View Full Version : Abortion (sensitive)
My husband and I separated 3 months ago and over the last month or so I have started a relationship with a friend of mine. He is a lovely man, accepts my 3 children and is in the same profession as I am, we get on really well. I had been with my husband since I was 19, I am now 30, he was my first love etc... but in recent years our relationship wasn't what it should be. He took me for granted, but was a great father and great around the home.
The main thing was that during my depression/anxiety he never took a day off work or supported me in that way and i had to cope with it aswell as 3 youg children. He then 3 years ago had a previously mutually agreed vasectomy, but before he went I asked him not to go but he still went and then our marriage broke down. After 3 years the resentment grew and I left.
2 weeks ago though I ended things with my 'boyfriend' and told him I wanted to try again in my marriage, my husband swore he would be more romantic, put me first etc... said he regreted the vasectomy and would do anything to have more children with me. It wasn't easy and i hated seeing him hurt but he said he respected me trying again for the kids sake. 2 days later though I found out I was pregnant. My world fell apart and I was shocked, but the babies father loves me and wanted us to be together so I said we would.
I then realised just how much I loved my husband and wanted us to try again. It has been an agonising week but tomorrow I am going to have an abortion. As I am 5 & half weeks I am having a surgical abortion, with no anasthetic. I am terrified of what may happen during and after. I worry about my health alot, so I am scared of haemoraging afterwards, the pain, the bleeding, dying:weep::weep: I am terrified:weep::weep:
I am not proud of this, but I feel i have no other choice. I want my family back and I feel this is the only way out of this nightmare. I love my husband and I know he will put me first and maybe one day we will have a child of our own again. He has said would one day have the reversal as he regrets all of this so much.
The father is upset but he is supporting my decision. Tonight though I am so frightened, worried that I may regret this but right now it is the right thing to do for my marriage and children.
Can anyone reassure me I will be ok after the procedure? if you prefer not to discuss on it here if you have had this done yourslef then please pm me privatly. I just have it in my head I shall haemorage and die afterwards and that I will be punished for this:weep::weep:
sb001f8994
11-12-09, 20:48
Hi Aimee,
Ive not been through this myself but my auntie was in a very similar situation to you and had to have a termination, her husband didnt know about her affair and so she had the op and went straight back to work. She was fine physically, she said she only felt bad period like pains afterwards. She did regret this but had no option as she wanted things to work with her hubby, sadly her marriage ended anyway.
Your mind must be in turmoil, you have had to make very difficult decisions. Will you have someone with you tomorrow?
Take care,
Carol x
bottleblond
11-12-09, 20:50
Awwww Aimee!! :hugs:
Look sweety , firstly i can't imagine how difficult this is for you as i have not been in this situation myself but medically, i am sure you will be fine. Two of my friends have gone through this proceedure and have been fine.
You said this is the best thing to do for your husband and kids but please just be sure it is the right thing for you.
We are all here to support you hun!!
Thinking of you
Big hugs
Lisa
xxxx
:bighug1:
Please dont think im judging you .But you do seem as if you are not 100% sure that this is something you are going to be able to do without regret ..Something like this can be devastating at a later date .Have you thought about the alternatives ? this is not the only choice you have .What if your relationship doesnt work out with your husband ,how will this make you feel ? Im sorry for the difficult choice you have to make and im sure you will be fine after the procedure .The process will be unpleasant mentally tho.Lots of women miscarry at this stage and a lot dont realise thats whats happened at the time .Please be sure you are doing this for the right reasons and its something that you wont regret for the rest of your life .Hugs Sue x:hugs:
You have a PM.
You and you alone can make the right decision for you and your family, don't let anyone tell you any different.
:hugs:
Maxine
Thank you all. I am just so scared, worried Iw ill die and God will punish me:-( I am against abortion, I cant believe I am in this position.
I am not 100%, i never would be, this is my child but I have to do this to move on and if my marriage still doesn't work then at least i tried and walk away with no regrets. I know this will always play on my mind, and I do wonder if my misscarrage I had 5yrs ago will play on my mind tomorrow, as i was utterly devastated and to this day I still think about it.
I just hope tomorrow is over quickly and i dont suffer afterwards physically. It terrified me when i read about 1/40000 need a hysterectomy, 1/1000 haemorage, 1/100 get a womb infection etc..... I am now so frightened and want to just curl up and sleep and ignore this.
Think about all the women that are fine not the ones that arent .Its just a tiny percentage ..You will just have a heavy period after and you will be fine physically ..Life certainly throws some hard decisions .:weep:All the best Sue :hugs:xx
tashbarnes87
11-12-09, 21:44
Hi hun, when i was 15 i went off the rails & got kicked out and ended up falling pregnant. I had an abortion & i will be honest it was the single worst day of my life there is not a day goes by where i dont think about it & the guilt i felt was awful. The prededure was not pleasent & the lack of care from the nurses but nothing went wrong. Im not telling you this to make you feel bad BUT please please think hard about it, ultimately i did the best thing as i couldnt have finacially supported the child or put a roof over its head or anything but if i was in that postion now knowing how i would have felt after i wouldnt have had one.... not a chance
If you go through with it tomorrow be strong & if you need to PM me you will feel a mix of emotions but you are doing it for the right reasons. You will need someone with you xx xx
tashbarnes87
11-12-09, 21:45
sorry i should have said more clearly you hve nothing to fear about the procedure, nothing will go wrong hun you will be fine xx
Thank you Tash.
I feel so so scared about the procedure especially as i will be awake and alone. I suffer anxiety so Im going to be a mess.
I hope I will cope afterwards.
Did you bleed after it at all? pm me if you prefer.
Downsinthenorth
11-12-09, 22:34
Have you a female relative or friend who could go with you for moral support?
:hugs:
Yes i have support tomorrow but im terrified:(((
Veronica H
12-12-09, 00:42
:bighug1::bighug1:just sending you best wishes Aimee.
Veronicax
Hi there
I went through an abortion on Valentine's Day last year. Maybe I'm a strange case, but I have absolutely no regrets. It was the best decision, the only responsible decision I have made in a very long time.
About the procedure? Well, I'll be honest, I booked and went in on the same day. I tend to get really worked up about things, even regular doctors appointments, so I was incredibly nervous. I feared the worst. Turns out, the worst thing was the waiting room! The best thing you can do is to buy a magazine and take it with you while you wait. Don't take anything with you that you will associate with the place at a later date... no music!
They will give you a scan just to check everything and then you'll get in a gown and go into a pre-op room. You're at pretty much the same stage I was, and having the 'surgery'. I think the word surgery is a bit much - honestly, I went and sat on this table thing, they gave me anaesthetic, and then I woke up in a bed with a pad on! I don't remember a thing.
When I woke up, a nurse and one of the doctors gave me some instructions for what to do over the next few days... to take it easy, no alcohol. Not to worry if I bled a fair bit. I didn't bleed much at at. No pain either.
You may be instructed to go back to the doctor after 2 weeks for a general check up to make sure everything went alright. I didn't have to, though.
Overall, it was much less horrible than I thought. I expected shame and guilt and picketing... BUT, it was my body, my decision, and doctor's are wonderfully competent at performing this surgery - it's as safe as childbirth, and much less painful - you've already been through that, so you've got nothing to worry about!
Feel free to ask any other questions.
Marley
What time are you going Aimee ? Thinking of you ,Luv Sue xx:hugs::hugs:
All done- im very traumatised, had no anasthetic.
Scared stiff im going to bleed heavy and die now:(((
Veronica H
12-12-09, 15:06
Sorry you had to go through this Aimee. the bleeding will settle, just try to rest.
Veronica:bighug1:
Cell block H fan
12-12-09, 15:57
God isn't ging to punish you. Its a tragic story you just told there. Only you can make those decisions. If you're 100% sure, then do it & good luck with hubby xxxxx
Thank u all so much. Im really upset.
Im now taking Doxycyline- an antibiotic- precaution. Im scared to take them:(( hate taking new medication incase of allergic reaction or something bad:((( anyone taken them??
bottleblond
12-12-09, 17:15
Aimee
I am scared to take new meds too but i do and never had an allergic reaction.
You will be fine hun but just make sure you get lots of rest!
Lisa
xxxx
:hugs:
I rung my GP and he said to take amoxicillin instead as it will still work and anti bs arent usually given after an abortion unless an infection is present. So i will be taking those instead. Hope I be ok:(((
ElizabethJane
12-12-09, 22:44
Dear Aimee you won't bleed to death. You will be just fine. Please rest and relax. I have never had an abortion but I have taken the morning after pill. I had unprotected sex and couldn't run the risk of becoming pregnant with that person at that time. If you need to talk there are usually people in the chat room. There is usually somone online during the night. Take care. I'm glad it is all over. Now you can move on.
Thank you so much Elizabeth xxxx
sb001f8994
13-12-09, 10:41
Hi Aimee,
Hope you are ok today, everything will settle down soon.
Take care
Carol x
That's just stardard Aimme, the meds take them it's important.
You'll be ok :hugs:
Aimme
I hope you are feeling a little better today. Sometimes people have to make hard choices and you had one of the worse choices to make, but you made it and i think your very brave
denise
I do too .Look to the future now . I hope you got some rest last night and feel better today ?.Take it easy for a bit ,and all the very best with your husband .Luv Sue xx:hugs:
Ive been relaxing today- im not too bad.
Im just eorried that the amoxicillin wont protect me aswell as the doxycycline:((
The amoxycillin will be just fine ..I had an infection after my last child and I took it ,it started to go after 3days .Its good for lots of things .Your Dr wouldnt have told you to take it if it wouldnt work ..Glad you feel a bit better today :hugs:Sue x
That is good to know, thanks Suzy xxxx He has prescribed the 500mg for 5 days.
I was told also last night that if I don't bleed within the next ten days then I will have to go back to see if the pregnancy is still there.
I am so frightened now, I was just under 6 weeks when I had the procedure done, so they said that it may have been too early.
I wish I never rang the aftercare line now.
aimee
my friend hardly bled after her procedure and they had to do another pregnancy test but she wasnt pregnant. Hope that helps to reassure you a bit
Aimee feel free to email me or add me to MSN for any comfort or advice. I know what your going through xx
Thank you so much Den xxx
I shall pm you nickie, thank you xxxx
hi aimee,
i had an abortion about 5 years ago. i didnt bleed after at all and i was totally fine. they didnt give me any meds either?
i was 7 weeks at the time and i remember feeling really good when i woke up.
ive regretted it ever since, but i was in a totally different situation to you. i have many friends who have had to have this procedure for various reasons.
its unpleasant, but very safe and i feel glad that the option is there for the many serious reasons we as women must face during our lives.
im sure you will be fine and you should be proud of yourself for making such a tough decision and one i wish that you will never have to face again in your life.
good luck with your husband and i truely hope it all works out well for you and your children
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