bible reading, as long as I dont get panicky. I be alright

going to play some games to keep me occuppied.

Yvonne

[KK77]

Hi Melancholia77,

Thank you for your encouragement and advice. Where is the pain, do you mnd I pray for you, If I knew were the pain is, I can set up a prayer chain to help, more prayers the better. Would this be alrght with you?

I'm glad that your mood's have improved, sorry that your in a lot of pain. I'll pray and hope that your pain goes away and heals.

Yvonne

Thank you Yvonne. I have chronic neck pain due to an injury I had at work. At the moment it's playing up again and nothing seems to help. But I don't let it stop me from working and leading a normal life - it's just annoying really...

Glad to see you're doing OK and hope your reading goes well! :yesyes:

[martbarr]

Hi Melancholia77,

Thank you for your encouragement and advice. Where is the pain, do you mnd I pray for you, If I knew were the pain is, I can set up a prayer chain to help, more prayers the better. Would this be alrght with you?

I'm glad that your mood's have improved, sorry that your in a lot of pain. I'll pray and hope that your pain goes away and heals.

Yvonne

Hi Yvonne - if that offer of prayer is open to all would you include me please.
I'm feeling foggy brained and feel like I have fuzzy thinking, and would really like a clear head. Very happy to return the favour!

blessings to you
Martin

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Sunday morning, Woke up in plenty of time for church this morning, I checked to see if my teenage children were coiming to church, only my son came to church this morning, my two teenage daughters have exams to study for..

When I got to church, I checked the big bible, to make sure it is going to be opened at the right page. Church service was good, then at the right time I went and did the bible reading, I managed it even though I did get panicky, after the reading, when I went back to my seat, I did my breathing exercise.

When church was finshed, the deacon offered me a lift home, I accepted, and while I was waitng for my lift home, and keeping my eye on the deacon, while he was chatting, I only took my eye off him for a couple mins, when I looked up again he was gone, he had went home, and forgot all about me. I had to phone a taxi, I was unaware that the deacon was on his way back to pick me up.

When this evening came, I went back to church, the deacon came and appologised to me about this morning, and he gave my son his car keys so that this time he could not forget to take me and my son up the road. it was soo funny.

this evening service was really good. now home, online going to check uni website to see if they still have the modules online, then I can open them in pdf file and use texthelp to read them to me. this way I can listen to what is being said.

got my driving lesson tomorrow and going to see Dr Cullen, physchaitrist, not looking forward to seeing him, my friend is coming with me. He better let her in the room or I'm not going in the room. he refused last time.

I will let you know how things go, plus I will let him know that I do not have a cpn yet. I'm still on the waiting list.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi Yvonne - if that offer of prayer is open to all would you include me please.
I'm feeling foggy brained and feel like I have fuzzy thinking, and would really like a clear head. Very happy to return the favour!

blessings to you
Martin


Hi Martin,

Yes I will pray for you too. and I will keep you in my prayers too.

Hope your feeling better soon, I prayed for you.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Monday morning, got up in plenty of time to go to the post office and lift money for my driving lesson, go to credit union and pay towards the loan that I borrowed to pay towards my uni fees.

My driving lesson was good, I did the parallel parking, for my 1st two attempts I did really well. looking forward to doing it again next week.

after my lesson, I went to see Dr Cullen, my phychiatrist, I let him know about the pesonality problems, and he agreed that I have personality disorder problems, and he was a bit negative to CBT, saying that my age, stopped me from getting better from my personality disorder problems. I also let him know that I have changed tablets from Citalopram to Sertraline, he was alrght about this, I was scared to tell him, I thought he would give me into trouble.

I asked about changing to a different physchiatrist, and he says that he is leaving in 2 to 3 months time, and it would be a good idea to do it now when I have requested it than waiting to do the change over when he is gone. Plus this time he let my friend come in with me. which was a great help to me.

he says that I will receive a letter in two months for an appointment, I'm not sure if I will see him or another Psychiatrist, I will need to ask my friend, she was with me, let you know tomorrow.

this evening my friend and I started going to Aqua Arerobics, we had a good time though a bit sore, going to do some exercising on Thursday afternoon. going to go every monday evening.

Most of today, I had a good day, except for when I was seeing Dr Cullen, I get very nervous and anx when I see him.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi Tuesday morning, I was very tired, took me ages to wake up, Once wakened I got up and got dressed and washed, then I managed to do some studying, its a start, as I have tried and not been able to study. Then I phone my dad to find out if he needed anything. after that I went to my counselling session, it went well, then I went shopping, I usually do this on a monday, though yesterday was very busy. when I got home after shopping, It was not long before going to rehearsals for the singing practice. only got 6 weeks left to learn the songs, I hope to God I remember the songs. never mind got to remember going in singing, then separating nearer to the alter. Now I have a copy of the music that I need to learn, and I can practice at home, though I have not found one or two of the songs on the cd. I will have to listen to the whole cd and maybe I will find the songs that are on the sheet.

I was not as panicky today, I hope to God on the evening that we do this, I hope I manage to cope with the audience. that be scary.

going to see my gp tomorrow, let you know how I get on.

Yvonne

[KK77]

Hi Tuesday morning, I was very tired, took me ages to wake up, Once wakened I got up and got dressed and washed, then I managed to do some studying, its a start, as I have tried and not been able to study. Then I phone my dad to find out if he needed anything. after that I went to my counselling session, it went well, then I went shopping, I usually do this on a monday, though yesterday was very busy. when I got home after shopping, It was not long before going to rehearsals for the singing practice. only got 6 weeks left to learn the songs, I hope to God I remember the songs. never mind got to remember going in singing, then separating nearer to the alter. Now I have a copy of the music that I need to learn, and I can practice at home, though I have not found one or two of the songs on the cd. I will have to listen to the whole cd and maybe I will find the songs that are on the sheet.

I was not as panicky today, I hope to God on the evening that we do this, I hope I manage to cope with the audience. that be scary.

going to see my gp tomorrow, let you know how I get on.

Yvonne

Hello Yvonne

You seem to be very busy at the moment and it's so good to see that you're coping well. It's normal I think to feel a bit apprehensive about performing in front of an audience but you sound quietly confident and I'm sure it'll go well and you'll enjoy it.

Let me know how GP appointment went. I'm also seeing my GP for a review of my meds next week.

I've been feeling a lot better and have been able to get a lot of work done - although it can still be a struggle at times with this on-going tiredness. My pain levels are better too so thank you for your good wishes and prayers. It's comforting to have people here that care.

My best wishes to you also - keep strong!

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hello Yvonne

You seem to be very busy at the moment and it's so good to see that you're coping well. It's normal I think to feel a bit apprehensive about performing in front of an audience but you sound quietly confident and I'm sure it'll go well and you'll enjoy it.

Let me know how GP appointment went. I'm also seeing my GP for a review of my meds next week.

I've been feeling a lot better and have been able to get a lot of work done - although it can still be a struggle at times with this on-going tiredness. My pain levels are better too so thank you for your good wishes and prayers. It's comforting to have people here that care.

My best wishes to you also - keep strong!

Hi Melancholia77,

Let me know how you get on at your GP next week. I am glad you are feeling a lot better, and its great to be able to get work done when we feel a lot better. your very welcome, I'm glad that your pain levels are much bettter, I willl keep praying for you. Yes it is horrible when tiredness causes us to struggle through the day. :hugs:


Wedensday Morning, I slept in this morning, though woke up in time to go and meet my friend, it was a dash to get ready, grab the things that I needed for the day. I managed to meet my friend in time, even though my dad had phoned me and asked me to go to the shops before I went to meet my friend. My friend and I had lunch, we did our usual catch up. After that I went to see my GP, Dr Corfield, she asked me how I was doing this week, I let her know that I have been doing good. she also asked me how I got on with seeing Dr Cullen on Monday, I let her know that Dr Cullen says that I had requested to see a different physchiatrist and that I agreed to it. that I found out that he is leaving in 3 to 4 months and that he will send me a letter out in 2 months.. I asked her for a letter for my theory test, as I am dyslexic, and I have a report of proof, my gp agreed to writing the letter. Plus she gave me a sickine to cover the studying. all I need to do now is fill in the sick line and study for the theory test.

Dr Corfield says that I'm not ready to have cbt, and that I've not to worry about it. I've just to concentrate on getting better first. Which is a relief, now I can concentrate on the thinks that I need to do. I have made an another appointment for next week. I see my GP every week.

I've got a training day coming up, I will know that date soon.

tomorrow going to get my inr checked, I call it the vampire clinic, then I have an appointment with the hairdressers. After that, I've to go to my dad's, as he is expecting me to call in.

not got anything on tomorrow evening, thank goodness for a break.

It's snowing here, I dont like it when its snows, I only love it when no one has walked on it.

let you know how tomorrow goes.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Thursday morning, I was very tired this morning, and I did not manage to go to the vampire clinic(blood clinic), I phoned, and I cancelled my hairdressers appointment because of the snow, I live at a bad bit when its snows or icy, it's like an ice rink, you dont need ice skates, your shoes just dont grip the pavement or road, you just slide, no matter how fast you move, you slide in the opposite direction. really scary. I stayed at home, I'm not going out there to try and walk. though this evening the snow is melting, though I still went to my dad's once my teenage kids were home.

practicing my singing and the songs that I have to learn. and know. I received an email from my tutor, he says I have and extension to 19 March 2010.

going to concentrate on my practicing. let you know how tomorrow goes at my womens group.

Yvonne

[martbarr]

Hi,

Thursday morning, I was very tired this morning, and I did not manage to go to the vampire clinic(blood clinic), I phoned, and I cancelled my hairdressers appointment because of the snow, I live at a bad bit when its snows or icy, it's like an ice rink, you dont need ice skates, your shoes just dont grip the pavement or road, you just slide, no matter how fast you move, you slide in the opposite direction. really scary. I stayed at home, I'm not going out there to try and walk. though this evening the snow is melting, though I still went to my dad's once my teenage kids were home.

practicing my singing and the songs that I have to learn. and know. I received an email from my tutor, he says I have and extension to 19 March 2010.

going to concentrate on my practicing. let you know how tomorrow goes at my womens group.

Yvonne

Hi Yvonne,

Looks like you're keeping busy !!!!!
Shame about the hairdresser - I breathe a sigh of relief when my wife cancel's hers as it's so expensive.
I can get my hair cut for like £6 in a local blokes hair place.
No idea what goes on in ladies hair places - and frankly don't understand all the words ! But it's clearly more complicated :)

Anyway - the reason for messaging - do you have any tips about remembering song words?
I coordinate a small group of singers in my church and none of us seem to remembr the lyrics very well. Without the songsheets I guess there would be a lot of "la la'ing" going on :).
No worries - just wondered how you went about learning your song words.

Have a great day
Martin

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi Yvonne,

Looks like you're keeping busy !!!!!
Shame about the hairdresser - I breathe a sigh of relief when my wife cancel's hers as it's so expensive.
I can get my hair cut for like £6 in a local blokes hair place.
No idea what goes on in ladies hair places - and frankly don't understand all the words ! But it's clearly more complicated :)

Anyway - the reason for messaging - do you have any tips about remembering song words?
I coordinate a small group of singers in my church and none of us seem to remembr the lyrics very well. Without the songsheets I guess there would be a lot of "la la'ing" going on :).
No worries - just wondered how you went about learning your song words.

Have a great day
Martin


Hi martbarr,

Hope this helps, It helps if you have a copy of the songs on cd and the words, a copy for everyone who is learning the words. then they can take it home and practice, listening to the cd and reading the words and singing at the same time when playing the cd. this is how I learn to remember. doing it over and over again, at home. Plus coming together for practice too helps as well.

get them to do a warm up before they sing, this helps. doo beee doo, la la la... and it is best not to have a meal before hand, you sing better on not a full tummy. I hope this is of some help. :)

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Friday morning, I was at my womens group, women on the move, we are planning and getting ready for Women's International Day, lots to prepare, I have been asked to do the posters, invitations and the programme. I only put my name down for the posters, not realising that the invitations and the progamme was all under the one heading. Now I'm very panicky, I have enough on my plate with singing, studying, studying for theory test, driving lessons and my book keeping plus my bsl practicing.

just seems to be one big nightmare. over the last couple of days I have had the overwhelming self harming feeling, without the thought, it is so horrible, when I was in the shop, though I had the feeling, I was in the asle of the razors, and I looked and reached out to lift a packet of razors, then I managed to stop myself, by thinking, when the bags are unpacked, at home, my kids would see the packet. I still have the feeling, though thats the only reason I stopped. if it were not for them I would have purchase them.

Things have been going so good as I have been keeping myself busy, however now with the extra tasks, and the meetings have started, plus the training day coming, it's a lot. I hope I can get to March without going into hospital. as last year I was in hospital for 4 months. that's the longest I've been in. I'm still working on it. staying out.

Yvonne

[martbarr]

Hi martbarr,

Hope this helps, It helps if you have a copy of the songs on cd and the words, a copy for everyone who is learning the words. then they can take it home and practice, listening to the cd and reading the words and singing at the same time when playing the cd. this is how I learn to remember. doing it over and over again, at home. Plus coming together for practice too helps as well.

get them to do a warm up before they sing, this helps. doo beee doo, la la la... and it is best not to have a meal before hand, you sing better on not a full tummy. I hope this is of some help. :)

Yvonne

Hi Yvonne - what a great idea - cd's to take home and wordsheets.
Nice one and thanks a lot!
Mart

[martbarr]

Hi,

Friday morning, I was at my womens group, women on the move, we are planning and getting ready for Women's International Day, lots to prepare, I have been asked to do the posters, invitations and the programme. I only put my name down for the posters, not realising that the invitations and the progamme was all under the one heading. Now I'm very panicky, I have enough on my plate with singing, studying, studying for theory test, driving lessons and my book keeping plus my bsl practicing.

just seems to be one big nightmare. over the last couple of days I have had the overwhelming self harming feeling, without the thought, it is so horrible, when I was in the shop, though I had the feeling, I was in the asle of the razors, and I looked and reached out to lift a packet of razors, then I managed to stop myself, by thinking, when the bags are unpacked, at home, my kids would see the packet. I still have the feeling, though thats the only reason I stopped. if it were not for them I would have purchase them.

Things have been going so good as I have been keeping myself busy, however now with the extra tasks, and the meetings have started, plus the training day coming, it's a lot. I hope I can get to March without going into hospital. as last year I was in hospital for 4 months. that's the longest I've been in. I'm still working on it. staying out.

Yvonne

Hi Yvonne

My heart goes out to you!

Do you get any time to be quiet - and chill - or is talking like that not very helpful?

I do believe that the selfharm feeling may be an old feeling come back to haunt you, like our emotions do from time to time. You did say "not the thought" - very impressed you know yourself that well, and I think that sounds like a major healing step, to me at any rate.

If I were you, I'd phone and tell the Women's group that you made a mistake, or your computer's broken, and won't be able to do posters etc.
(not really a lie is it ?? - if you haven't got time to use it it's broken!)
And failing that - see if you have a friend who could dive in and help - or maybe see if there's online ones already done and copy those.

But please take some time to chill - I get the feeling it would help - even though I know it's not easy! But you do sound very busy.

Congratulations on being hospital free for so long - it sounds like you've conquered it, and end of March is not far away - so my money is on you being just fine. I know - easy to say from a distance - and this stuff isn't easy is it ?

But go well Yvonne
hope the rest of your day is good.
cheers
Martin

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi Yvonne - what a great idea - cd's to take home and wordsheets.
Nice one and thanks a lot!
Mart


Hi Martbarr,


Your very welcome, glad I could be of some help. :)

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi Yvonne

My heart goes out to you!

Do you get any time to be quiet - and chill - or is talking like that not very helpful?

I do believe that the selfharm feeling may be an old feeling come back to haunt you, like our emotions do from time to time. You did say "not the thought" - very impressed you know yourself that well, and I think that sounds like a major healing step, to me at any rate.

If I were you, I'd phone and tell the Women's group that you made a mistake, or your computer's broken, and won't be able to do posters etc.
(not really a lie is it ?? - if you haven't got time to use it it's broken!)
And failing that - see if you have a friend who could dive in and help - or maybe see if there's online ones already done and copy those.

But please take some time to chill - I get the feeling it would help - even though I know it's not easy! But you do sound very busy.

Congratulations on being hospital free for so long - it sounds like you've conquered it, and end of March is not far away - so my money is on you being just fine. I know - easy to say from a distance - and this stuff isn't easy is it ?

But go well Yvonne
hope the rest of your day is good.
cheers
Martin


Hi Martbarr,

Thank you for your encouragng words. very much apprecaited. Yes I have time to chill out, time to myself. in the evening. I looked up the history of Women's International Day, and gave them the print outs, I see my friends at the womens group on Friday, I will be able to let them know then. I'm not as panicky as earlier, feel a bit better.

I'm at home now, my dad phoned me when I was at his house and asked me to be ready to go, as I had time before doing his washing, I went with my dad to mines to get the 4 boxes of videos from my shed that is going to be taken away. as it is beyond repair. My dad got his videos back. which was great to get them out the shed, as I have no room in the house for them.

Then we went to my sisters house, she has a garage, we put the boxes in her garage. then we went to my dad's house, I got his wheel chaiir out of the boot, unfolded the wheel chair, put the brakes on, for my dad to get into the wheel chair. then I wheeled my dad into hiis house, just in time for doing his washing, I went to the laundry room and put his washing on, then I went back after 40 minutes, then put his washing into the dryers. my dads washing slot finishes at 5.00pm. I went back a little after 5.00pm, and his stuff was dry. took my dads clean washing back to him and put it away for him, then I had to make the dinner. After dinner, I washed his dishes, watch tv with him for a while, then I got ready to come home.

Praise God for a free Saturday, looking forward to peace and quiet tomorrow. I can get more studying done tomorrow afternoon, me time in the morning. :)

I wonder if I wll have a bit more time this week to spend with my dad. I hope so, as I did not have the same time last week. wont be long until I will be drivng him about in the car. I'm going to get provisinal car insurance with Marmalade Car Insurance company, for 3 months.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Saturday late morning, I had a lie in, it was great. I'm having a lazy day in the house, though I will do some studying, go online for a bit, am taking the time to me. My dad says in two weeks time, he will take me down to behind the bingo hall, and give me a driving lesson then, this will let him know how good my driving is. I am looking forward to it, by then I will have the money to pay for this 3 months insurance. I have been saving up for it. as I want to still have money in my account, I'm glad my dad says in two weeks time.

hopefully no more snow. Going to church tomorrow, and for now going to practice my singing and learnng the words that I need to know.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Saturday evening, I have not done much today, spent a good time practicing the songs that I need to learn, getting to know two of the songs, got more to learn. I've stopped for now.

Received a letter from the vampire clinic, they want me to go to a different clinic, I rather go to the one I'm used too. than go to the one they want me to goto. I have my gp on Thursday morning, I'm just going to go to the clinic after my gp appointment. I have done this before, just turn up, at the clinic in the same building as my gp. I feel confident to go to my gp's building than any other building.

I have told these nurses that I do not cope with change very well. what part dont they get. the last nurse took note of it, I guess they are bad a communicating with each other.

I can handle change when it happens when your fore warned about it, hey when it happens so quicky and it one thing after another and everything is going really fast. this part of change I dont cope with.

going to listen to my worship music. need to calm my anx down.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Sunday morning, I slept in, though stll managed to goto church, as I was reading the up date, I noticed that my friend is leaving the church next week. no matter how much I have tried to spend extra time with her, which has been very hard. This evening she is away to Glasgow Elim church, I requested to go with her, as we went there on a regular basis together. Though we had not been in a while, this would be the last time going together. after church she refused, well I tried.

When I got home, my dad phoned, I went to my dad's to take my mind off my friend. Yes I know I can email, phone once in a while, though it will not be the same. Wish she was not leaving. Oh well, got to move on.

I have my driving lesson tomorrow, its a double appointment. I'm looking forward to it. plus my shopping, hopefully the dss will have put the money into my new bank account. if not I will need to phone them. Everything at present is a nightmare, got lots of direct debits to sort out. as long as I dont panic, I will be alright, hopefully.


Yvonne

[KK77]

Hello Yvonne

Sorry to hear about your friend leaving. Hope you have a good day tomorrow and your driving lesson goes well... How are you getting on with the sertraline? Are you still getting dizziness?

I've been well. Still get a lot of tiredness during the day but I've kind of got used to it now. It's definitely true that side effects settle after a while but some seem to persist longer than others.

Anyway, keep up the good work. Try and remain calm and detached when sorting out all your bills - they just aren't worth the headache!

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hello Yvonne

Sorry to hear about your friend leaving. Hope you have a good day tomorrow and your driving lesson goes well... How are you getting on with the sertraline? Are you still getting dizziness?

I've been well. Still get a lot of tiredness during the day but I've kind of got used to it now. It's definitely true that side effects settle after a while but some seem to persist longer than others.

Anyway, keep up the good work. Try and remain calm and detached when sorting out all your bills - they just aren't worth the headache!




Hi Melancholia77,

My driving lesson was good today. Yes I'm still getting the dizziness. it would be good if the dizziness could stop. I'm glad your well, yes it can be very tiring.

after my driving lesson, I started to have panic attacks, which took a while to go away, as the day went on, the panic attacks got worse, I had that horrible overwhelming feeling and wanting so much to self harm. Later on this evening, I went to my aqua areobics class,I was panicking through the exercise, then after it I managed to calm down a bit, I went for the bus, then my panic attack started all over again, when the bus got to town, I went and got a taxi up the road, as I was too panicky to go to the bus stop.

When I was shopping earlier, I was very anx and panicky. though I had a good morning, the rest of the day kinda went pear shaped. I'm still having panic attacks. I hope this does not happen tomorrow, this was one big wobble today.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Tuesday morning, I slept in, I'm having panic attacks again today. I wanted to cancell my appointment for my counselling, though I thought I had a meeting afterwards, I went to my appointment still feeling very panicky, and doing my breathing exercise, I arrived late at my appointment, then after my appointment, in the same place was meant to be a meeting that I thought was this week. turns out to be next week. if I had taken more care to ask and make sure about the meeting, I could have stayed at home instead of going. I went cause this is a very important meeting. to do with the accounts.

I hope I can calm down for the rehearsals this evening. let you know how this evening goes.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Tuesday evening, I went to rehearals, I started off panicky, then as time when on, I didnt notice me being panicky. I felt better then when I started. that's rehearals over for another week, still to practice at home.

At home now, feel calm, hope to God this calmness lasts for the rest of tonight. Tomorrow got to get up early, going to my dads, going with him to the hospital, so that the nurse can tune my voice into his hearing aid. then off to Cydebank, more excercise, hard working pushing a wheel chair with someone in it. I managed to work out how to get on and off pavements that do not have the low level pavements.

let you know how tomorrow goes, I managed to get the direct debits all sorted and I had to phone the dss and got my bank details changed all today. I'm glad that's over, each time I phone each company, I was very panicky, I calmed myself down after each phone call, then off I would panic again. it was like a rolla costa..

overwhelming stage starting again, going to play some games, keep my mind occuppied.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Wednesday mornng, I woke up very early at 5.00am, I stayed in bed until about 7 am, then I got up, washed and dressed. I phoned my dad to make sure he was up. then I left my house for 8.15 am, as I was to be at my dad's for 8.30 am..

When I got to my dad's he was not even ready yet. I nagged him to get ready, then we went to the hospital, he was told to get an appointment at his gps to get his ears cleaned. then they will see him in two weeks, to put ear moulds to make new and a new hearing aid to help him hear better.

Then after the hospital, we went to clydebank, while traveling there. I had a bad memory come back up, though going to clydebank, has nothing to do with my bad memory that I remembered. I did my best to push it to the back of my mind, We finally arrived at clydebank shopping centre, I got my dad's wheel chair out of his boot, I wheeled him to the co-op, so he could pay a bill off, then went shopping. around 3 pm, we came back home.

On our journey back, I tryed very hard not to think about what I had remembered, before I knew it, I could not stop thinkng about what I had remembered. I know ths happend a very long time ago. I became very edgie, not feeling very comfortable, I phone home and asked one of my teenage children to come down to their grandads, so that I would have someone to walk home with. I was sexually abused by my uncle.

Plus I have been very panicky today, and I have had suicidal thoughts today too.

Going to see my gp tomorrow, need to let her know how I have been over the last week, I have a personal problem, going to mention it to her tomorrow. I hope it's nothing. let you know what happens at the gps tomorrow.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Almost slept in this morning, managed to make it on time for my gps appointment. I let the gp know how I was feeling over the last few days, I let her know that I have been panicky, that my friend is leaving to go home for good. she says that I'm going through a tough time, with my dad being ill and my friend going home. Plus I am remembering horrible stuff from my horrible past.

she also reminded me that its not my fault for the sexual abuse. though at times it feels that way.

I mention my personal problem, she says cause of time, she will check it next week. I hope so.

after my appointment, I went to the vampire clinic, and my inr was a way up, I have been reduced down from 9mg to 8 mg of warfarin, plus not to take any until Monday, yipee. I dont like taking warfarin.

I did not have any panic attacks today, as I talked about the sexual abuse to my gp, I was more upset than panicky.

lots more of my past I have remember. need to go and talk to someone.

Yvonne

[martbarr]

Hi,

Almost slept in this morning, managed to make it on time for my gps appointment. I let the gp know how I was feeling over the last few days, I let her know that I have been panicky, that my friend is leaving to go home for good. she says that I'm going through a tough time, with my dad being ill and my friend going home. Plus I am remembering horrible stuff from my horrible past.

she also reminded me that its not my fault for the sexual abuse. though at times it feels that way.

I mention my personal problem, she says cause of time, she will check it next week. I hope so.

after my appointment, I went to the vampire clinic, and my inr was a way up, I have been reduced down from 9mg to 8 mg of warfarin, plus not to take any until Monday, yipee. I dont like taking warfarin.

I did not have any panic attacks today, as I talked about the sexual abuse to my gp, I was more upset than panicky.

lots more of my past I have remember. need to go and talk to someone.

Yvonne

Phew Yvonne - you are going through it at the moment aren't you.
I'm glad you keep posting here - at least you know you're not on your own.

And you have your Dad to look after, and it sounds like you do a lot more than some would do. So well done for caring.

It is good that your memories are coming out - better out than in they say! At least as they come out you can do something about it - at the least pray and try to let go, and let some light in.

Sorry about your friend leaving - it may seem hard - but God will send you more friends I'm sure.

I think it's good that you felt more upset than panicky at the gps. There probably is a relationship between your panic/anxiety and feling upset.
And I think honestly that all this could be a great healing time for you if you keep cool, and take it one hour at a time.

I think you got a raw deal in life, and think how great it wil be when you come out the other side feeling great and on top of the world, and I believe it can happen.

God bless
Martin


Isaiah 41:10"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

[yvonne_uk_98]

Phew Yvonne - you are going through it at the moment aren't you.
I'm glad you keep posting here - at least you know you're not on your own.

And you have your Dad to look after, and it sounds like you do a lot more than some would do. So well done for caring.

It is good that your memories are coming out - better out than in they say! At least as they come out you can do something about it - at the least pray and try to let go, and let some light in.

Sorry about your friend leaving - it may seem hard - but God will send you more friends I'm sure.

I think it's good that you felt more upset than panicky at the gps. There probably is a relationship between your panic/anxiety and feling upset.
And I think honestly that all this could be a great healing time for you if you keep cool, and take it one hour at a time.

I think you got a raw deal in life, and think how great it wil be when you come out the other side feeling great and on top of the world, and I believe it can happen.

God bless
Martin


Isaiah 41:10"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."



Hi Martin,

Thank you for your encouranging words, and the beautiful verse from Isaiah. very much appreciated. :)

I phoned my friend, she was great help too, my friend came with me to my gp. going to see my gp next week.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Friday morning, I slept in, though managed to go to my womens group. I was hoping to start the posters, and I asked for help. hey took us ages to think of anything. I have a rough Idea what is to go on the inviations, just need to find out what's going on the programme.

plus we are being put forward for an award. let you know more, at present I have homework to write about myself from being sexually abused, raped, through domestic violence, to what my womens group has done to help me, and what I'm doing now. lots to think about and lots to sort out.

right now I feel suicidal, its horrible, and its a hughe battle to get through, well I think that.

after my womens group, I went to my dad's, then to find out that he did not need me today. wish I knew he didnt need me. I could have went home. oh well I suppose that's fathers for you. especially mine.

need to take my mind of my negative feelings and overwhelming stage.

Yvonne

[martbarr]

Hi,

Friday morning, I slept in, though managed to go to my womens group. I was hoping to start the posters, and I asked for help. hey took us ages to think of anything. I have a rough Idea what is to go on the inviations, just need to find out what's going on the programme.

plus we are being put forward for an award. let you know more, at present I have homework to write about myself from being sexually abused, raped, through domestic violence, to what my womens group has done to help me, and what I'm doing now. lots to think about and lots to sort out.

right now I feel suicidal, its horrible, and its a hughe battle to get through, well I think that.

after my womens group, I went to my dad's, then to find out that he did not need me today. wish I knew he didnt need me. I could have went home. oh well I suppose that's fathers for you. especially mine.

need to take my mind of my negative feelings and overwhelming stage.

Yvonne

Hi Yvonne

Do you sleep ok then?
- you often say you slept in.

Just wondered - for the first few weeks on cit I struggled to sleep through.
Horrible times really.
But I seem to be out of that phase now, and tired all the time, and could lie in quite easily.
Not totally asleep, but not totally awake either.
But not anxious if I take propranalol before I go to bed which is good.

Keep your head up - you're doing ok.
Sounds like you're slowly getting on top of your feelings.

Martin :shades:

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi Yvonne

Do you sleep ok then?
- you often say you slept in.

Just wondered - for the first few weeks on cit I struggled to sleep through.
Horrible times really.
But I seem to be out of that phase now, and tired all the time, and could lie in quite easily.
Not totally asleep, but not totally awake either.
But not anxious if I take propranalol before I go to bed which is good.

Keep your head up - you're doing ok.
Sounds like you're slowly getting on top of your feelings.

Martin :shades:

Hi Martin,

Yes I do sleep very well, quiet a lot of the time I sleep in, I am also on Trazadone 50mg, I was on 100 mg before Christmas I always slept in. now some times I can get up and other times I sleep in.



Saturday morning, my daughters woke me up, letting me know that they were going to the pictures. As I was having a lie in to 9.30am.

I was feeling suicidal, I grabbed my dsi nintendo and played some games, then the phone rang, it was my dad, asking me to go to Barrhead with him and get some shopping for him. I agreed, I went to my dad's for 11.30 am this morning, made him a cuppa before going to Barrhead to get some shopping. My dad will not drive his car without me being there.

When we got to Barrhead shops, my dad had a long list of things to get, we did not get one thing on his list. I will get it on Monday when I go shopping.

I hope I do not sleep in tomorrow, I have church to go to. need to be there cause its the only way I'm going to find out about the management meeting and it's my friends last time at the church.

no rehearsals on Tuesday as it is the managment meeting, I need to know where it is being held as it is a joint meeting with the kirk session.

I spent a good few hours with my dad and watch two movies at my dads, then my daughter came and my oldest son and his girlfriend and my two grand children. My youngest grand son, was cuddling into me asking and pointing what is that. he so cute, when he was going home, he did not want to leave. it was so sweet.

I have had a good day and a great afternoon. awesome.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Sunday Morning, I got up early this mornng, up at 5.00am, I could not get back to sleep, I put my dsi on and played a pogo.com game for a while, then I became tired, I was only meant to shut my eyes for a moment, I fell asleep, and woke up in time for going to church. Praise God I woke up in time.

got to church with my children, church was good, and the presentation was good too. spending time with my friend who is leaving. plus lots of our friends came to the church service because they were invited to take part as our friend is leaving. it was good. After the church serivce, (My son does the sound system with 2 other guys in the church) One of the guys who does the sound system, came and asked to have a word with me, I asked him did Adrain do something wrong, he started shouting at me, telling me to keep my son under control. he says that my son was being cheeky, and nasty. I got a fright, I had a bad panic attack, this guy stormed out of the church. the deacon came to me and prayed for me, he had a word with the guy. and he is going to talk the guy when he has calmed down.

the other guy who is teaching my son the sound system, says that there was nothing going on. we think it must have been something else, and this guy has blown the top and taken it out on me, that my son when joking around was the last straw for this guy. after it all, I took a diazepam, as I was finding it very hard to calm down.

other than that things are going well. I'm now tired, going to go for a sleep.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Sunday evening, I have had a good sleep for a few hours. feel much better. try not to think of what happened today. just focus on the good things of today.

I have a double driving lesson tomorrow, I have a few road signs for my instructor tomorrow. I will ask him the questions that I have. Looking forward to my driving lesson.

going to find my cd and practice the songs I've to learn and play a few games.

Yvonne

[martbarr]

Hi,

Sunday evening, I have had a good sleep for a few hours. feel much better. try not to think of what happened today. just focus on the good things of today.

I have a double driving lesson tomorrow, I have a few road signs for my instructor tomorrow. I will ask him the questions that I have. Looking forward to my driving lesson.

going to find my cd and practice the songs I've to learn and play a few games.

Yvonne

Hi Y

You sound a bit better now - I hope you're doing ok.

Good luck with the double driving lesson.
I remember learning hill starts and parallel parking and all that.

I've got a Ds lite - what's your fave game?
I only got basic brain training when I got mine, so don't know much else about them.
Does it really work to take your mind off things?
Could really use that sometimes!!

Keep in touch
Martin

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi Y

You sound a bit better now - I hope you're doing ok.

Good luck with the double driving lesson.
I remember learning hill starts and parallel parking and all that.

I've got a Ds lite - what's your fave game?
I only got basic brain training when I got mine, so don't know much else about them.
Does it really work to take your mind off things?
Could really use that sometimes!!

Keep in touch
Martin

Hi Martin,

Yes I feel a bit better, my double driving lesson was alrght, I managed to my parallel parking on my own with out being prompted. which is good.

Yes the ds lite dose work and take your mind of it, I have lots of fav, I like the card games, colours, murder detective and puzzle games, plus adventure games too, ones that make you think and are an absolute challenge.

I also play games on here, I play the billiards one on here, and do my singing practice. I have almost learned all the songs that I need to learn. just to get it in the correct order now, I get one of the songs mixed up, what line comes next. just to practice more.

rest of today, after my driving lesson, I went to my dads, he had a drs appointment, I went with him. then we went shopping, I only got a small amount of shopping, need to go tomorrow. I have a busy day tomorrow, first shopping, then I have my counselling appointment, and strraight after it I have a meeting. then I have a Management Meeting at the church. In the evening.

I started off very nervious this morning, I guess its part of yesterday. now I feel a bit better. hope I dont have this problem tomorrow.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Tuesday morning, at 10.00 am, I went shopping with my friend, I got the weeks shopping. after the shopping, came home put my shopping away, then I had to grab my bag and accounts for Renfrewhire Women's Association, and go to my couselling session, my couselor asked me how my weekend went, I let her know. then after talkng she handed me a pink folder and says that she will let me know next week what's it for. Oh I've to look out a photo of my kids for this folder. I think its a positive thing, what ever it is, let you know next week about it.

after my appointment, I had a meeting to get the accounts uptodate. I am getting help with the cash account, as when I was not well, I handed the accounts over to someone in the committee, and they messed the accounts up very badly. I managed to fix the bank account ledger, not the cash account ledger, I gave it to a friend who does accounts and hoepfully she will sort out this problem. this is what happens when your not well or at yourself to do the accounts and need someone else to take over.

after that, I went to the carwharehouse to buy a new mobile phone, well my brain continued past the shop, me I went into the shop, and asked for a certain phone, before I knew it I purchased the make I wanted but not the phone I wanted. when I got home, I noticed that I bought the wrong phone, I phone the Carwharehouse to let them know, the women on the other end of the phone laughed at me. cause of what I said, and she says to take the phone back and get it changed for the one that I wanted in the first place.

When at home I did not have enough time to make something to eat, I had another meeting to go to. church management meeting. Again I was asked if I was alright after Sunday. I says that I was and this time I did not dwell on the problem, though it took my body time to get over the shock of it all.

tomorrow I'm going for lunch with my friend and my son is coming with me, as he is not at school, its a holiday, he goes back to school on Thursday.

before going for lunch tomorrow, I will be taking the new phone back to change it for the one that I wanted in the first place. as long as my brain stays with me and not go off without me. lol

Yvonne

[KK77]

I will be taking the new phone back to change it for the one that I wanted in the first place. as long as my brain stays with me and not go off without me. lol


That made me laugh Yvonne! I'm sure your brain will be present tomorrow - if not you may have to go back again hehe...

It's good to read that things are so much better than when you first started this thread. You've remained out of hospital and I think you deserve full credit for that because I know how hard some days have been for you.

I've been well. My medication seems to have settled somewhat - although I still get the odd crap day. Work has been busy and I've been feeling extremely tired during the day. In fact most afternoons I have to sleep for an hour because I don't get much sleep at night and I'm always up early.

Are you still getting side effects from the sertraline? What other meds you taking? I think you said you still took trazodone...

Take care Yvonne. It's good to see you doing so well... :yesyes:

[martbarr]

Hi,

.....I will be taking the new phone back to change it for the one that I wanted in the first place. as long as my brain stays with me and not go off without me. lol

Yvonne

Hey Yvonne - you sound bright and shiny at the moment!
Long may it last!
Thought your last email was great - cheered me up !

Sorry to be nosey - but what sort of phone are you going for?
My wife needs to replace her's and no idea what to look for.

Cheers
Martin

[yvonne_uk_98]

That made me laugh Yvonne! I'm sure your brain will be present tomorrow - if not you may have to go back again hehe...

It's good to read that things are so much better than when you first started this thread. You've remained out of hospital and I think you deserve full credit for that because I know how hard some days have been for you.

I've been well. My medication seems to have settled somewhat - although I still get the odd crap day. Work has been busy and I've been feeling extremely tired during the day. In fact most afternoons I have to sleep for an hour because I don't get much sleep at night and I'm always up early.

Are you still getting side effects from the sertraline? What other meds you taking? I think you said you still took trazodone...

Take care Yvonne. It's good to see you doing so well... :yesyes:


Hi Melancholia77,

Thank you for your kind words. and encouraging me, very much appreciated.

I'm glad your medication has now help to settle down things for you. I dont like getting crap days myself. sorry to hear your not getting much sleep at night, at least your getting that 1 hour to catch up on some sleep. I hope you get a more sleep tonight.

Wednesday morning, I was up early and stayed up, got my son up, he got washed and dressed, we went to carwharehouse to change my new phone, this time my brain came with me. I was more focused. I applogised to the guy who sold me the phone. now to add the phone numbers from my old phone to my new phone. my sim card is full, my son tried to take my contacts from my phone to my sim card only 50% went across, I still got the other 56% to add to my new phone, I have done some, got fed up so, I'm having a rest from doing that, will do it later.

Once I had my exchanged and new phone, my son and I went to meet my friend and we went for lunch, we were talking about me learning very slowly a small bit of German. I'm only doing the numbers, only got as far as 5. then at the table I started to spill tea, knock things over, though my brain stayed with me, it went to sleep, making mistakes, I started to be careful.

I had a good day, now my brains wide awake, looking for a challenge, going to play a game or two. and try to add music to my phone mp3 player. heres hoping I can manage that.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

the meds I'm on are Sertraline 50mg, Trazodone 50mg. one for my depression, anxiety and panic attacks and one to help me get over to sleep, though 50mg does not help in that way, however 100mg caused me to be like a zombie every morning, my gp reduced my meds.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hey Yvonne - you sound bright and shiny at the moment!
Long may it last!
Thought your last email was great - cheered me up !

Sorry to be nosey - but what sort of phone are you going for?
My wife needs to replace her's and no idea what to look for.

Cheers
Martin

Hi Martin,

When I look for a new phone I try to stick to the same make as I need the phone to be able to remind me every day. be loud when the alarm goes off. have internet access, keep notes.

It all depends in what she is looking for. the phone I purchased this time was a qwerty Samsung which does the things I'm looking for, so does the Nokia, though the one I had a very poor volume, I could not hear my phone ringing, alarm going off. I need to replace it. I searched all the net works for a phone, then I went to Carwharehouse as there phones are unlocked, means I can buy a phone that I have seen in the other shops, though much cheaper. and stay with my preferred network.

I hope this helps.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Oh I forgot to say yes I still have dizzyness side affect from Sertraline, though the dizzyness it not as bad though.

Yvonne

[martbarr]

Hi Martin,

When I look for a new phone I try to stick to the same make as I need the phone to be able to remind me every day. be loud when the alarm goes off. have internet access, keep notes.

It all depends in what she is looking for. the phone I purchased this time was a qwerty Samsung which does the things I'm looking for, so does the Nokia, though the one I had a very poor volume, I could not hear my phone ringing, alarm going off. I need to replace it. I searched all the net works for a phone, then I went to Carwharehouse as there phones are unlocked, means I can buy a phone that I have seen in the other shops, though much cheaper. and stay with my preferred network.

I hope this helps.

Yvonne

Hi Yvonne,
which phone model did you end up with.
I'd like to get one with a decent volume, as I'm always missing mine, and I may be able to get a work upgrade soon and I may get to choose.
No probs if you'd rather not say - just fed up with my alarm never waking me, and missing loads of calls on trains etc.

cheers Mart

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi Yvonne,
which phone model did you end up with.
I'd like to get one with a decent volume, as I'm always missing mine, and I may be able to get a work upgrade soon and I may get to choose.
No probs if you'd rather not say - just fed up with my alarm never waking me, and missing loads of calls on trains etc.

cheers Mart


Hi Martin,

the phone I purchased is:

Samsung B3310, qwerty keyboard, awesome phone. that's what I think.

Yvonne

[martbarr]

Hi Martin,

the phone I purchased is:

Samsung B3310, qwerty keyboard, awesome phone. that's what I think.

Yvonne

Thanks v much Yvonne,
That looks great.
Will wander into Tescos on the way to work and compare prices.
Have a nice relaxed day!

cheers Martin
The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run into it, and is safe. Proverbs 18:10

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Thursday morning, I went to see my gp, I let her know how I was feeling, and I let her know about my personal problem, I'm being referred for an mamogram. to make sure that everything is alright. I also let her know that I have not heard from the cpn yet and not heard from the hospital for an appointment to see a different physchiatrist. I go to see my gp next week.

after my appointment, I went and did some exercises with my friend, then later we went and had lunch. then I started to remember some more of my horrible past, I started to go around the shops buys some stuff.

Now at home, and I'm very tired.

got a busy day tomorrow, got my womens group, we going to be there all day as we are preparing for International Women's Day, then I have my dad's washing to do.

let you know how I get on tomorrow.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Friday morning, at womens group we created the posters and the invitations, helped decorate the bags, then we stopped for lunch, then continued to help decorate the bags. these bags will have free goodies in them. I offered to make some swiss bread, and put a square of chocolate in the middle, that way its becomes a sweet bread pudding.

My dad phoned me, asked me to go round to his and go to the shops for him, I went to the shops then went to my dad's, then when the time came to do his washing went and did his washing.

after my dad's washing, I made his dinner, then we watch tv together, watch a few movies together, I had an overwhelming feeling of self harming, though I had the needle in my hand, I managed to put it away and not do anything. I stayed the night with my dad.

Saturday morning, I heard my dad coughing, I got up and went into his bedroom to check that he was alright. he was alright time I got to his bedroom. I went to the kitchen to make my dad his breakfast, after breakfast I washed the dishes, then I got ready to go home.

Now at home, I am waiting on my children getting ready were going to the movies, I will let you know what movie we go and see, I can not remember the name of it.

hopefully I will be able to stay focus with the movie, I usually only stay focus for the first 30mins.

Let you know how things go.

Yvonne

[martbarr]

Hi,

Friday morning, at womens group we created the posters and the invitations, helped decorate the bags, then we stopped for lunch, then continued to help decorate the bags. these bags will have free goodies in them. I offered to make some swiss bread, and put a square of chocolate in the middle, that way its becomes a sweet bread pudding.

My dad phoned me, asked me to go round to his and go to the shops for him, I went to the shops then went to my dad's, then when the time came to do his washing went and did his washing.

after my dad's washing, I made his dinner, then we watch tv together, watch a few movies together, I had an overwhelming feeling of self harming, though I had the needle in my hand, I managed to put it away and not do anything. I stayed the night with my dad.

Saturday morning, I heard my dad coughing, I got up and went into his bedroom to check that he was alright. he was alright time I got to his bedroom. I went to the kitchen to make my dad his breakfast, after breakfast I washed the dishes, then I got ready to go home.

Now at home, I am waiting on my children getting ready were going to the movies, I will let you know what movie we go and see, I can not remember the name of it.

hopefully I will be able to stay focus with the movie, I usually only stay focus for the first 30mins.

Let you know how things go.

Yvonne

Crikey you're busy - dunno how you do it all !

You've just reminded me that we've not been to the pics for ages.
Must look at the flic list in the local paper.

See ya later
Mart

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

back from the movies, we went to see Percy Jackson and the Lighting theif, very good and worth going, I managed to watch it all, even though I was loosing interest in watching it, I think it was much better than any harry potter film.

well on the way to the movies I kept remembering my horrible past, it's like reliving the night mare, even though it's not happening.

going to church tomorrow, then going to my dads and staying over to Monday as my dad has an appointment at the hospital for 8.am. plus he also has another appointment in the afternoon, going to see the dr at the hospital about his cancer. my dad starting to get pain, I hope it does not get too bad, if it does, then he will have to get radio therpy, this will cause him to be in a wheelchair. I hope to God this does not happen soon.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Crikey you're busy - dunno how you do it all !

You've just reminded me that we've not been to the pics for ages.
Must look at the flic list in the local paper.

See ya later
Mart


Hi Martin,

Yes I keep myself very busy, this is to stop me from being very negative, If I didnt keep busy I would be o/d or self harming, I still get the overwhelming feeling and go through the stages of it all.

though sometimes when busy this does not stop the negativity thinking, just got to keep it under control. lot of hard work to keep it up.

it's finding the balance so that I do not end up burntout. last time I was in hospital I ended up burnout with going to college and learning to accept that my dad's illness, when I started college a year ago, on the day I started was the day I got told about my dad's illness, and it took up to Christmas for it to sink in, then I had a very bad wobble.

I'm still learning to cope with it and keep busy, and keep a balance, sometimes I go over the balance.

now my dad's cancer is starting to cause him pain, I know I could not cope with going to my dad's every day, as at the begining of his illness he had radio therpy, which caused his care needs for every day, I couldnt cope with it all, it was too much, I ended up in hospital again.

I'm not looking forward to my dad getting radio therpy again. cause this time round he will be in a wheelchair for life, and his life will get worse. horrible, hope it will not happen for a long time.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Sunday morning, I slept in for church, I stayed at home, my teenage kids went to church. I went back to sleep, I was very tired this morning. going to get ready and take some sleep over clothes with me, going to stay the night with my dad, he has and early appointment at the hospital at the audiogy department, and later on in the afternoon he has an appointment. I have my driving lesson late morning, I will not be going with my dad to his next appointment at the hospital. my dad been telling me about the consultant he sees at the hospital, she is very strict with him and she wants to tell his daughters off for going to the shops when requested to buy him his cigarettes. I do not want her to be as strict as she is being with my dad to me, it would be too much. it's bad enough trying to cope with my dad and the way he is. life is stressful enough without his dr at the hospital going to hassle me about my dad's smoking, it's up to him, not a lot I can do. to prevent him from driving on his own, I do what he requests like going to shop for his cigarettes.

she does not know my dad. I'm scared of him.

I will let you know how my driving lesson goes tomorrow, and its my shopping day, aqua areobics evening. A busy day tomorrow.

Yvonne

[martbarr]

Hi,

Sunday morning, I slept in for church, I stayed at home, my teenage kids went to church. I went back to sleep, I was very tired this morning. going to get ready and take some sleep over clothes with me, going to stay the night with my dad, he has and early appointment at the hospital at the audiogy department, and later on in the afternoon he has an appointment. I have my driving lesson late morning, I will not be going with my dad to his next appointment at the hospital. my dad been telling me about the consultant he sees at the hospital, she is very strict with him and she wants to tell his daughters off for going to the shops when requested to buy him his cigarettes. I do not want her to be as strict as she is being with my dad to me, it would be too much. it's bad enough trying to cope with my dad and the way he is. life is stressful enough without his dr at the hospital going to hassle me about my dad's smoking, it's up to him, not a lot I can do. to prevent him from driving on his own, I do what he requests like going to shop for his cigarettes.

she does not know my dad. I'm scared of him.

I will let you know how my driving lesson goes tomorrow, and its my shopping day, aqua areobics evening. A busy day tomorrow.

Yvonne

Hi Yvonne

You're still doing loads I see!
You have my sympathy re your Dad - it sounds quite tricky to know what to do.

All these things you do would be enough to grind most people into the ground. So very well done for keeping your head above water.

Although I don't think I'd enjoy aqua aerobics to be honest!
Is that where you do aerobics but stand in water ?
Guess it is!
The only reason you'd get me doing that is so I could hide my tummy under the water! :)

Martin

[yvonne_uk_98]

[QUOTE=martbarr;621600]Hi Yvonne

You're still doing loads I see!
You have my sympathy re your Dad - it sounds quite tricky to know what to do.

All these things you do would be enough to grind most people into the ground. So very well done for keeping your head above water.

Although I don't think I'd enjoy aqua aerobics to be honest!
Is that where you do aerobics but stand in water ?
Guess it is!
The only reason you'd get me doing that is so I could hide my tummy under the water! :)

Hi Martin,

Thank you for your support and encouraging words. Yes I'm still doing loads, I do understand that most people would not be able to cope with the amount that I do., I used to do more than this, I had to drop a lot to get it to what I do now.

Yes aqua areobics is in the water. it's good fun and get your muscles toned up at the same time..

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Monday morning, woke up at 7am, went into my dad's bedroom to check that he was wakened. He was up though not ready. I went and made breakfast, when my dad got ready we went to the hospital. the nurse at the hospital put putty moulds into my dad's ears when it was set she removed it, and told my dad that she would see him in three weeks time.

I pushed my dad in his wheelchair to his car. then we went to his house, I let my dad know that the ambulance would be there to pick him up shortly as his next appointment was at 12.30pm. that I would phone him after my driving lesson.

at 11.30am this morning I went for my driving lesson, my lesson this time, I was more calmer, relaxed, no panic attacks, no nervous, I had a good day and driving lesson. I managed to get score of 4 = test standard for my 3 point turn and reverse parking. Felt good to get that score, though I have that score for most of my driving, junctions, traffic lights etc...

I have another driving lesson on Thursday after noon. I will let you know how that goes.

tomorrow, got my counselling session, before it I have an website update meeting, then after counselling, I'm going to do my shopping, then I have rehearsals in the evening.

let you know how tomorrow goes, I'm suppose to have a photo with me for tomorrow. maybe I can print one off, and take it wth me.

Yvonne

[martbarr]

I was more calmer, relaxed, no panic attacks, no nervous, I had a good day and driving lesson.

This is great news.
I'm pleased your day and lesson went so well.
Martin

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

not got the website meeting today, I got that mixed up with next week. let you know how things go for today later on.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

This is great news.
I'm pleased your day and lesson went so well.
Martin


Hi Martin,

Thank you for your kind words of encouragement, very much appreciated thanks.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Tuesday morning, went to my counseling, then came home, only just got in and my dad phoned me, needed my company. I helped my dad fill in some forms, then after a while I made his dinner, then I had to leave and go and get some of my shopping, not all of it as I had church this evening rehearsals, I did not want to be late. I have learned two of the songs that I need to learn, got another two to learn and a few lines to read out, it's a bit strange singing songs, then changing to saying them out loud. I hope people hear me.

tomorrow, I have a small meeting with the secretary of Renfrewshire Women's Association, I need her to go and get the ink for her printer, and to give me the receipts for the ink. its near the end of the financial year. plus I'm going to see my gp tomorrow. let you know how that goes.

at counselling, we discussed talking to my dad, letting him know the truth, and hopeing that he will believe me, and not shout at me for not letting him know the truth of which my dad blames me for. there's a part of my past that my dad thinks I'm to blame for, though he does not know what my mom told me to do. I feel I'm not ready to let my dad know. this has triggered my flash backs of the past, panic attacks and very negative thinking. doing my best to keep positive.

let you know how things go tomorrow.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Wednesday, woke up to snow brrrrrrrrrrrrr, I cancelled most of my appointments, as I can not walk on the snow, too slidy at my place. though I kept my appointment at my gp, I let her know how I have been doing that last week was a good week, she asked me when my friend leaves to go home, I says that will be tomorrow, I'm going for lunch with her before she leaves. going to my local morrisons store.

going to miss her very much, plus I'm suppose to have a driving lesson tomorrow, all depends in the weather. I wonder if there will be a lesson. trust it to snow.

Snow is lovely when no one has walked on it, looks horrible when its been trodded on.

I felt a bit panicky today. got a meeting this evening, not keen on going, though I am in the management team for church. plus I had a headache and sore ear, taken pain killers to help take the pain away, though only lifted the edge of the pain, feel physically sick.

going to go to meeting, let you know how I get on at the meeting.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Wednesday evening, Called a taxi, went to meeting, though the snow has got worse, much more thicker, roads are harder to drive in. the meeting went well, our church is going to get new seats, I got the chance to try out one of the new seats, really comfy. on our way back up the road, the snow keeps getting worser and worser, we ended up stuck, we were worried about getting nearer to my place, cause I'm on a hill, at a bad bit for bad weather like snow and ice. it too from 9.30 pm to 10.30 pm to get me home, then I requested the deacon to phone me to let me know he got home safely. about 11.30pm he phone to say he got home safely. took ages because of the snow.

I've calmed down now, I'm not going to my appointments tomorrow, the only one I'm keeping is going for lunch with my friend before she goes home to Switzerland, were we are going for lunch is only 20 mins along the road, because of the snow it will be more than 20mins walk. let you know how I cope with tomorrow.

Yvonne

[lubelle]

Hiya!

I've been on so many meds and none have really helped. My anxiety is way outa control! Maybe I should try the one you're on? I just want to have one normal day!

[lubelle]

Sorry, what was the name of your med again?? thanx!!

[JT69]

Hi Yvonne, you must be right up North somewhere...seen the snow on the news. Living in the South we dont see that much of the white stuff. Shame cos its nice to see. Bet you not thinking that when you have to go out and about in it, can get quite tricky I expect.
Your situation late last night certainly sounded scary, glad you got home safe and sound.
Hope you manage to have lunch with your friend..very important. Take care and good luck!!! Jo.

[faye75]

Hi, I'm new to this forum and desperate to know if anyone else suffers the same side effect that I have. I seem to be intensly sensitive to cold. After even a small amount of exercise, when I stop it seems that my body temperature drops and even if indoors, wrapped in a duvet I need a hot water bottle to stop shivering!! I sometimes wake at night shivering because I am so cold even in a heated bedroom. Someone suggested under active thyroid was the cause but I have had a blood test and it is not the cause. My GP says it is probably the side effect of the citalopram - I am on 30mg a day. My only other symptom is I'm hugely tired - even after 10 hours sleep!
Sorry to go on but it is so nice to find people who know what it's really like!
I would come off cit. but don't think I ready to worry about the return of panic attacks. Vicious circle!!

[JT69]

Hi Faye, how long have you been taking the citalopram for?? Have you been experiencing the cold since you started taking it??? I find that sometimes when I am feeling anxious I feel really cold and just cant get warm (I am usually a hot person and dont really feel the cold), so it could be anxiety. Glad you ruled out thyroid as feeling cold is a symptom of this too as you say. Dont think you are going on...its perfectly fine to get your feeling off your chest. You then realise there are others feeling the same as you and it settles you down. Dont stop taking the citalopram without talking to your GP as that could make you feel worse. Hope it passes for you. Jo.

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hiya!

I've been on so many meds and none have really helped. My anxiety is way outa control! Maybe I should try the one you're on? I just want to have one normal day!


Hi Lubelle,

The meds that I am on are Sertraline 50 mg, and Trazodone 75 mg liquid. plus I am working on my problems, plus coming on here all helps very much.

I hope this helps.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi Faye75.

Yes I have been feeling cold, when I go swimming though my friend can heat up in swimming pool, I take ages to heat up, even when I'm swimming about in the pool, I'm still chittering cold.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi Yvonne, you must be right up North somewhere...seen the snow on the news. Living in the South we dont see that much of the white stuff. Shame cos its nice to see. Bet you not thinking that when you have to go out and about in it, can get quite tricky I expect.
Your situation late last night certainly sounded scary, glad you got home safe and sound.
Hope you manage to have lunch with your friend..very important. Take care and good luck!!! Jo.

Hi JT69,


Thank you for your kind words. very much appreciated.

Yes I managed to have lunch with my friend, it was good to catch up. and sad to see her go, I'm feeling it right now, I miss her very much. I asked her would she miss us and her answer was no she will not miss us. that hurt. I thought i meant more to her than that. I think she will miss us. propably she's not sure if she will right now.



I live in Paisley up in the hills, when it snows in paisley, in some areas it's alright, up where I stay it is 4 to 5 inches deep, when it starts to melt, it takes forever to melt from my place.

right now it's starting to melt, will take a while for it to melt at mines.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Thursday Morning, Got up early gathered my dads shopping that I got on Tuesday, took my dads shopping down to him, then after that I went and met my friend Esther, we had lunch, we chatted for about 1 hour, then we went to the bank, then she drove me home, before taking back the Van to her old work place. her flight was at 5.00 pm, the deacon from the church was picking her up at 2.00 pm. After that I went home, had to do some housing cleaning as the housing inspector was coming up on the Friday during the day.

Once I had done the house cleaning, I got my stuff ready for going to my dad's, I got my hill walking stick out, as I used it for walking in the snow. I left mine started to walk down to my dad's took me ages as I was sliding left, right and center, even though I used the stick to help me. I had to stop and rest every 6 to 7 steps, I was exhausted by the time I got to my dad's, I rested for a while, then i started to make my dad his dinner. after dinner, I found out from my dad that I did not need to do any washing for him on Friday, gee wish I knew that before I went down, oh well, I stayed the night, and spend all day Friday with my dad, I did not go to my womens group because of the snow, most of the snow was turning to ice too slidie. later on in friday after noon, my dad booked me a taxi to go and get him some shopping, and gave me money for the taxi and to come back in a taxi. I went and did his shopping, then went to my dad's house, we watched a movie, then it was bed time.

Saturday morning, I woke up at 9.00 am, this was my long lie in. I got up made my bed, made my dad his breakfast, did some house cleaning, stayed for a while, then i came home.

I'm feeling alright, though i have had some self harming thoughts today, I took out my crouching, I'm making a baby's blanket for grand baby number 3. This way my hands have something to do, to help prevent me from self harming. I hope I dont get bored of this, if I do, I would need to find something else. Has anyone got any idea's. I would very much appreciate this thanks.

Going to Church tomorrow. let you know how tomorrow goes.

Yvonne

[JT69]

Hi Yvonne, I bet your friend will miss you...just probably didn't want to tell you that or just doesn't realise it yet so dont feel sad about it.

Sounds lovely where you live. Do you have alot of rain in the summer?? Its raining here today you could say "cats and dogs"....its absolutely awful!! I live in the South of England.

Hope chuch goes well.... thanks for replying. Jo.xx

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi Yvonne, I bet your friend will miss you...just probably didn't want to tell you that or just doesn't realise it yet so dont feel sad about it.

Sounds lovely where you live. Do you have alot of rain in the summer?? Its raining here today you could say "cats and dogs"....its absolutely awful!! I live in the South of England.

Hope chuch goes well.... thanks for replying. Jo.xx


Hi Jt69,

Thanks for your kind words, very much appreciated, thanks. Yes we have lots of rain in the summer plus we have good spells of hot sunny weather too. I'm looking forward to the summer holiday's going away for a week. though I'm taking my laptop with me so that I can come online here.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Sunday Morninging, I was up at 5 am, I tried to get back to sleep, and could not, I got out my kniting, and started to sort the wool out, as it became very loose, I had to sort it out, it was a pain, trying to stop it from knoting, I had to end up cutting it and made three balls of wool.

I fell asleep at 7am, woke up at 8am. got ready, went to church, there was a baptisem this morning, it was beautiful. then after church, the deacon for got all about me again. I had to phone for a taxi to go home, because of the football it was hard to get a taxi, had to wait a good 30 mins for a taxi. My taxi finally arrived. now at home.

Now got dinner to make and be ready for church this evening, I help make the tea at church. need to be there for 6 pm. let you know how this evening service goes.

today at church I had panic attack, I not sure, though I think it was to do with the church being fully packed, there useually not a full church, usually about 50 people. today there was more than usual, cause of the baptism.

I think this is the reason I panicked. I have a problem with crowds of people. I remember when I was 14 I used to live in Glasgow, I went to night school for typing, I had to get 2 buses there and back. it was on the way back, when I got off the second bus there was this crowd of guys 20 to 30 of them with motor bikes, the ring lead grabbed me, he would not let me past and threaten to rape me, if I did not do as he requested, I ignored him, and kept walking and pulling away from him. this happend every week, I went to night school twice a week, happened for the 2 years I went to night school twice a week every week. I became terriffied to come home, my mom had to come and get me in a taxi twice a week. before my mom accepted that I was having problems, one night I came in very shaken and terriffied, that though for once they were not there, I seen them at the shops when the bus passed them by, and they had seen me on the bus, when I got off at my stop, I had to cross two main roads, then I heard a motor bike comeing towards me, I knew it was one of those guys, while I was half way across one of the main roads, he chased me to the park fence, and shouted to me " you have 4 mins to get home" he turned his bike and went half way up the road then he turned back and was coming fast, I had to run all the way home, taking short cuts, I just made it and no more into my building, I ran and closed all the doors then I ran up all the stairs to the 10th floor. I couldnt cope after that.

While after that, one night coming back (I dont remember this, my sister filled me in on this part), one night my mom and sister came to pick me up in the taxi, when the taxi was getting closer to home, my sister spotted the crowd of guys with thier motor bikes, she says to my mom look Yvonne was telling the truth after all. My mom asked the taxi to pull up along side the guys, and wait for us. My mom got out of the taxi with me, and she had a word with them. After that night I was able to go to my night class without the fear of coming home. One night they were waiting for me coming off the bus, and the ring leader, appologised to me for terrifing me, he says it was a joke. that he would not be bothering me again.

sometimes today I still get terrified of walking past a crowd of people. I'm still working on it.

Yvonne

[martbarr]

Hi,

I remember when I was 14 I used to live in Glasgow, I went to night school for typing, I had to get 2 buses there and back. it was on the way back, when I got off the second bus there was this crowd of guys 20 to 30 of them with motor bikes, the ring lead grabbed me, he would not let me past and threaten to rape me, if I did not do as he requested, I ignored him, and kept walking and pulling away from him. this happend every week, I went to night school twice a week, happened for the 2 years I went to night school twice a week every week. I became terriffied to come home, my mom had to come and get me in a taxi twice a week. before my mom accepted that I was having problems, one night I came in very shaken and terriffied, that though for once they were not there, I seen them at the shops when the bus passed them by, and they had seen me on the bus, when I got off at my stop, I had to cross two main roads, then I heard a motor bike comeing towards me, I knew it was one of those guys, while I was half way across one of the main roads, he chased me to the park fence, and shouted to me " you have 4 mins to get home" he turned his bike and went half way up the road then he turned back and was coming fast, I had to run all the way home, taking short cuts, I just made it and no more into my building, I ran and closed all the doors then I ran up all the stairs to the 10th floor. I couldnt cope after that.

While after that, one night coming back (I dont remember this, my sister filled me in on this part), one night my mom and sister came to pick me up in the taxi, when the taxi was getting closer to home, my sister spotted the crowd of guys with thier motor bikes, she says to my mom look Yvonne was telling the truth after all. My mom asked the taxi to pull up along side the guys, and wait for us. My mom got out of the taxi with me, and she had a word with them. After that night I was able to go to my night class without the fear of coming home. One night they were waiting for me coming off the bus, and the ring leader, appologised to me for terrifing me, he says it was a joke. that he would not be bothering me again.

sometimes today I still get terrified of walking past a crowd of people. I'm still working on it.

Yvonne

How totally awful.
Although it's gone away, the memories are still clearly with you.

I pray that re-telling this episode will bring you some release from it.

Don't give up!

Best wishes
Martin

[yvonne_uk_98]

How totally awful.
Although it's gone away, the memories are still clearly with you.

I pray that re-telling this episode will bring you some release from it.

Don't give up!

Best wishes
Martin


Hi Martin,

Thank you very much for encouraging me, very much appreciated.

Yvonne :hugs:

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Sunday evening, tonight service was about temptation, that temptation is okay, it is what you do with temptation, if you act on it, that part is the sin. if you ignore it the best you can then you are not sinning.

I asked for prayer as I was feeling very tempted to self harm. after prayer I felt good and at peace with myself.

Praise God for that.

the rest of the evening was awesome. tomorrow I have my driving lesson, the roads are alright, just the pavements and my path are like ice rinks. who needs ice skates when shoes just do the same thing, slide on the ice without the blade of the ice skates.

looking forward to my driving lesson, plus I have my aqua areobics class at 6pm, going to the swimming baths at 5.00 pm. give me time to get there and change into my costume, maybe I should be ready before hand, then when I get changed it much quicker.

let you know how tomorrow goes.

Yvonne

[martbarr]

Hi,

Sunday evening, tonight service was about temptation, that temptation is okay, it is what you do with temptation, if you act on it, that part is the sin. if you ignore it the best you can then you are not sinning.

I asked for prayer as I was feeling very tempted to self harm. after prayer I felt good and at peace with myself.

Praise God for that.

the rest of the evening was awesome. tomorrow I have my driving lesson, the roads are alright, just the pavements and my path are like ice rinks. who needs ice skates when shoes just do the same thing, slide on the ice without the blade of the ice skates.

looking forward to my driving lesson, plus I have my aqua areobics class at 6pm, going to the swimming baths at 5.00 pm. give me time to get there and change into my costume, maybe I should be ready before hand, then when I get changed it much quicker.

let you know how tomorrow goes.

Yvonne

Great sounds like a good service tonight.
Hope your aqua aerobics goes well.
and your driving lesson.

Chill - enjoy your day!
GB
MArtin

[KK77]

Hi,

Sunday evening, tonight service was about temptation, that temptation is okay, it is what you do with temptation, if you act on it, that part is the sin. if you ignore it the best you can then you are not sinning.

I asked for prayer as I was feeling very tempted to self harm. after prayer I felt good and at peace with myself.

Praise God for that.

the rest of the evening was awesome. tomorrow I have my driving lesson, the roads are alright, just the pavements and my path are like ice rinks. who needs ice skates when shoes just do the same thing, slide on the ice without the blade of the ice skates.

looking forward to my driving lesson, plus I have my aqua areobics class at 6pm, going to the swimming baths at 5.00 pm. give me time to get there and change into my costume, maybe I should be ready before hand, then when I get changed it much quicker.

let you know how tomorrow goes.

Yvonne

Hello Yvonne

Glad you're doing OK. Yes, temptation is there for all of us, albeit in different forms. There are obviously more harmful forms than others but it's temptation all the same. The more energy we give it by trying to fight it the stronger it seems to become. Let the thoughts come and go. They're only thoughts and we don't have to act on them.

All you need Yvonne is a skating partner and you can have your own backyard winter Olympics! And you don't even have to pay for ice-skates... Woohoo!

I think why you're doing so well is because you manage to keep so busy. Sitting around is a sure way to more depression. Perhaps the antidepressant is also helping you. You do seem much better since you began sertraline.

I hope you have a lovely day tomorrow... And thank you for your continued good wishes and prayers - you're a lovely person.

Keep up the good work... :yesyes:

[yvonne_uk_98]

Great sounds like a good service tonight.
Hope your aqua aerobics goes well.
and your driving lesson.

Chill - enjoy your day!
GB
MArtin


Hi Martin,

yes last night was a good church service., I had great driving lesson. aqua areobics went very well. much better this than last week.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hello Yvonne

Glad you're doing OK. Yes, temptation is there for all of us, albeit in different forms. There are obviously more harmful forms than others but it's temptation all the same. The more energy we give it by trying to fight it the stronger it seems to become. Let the thoughts come and go. They're only thoughts and we don't have to act on them.

All you need Yvonne is a skating partner and you can have your own backyard winter Olympics! And you don't even have to pay for ice-skates... Woohoo!

I think why you're doing so well is because you manage to keep so busy. Sitting around is a sure way to more depression. Perhaps the antidepressant is also helping you. You do seem much better since you began sertraline.

I hope you have a lovely day tomorrow... And thank you for your continued good wishes and prayers - you're a lovely person.

Keep up the good work... :yesyes:

Hi Melancholia77,

Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. very much appreciated. your a lovely person too.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Monday morning, I got up early, went to morroisons, got some shopping in. back in time for my driving lesson. I had a great driving lesson, I managed to do my left reversing spot on, my driving instructor says that it was perfect. plus we were on the dual carrage way I mange to get my speed up to 60 mils per hour, I felt it was going really fast. When my lesson finished, just as I got in the door, my dad phoned me and asked me to go down to his, I went to his place, i had to break up a hugh box to pieces, then bin it, help my dad with his new recliner chair and put it together, help him with is new grammer phone, found out it was not working properly, I phone the place where he purchased it from, there sending out a returns form.

After all that, I had to come back home to get ready for going to aqua areobics, my daughter Charlene came with me, she went for a swim, I went to the aqua areobics, this weeks exercise was better than last week. I'm tired now.

tomorrow, I have my counselling session, let you know what happens at the session, plus I have my rehearsals tomorrow evening, looking forward to it. let you know how tomorrow goes.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Tuesday morning, spent time to myself, just playing games on my ds. the phone ringing non stop this morning, it was my dad, asking me questions, and also giving me his shopping list. when it was time to go for my counselling session, we did something new, well to me it was. took a colour sheet of card, I was to draw a horrible monster, at the time I could not think of anything horrible and scary, I wrote some scary words down. then I had to rub them out with the rubber. this was to say that bad things happen, and though they are scary, if I were to do this on a regular basis, then the past hurts would get less scary and easier to manage. I hope this works for me, going to give it a try. dont know if I could draw the horrible stuff. or write it, I will see. it might not work, if it does not work we will find something else, this is to help me and prevent me from self harming when the horrible memories come back.

after counselling session, I went and did my shopping along with doing my dad's shopping. now waiting for the time to come to go to rehearsals, let you know how that goes.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Rehearsals, now got an extra bit to learn and only three weeks to go. I need to get practicing, I have learned three songs got another two and a couple of lines. need to get them into long term memory.

need to play billiards and play the music that I need to learn and songs.

going for lunch tomorrow with a friend who I have not been in touch for a while, then going to see my gp. and let her know how things have been going, well I think they have been alright, even though I had some negative thoughts of self harming, and managed to not to self harm no matter how strong an overwhelming feeling it was, I managed to get by.

i managed when I went shopping today not go any where near the razor ilse, though I wanted so much to do so. I had to get out of the shop very quickly before I would act on the overwhelming feeling.

Praise God for that.

plus got house group to go to, hopefully I will make it there tomorrow evening.

let you know how to morrow goes.

Yvonne

[martbarr]

Hi,

Rehearsals, now got an extra bit to learn and only three weeks to go. I need to get practicing, I have learned three songs got another two and a couple of lines. need to get them into long term memory.

need to play billiards and play the music that I need to learn and songs.

going for lunch tomorrow with a friend who I have not been in touch for a while, then going to see my gp. and let her know how things have been going, well I think they have been alright, even though I had some negative thoughts of self harming, and managed to not to self harm no matter how strong an overwhelming feeling it was, I managed to get by.

i managed when I went shopping today not go any where near the razor ilse, though I wanted so much to do so. I had to get out of the shop very quickly before I would act on the overwhelming feeling.

Praise God for that.

plus got house group to go to, hopefully I will make it there tomorrow evening.

let you know how to morrow goes.

Yvonne

Yvonne - you sounding good at the moment!

Every time you overcome the self harm need you get a little stronger.
I'm well impressed with that, and can imagine how hard it is.
But the fact is that you are overcoming it !
That looks like the power of God at work to me!

I will keep this in my prayers
God bless
Martin

[yvonne_uk_98]

Yvonne - you sounding good at the moment!

Every time you overcome the self harm need you get a little stronger.
I'm well impressed with that, and can imagine how hard it is.
But the fact is that you are overcoming it !
That looks like the power of God at work to me!

I will keep this in my prayers
God bless
Martin


Hi Martin,

Thank you for your kind words, very much appreciated, thanks.

thank you for your prayers too. very much appreciated, thank you.

May Father God Bless you abundantly.

Yvonnne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Wednesday morning started off very bad for me. :weep: I was very sucidial, I tried to self harm, only created a red mark, not cut the skin, plus I double does my meds, then I stopped my self from o/d. this morning my overwhelming stage was at it's worst ever. My friend cancelled lunch, my dad phoned asked me what I was doing, I let him know that I had nothing on until going to see my gp in the afternoon. my dad asked me to go with him. and that he would take me to see my gp. Praise God for that, this was a good distraction.

My day started to get better, :) doing things for my dad, then down to see my gp, I let her know how I was feeling all week and that today was my worst day of all this week. She says that if I needed to see her again this week that I can phone and go and see her. she reminded me of my network of friends and network of contacts, plus my friends on here who support me.

received the letter from the hospital for the mamogram, I go on Monday 15 March at 9.50 am, When the day comes I will let you know what the results are and how it goes.

I did not manage to get to house group this evening. going to practice these songs and a few lines need to remember them.

I feel a lot better than I did earlier today. I feel that I let you guys down, cause of my bad day today. I hope I dont pull anyone down.

Tomorrow, I have my driving lesson at 2.00 pm a double hour, before then I'm going with my dad into town, going the the diabilty center to get a scooter for my dad, I get one too, as this way I can keep up with him. if anything to happen that I am right there beside him. I have got over the embarressing part of going about in a mobility scooter. Thank goodness he does not go into town often, for a mobility scooter. I do not need one, just too slow at keeping up with my dad when he is in the mobility scooter.


I will let you know how tomorrow goes.

Yvonne

[martbarr]

Hi,

Wednesday morning started off very bad for me. :weep: I was very sucidial, I tried to self harm, only created a red mark, not cut the skin, plus I double does my meds, then I stopped my self from o/d. this morning my overwhelming stage was at it's worst ever. My friend cancelled lunch, my dad phoned asked me what I was doing, I let him know that I had nothing on until going to see my gp in the afternoon. my dad asked me to go with him. and that he would take me to see my gp. Praise God for that, this was a good distraction.

My day started to get better, :) doing things for my dad, then down to see my gp, I let her know how I was feeling all week and that today was my worst day of all this week. She says that if I needed to see her again this week that I can phone and go and see her. she reminded me of my network of friends and network of contacts, plus my friends on here who support me.

received the letter from the hospital for the mamogram, I go on Monday 15 March at 9.50 am, When the day comes I will let you know what the results are and how it goes.

I did not manage to get to house group this evening. going to practice these songs and a few lines need to remember them.

I feel a lot better than I did earlier today. I feel that I let you guys down, cause of my bad day today. I hope I dont pull anyone down.

Tomorrow, I have my driving lesson at 2.00 pm a double hour, before then I'm going with my dad into town, going the the diabilty center to get a scooter for my dad, I get one too, as this way I can keep up with him. if anything to happen that I am right there beside him. I have got over the embarressing part of going about in a mobility scooter. Thank goodness he does not go into town often, for a mobility scooter. I do not need one, just too slow at keeping up with my dad when he is in the mobility scooter.


I will let you know how tomorrow goes.

Yvonne

Hey please don't feel bad!
You're not letting us down - we're all in this together!

Some days better than others - so when things are hard - just walk on through the valley. And you will be back on the mountain top soon.

Sorry - I know words can be cheap - but honestly hang on and you will be fine!

God bless Yvonne
Martin

[JT69]

:hugs:Dear Yvonne, Please dont think that you are letting anyone down. We are all in the same boat just all suffer differently. I feel like that a bit when I post when I'm having bad times but this forum is here for that, someone always makes me feel better.

I am so glad that your day got better.:) And I hope today is better for you.

I am having a bad time myself again at the moment, I know its early days for me but saw GP Monday and then had to go again this morning. I just wake up and everything feels horrible and I have to fight it off. Afternoons and evenings are better. I know I can fight it but sometimes you just dont want to (if that makes sense)!! I had 4 lovely days last week and was spoilt!! I have to increase my meds from tonight so just hope I dont have to go through all the side effects again!!

Anyhow hope you are feeling good today hun. Send you a big hug:hugs:Jo.xx

[martbarr]

:hugs:Dear Yvonne, Please dont think that you are letting anyone down. We are all in the same boat just all suffer differently. I feel like that a bit when I post when I'm having bad times but this forum is here for that, someone always makes me feel better.

I am so glad that your day got better.:) And I hope today is better for you.

I am having a bad time myself again at the moment, I know its early days for me but saw GP Monday and then had to go again this morning. I just wake up and everything feels horrible and I have to fight it off. Afternoons and evenings are better. I know I can fight it but sometimes you just dont want to (if that makes sense)!! I had 4 lovely days last week and was spoilt!! I have to increase my meds from tonight so just hope I dont have to go through all the side effects again!!

Anyhow hope you are feeling good today hun. Send you a big hug:hugs:Jo.xx

Jo

Hope your meds increase goes well.
I hate it when I feel good for a few days and then feel like I crash.
But then I tell myself one of my jokes and roll round the floor laughing so much.
They do not appear to have this effect on anyone else!

Chill (now your heating is working?)

Dr North !

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hey please don't feel bad!
You're not letting us down - we're all in this together!

Some days better than others - so when things are hard - just walk on through the valley. And you will be back on the mountain top soon.

Sorry - I know words can be cheap - but honestly hang on and you will be fine!

God bless Yvonne
Martin

Hi Martin,

thank you for your kind words, very much appreciated, your words are not cheap, there amazing words.

Your amazing and absolutely funny too. I like your jokes, your a funny guy, you have a great personality.

May Father God Bless You Abundantly with more laughter, love and care and strength.

Yvonne :hugs: :) :hugs:

[yvonne_uk_98]

:hugs:Dear Yvonne, Please dont think that you are letting anyone down. We are all in the same boat just all suffer differently. I feel like that a bit when I post when I'm having bad times but this forum is here for that, someone always makes me feel better.

I am so glad that your day got better.:) And I hope today is better for you.

I am having a bad time myself again at the moment, I know its early days for me but saw GP Monday and then had to go again this morning. I just wake up and everything feels horrible and I have to fight it off. Afternoons and evenings are better. I know I can fight it but sometimes you just dont want to (if that makes sense)!! I had 4 lovely days last week and was spoilt!! I have to increase my meds from tonight so just hope I dont have to go through all the side effects again!!

Anyhow hope you are feeling good today hun. Send you a big hug:hugs:Jo.xx


Hi Jo,

Thank you for your kind words of encouragement, your too Martin.

Yes Jo you make sense, when we fight every day to stay positive, and sometimes we dont want to be positive, we become negative and let the overwhelming stage take over. it's horrible.

I'm sorry your not having a good day, I hope you feel better soon, I hope you have a better day today.

lots of love and hugs to ya... :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Thursday morning, woke up at 6.00 am, I was very tired, I set my alarm to wake me up at 9.00 am, I didnt even hear it, I slept to 12 noon, my dad phoned me, I apologiesed for not waking up to phone him and let him know that I would not be coming cause I was too tired. my dad says it was alright cause my sister was there and he would go with her to town. that I was to take it easy today.

I have been taking it easy since waking up, now to get ready for my driving lesson at 2 pm, let you know how it goes, I think I will be doing 3 point turn and reverse parking. these are the two manouvers that I choose to do, I was left to think what ones I wanted to do. these are the tricky ones. a lot to remember.

I still having the sucidal thoughts, came on here to write this, to distract my self.

I feel a little better than yesterday, hopefully I can keep postponing this feeling of o/d. will do later on. (I'm postponing).

let you know how things go later.

Yvonne

[martbarr]

........... Jo you make sense .............



Not going to say a word ...................

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

My driving lesson was good, though scary getting it up to speed 50. I tend to tense up at this speed and going round the bends at 45. my stomach is in knots, my instructor says I will get used to it. I hope so.

now got the rest of the day to go, hope I manage to keep post poning o/d.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

I have managed not to o/d, now I'm post poning it until bed time, hopefully I get past this and feel much or bit better tomorrow.

I have my womens group tomorrow, need to search for my folder, got a meeting to arrange, dont feel like meeting, though I'm the treasurer, oh I forgot, need to arranged another meeting with secretary to get the money back cause of end of year finance.

maybe will feel better once I've done it and got it over with. plus got my dad's washing to do tomorrow. plus I have got bread to make for next week, hope none of my kids have eat the chocolate bars, as I need them for the bread.

going to go, need to find another distraction.

let you know how tomorrow goes.

Yvonne

[JT69]

Hi Yvonne, Hope you are o.k. today. Do you have those thoughts (od) most of the time or do they just come and go? Must be really difficult for you. At least you have alot going on in your life so you can be distracted.

I had to increase my meds last night (I take mirtazipine) so feel a bit spaced out this morning, dont like that feeling but just going to have to go with it until it wears off. At least I didn't feel as sleepy as when I first started taking them.

I hope you have a good day. Take care.

JO.xx

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi Yvonne, Hope you are o.k. today. Do you have those thoughts (od) most of the time or do they just come and go? Must be really difficult for you. At least you have alot going on in your life so you can be distracted.

I had to increase my meds last night (I take mirtazipine) so feel a bit spaced out this morning, dont like that feeling but just going to have to go with it until it wears off. At least I didn't feel as sleepy as when I first started taking them.

I hope you have a good day. Take care.

JO.xx

Hi Jo,

sorry you are feeling pretty spaced out in the mornings, glad you pick up during the day. hope you have good evening.

Yvonne ps glad your not as sleepy in the mornings, as you were when you started taking maitazipine. it's awful to feel sleepy in the morning when you really need to be getting up and out the door. I was like that when I was on trazodone 100mg, it was just too strong, and 50mg was not strong enough, now I'm on the trazodone liquid, which taste horrible, and numbs my tongue, though helps to get over to sleep. though I'm tired in the morning, its not as bad as it was with 100mg.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Yes this horrible over whelming feeling most of the time is there when I wake up, the start of my day and it's a constant struggle to stay positive all day. you can see why I must keep really really busy. even though I keep busy, it does not stop. There are times it comes and goes, I prefer it to come and go, than be constant all day, which is a lot of hard work. Sometimes I give into it. sort of give up.

Friday Morning, Woke up early, managed to get to my womens group for 10.10 am, got so caught up with getting things ready for next friday as it is International Women's Day for our group, is only on a Friday. Then on Monday I have a training day, and on the following friday I'm going on a VIP day out with a group of women. something to look forward too. On Monday 22nd I'm going for mamogram, was suppose to be Monday coming, but I phone and re-arranged it for Monday 22nd March.

I feel a lot better today, I was able to fight this rotton over whelming feeling. around 1pm I went to my dad's, spent time with my dad, my sister was there, it was good to catch up with her too. at 2.45 pm, I got my dad's dirty laundry ready for going over to the wash house, to washing his clothes. My sister she went home, as her son was due out of school at 3.00 pm. Mine all old enough to look after themselfs and have keys to get in. plus they know where I am. i know where they are.

After I did my dad washing, I put his clothes by, my dad fell asleep, I started to make his dinner, and without fail, my dad wakes up just in time, when i have his dinner on a plate ready to give it to him.

no long lie tomorrow, got to be ready for my dad phoning, he wants to go to the post office to post something. plus I have to dismantle my daughters bunk beds and throw them out. my dad is giving me his double bed, I will give it to my daughter to put in her room.

got a busy day tomorrow. then got church on Sunday. right now going to practice more of the songs I've to learn, which I have nearly learned, just to remember that line I've to learn.

I'm going to start up a new thread, flash backs of my past. coming on here helps me, and writing this diary it a very good way of vent out. I do not want to put my flash backs in my dairy. I think a new thread would be better. if anyone wanted to add their flash back they can. I need to do something, and hope this also helps to prevent me from self harming or o/d.

let you know how to morrow goes.

Yvonne

[martbarr]

Hi,

Yes this horrible over whelming feeling most of the time is there when I wake up, the start of my day and it's a constant struggle to stay positive all day. you can see why I must keep really really busy. even though I keep busy, it does not stop. There are times it comes and goes, I prefer it to come and go, than be constant all day, which is a lot of hard work. Sometimes I give into it. sort of give up.

Friday Morning, Woke up early, managed to get to my womens group for 10.10 am, got so caught up with getting things ready for next friday as it is International Women's Day for our group, is only on a Friday. Then on Monday I have a training day, and on the following friday I'm going on a VIP day out with a group of women. something to look forward too. On Monday 22nd I'm going for mamogram, was suppose to be Monday coming, but I phone and re-arranged it for Monday 22nd March.

I feel a lot better today, I was able to fight this rotton over whelming feeling. around 1pm I went to my dad's, spent time with my dad, my sister was there, it was good to catch up with her too. at 2.45 pm, I got my dad's dirty laundry ready for going over to the wash house, to washing his clothes. My sister she went home, as her son was due out of school at 3.00 pm. Mine all old enough to look after themselfs and have keys to get in. plus they know where I am. i know where they are.

After I did my dad washing, I put his clothes by, my dad fell asleep, I started to make his dinner, and without fail, my dad wakes up just in time, when i have his dinner on a plate ready to give it to him.

no long lie tomorrow, got to be ready for my dad phoning, he wants to go to the post office to post something. plus I have to dismantle my daughters bunk beds and throw them out. my dad is giving me his double bed, I will give it to my daughter to put in her room.

got a busy day tomorrow. then got church on Sunday. right now going to practice more of the songs I've to learn, which I have nearly learned, just to remember that line I've to learn.

I'm going to start up a new thread, flash backs of my past. coming on here helps me, and writing this diary it a very good way of vent out. I do not want to put my flash backs in my dairy. I think a new thread would be better. if anyone wanted to add their flash back they can. I need to do something, and hope this also helps to prevent me from self harming or o/d.

let you know how to morrow goes.

Yvonne

Hey you are sounding good today Yvonne.
Good stuff and very pleased for you.

Looking forward to your new thread - I agree it might be good to write it out and I hope it brings long lasting healing.

xMartin

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hey you are sounding good today Yvonne.
Good stuff and very pleased for you.

Looking forward to your new thread - I agree it might be good to write it out and I hope it brings long lasting healing.

xMartin


Hi Martin,

Thank you for your kind and encouraging words, very much appreciated, thanks.

hope you have great weekend.

Yvonne
:hugs:

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Saturday morning, manage to get a long lie in to 9.30 am, so far though I have these suicidal thoughts, came online to help my daughter pick another pair of jeans, as the ones she ordered are too long. She is returning them. so far quiet good morning, wonder if my dad still wants to go to the post office. will phone him soon. not sure what lies ahead, just need to wait and see.

let you know how my day goes.

Yvonne

[JT69]

Hello Yvonne, Glad you got lie in. I woke 8.30 still felt tired but feel wierd laying in so got up. I had a bit of the "down" feeling but not as much, but have felt and still do spaced out etc. I am on mirtazipine and that makes you feel that way. I tried cleaning out my kitchen cupboards but even that feels such an effort, so I have decided to come on here instead and then chill out for the afternoon!!! Hopefully!! Hope you have a good day hun.xx

[KK77]

Hi,

Saturday morning, manage to get a long lie in to 9.30 am, so far though I have these suicidal thoughts, came online to help my daughter pick another pair of jeans, as the ones she ordered are too long. She is returning them. so far quiet good morning, wonder if my dad still wants to go to the post office. will phone him soon. not sure what lies ahead, just need to wait and see.

let you know how my day goes.

Yvonne

Hello Yvonne

Sorry about the negative thoughts you're having. Maybe you could speak to your GP about increasing the sertraline. 50mg is the usual dose but you've been on it for quite a few months now and perhaps increasing would help.

I've been OK. The tiredness is still annoying (especially the afternoons) but it seems to be that or depression and I'd rather have the tiredness thanks!

Take care and have a good weekend, Yvonne.

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hello Yvonne, Glad you got lie in. I woke 8.30 still felt tired but feel wierd laying in so got up. I had a bit of the "down" feeling but not as much, but have felt and still do spaced out etc. I am on mirtazipine and that makes you feel that way. I tried cleaning out my kitchen cupboards but even that feels such an effort, so I have decided to come on here instead and then chill out for the afternoon!!! Hopefully!! Hope you have a good day hun.xx


Hi Jo,

Thank you for your kind words, sorry to hear your feeling spaced out through your meds. I hope you have a good day today.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hello Yvonne

Sorry about the negative thoughts you're having. Maybe you could speak to your GP about increasing the sertraline. 50mg is the usual dose but you've been on it for quite a few months now and perhaps increasing would help.

I've been OK. The tiredness is still annoying (especially the afternoons) but it seems to be that or depression and I'd rather have the tiredness thanks!

Take care and have a good weekend, Yvonne.


Hi Melancholia,

Glad your feeling alright, you must be needing the sleep, I still get tiredness a lot, I manage to get through the morning before going to sleep, then later on, I'm awake, then I still can sleep through the night. with the Trazodone helping me get over.

You too have a good weekend.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

I have had a good afternoon, been online answering my emails, going to watch desparate house wives, I can only watch it online.

for the rest of this evening, going to practice those songs and the line I've to learn, I cant seem to get this one line into my head. I'm sure I will, just need to practice, meant to practice the other night, though I fell asleep.

got church tomorrow, let you know how tomorrow goes.

Yvonne

[martbarr]

Hi,

I have had a good afternoon, been online answering my emails, going to watch desparate house wives, I can only watch it online.

for the rest of this evening, going to practice those songs and the line I've to learn, I cant seem to get this one line into my head. I'm sure I will, just need to practice, meant to practice the other night, though I fell asleep.

got church tomorrow, let you know how tomorrow goes.

Yvonne

Have a great evening - desperate housewives aint my thing.
We're watching Midsomer murders we recorded.
Lost the plot already
It's only been on 5 minutes lol!

Mart

[yvonne_uk_98]

Have a great evening - desperate housewives aint my thing.
We're watching Midsomer murders we recorded.
Lost the plot already
It's only been on 5 minutes lol!

Mart


Hi Martin,

your too funny...lol I lost the plot at the end of Desparate house wives, I got mixed up with what episode that I had watched. nearly watched it again. phew....

hope you have a good day today. :)

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Sunday morning, woke up at 10.00 am, I slept in, I had to rush and get ready for church, phone for the taxi about 10.40 am, eventually arrived at church, just as it was starting. I'm usually there early, I dont like being late. the deacon was talking about you put socks into the washing machine and you never get back what you put into the washing machine. somewhere theres' a hole in the machine...lol then he talked about having a sock bag, I remembered the sock bag, I laughed, it was too funny. then he talked about know when you goto turn the light off, you can see where your going then you turn the light off, then all of a sudden the funiture moves that was not there before, and you fall over the table, chairs, etc.... well Father God's light is much different, his light is gentle and helps guide you on the correct path.

Church was good this morning. and funny too. next Sunday is the church AGM Management meeting, I am standing down and being re-voted in.

now off to my dad's, I phoned him to find out if he was ok, he wants me to go to the shop for him. I'm off to the shop then to my dad's, spend time with him, then I will be back home later.

So far this morning, for a change no sucidal thoughts. I did have some horrible thoughts and fears, I prayed this morning, which helpped take some of the fears away.

let you know how this afternoon/evening goes later.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Spent the rest of the day at my dads, we watch some movies that he purchased in one of the charity shops, they were good movies. I then made dinner for my dad, gave my dad his roast beef & potatoes and gravy, then wash his dishes, made him a cup of coffee, then I got ready to come home. My youngest son was with me, at least I had my youngest who is 12 to walk up the road with. I get very scared to walk up the road, though I stay in a very good area. now online to update my dairy here and check my email.

Going to my dad's tomorrow morning, this time we are going to the post office before my dad goes to the hospital to see the cancer consultant. My dad does not want me to go to the hospital with him, he wants to go on his own in the ambulance. I respect my dad's wishes. I could not go with my dad, as he tells lies infront of this dr, she is very strict with him. she scares him. I think its a good thing that my dad his scared of her. My dad is still smoking, he going to tell her that he gave up smoking, I keep trying to tell my dad that she will smell it off him. no point in lieing about it.

then I'm going for my weekly shopping, my driving instructor has a test tomorrow, I'm not having a driving lesson tomorrow, I can go shopping instead. My driving lesson will be on Tuesday morning instead for this week.

let you know how things go tomorrow.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Monday morning, I selpt in this morning, my dad phoned me, and I got up and got ready, went to his house, waited until my dad was ready, then we went to the post office to post his parcel, my mail and top up my elelctricity..

Then from there we went back to his house, hopeing we would make it in time for the ambulance to take my dad to the hospital, we missed them, they were just leaving my dad's place. I says to my dad that I would go with him, to his appointment, my dad was releived, though he was going to tell lies, and asked me to lie for him, I didnt say anything. I prayed to Father God that my dad would tell the truth and not tell any lies. I was releived when he says to me in the waiting room at the hospital, that he would tell the truth, Praise God for that. When he seen the dr, he told her the truth, I was glad he did then she asked who was it that bought my dad his cigarette, I stayed quiet, I did say anything. cause it was me to gets my dad his cigarettes, I just would not be able to cope with her telling me off for getting my dad his cigarettes, I get them cause, this stops him from going out in the car without anyone with him. My dad needs some one with him, plus he would go and get them anyway if I refused. Plus I'm scared of my dad. I know this defeats the purpose, not saying anything. my dad was right, she is very strict with him. she caused my dad to get depressed last time he seen her. I was not taking that risk, just giving my dad the support he need was better than me saying anything to his doctor.

going to go, not feeling too good, going to phone 24nhs. let you know how things go.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Phoned 24nhs, I had chest pain today, pain went down my left arm, I am waiting on them phoning me back, if the pain starts again or anything, I've to phone them back. let you know how things go.

If I dont get back online later, I might be away to get checked at the hospital.

please pray. very much appreciated, thanks.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

going to hospital to get checked.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

back from the hospital, dr says that I had a bad asthma attack, plus when I was pushing my dad up the hill, I was using muslces that I dont normally use, this help bring on an asthma attack. I've to take it easy. the next time I have any chest pain, to take my inhaler and make sure it either asthma or not. if not, I've to phone them back.

Glad it's was only an asthma attack. I'm alright, panic over. Praise God.

got driving lesson tomorrow, plus counseling session and I've to take my form with me, someone going to help me fill it in plus I have rehearsals let you know how tomorrow goes.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Tuesday morning, woke up early, enjoying time to myself, I phoned my dad to find out how he was, and he is doing alright. My sister is going to my dad's today. Its great to get a day off. though I will be busy.

My chest still hurts from yesterday, it will take time to heal and get better. now know as it is getting warmer to make sure I have my two inhalers with me, as I usually do. I'm fine on days that is very hot, not so good on days that is warm or muggie.

going to go, got a few things to do before my driving lesson.

I will let you know how things go today later.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

my driving lesson was good, my instructor took me down the test route, then told me to stop the car some where safe, then he told me that the route we had just taken was the test route, he says that he never takes anyone down the test route unless they are at the test standard. this made me feel good, When I got drove the car to my place, my instructor says that I have to put in for my theory test and as soon as I pass it to put in for my driving test. Wow, that's more than I expected him to say today. I was not expecting that. When I came in, I went online, downloaded the forms that I need. I'm going to fill in the theory form and send it with my doctors letter and my dylexic report, so that I get extra time. now to start studying the highway code and the theroy questions that I might get asked.

I had a good counselling session, got my form filled in. now I can hand it in on Friday. Rehearsals went good. two more weeks. just need to sing and learn one more song, guess I will be playing the song until I'm blue in the face with it until I learn it off by heart. plus still trying to learn that one line that I've to say.

today was a great day. now I need to purchase a certain top that goes under a blouse. I can not remember the name of it. need to ask on Sunday what the name of the top was. this is now going to cost me, as I only go to Evans for my clothes. also need to ask what colour I need to buy. i dont have those kind of tops.

tomorrow it is the senior citizens lunch club, plus I to go to my friends and take her round to the shop that will refill her ink cartridge and get the receipt of her. then I can arrange a meeting with the funding person, as need to apply for funding for this years conference. I have another busy day tomorrow.

let you know how tomorrow goes.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Wednesday morning, woke up at 7.am, came online to get the prices for theory test and driving test. taken not of it.

I will fill in the form later on today. I have a few questions to ask my drivning instructor tomorrow, I will send my form away after I have spoken to my driving instructor.

Going now to get ready for meeting my friend and going to the lunch club to help serve.


This morning is beautiful morning. I hope it stays beautiful all day.

Let you know how things go today.

Yvonne

[martbarr]

.... woke up at 7.am ......


Yawn - 7am !!
That's still the middle of the night down here!

At 10am we're still in pyjamas, drinking fruit tea, listening to Chris Evans.

As you can see our office is very informal LOL


Martin

[KK77]

Hi,

Wednesday morning, woke up at 7.am, came online to get the prices for theory test and driving test. taken not of it.

I will fill in the form later on today. I have a few questions to ask my drivning instructor tomorrow, I will send my form away after I have spoken to my driving instructor.

Going now to get ready for meeting my friend and going to the lunch club to help serve.


This morning is beautiful morning. I hope it stays beautiful all day.

Let you know how things go today.

Yvonne

Hello Yvonne

Hope you're having a good day - you seem busy and that's great. How did your meeting with your friend go?

It's a rather miserable day here but I'm glad the sun is shining where you are.

I have a few complaints to put into a moan-box too. I'm letting them build up and then I'm going to bombard the box. How about we start a complaints-box here? That's just given me a good idea... :whistles:

Keep up the good work Yvonne. You're becoming a real inspiration here with your positivity and good humour... :yesyes:

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hello Yvonne

Hope you're having a good day - you seem busy and that's great. How did your meeting with your friend go?

It's a rather miserable day here but I'm glad the sun is shining where you are.

I have a few complaints to put into a moan-box too. I'm letting them build up and then I'm going to bombard the box. How about we start a complaints-box here? That's just given me a good idea... :whistles:

Keep up the good work Yvonne. You're becoming a real inspiration here with your positivity and good humour... :yesyes:


Hi Melancholia77,

Yes lets start up a complaints-box here, what name will we give it? Thank you for your kind words and encouragement, very much appreciated, thanks. :)

Yvonne

[martbarr]

Hi Melancholia77,

Yes lets start up a complaints-box here, what name will we give it? Thank you for your kind words and encouragement, very much appreciated, thanks. :)

Yvonne

How about the girls get one called grumpy old women?
And the chaps can have "normal old men" lol

Mind you - we'd read yours and I bet you'd read ours as well.

It might be very educational !

[yvonne_uk_98]

How about the girls get one called grumpy old women?
And the chaps can have "normal old men" lol

Mind you - we'd read yours and I bet you'd read ours as well.

It might be very educational !

Hi Martin,

Very funny lol... it should be "Old Grumpy Men"...lol

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

After being online this morning, I got myself ready, all I needed to do was put my shoes on, hey I could not put my shoes on, my ankles have swollen up, gee I knew the weather had got warmer, I did not expect my ankles to swell up so soon. Now I am looking for my sandles. need to find them for tomorrow, as I have a driving lesson. I could not go and meet my friend and go to the lunch club. it's awful when that happens.

Oh well just need to get these sandles out.

going to the vampire clinic tomorrow to find out what my inr is. proparly not good, it's been too high the last few times at the clinic. then I need to go to the bank lift some money for my driving lesson. then spend time with my dad, I have had time off. My sister has been going down. it's a shame though, only time my sister has been down every day is cause I had my asthma attack. if it was not for that, then she would have stuck to going down once a week. dont get me wrong, it has been great having a break. I enjoy going to my dad's keep's me busy.

I do wish she would share more of the work load. On Friday I will not be going to his to wash his clothes, my daughter is going to do his washing, I have a conference on and the same next friday, I have a day out with my womens group. busy couple of fridays.

let you know how tomorrow goes.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Thursday morning, I had a great morning, I woke up a bit later at 8.00am, I got up and got ready, I did some parctics theory test, this time I did better than last night, though I would have past if I stuck to my gut reaction. Guess what I had doubts with some of the questions. need to learn not to doubt the questions when my guts telling me click that one. My brain says no click that one. Oh well got to keep trying.

I went on the bus, because of a road closed, the bus turned a corner and before I knew it was time to get off the bus, I nearly forgot to get up to get off. just made it in time. I went to the bank, lift some money for my driving lesson. my lesson was only for 1 and 1/2 hours today, that all the instructor could fit me in for. My next lesson is on Thursday of next week. to start practicing for the theory and get passes for practice theory.

this evening I'm going to be baking, I'm making swiss bread with chocolate bits in the middle. I am not using any kind of machine, I do this from scratch. I will have to wait on my son coming home from school, as he helps me to mix the doe and to stir it. I use 1 bag of plain flour, milk, butter, yeast, sugar, eggs to give them a golden brown colour. pinch of salt. then I leave the dough in a big bowl and cover it with a damp tea towel to help it rise, once it has risen to quiet BIG, then I start to take a handful of dough and roll it out by hand to make suasage shape, then kriss cross it over and over, then put on grease proof paper to stop it from sticking. tastes lovely when baked. I am doing swiss rolls instead of making the loaf. still do it in a fancy way.

I will be busy this evening, plus I have a form to fill in, I was invited to go and do Modular C at Ellel Ministries in Lancaster, I'm going to fill it in and get my two references.

Hope to God that i get a place on it, starts in August, one weekend a month. it's ideal, I went there for Mod A and Mod B. Finally they have Started Mod C.

Tomorrow I have my women's group, we are celebrating International Women's Day, I have to be at my group for 9.00 am to set up. I'm manding the stall of free goodies. I will be busy all day tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it.

I will let you know how it goes.

Yvonne

[JT69]

Ooh yum yum Yvonne...can you send me some, sounds delicious.xx

[yvonne_uk_98]

Ooh yum yum Yvonne...can you send me some, sounds delicious.xx


Yes I can send you some, they are very tasty.

thats the sweet rolls in the oven, I managed to keep some dough aside to make my family the swiss bread that they love.

tastes lovely with butter the loaf. Ususally when the shops run out of bread, is when I make the swiss bread. I will need to get more flour in.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

that the rolls and bread in the oven, takes about 35 - 45 mins. 10 mins more to go now, take it out of the oven.

Once it has cooled down, I will be able to put the rolls in a bag, to take to the group tomorrow.

My son helped me with stiring the mixture together, I find it very hard to stir, though it's easy when it starts to come together. My son does the messy part, that I dont like about baking. getting all sticky. yuck.

well it's part of baking. maybe next time I bake I will make my apple and cinnamin scones. my kids love them too. i can also make sweet cookies.

it's almost time for the bread to come out of the oven. let you know how it goes.

Yvonne

[KK77]

Hi,

that the rolls and bread in the oven, takes about 35 - 45 mins. 10 mins more to go now, take it out of the oven.

Once it has cooled down, I will be able to put the rolls in a bag, to take to the group tomorrow.

My son helped me with stiring the mixture together, I find it very hard to stir, though it's easy when it starts to come together. My son does the messy part, that I dont like about baking. getting all sticky. yuck.

well it's part of baking. maybe next time I bake I will make my apple and cinnamin scones. my kids love them too. i can also make sweet cookies.

it's almost time for the bread to come out of the oven. let you know how it goes.

Yvonne

Mmmm ... Don't forget to send some to Melancholia too!

Glad you're well today Yvonne. I'm pretty rubbish at baking. Some say it's because I'm male. I just think it's because I'm rubbish fullstop.

Hope you have a good day tomorrow.

[yvonne_uk_98]

Mmmm ... Don't forget to send some to Melancholia too!

Glad you're well today Yvonne. I'm pretty rubbish at baking. Some say it's because I'm male. I just think it's because I'm rubbish fullstop.

Hope you have a good day tomorrow.

Hi Melancholia77,

yes send you some too. your not rubbish at baking, it takes time and practice. I might be good at somethings in baking, though making shortbread, I'm crap at. or making a cake, not good at that part either.

I can only bake scones, cookies, swiss bread. I can make home made pie, home made soup, home made veg hot pot. I follow a recipe, that's how I learn to bake and cook different things.

and sometimes someone shows me what to do, I remember what they did. like making the rocky road cake, that is much eaiser than making a cake in the oven. however very sticky to make.

Yvonne

[Maj]

Yvonne your baking sounds delicious! Hope no-one from the nmp slimming club is reading these posts or their mouths will be watering!! Some people just have the knack at baking and you obviously have it. My husband's the same.
Melancholia, I'm also not much good at baking, but as I've said, some people just have a knack. But please don't say you are just rubbish fullstop because you definitely are not!! You are a clever, articulate guy!!
Myra:hugs:

[JT69]

Yes I can send you some, they are very tasty.

thats the sweet rolls in the oven, I managed to keep some dough aside to make my family the swiss bread that they love.

tastes lovely with butter the loaf. Ususally when the shops run out of bread, is when I make the swiss bread. I will need to get more flour in.

Yvonne
Yvonne, you are making my mouth water...yum yum.xx

[yvonne_uk_98]

Yvonne your baking sounds delicious! Hope no-one from the nmp slimming club is reading these posts or their mouths will be watering!! Some people just have the knack at baking and you obviously have it. My husband's the same.
Melancholia, I'm also not much good at baking, but as I've said, some people just have a knack. But please don't say you are just rubbish fullstop because you definitely are not!! You are a clever, articulate guy!!
Myra:hugs:


Hi Myra,

Thank you for your kind words, Yes I can bake somethings, I started baking when I was in hospital before going home. the OT helped me to bake some scones, make home made soup, this was to help me stay occuppied. only works for a short time.

When I make swiss bread, I use a whole bag of flour, I have to triple all the ingreditents to make the loaf.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Yvonne, you are making my mouth water...yum yum.xx


Hi Jo,


yes it makes your mouth water and is very tasty.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Friday Morning, I got up at 8.00 am, got ready, left the house for 8.45 am, got to the post office and posted my theory test form off. Went to the shop to get some cakes for the buffet, then went to my womens group, and help to prepare the rooms for the big day today. it was awesome, we had over 100 people, it was fantastic, my swiss bread sweet went down a treat. there was none left. It was worth making it for people to enjoy. I have a swiss loaf that I made for my family so that we can enjoy some swiss bread. looking forward to having some with a cuppa.

I'm tired, been on my feet all day. next Friday I'm going to Edinbrugh for VIP day out. I'm looking forward to that. on Monday I have a conference to go to. I'm looking forward to the conference. more training. When there is any kind of training, I put my name forward for it. you gain more knowledge, and learn more new ways of dealing with issues.

tomorrow, I'm having a lie in and my daughter taking me out for lunch for mother's day. I know it is on Sunday, most of the places are closed on the Sunday, and the buses are terrible. She was planning on going for lunch on Monday, however I have the conference, we are going tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it.

now goint to take it easy for the rest of tonight. and practice my songs that I've to remember, I have now remembered the line I've to say, Praise God. now to learn the song and a few lines in the middle of a song, cause the guys are singing the first two lines, we sing the rest.

let you know how tomorrow goes.

Yvonne

[KK77]

Very happy that your big event was so successful Yvonne. It sounds like your efforts were very much appreciated. You must be very proud and so you should be.

I'm afraid I haven't got much patience for cooking! Enjoy cooking for others but can't be bothered for myself. But thanks for your encouragement.

Yes, put your feet up and relax now. It's good to be active and busy but also important to have time for yourself and be at ease with your own company too.

Thank you Myra for your kind words. You're amazingly positive with your posts and you always know the right things to say.

Anyway, keep up the good work ladies!

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi Melancholia,

Thank you for your kind words and encouragements.

your very welcome.

I have relaxed this evening, I'm a bit sore, my muscles are sore. I did not expect them to be sore. going to ask my son to give me a back massage, I will need it to get rid of those muscle pains. I dont want my back going into cramp, that's worse than sore muscles. plus do some streches, maybe this will help. I feel exhausted. I did ti-chi today, when I was given a break. someone asked me to go along with them, I says I would. wish I didnt. I asked questions afterwards, and found out things that I was hoping that I could do this kind of exercise. Now I know that I can not. it's to do with being a christian, there are things we can do and things we can not do. need to pick another exercise.

going to go, I'm tired. hope you have great weekend.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Saturday morning, I had a lie in, woke up at 9.30 am. I went on my dsi, played pool, the computer kept winning, though it was fun. I still manage to remember the line that I to say, almost remembered the song that I need to learn. got more theory mock tests to do and more studing to do.

At 12.30pm, My daughter & son and I went into town, we went to pub called The Last Post, we had lunch together, my daughter paid for the meal, as the was my gift for mother's Day. I very much appreciated this. My daughter & son says that I was the best mom in the world, how sweet. My daughter she says that she has been wanting to do this for a long time for all the times that I have taken all my children out for a meal. It nice to see that your children appreciate you.

going to check my emails, play a few games, listen to the cd and practice the songs, if I have time this evening, I will study some high way code.

got Church to morrow, I stand down from the management committee and get re-voted back on the management committee.

Let you know how tomorrow goes.

Yvonne

[Maj]

Yvonne, I've been in the Last Post many times!! Sounds like you had a lovely lunch. And also sounds like you are a great mum! Have a lovely day tomorrow. You really deserve it as you put so much into your life.
Myra :hugs:

[martbarr]

Yvonne, I've been in the Last Post many times!! Sounds like you had a lovely lunch. And also sounds like you are a great mum! Have a lovely day tomorrow. You really deserve it as you put so much into your life.
Myra :hugs:

Are you sure the Last Post isn't a notorious evening paper???
You've all been in it LOL

[Maj]

Nooooooooo Martin!!! It's a Wetherspoon's Pub. It used to be the General Post Office building and they've renamed it The Last Post. I was in one earlier today in Glasgow and it was called The Counting House - an old bank building. Had a really nice meal in it though. My life's not exciting enough to be in a late newspaper!!
Myra:)

[yvonne_uk_98]

Yvonne, I've been in the Last Post many times!! Sounds like you had a lovely lunch. And also sounds like you are a great mum! Have a lovely day tomorrow. You really deserve it as you put so much into your life.
Myra :hugs:


Hi Myra,

Thank you for your kind words, yes I had a lovely day yesterday, and I have had a lovely day today too. hope you have had a lovely day today.

Yvonne :hugs:

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Sunday Morning, I woke up at 7.00am, I tryed to go back to sleep, no joy, I put my dsi on and played some games. this time I won the computer at pool. good fun though. Then at 10.00 am, I got up and got ready, made sure that my children were up and ready for Church. then at 10.30 am, I phoned the taxi and we went to church. Church was good today, then we had the Management AGM, I stood down and was re-voted back in, which was good, next to have a meeting to decide who will be on for 3 years, on for 2 years and on for 1 year.

I had a good day today, My daughter Fiona, gave me box of chocolates and cute teddy. My Daughter Charlene gave me bottle of Charlie Perfume, and box of Baileys Irish cream chocolates and a home made card. At church all the mom's were given a book mark with poems on them.

A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. - Tenneva Jordan

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by care forever after. - Peter De Vries

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. - Rajneesh

I remember my mother's prayers and the have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life. - Abraham Lincoln

Sweeater, n.: garment worn by child when it's mother is feeling chilly. - Ambrose Bierce

The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness. - Honore De Balzac

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have tow hands? - Milton Berie

these are the words on the book marker. I think they are good.

I'm planning in going to visit my dad, not seen him in a week, though I have phoned him every day to check how he is.

Tomorrow, I have the town hall, got a busy day tomorrow, after the town hall, I'm going to aqua areobic. Back to being busy.

let you know how tomorrow goes.

Yvonne

[KK77]

What lovely quotes Yvonne. Especially, "The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before."

Hope you had a nice day...

[charlie1983]

Hello,

I am new so am sorry if I am gatecrashing this thread. I hope you can help me.

I have been on Citalopram on and off for years but lately it has either stopped working or I am having more side effects than usual. I would just like to know if anyone else has had these similar side effects.

I am having very very vivid nightmares, everything I have took the tablets for seems to come out in the night and so therefore when i wake up it is as if I am right back where I started.

I have also recently gone hyper alert and perceptive to everything around me. Thinking about everything I'm doing, what other people are doing and predicting everything so nothing comes as a surprise.

My anxiety levels have raised right up and the doc has suggested I go on Mirtazapine... however I hear that is more for sleeping... I don't have trouble sleeping... it is when I'm asleep it's like another life so I am exhausted when I wake up.

Any advice anyone could give me I would really appreciate, I feel like I am going mad.

Thanks x

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hello,

I am new so am sorry if I am gatecrashing this thread. I hope you can help me.

I have been on Citalopram on and off for years but lately it has either stopped working or I am having more side effects than usual. I would just like to know if anyone else has had these similar side effects.

I am having very very vivid nightmares, everything I have took the tablets for seems to come out in the night and so therefore when i wake up it is as if I am right back where I started.

I have also recently gone hyper alert and perceptive to everything around me. Thinking about everything I'm doing, what other people are doing and predicting everything so nothing comes as a surprise.

My anxiety levels have raised right up and the doc has suggested I go on Mirtazapine... however I hear that is more for sleeping... I don't have trouble sleeping... it is when I'm asleep it's like another life so I am exhausted when I wake up.

Any advice anyone could give me I would really appreciate, I feel like I am going mad.

Thanks x


Hi charlie1983,

Your not going mad, I had nightmare's on Cit, I think it part of the side affects.

Mirtazapine can cause you to be drowsy, there is no harm in trying Mitazapine the might help you, it's trial and error, only way you are going to find out if they work for you is to try them. you might stop having the nightmares.

I would go back and see your gp and have a talk about what's happening and ask the dr to explain about Mitarzapine to help you get a better understanding about them. and let us know what happening.

sending you lots of hugs...:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

What lovely quotes Yvonne. Especially, "The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before."

Hope you had a nice day...


Hi Melancholia77,

Thank you, yes they are all lovely quotes, I agree with you especially "The moment a child is born...."

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Monday Morning, I got up, ran out of electricity, I was getting ready when I relised the time, it was getting closer for the Conference, I went into my daughter's bedroom gave her money for electricity, left to get the bus. The Conference was great, not to take it to our meetings at Renfrewshire Women's Association, need to do somthing about this lap dancing. Women are not a sex object. The conference was good and an eye opener.

Now back home, got my aqua areobics to get read for. Let you know how thing go this evening.

Yvonne

[martbarr]

... aqua areobics to get read for ....




Don't forget to hold your breath if your head goes under the water.
Oh no wait - that might be synchronised swimming ???

[yvonne_uk_98]

Don't forget to hold your breath if your head goes under the water.
Oh no wait - that might be synchronised swimming ???


Hi Martin,

your are way too fun Martin...lol

I wont be going under anywater, only if I loose my balance. when doing stretches. Still can not stand on one foot without loosing my balance.

Yvonne

[martbarr]

Hi Martin,

your are way too fun Martin...lol

I wont be going under anywater, only if I loose my balance. when doing stretches. Still can not stand on one foot without loosing my balance.

Yvonne

To be honest I'd be stood on one leg propping the restaurant bar up.
But hope it goes well.
Don't go out with wet hair cos you'll get flu.
Must be right - my mother told me when I was about 4.

[Maj]

Hi Yvonne,

Just to say I really admire you. You keep yourself so busy and active and take such an interest in lots of things. Enjoy your aqua aerobics. They're supposed to be really good for you and I bet you feel good afterwards.
Myra x:hugs:

[yvonne_uk_98]

To be honest I'd be stood on one leg propping the restaurant bar up.
But hope it goes well.
Don't go out with wet hair cos you'll get flu.
Must be right - my mother told me when I was about 4.


Hi Martin,

I dont believe in the wet hair part, going out in wet hair is only a fix in your head. I dont get the cold or flu with wet hair. it's what you believe in.

Thanks anyway. That's what my mother told me, I used to believe in that, not any more.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi Yvonne,

Just to say I really admire you. You keep yourself so busy and active and take such an interest in lots of things. Enjoy your aqua aerobics. They're supposed to be really good for you and I bet you feel good afterwards.
Myra x:hugs:


Hi Myra,

Thank you for your kind words, yes aqua areobics was very good. I enjoy going. going to go next week.

Yvonne :hugs:

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Tuesday morning, I woke up at 8.15 am, I had a panic attack morning this morning, trying to think why was I so panicky. I was very shaky too. at 9.00 am, my dad phoned me, asked me to go to his. I got ready and went to my dad's, my dad gave me a list of shopping for him, I made him a cuppa tea, spent time with my dad to about 12.30 pm, then I went into town still panicking and doing my breathing exercises. I just made it to my counselling appointment, after my appointment, I went to meet my friend Theresa, I had to show her were to go and get ink for her printer, as I'm the Treasurer for Renfrewshire Women's Association, I needed the receipt from Theresa, she is the Secretary, She asked for money for ink ages ago, and has taken ages at getting the ink and a receipt. I had to chase this up. need the receipt for next week, as it is near the end of the year accounts. I need to have everything ready. After that, I had to go to the bank and do some shopping. I just got home in time to go to the local shops get some electricity, my dad's shopping, then all I had time for was to go home, get my stuff together for rehearsals. The deacon picked me up, we went to rehearals, next week we not to take any sheets of paper with us, we have to know the songs off my heart. just to practice more.

tomorrow, I'm going to my dad's, we are going into town, we are going to the mobility centre to get mobility bikes, I get one too, this way I can keep up with my dad, if I dont get a mobility bike, my dad gets fed up with me, I'm far too slow at walking, I can not keep up with him, so it much eaiser to get a bike with him, this way I'm right beside him. Then at 2.30 pm, I go see my gp. I have the rest of the day to myself until I need to go to church for bible study. not been in a while. I dont always have the money to go to chuch, I usually miss this to go to church on the Sunday.

let you know how tomorrow goes.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi Wednesday morning, woke up at 7.00am, got up and got ready, taken some stuff from the fridge put it in a bag to take to my dad's, before leaving the house, taken the milk in from the front door, as I get my milk delivered. put the milk in the fridge, then got my jacket on, went to my dad's, woke my dad up, asked him if he still wanted to go to town, Made his breakfast, got his jacket ready and got his wheel chair out in the landing. while my dad ate his breakfast then he got himself ready.

As soon as my dad was ready, we left his house, got to his car, then we went into town. we went to the bank, went for something to eat, then did some shopping. then we went back home, all this takes a long time, cause my dad takes forever when we go to town.

As soon as we were back at his place, I made him a cuppa, then my daughter came in, and one by one my boys came in to my dads'. I got ready to come home with my daughter and my youngest son.

i'm going to go to house group this evening. now have a photo shoot tomorrow evening, this is to do with being put forward for an award. I can give my form in then. I will not be at my womens group on friday, I'm going to a VIP day out with a group of women.

Tomorrow I have my driving lesson, and later on I have the photo shoot. let you know how things go.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi

Thursday Morning, woke up at 8.15 am, got up got ready, played a few games on my dsi, then at 9 am, went and washed my hair, then at 9.30 am, got ready to go to exercise class. after exerciese class my friend drove me home intime for my driving lesson. I had a good driving lesson, did my 3 point turn without any prompting from my driving instructor. it was a good afternoon. then my kids came home from school/college. My dad phoned me, I had to rush and get him some shopping, then get home again for being picked up at 6.10 pm for photo shoot. My women's group is being put forward for an award. We needed a photo to send with the form. We had a good evening.

Tomorrow I'm not going to my women's group, I'm going to Edinbrugh day out with group of women. I will let you know how tomorrow goes.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Forgot to say that I was at my friends today, and I was on her scales, found out that I have lost 7lb in weight, awesome.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

HI,

Friday morning, 7am, got up and got ready. got bus early to meet up to go to Edinbrugh with womens group. We arrived at a conference in Edinburgh, we had tea and coffee, looked at the photo's of the wiffie group of women, the theme was sense of self, the photo's were colourful, and they looked beautiful. they were very up lifting. Then we went to the house of parilament and we had our lunch, then we split into two groups, one staying to have a tour round parilament and the other group went to Mary Kings Close, I went with the group who went into Mary Kings Close.

It was good, one of the ladies got a fright, when the lady who was the guide, stamped her foot on the floor, squeezing a toy mouse, caused one of our women screamed, it was so funny. we had a good laugh.

Then after that we got our bus home. When I got to my town, I went to the shops to buy something for dinner, then I went home, I was suppose to go out to St James Church, I had decided to stay at home. I'm too tired to go out this evening.

Yvonne

[martbarr]

.. I'm too tired to go out this evening....


See, that's what happens when you have a to lift a car out of the swimming pool. :hugs: Marto

[yvonne_uk_98]

See, that's what happens when you have a to lift a car out of the swimming pool. :hugs: Marto


Hi Martin,

your too funny, you make me laugh so much, thank you.

Hope you have a good day today. good luck with Palm Sunday. I hope Father God agrees with you...

May Father God Bless You Abundantly.

Yvonne :hugs:

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Saturday morning, I had a long lie in, which was good, got up around 10.30 am, I must have needed the sleep this morning. Got up got ready to go out, My daughter and I went to the hairdressers to get our hair done. After the hairdressers, we went round the shops, then we came home. a bit of time together. now at home.

Last night I could not write how I felt as I had someone watching what I was typing. I felt like crap last night, things at home are not going to well, cause of this my mood is much harder to keep positive. I wanted so much to go into hospital. I just hope I can get through this. Sorry I can not open up about it. this one is very very much hard work.

a small goal, I hope I can make it to monday at 3pm.


though with this problem, if I phone first crisis, I would have to tell them the problem, the less people know the better. what a nightmare this is.


let you know how this evening goes.


Yvonne

[martbarr]

Hi Martin,

your too funny, you make me laugh so much, thank you.

Hope you have a good day today. good luck with Palm Sunday. I hope Father God agrees with you...

May Father God Bless You Abundantly.

Yvonne :hugs:

Thanks E von

LOL So do I - I've asked Him enough times for the right stuff.

[martbarr]

Hi,

Saturday morning, I had a long lie in, which was good, got up around 10.30 am, I must have needed the sleep this morning. Got up got ready to go out, My daughter and I went to the hairdressers to get our hair done. After the hairdressers, we went round the shops, then we came home. a bit of time together. now at home.

Last night I could not write how I felt as I had someone watching what I was typing. I felt like crap last night, things at home are not going to well, cause of this my mood is much harder to keep positive. I wanted so much to go into hospital. I just hope I can get through this. Sorry I can not open up about it. this one is very very much hard work.

a small goal, I hope I can make it to monday at 3pm.


though with this problem, if I phone first crisis, I would have to tell them the problem, the less people know the better. what a nightmare this is.


let you know how this evening goes.


Yvonne

Hi again,

Do you have someone you are sharing all this with locally - counsellor maybe or church group?

It sounds heavy stuff to be carrying alone.
You know that you have the love and support of all your (invisible but real) friends on here.
But very important to get local help by the sound of it.

You have prayed for me many times, and I will continue to pray for your protection. The Scripture says that if you fix your mind on God He will give you the desires of your heart. Well I've always found it hard to do, and often fail, but that doesn't stop me trying and God knows that, and He doesn't break His promises does He?

Hope all goes well for you over the weekend.
xMartin (and all the rest of your friends on here I'm sure!)

[Maj]

I hope you have a calm weekend Yvonne and that nothing eventful happens. My thoughts are with you and please take care. Sorry you are feeling tense.
Myra x:hugs:

[martbarr]

I hope you have a calm weekend Yvonne and that nothing eventful happens. My thoughts are with you and please take care. Sorry you are feeling tense.
Myra x:hugs:

I felt tense once.
But the man in charge of the tents told me to stop!

Sorry - sorry - I just can't stop - help someone pleeeeeeeeeeeese

[Maj]

I felt tense once.
But the man in charge of the tents told me to stop!

Sorry - sorry - I just can't stop - help someone pleeeeeeeeeeeese

Martin you sound like someone I work with who always makes me laugh no matter how serious the situation is!! When I said to him the other day "sorry to disturb you" he said "it's okay, I've been disturbed for years, you'll only make a tiny tiny difference to me!" It was in the middle of a hospital ward and the patients all had a good laugh. So there's a lot to be said for having a good sense of humour even in serious circumstances.
Myra x

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi again,

Do you have someone you are sharing all this with locally - counsellor maybe or church group?

It sounds heavy stuff to be carrying alone.
You know that you have the love and support of all your (invisible but real) friends on here.
But very important to get local help by the sound of it.

You have prayed for me many times, and I will continue to pray for your protection. The Scripture says that if you fix your mind on God He will give you the desires of your heart. Well I've always found it hard to do, and often fail, but that doesn't stop me trying and God knows that, and He doesn't break His promises does He?

Hope all goes well for you over the weekend.
xMartin (and all the rest of your friends on here I'm sure!)


Hi Martin,

Thank you very much, very much appreciated thanks.

something has happened, my second oldest he is making this worser and worser by telling everyone and anyone. I'm doing my best to protect my two boys. it's not easy when one will not see what he is doing is only making it worse. making it worse for himself, the whole family.

I need to keep things positive, it is very hard, plus I spoke to someone yesterday, her company deals with this sort of thing all the time, and she says that I have done the right thing, though she asked me if I could cope to Monday. I hope so. she also says that she would not like to be were I am right now, in the middle of it. I dont know what else I'm suppose to do.

I'm sorry, need to be positive. My own father and sister are not helping any. I got the bawling over the phone, they think I'm letting it be wash under the carpet. Why cant they let me deal with this in the way I know how to.. Also last night my dad phoned me telling me off again, and my sister was in the back ground wanting to know why we are no longer as close as we used to be. I got really angry last night, I have enough on my plate, I stopped being so close cause she kept telling me that we were not close, even though I paid for all her holiday's , I took her on holiday, I supported her, I really worked at our relationship after my mom died 13 years ago, I put a lot of work into it. always felt it was one sided, this year in Janurary when she says again that we are not close, I had enough, I have decided to stop putting in the work, I can not do it anymore. Maybe this is wrong, I still love her, I can not keep it up anymore and all one sided, she didnt work for a close relationship, and now she wonders why it is not close anymore. If anyone thinks I'm wrong, please let me know. I would have done anything for my sister. I paid for my sister to go to switzerland, even though she only went half way, though i was hurt at the time, I forgave her. this year my sister was expecting to go away with me and my kids, though I let her know that she could phone and book the holiday herself, and she says not that I would have to do it. I says that she could do it for herself and her son. the place that I was booking a holiday, is that last time I booked a tall order, we did not get. I had no choice but to book just my family. I gave her the number, it was up to her if she wanted to come, I would have still payed for her. just that she needed to do it. and she still sayed we were not close. What did I do wrong, being there for her when her son had problems, being there for her when she needed a roof over her head. sorry I'm going on a bit.

Yvonne

[martbarr]

Martin you sound like someone I work with who always makes me laugh no matter how serious the situation is!! When I said to him the other day "sorry to disturb you" he said "it's okay, I've been disturbed for years, you'll only make a tiny tiny difference to me!" It was in the middle of a hospital ward and the patients all had a good laugh. So there's a lot to be said for having a good sense of humour even in serious circumstances.
Myra x


Thanks Myra :hugs:
Only one thing though did you laugh at the joke!
Cos you know what happens if you didn't !!!
And I can't afford to lose any fans just yet.
Not til the money starts rolling in anyway.

[yvonne_uk_98]

I felt tense once.
But the man in charge of the tents told me to stop!

Sorry - sorry - I just can't stop - help someone pleeeeeeeeeeeese


Hi Martin,

Oh Father God, Please help Martin to keep his beautiful sense of humour... I pray this in your precious name Jesus. Amen.

:roflmao:

you way too funny...lol

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

I hope you have a calm weekend Yvonne and that nothing eventful happens. My thoughts are with you and please take care. Sorry you are feeling tense.
Myra x:hugs:

Hi Myra,

Thank you for your kind words, very much appreciated, I just wish this problem never happened, hey it did, now to deal with it, so that my teenage son doesnt go through what I went through, and that my youngest receives the help that he needs. I'm caught in the middle of this. I love my children very much. just wish monday was tomorrow. My second oldest son is at his brothers for the weekend. that's a bonus, no arguements. this protection two boys for different reasons, is very hard work.

I feel I did something wrong, though I didnt do anything. I'm sorry being negative. need to think positive.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Sunday Morning, woke up a bit late, mad rush to get ready, phone taxi for church, just made it for church, had started, the church service was very good, I ended up very emotional, after church someone asked me if I was alright, I says 1/2 in 1/2, My elderly friend took me aside asked what was wrong, I didnt tell her what it was, but in a round about way I let her know, she understood what I'm going through, she prayed for me, she let me know the same thing happened in her family, and trying to protect your kids from it going out of hand is a very hard one, she says that hers got out of hand ended up int the papers. she says she would keep me and my kids in her prayers. Praise God for that. She then went and spoke to the deacon, who then came and prayed for me. and reminded me that what has happened is not my fault. that I will get through this.

Right now I feel that the whole world is on my shoulders, a huge weight. I felt a small bit better after the prayer, I know that father God is with me.

after I got home, I went to my dad's house, before I went I prayed that my dad would not quiz me or my son about what happened, father God asnwered my prayers, Praise God. I would not have coped if my dad quizzed me or my son.

I spent time with my dad, though my dad fell asleep, I noticed that my dad has got more thinner, he has lost another 3 stone, it's a shame, his illness is taking control. and he is sleeping a lot. I wonder how long we have left. sorry I know it's aweful to think that way. his weight did stop for a while, now he is losing it again. my dad's licence came through, given him another 3 years for driving, he was very pleased, it was good to see he was happy, gives my dad some hope.

today was a bit emotional, and the stress getting to a peak, though the rest of today was good.

Tomorrow, I have an appointment at the Hospital for mamogram, then I have my driving lesson, then I have an appointment to talk about what has happened and find out what is the best way forward. then I have my aqua areobics, I have one huge busy day tomorrow.

I will let you know how tomorrow goes.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi

Monday Morning, got up early around 7 am, got ready for going to the hospital for my mamogram, when I got the results, they are clear, no cancer praise God, however I had to get a biopsy go back in two weeks, they had to take a sample, my right breast is sore, will be burised and swollen for the next few days, I'm not allowed to exercise. I had to cancel my driving lesson today, I'm glad I did, as I was too uncomfortable to drive. Instead my friend and I went for lunch, it helped me to take my mind off what had happened this morning. I go back to the hospital on 7 April. I will let you know of the results. part of my breast is inflammed, they are checking that its nothing serious.

After Lunch I went to my appointment, to talk about this problem, I'm now equiped with information and a way to help my two boys, and something to say to my dad and sister. I feel a lot better about it. need your prayers that each one I tackle goes well. first need to talk with my youngest first. then I will talk to my second oldest son, then my dad and my sister. let you know how thing go.

just practicing for the dress rehearsal tomorrow, then Palm Sunday our opening night. then do it again in May I think it's the 5 May, sing it at a different church.

going to my dad's for 9am to help him to his car, then back up the road to wait for him, plus my oldest son coming for the bunk beds finally get them out of my hall. then I'm off to my counselling appointment, then hopefully go and get some shopping, back home then out to the last rehearsal.

Let you know how things go.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi

Tuesday Morning, got up in time for going to my dad's, I managed to move some funiture, though I was not suppose too do any of the moving of funiture., then i had to go to my appointment. going to church for dress rehearsals, then it's this sunday evening.

I'm tired today, as I had to take pain killers to take the pain away as my right breast got very sore, my tablets cause you to be drowsie. not going to take any this evening, to stay forcused. Let you know how things go.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi

Tuesday evening, dress rehearsals went alright, we were so worried about one of the songs, that when we were together, we sang it well, we were so relieved that we all remembered it. that we all forgot to coming in on the next song. I hope I dont forget my line that I have to say, on Sunday Evening. We practiced what will happen on Sunday Evening, we acted out the communion. I kept falling asleep, I tryed very hard not too. I know what I've to do on Sunday Evening. I will let you all know how it goes Sunday.

Wednesday Morning, I woke up early at 6.00 am, too early I went back to sleep. I woke up at 9.00 am, Went to the bathroom to plunge the bath, blocked bath and sink, I been trying for the last couple of days to unblock the bath, plus bought some liquid to unblock the bath, tryed that last night, no joy, this morning i phoned my landlord and asked her if she would fix this problem, and she says yes, sending out a plumber, I let her know that I have an appointment, she asked if I minded them getting a set of keys, I says it alright, as I want not to miss my appointment. then I have a meeting today at 3pm, I have the accounts to do for the end of the financial year. Then I can come home, and go and see my dad later this evening, I bought my dad a dream catcher, my dad believes in this stuff, I am trying my best to keep my dad happy with the things that he believes in. I keep praying for my dad, hopeing that he will invite father God into his life. Today my sister is spending time with him, she will not be able too when she gets work, the dss are on her back, they want her to tell lies. my sister says, if she does not tell lies then she wall loose money, they will deduct £40.00 a day off her allowance that she receives for her and her son to live on. my sister is being forced to tell lies. She to say that she is fexiable, that she can work at weekends too, she not to let them know that she has no one to watch and look after her son at the weekends, the dss says that she can leave him in the house on his own. all day. he is only 9 years old, and a lot of hard work to look after. I says to my sister, that she can only work part time, and not work at weekends, cause there is no aftercare at the weekends.

I need to find a council house, before i look for work, as i'm in a private let, I went and find out if it worth my while to get some part time employment, I found out, I would be -£1000.00 worse off, that's before any food can be bought. I would be in debt with no roof over my head, I would loose my flat. first thing to do is get a council flat, then I can look for work.

I will let you know how today goes. going to see my gp, and i'm going to ask her to take that plaster off my breast, I'm too scared too.

I had butterfly stiches before and had a plaster over the top of it, I thing from that memory I will leave the gp to take it off. the plaster.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Wednesday afternoon, received letter from dss, they have stopped my server disability allowance, their excuse was that I have an 18 year old daughter staying with me, my daughter turned 18 in November, you think they would have done it then and not now. I'm going to appeal. going to C.A.B. for advice.

I went and seen my gp, I let her know about the family personal problem. and she says that my second eldest son needs to talk it over with a doctor. I let her know that I'm worried about my dad, he is losing weight fast, and sleeping a lot more than usual. my gp is going to see my dad tomorrow. I also let her know how I have been feeling, she wants to see me next week, she says that I have been dealing with a lot and I have managed to cope well. she also took off my plaster, I'm glad she did it, cause it was sticking to the strip, I had vision from last time something like butterfly stitches and plaster on top of them, getting that off was sore. she managed to get it off without taking off the strip. Praise god for that. got two more day to take it easy, then I can do my exercises. I'm looking forward to it, I'll be less sore.

I have a driving lesson tomorrow, I'm looking forward to it. before my driving lesson, I'm going to talk to my second son about the problem, I hope things go well. after my driving lesson going to do some gentle exercising, I will be careful. after that I have a free evening.

got a letter to type up, and an email to send, need to enquire about something to do with Renfrewshire Women's Association, we paid for the town hall hire, just that the invoice says something else. need to find out if it's paid in full. plus need to go back and get some cheques counter signed. I'm tired tonight, got a busy day tomorrow.

I gave my dad the dream catcher, he says it was beautiful, and that he is going to put it up on the wall.

let you know how things go tomorrow.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi

Thursday Morning,

Talked to my son about problem, he refuses to go and talk to Dr about it. I have tried, oh well, dont know what else I'm suppose to do. except pray about it.

I had a very good driving lesson, i did all the manouvers today, then I went to Citizens Advice Bureau, and found out it is the law, that you do not get sever disability allowance when your daughter turns 18 years, and is still living with you. it is a lot of money to be down every week, guess I have to get used to it. things are going to be very tight now. after being at CAB, I felt very low, now to get used to having less money to live on. Father God will provide for my needs.

tomorrow I have my womens group, go to my dad's to do his washing, and on Saturday I have a training day all day, no lie in. oh well that's the way the cookie crumbles. need to lift my mood up before Saturday. need to print off something for my womens group.

Wish I knew away that my son would listen and see that he needs support and extra advice from appropiate people, not from his friends.

i feel life does not seem worth it right now. need to make a small goal, make it through Palm Sunday. I hope to God I will.

let you know how tomorrow goes.

Yvonne

[RichW]

Hi Yvonne

My heart goes out to you. I feel your pain... Please hang in there and stay strong. I haven't been to church in years and recently I suffered a breakdown. I met with an amazing priest from India who had been a social worker in Calcutta. He told me that we are part of God and when we die we go back to God. Our gathering at church on Sundays is a celebration of our communion with God. Depression is awful. I have suffered both anxiety and depression and understand what it feels like to feel worthless and hopeless. At least with anxiety I felt I could still carry on and there was hope. You belong to God and He will continue to watch over you.

Take care of you


Rich

[martbarr]

Hi

Thursday Morning,

Talked to my son about problem, he refuses to go and talk to Dr about it. I have tried, oh well, dont know what else I'm suppose to do. except pray about it.

I had a very good driving lesson, i did all the manouvers today, then I went to Citizens Advice Bureau, and found out it is the law, that you do not get sever disability allowance when your daughter turns 18 years, and is still living with you. it is a lot of money to be down every week, guess I have to get used to it. things are going to be very tight now. after being at CAB, I felt very low, now to get used to having less money to live on. Father God will provide for my needs.

tomorrow I have my womens group, go to my dad's to do his washing, and on Saturday I have a training day all day, no lie in. oh well that's the way the cookie crumbles. need to lift my mood up before Saturday. need to print off something for my womens group.

Wish I knew away that my son would listen and see that he needs support and extra advice from appropiate people, not from his friends.

i feel life does not seem worth it right now. need to make a small goal, make it through Palm Sunday. I hope to God I will.

let you know how tomorrow goes.

Yvonne

Hello Yvonne

I've not seen you this down for a bit. Hope you're hanging in today.
Sun is shining a bit on Nottingham.

About your son and your hunger for him to be ok - I have this verse of encouragement for you:-
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled (Matt 5 v6)

And for yourself as you feel low:-
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. (Matt 5 v3)

And for the rest of your day:-
I lie down and sleep; I wake again, for the Lord sustains me. (psalm 3v5)

bless you
Martin

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi Yvonne

My heart goes out to you. I feel your pain... Please hang in there and stay strong. I haven't been to church in years and recently I suffered a breakdown. I met with an amazing priest from India who had been a social worker in Calcutta. He told me that we are part of God and when we die we go back to God. Our gathering at church on Sundays is a celebration of our communion with God. Depression is awful. I have suffered both anxiety and depression and understand what it feels like to feel worthless and hopeless. At least with anxiety I felt I could still carry on and there was hope. You belong to God and He will continue to watch over you.

Take care of you


Rich


Hi Rich,

Thank you for your kind words, very much appreciated, sorry you had a nervous breakdown, glad you got better and are close to father God.

May Father God Bless You Abundantly.

Yvonne :hugs:

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hello Yvonne

I've not seen you this down for a bit. Hope you're hanging in today.
Sun is shining a bit on Nottingham.

About your son and your hunger for him to be ok - I have this verse of encouragement for you:-
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled (Matt 5 v6)

And for yourself as you feel low:-
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. (Matt 5 v3)

And for the rest of your day:-
I lie down and sleep; I wake again, for the Lord sustains me. (psalm 3v5)

bless you
Martin

Hi Martin,

Thank you for your kind words and your encouragements and bible verses, very much appreciated, thanks.

Your very sweet and thoughtful, and you too Rich are sweet and throughful too.

May Father God Bless You Abundantly.

Yvonne:hugs: :)

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi

Friday Morning, my dad phoned me at 10.00am, Praise God for that, I needed to be wakened, I had slept in. got up quickly and got ready and out the door, went to my womens group, lot of gala days coming up. plus planing for the summer outings, and planing on going away for the weekend next year and the year after going to Africa for a week. So much to look forward too. I had a good morning. plus I was able to get a counter signature for a cheque that needs to be posted away.

Went to my dad's after and did his washing, made him lunch, then after his washing was done, put it all away, then made a cuppa, we sat and watch some tv, I fell asleep in the chair, my dad let me sleep, when I woke up, my dad was fast asleep in his chair, I waited until he woke up, asked him if he wanted his dinner made, he says yes, I made him his dinner, he let me know that I fell asleep, that he let me sleep, aw God Bless Him. My son came down to my dad's to walk me home, then my son changed his mind, he stayed with my dad, I walked up the road myself. I asked Father God to give me an angel to help me walk up the road without the fear.

Now home, came on line to update my dairy here, check my emails.

I was studying part-time theology course, home study, for assisngment 2, I have not been able to get back to, I wrote to my tutor about it and let him know about my dad's illness, I also prayed to Father God and left it in God's hands. Father God has answered my prayer, Father God still wants me to complete the course, and complete Assignment 2, father God gave me a sign last night, cause I asked and wanted so much to know my Bible more than I know it just now. I didnt think I could do the studying and remember, Father God allowed me to stop for a while, and showed me that I can study and remember. Now I feel that I can now continue with my studies, I'm going to do the theory test, practice and do the test and get that part out of the way, then I'm going to focus on my studies. Father God is so amazing.

I still feel a bit low, not as low as last night, got a few more people that I can contact about my benefit being cut and get it explained plus I might be able to do something about it, wont know until I speak to the welfare person. Let you know how that goes.

Tomorrow, no long lie, I have a training day tomorrow, I'm taking the stuff that I got at a conference training day, about lap dancing, going to take it to my training day tomorrow, and I want something done about this. I'm not the only one who wants something done, maybe this will be our theme this year. let you know how things go.

got a busy day tomorrow, plus need to practice my line for Palm Sunday. looking forward to it and hope to God I remember that one line I have to say out loud in front of the Audience, I just pretend that the hall is empty. Though will be singing on Palm Sunday, that part is not as bad I think as saying out the one line I have to say.

going to make a Easter Card and send it with the cheque for the Drama group that did a peice for our conference in november.

Yvonne :hugs:

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi

Saturday Morning, just got up in time, got ready for training, I phoned the taxi, when I got into the taxi, as I was using my right arm to get the seat belt, the seat belt was not in the correct place, I had to search for the seat belt, I put my right hand behind my back, I accidently leaned against my hand and my ring finger bent going the correct way, though too far, I jumped with pain, and eventually found the seat belt, it's hard to type with a bandaged finger. later on I went to the hospital to get my finger checked to see if it was broken. it not broken, I have torn the tendons which help to straighten your finger, I asked if I could still drive, dr says yes, but no touch typing, it's hard to type, cause Im so used to touch typing.

I've to keep the bandage on for 6 weeks. now going to take longer to type.

going to practice the songs and line I need to know for tomorrow. My finger is not sore, just uncomfortable.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Sunday morning, church service was awesome, now for this evening, hope it goes alright, let you know later.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi,

Sunday evening, church service was good, though I was shaking like a leaf, I managed to say my line and do the songs. It was good, people enjoyed it. Praise God it's over. I can stop shaking now,

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

hi

forgot about tomorrow, I dont have anything on, except go for lunch with my daughter.

let you know how it goes.

Yvonne

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi

Monday morning, I had long lie in, got up, my daughter and I went to town, we did shopping together, we went for lunch, we chatted, and I asked her to be my carer, as since my benefit has been cut, I wont get it back until she moves out, it's better she get it and this way she can take that year off, studying, when she signs on when she is finished college this year, the dss will not hound her to get work. My daughter asked me what does a carer do, I explained to her what I need, and she says thats not too bad.

When I got home later, I went to my dad's, my dad started talking about, what he is giving me when he passes away, I know I'm getting my dad's car, and my sister is getting my dad's wide screen tv. My dad says that he is going to try and get a smaller car, as he was thing of me, that I'm on benefits, I will have to wait and see.

tomorrow I have my counselling session, if the snow is bad by tomorrow, I will phone and have my appointment over the phone. need to phone the school tomorrow check if it's on.

let you know how things go tomorrow.

Yvonne