Scared to be left alone AGAIN! Anyone got any tips??

[SIMON31]

I have recently moved house, away from my safe place I suppose, and the panicky feelings have come back when my partner leaves me alone! He has had to stay home from work for 3 days now this week and he cannot stay home next week! I was wondering if anyone has been through this and has any tips as I really wanna get over this again and I'm at a bit of a loss of how to cope.

Thanks
Simon

[Mya]

Hi Simon,

I am so sorry to hear the pain you are in. When my panic attacks began I was completely housebound and my partner was unable to leave me as well. He had to go back to work at some point too so I was in the same boat. It was hard, but I tried to keep myself as busy as possible even though I was having all day panic. You can do this. Try and get settled into your new "safe place" Once you start feeling more secure in there it will make things better for you. If you get scared and cannot seem to get busy, I would recommend you come on this forum and maybe even go into the chat room so you can talk with others that are in your shoes. I know how bad it feels, but you can do it. Just try and stay strong xxoo

[barrywin]

Dear Simon,
Ever so sorry to hear about your fears. Try and turn them around maybe and make POSITIVE plans IN WRITING about how you are going to use your time in new exciting ways, learning things,noticing new wonderful things, exercising, making special plans for when your partner returns home at night etc....
Be positive and grateful for all the wonderful things in your life and you'll find there is no room for fear. Very best wishes, Barry

[den68]

i was like that terrified to be left a lone but i had to over come it. Today get your husband to pop out for a couple of hours so it wont be such a shock when monday comes. Keep yourself busy and if you have a friend ring them if you start to freak but only stay on the phone for 5 or 10 minutes untill you feel calmer dont spend the whole time your partners out doing this or youll be doing it all the time.
You can do this you have the strength with in you and congratulate yourself every small step you make

denise

[PUGLETMUM]

:)same as the others this was dreadful for me, as id had phases of anxiety before and hadnt been afraid to be alone - it was torture, and i could not ever see a way out of it - to my mind its the worse thing you can go through as you become 100% dependent, and then that in itself causes all sorts of relationship issues - how you feel about yourself, how you feel about those closest to you and how they feel about you - maybe never even being honest and open as was my case - i was deeply resented.

so like den i believe conquering this should be your number one priority for your own sense of self - there are loads of things you can do, that will help you see that you can panic or be anxious alone and you will survive - but really you do have to go through it alone first before you will be able to see you can cope - its no good just going through the motions, its best to feel the full force of it and let it pass, so you see that it doesnt last and you can be on your own - you can speak to the samaritans, you can come on here, you can go to NOPANIC, there is a link on the finding help section on here, you can play computer games which distract, you can do exercise dvds which help to get rid of the adrenaline, you can clean your house and do other chores, you can meditate the list goes on and on of ways you can help yourself to feel better - at the end of the day, you cant get away from yourself and you need to care enough about yourself to really believe tha tyou yourself are your own best support person - take care, emma:hugs:

[belle]

I'm another. I couldn't be left alone for 5 minutes. If my ex had to go shopping, my mother would HAVE to be here before he left. It was awful, i was roombound at the time too and i had a baby to look after...

What made me not be this way is that my ex and i split up and i had to be on my own, i am not suggesting for a second that you split up...lol, but i had no choice but to cope, i had to take care of my son.

I think a good start is if your partner pops out down the road for 10 - 15 minutes, or to a local shop, but make sure you can call him if you need...maybe?

What do i know anyway, i still can't go out... ;)

[messianictalmud]

Hi Simon, sorry to know you having a rough time lately.
Moving home is always a stressfull event!!
Your new home can and will become your safe place.
When your partners at work is there anyone you could maybe go visit or they visit you?
You could even arrange with your partner that you'll meet him somewhere when he finishes work, so you can both go home together; this way while he his at work you have something good to look forwards to!
Also it may be worth you joining your local sports centre (if your healthy enough) or enrol on some adult education course, that way you'll get to meet knew people and make other friends.
PM me if you want anytime, I will always reply.

[Typer]

Hi Simon - tough for you.

When I was 15 and up until I was about 20 - this happened to me on and off and more so when I moved home (3 times). Looking back I know the root of this lay somewhere else. Sounds crazy really but for me it was a few incidents (not even major one's) in my childhood.

I love my own space now...crave it even.

Not sure why it went, but I think I was on my own so much, I just got used to it and it went

[snippy]

Hi,,,I am exactly the same, just moved,,hate being on my own as my partner goes to the office twice a week,,,,i have various avenues to overcome my panic,,,,1) I come on here and use chat,,,,2) I call a friend to keep me occupied for 10 mins,,,,3) jigsaws, but not really good for my ocd, as i have to finish it before moving,,,4) I took up a craft of makin jewellery to keep my mind occipied and fingers busy,,,and 5) I have a vested interest in ebay as i sell loads of crap on there and n ow sell wholesale make up.....It doesnt go away feeling insecure but it is more managable if you have distraction,,,I hope this helps and i hope you settle into your new home,,,

Snippy

:hugs:

[SIMON31]

Thanks guys and gals for your kind replies! Your suggestions have been very very useful. I sorta don't feel all alone in this hell I think I'm in a the moment! I have just to remain positive and know I have been through this before and came out the other end! I know I'm not helping with the Negatives thoughts at the moment, its affecting other things when I go out but I have started back at the gym today so hopefully that will help! I will let you know how good I do on Monday!

Simon :)

[snippy]

Hope the gym goes ok

:hugs:

[SIMON31]

Gym was good! Was a little stressed but I was with my partner so that helped! Was good for us both! Lets hope it helps alot! He's off to work in the morning so I'll keep you posted how I got on!

Thanks for replies and advice again!!

[SIMON31]

Well I did it today!! partner went to work all day! Was hard but I told myself that the panic was just a feeling and it wasnt going to beat me! I had a friend come around also which did help!! On to day 2! I'm gonna be great too then!!!

Simon :)

[messianictalmud]

Well done nice 1 :yesyes:

[PUGLETMUM]

:yesyes:glad to hear you are taking this really positive approach - give yourself even more credit for that, coz its difficult when you feel like poo.

well done with the gym - i always feel very wobbly and spaced out when i try anything new or go back to something - but in no time youll be feeling really normal, take care

[Star 52]

Hi Simon,

Sorry you're having such a horrid time. I used to be exactly the same way and wouldn't let my partner go out of the house hardly at all cos I was so afraid I'd panic and die. Like the other lady, I unfortunately split from my partner and because I was forced into coping, I started to put into place some breathing relaxation exercises and realised that my body could only get so panicky and then could go no further. I felt really rubbish for a while and slowly but surely, I began to cope with the horrible feelings that come with panic attacks. Again, I'm not suggesting that you split from your partner, but to start small and build up with the reassurance that your parnter is there to help if you need it. Good luck!

Gill:yesyes:

[SIMON31]

thanks star!

I am now being more excepting of the panic and anxiety...I know after awhile the panic cant go and further its just the anxiety that stays! This I know will get better as time goes on and I get used to being on my own. Its a pain really has partner has 2 weeks christmas leave after tomorrow so I will sorta have to start again, but I now have evidence I can cope so hopefully it wont be soo hard in a couple of weeks. I find that sometimes when I'm forced into doing something I do cope well, I think though its because I haven't had much time to think and worry about it! We'll all get there in the end! I think its best to remain positive although thats easier said than done when your having a bad time of it!! :)

[Typer]

Great you are being positive and so far, it's coming good. Keep on, keeping on