I don't want to be here anymore

[daisycake]

I don't know how much more I can take. I think I'm going mad and I'm scared that I'll do something I regret or I'll go to my doctor and they'll section me. I'm so frightened I said to my mum that I feel like I can't control my emotions and she said that's what schizophrenic people say and told me to get a grip. I'm emotionally drained, my mum was taken into hospital on wed due to stress and now that she's home she expects help a lot but I'm trying to manage a uni course; I'm also going through counselling which I can't cope with; my dad is causing problems now, my sister's severly autistic, my friends have all fallen out with me as they don't think I contact them enough anymore and that I don't have my priorities right. I don't want to be here anymore, I think I am the root of everything and if I wasn't here then everyone would be OK. I have my own room in Halls now but I'm meant to be at home and happy because it's Christmas and I'm not, I tried telling my mum just now and she just shut the door on me. I'm worried about making her ill, she has hypertension too, why do I keep causing problems and getting in the way of everyone. I don't think anyone is bothered at all what I do anymore. Noone wants to help. I'm so frightened of what I might do.

[daisycake]

Now my mum's crying and it's all my fault. I don't know what I should do; my mind's racing. :weep:

[cassy1989]

The fact that you have come on here shows you want help and that you don't want to take your own life. Please don't do anything to yourself.

I'm sorry but in my opinion it is your mum and friends who are being unreasonable. They should be supportive and trying to help you not making you feel worse.

Many people including myself sometimes feel like they can't control their emotions. That does mean you are a schizophrenic and I think it is wrong for your mum to try and diagnose you and make you worry even more.

I would suggest you try to ring your local crisis team as you really do need some support and a proffessional to talk to xx

[PoppyC]

Hi Daisy
I am so sorry that you feel as you do. You sound like you are going through a tough time and you need help in order to get you through it.
Please do not do anything drastic because what is so good about being dead??? Alive, you can feel happiness again and experience all of the good things that you will have ahead of you in life. You have a future. I know for now you think it will always be suffering, but that is because you are so down.
Your mums crying is not your fault. Your mum has her problems but that is for her to deal with and no blame should ever be on you. You are not ar fault.
This is only my opinion but I feel you should switch off from everyone else's problems for now and concentrate on you. Personally I think it was wrong of your mum to shut the door on you but she is unwell and maybe if she wasn't feeling as she is, she would not have done that?
You sound like a very lovely, caring person, but for now, maybe you could switch off and just concentrate on you and getting yourself feeling better.
Others lives will not be better if you were not around. Never think that. How would you not being around solve their own issues???
Others in your family have problems but whilst you feel as you do, then let them get on with how they are, because you are suffering in your own way and need to concentrate on you getting better. Their problems have nothing to do with you and their problems are not caused by you. You are not responsible for their issues.
Have you explained to your friends how you feel? If they do not listen to how you are feeling, can't be supportive and caring,then they are not what I would class as friends.
Is there any family member who would listen to you and be able to offer support?
You have a lot to offer and you have a future ahead of you and life will not always be as it is now for you. I know this from my own personal experience when I felt pretty much the same as you do.
I doubt very much that you are schizophrenic. I am terrible for controlling my emotions but I am not schizophrenic. A lot of people cant control their emotions. You have a lot going on and I am not surprised your emotions are everywhere.
Could you visit your gp and explain how you are feeling? He will not section you... I have been to my gp in terrible states and had quite a severe breakdown and was not sectioned. Sectioning is usually the last thing they do and has to be discussed with yourself. I found the Samaritans were good to talk to.Have you spoken to the counsellor at uni? Are you taking any medication to help with counselling? There is a lot of help out there for you. You are not alone in how you feel. I find this site to be really helpful and you will get a lot of support on here, so keep posting.
You do need to tell someone how you are feeling be it your gp, the Samaritans or your university counselling service.
If you seriously think you are going to harm yourself then please call the Samaritans or emergency services. Please dont do anything to hurt yourself, because life can be good again. I speak from personal experience and lots of others on this site will tell you the same. It wont always be like it is now. You feel as you do now because you are so down.
Keep posting as I am sure you will get a lot of help from the others on here.
Sending you big hugs :hugs:

[Maj]

My heart goes out to you. You are in such an unhappy place at the moment. You've mentioned all the things we fear about when we are anxious: schizophrenia, sectioned, emotionally drained, can't control your emotions, you are in a high anxiety state, you are not going mad. From your family's point of view I think you have to take a step back and start thinking about yourself. Your mum and dad are adults and are responsible for themselves, and should be responsible to you too. Your sister is also your parent's responsibility. Stop taking the whole word on your shoulders. Your mum's hypertension is between her and her g.p. It's not your fault. Your self esteem is rock bottom but through no fault of your own. You have to start thinking of yourself for once and let the others sort their own lives out. I have kids and no matter how I felt there's no way I would let my health influence their lives. Go to your doctor and explain how you are feeling. I'm sure they know all the family history and will be able to sympathise with you. You can get out of this dark hole with the right help. Keep in touch here and let us now how you get on. But please, see your g.p. and get some help. You deserve it so much.
Myra x:hugs: