Clayton the Panicked

[Clayton the Panicked]

I started having acute panic attacks on October 26th of this year and of course I thought the first one was a heart attack and ended up in E.R.
I have no family history of mental or emotional issues and this cropped up and then escalated to a 3 to 4 times a day ordeal. It is terrifying to say the least. I went to a partial program here at Pine Rest which is a good psychiactric facility but have really gotten no real answers as I suspect is typical. I do not have any major stressors other than perhaps we just moved from another state. I have a great relationship with my wife and a beautiful little 4 year old boy. My job is good as is my wife's. I just do not know what to make of this. I have been completely debilitated by these panic attacks and now I the mere fear of an attack brings on another attack. I have never had depression before or anything like this. So this is very new to me. My psychologist first prescribed Paxil along with Ativan but later stopped the Paxil after only 17 days on it (He felt it was not good for me afterall). The Ativan was switched to 1mg tablets of Xanax and prescribed "as needed". I rarely go to these as that means that all my other coping strategies (which I have listed and printed all over the house) have failed and that is my last resort. Yes, it is very effective but I definitely want to get these panic attacks under control myself. These panic attacks seem to be Atypical for me in the time sense...mine usually last a minimum of an hour and a half and as long as 5 hours. After these attacks finally do leave I am so weak (and usually sopped with sweat) that my wife needs to assist me in walking to the bed. Absolutely exhausting to put it lightly. The terror is tremendous. I am a member of one other group that is not quite a specific as this one seems to be and am excited to be a part of this one. I have gained a lot of insight over the past 6 weeks since my life was turned upside down. I am still on extended leave of absence and am humiliated by this. I am scared of these monsters. I am a big guy and I used to play football at UCLA...so I cannot be going through this right? I am tough right? Obviously those internal questions have made my humiliation complete. I have kept to my house and have missed tons of work. This is an unbelievable monster. Prior to October 26th of this year I was fully functioning, without excessive anxiety, things were fine...now all seems murky at best. An Absolute Monster. But I am seeking a Cognitive Behavior Therapist locally and am seeing some light finally thanks to a lot of people I do not even know (You Folks online). Thanks for any help that you folks may offer.

[nomorepanic]

Hi Clayton the Panicked

A huge warm welcome to nmp.

You'll get loads of advice and support here and make some lovely friends along the way.

Best wishes

[Mya]

Hey Clayton,

I am so very sorry that you are feeling this bad. I know exactly what you are going through. My attacks began 2 years ago after a death in the family and other life changing events. I had a very successful job in finance and sadly I had to quit. My attacks were very much like yours and I became housebound for a while not knowing what was happening. I was terrified for my husband to leave my side.

I know that you are saying that you do not have a history of mental illness in your family and that you cannot seem to answer what has caused this. Have you had a physical to ensure that something else isn't causing this? Many people experience these attacks after hard times, etc. I have had anxiety all my life but never had experienced panic attacks. There are others that can have panic attacks like yourself that do not know what triggered it.

I have not sought therapy until this past month when my husband basically pushed me for treatment since it was not going away. It has been hard and painful to acknowledge that i could not "fix" it myself. I have been adamant they not prescribe medication yet. I would like to focus on CBT for now.

This site has been such a wonderful tool for me in addition to my therapy. You will find much support and guidance here. I am beginning to notice that although it is wonderful to speak with these people online, I believe now I need to meet others like myself in person. My husband and friends do not understand because they have never walked in our shoes. Unfortunately it seems we do not have a forum like this here in the United States, which would be so nice so we could meet other Americans like us. Group therapy is now an additional option I may seek out because it really does help in speaking to others that can understand.

Where do you live? I am in Pennsylvania and although we have wonderful centers here for panic attacks and other anxiety issues, it has still been hard for me to get a grasp as to how to battle this. But the therapy is still new and I have much faith that one day I will have better control.

It is great to meet you and I wish you all the best. You will find so many here that can relate to all you are feeling. It doesn't make it go away but it is certainly comforting to not feel alone.

[Clayton the Panicked]

thanks to you both. Mya, in reference to your question about the physical I will answer OH YES. I insisted that this had to be explained away due to an ailing thyroid which can cause very similar symptoms...it just had to be that. But to my chagrin it was not. I was probably the only guy in America who wanted bad news from my blood work report. Seriously! I had a complete blood screen done...twice. My wife has been great through this. I truly married well and I just am so fortunate to have her. I have had a rough day and a half (yesterday mostly) after a 3 day reprieve where I thought that I was "Cured" and would never have one again. But I was humbled yesterday with a Monster that gripped me for the better part of 2 hours. When it was done I was sopped with sweat and so weak I could hardly take a drink of water. All that adrenaline flowing through our bodies during an attack is unbelievably exhausting not to mention the utter terror that couples it. For me it is about beating it myself too and getting answers but even after a 2 week partial inpatient program as well as regular appointments with my psychologist I am no further along as far as stopping these or really finding out what caused them and "why me". My life was going fine. What the heck. It has only been since October 26th (which by the way I will never forget) of this year and I feel as if it has been decades. Being a former UCLA football player and somewhat active Alumni I am terribly embarrassed by this, I have not disclosed this to anyone other than my wife and of course the professionals that have sought to treat me. I am a results oriented person and this is killing me. These professionals I have been involved with are unable to give me any answers because sometimes there are none. I am beginning to realize this. It is disturbing to say the least. It is good that you are reluctant to do the medication thing...I am the same way. Be wary if they put you on Paxil. Be very wary. I was on it for 17 days and it almost ruined me. Now I am not suggesting the same will happen to you but be very wary. This med is prescribed almost as standard procedure in some cases and it can be pretty rough on some people. It goes unnoticed for about 12 days in your system but then things start to change. My psych took me off asap when I had some really bad things occur (3-5 crying spells etc). I have never had the depression component in my life and with this particular med I had some real tough stuff. I live in Grand Rapids, Michigan. I know how you feel about support groups. they are hard to find if possible at all. There really is a humiliation component to panic attacks and I think that prevents people from being more forthcoming.

[Mya]

I feel very terrible how much you are experiencing with this. I know EXACTLY what you are going though. I haven't much advice because 2 years later and I am still figuring it out. But I will tell you this. After a while you will start to get used to it. I would say I had the same type of panic attacks as you in the beginning where they would last for hours. And I mean they were the most terrifying and exhausting thing I have ever gone through. I had that for about 6 months. They were happening ALL DAY EVERYDAY. It was absolute hell and I wish them not even on my worst enemy. It was so bad I could not leave the house or even go into a car. I have had many claustrophobic problems since that first panic attack ( there is a good post about that if you are experiencing those symptoms too, I created it under the panic forum). And like you I thought some days I would be fine and Bam it would be back.

I would say about 6 months into this hell, the panic attacks diminished but I was on constant high alert all the time. It was a feeling like I was in danger at all times. There is something that triggers into our brain and it is like we have a flip switched and it is very hard to turn off. I could not explain it to anyone, still can't. if you get on demand on cable, HBO has a really good documentary called Panic. it will help your wife understand it better as well. My husband is the best and I am so lucky we have the best marriage however 2 years later and I have chronic fear I will never be the same and he won't be able to put up with it. But I can assure you that you the panic attacks will start to lessen after a while and you may just feel chronic anxiety which is where I am right now. I will tell you that I still have a hard time going places alone. The supermarkets are very hard. I have a hard time now in closed spaces as well as open. I have a very strange and scary perception of my surroundings and I get the feelings I need to run.

I know how difficult it must be to be a man and suffering this. There are many nice gentleman on this site - i do not know what the stereotypes are in the UK but I know how "tough" the American men want to be perceived so I have your sympathy in having to deal with that. I do not know how old you are, but I just turned 34 and I feel as a woman my hormones have switched as well, many of my girlfriends have noticed it with them as well. I do not know if this would apply to men, but I will tell you that my hormones seem to also trigger attacks for me. What kills me the most was I was 32 when these first struck and my husband and I wanted to have a child and with these paralyzing attacks I do not even know how I can psychologically deal with pregnancy and have this. I am so depressed about this as time is running out. My psychologist is trying to help me as best she can but I like you feel like I am sometimes getting no where. They want me to try lexapro and I am frightened of the side effects, especially the ones you are speaking of. I hope that you can try to manage without meds and please be careful of the xanax because I hear they can be difficult to come off. You are doing the right thing in addressing it early unlike me who waited 2 years.

I am very sad to see you here, but I am comforted to find people from my own country that can relate to me. i was feeling very alone here because of that but the people on this forum are angels really. Please feel free to PM me on here anytime. Keep me posted on how things are working and I wish you all the very best.

[Veronica H]

:welcome:Clayton.Glad that you have both found us.There is a brilliant book by Dr Claire Weekes;SELF HELP FOR YOUR NERVES ISBN 0-7225-3155-9.This is available from the NMP shop. Dr Weekes was a physician and scientist. She was a fellow sufferer (nominated for the nobel prize for medicine) and really understood this illness. She took the mystery out of it, and devised a simple programme for recovery. I can't recommend this enough. This will get better.

Here is a link to her site;

http://www.drclaireweekes.co.uk/


Veronica

[ronski]

Hi Clayton

You are very typical of a person suffering from panic attacks, just like me when I had my first attacks the doctor asked what I was getting stressed about and I just didnt know as my life was just right with a good career and a fantastic family. But over time it was obvious what my trigger was and that was that when the anxiety hit with the hyperventilation and all of the asssociated symptoms and sensations, I was so anxious that I was going to have a heart attack and then die. So for me it was that, the fear of a heart attack and dying in front of other people and at the same time making a fool of myself. So for you it could be similar. I now still get those feelings strike occaisionally but after CBT i have some effective coping mechanisms that work most of the time but it would be dishonest of me to say that they work every time. I dont get full blown panic attacks anymore so CBT has helped enormously but I still get anxiety symptoms at a drop of a hat. If I can help you at all then contact me and I will see if any of my coping strategies could help you. I have sent you an e-mail that may explain things.

Stay strong and dont be embarrased by these attacks, it takes a very strong person to cope with them. Are you a perfectionist that may also be a trigger as you feel pressured to get things right all of the time.

All the best
Ron