Clayton the Panicked
13-12-09, 16:58
I awoke this morning with high anxiety and it deteriorated to a Monster...an absolute monster. I can't breath (when of course I can breath), I may die (yeah right), my throat is closing up (are you kidding me!), I feel tingly all over, sweaty, and I feel as if I am losing control and may in fact lose my mind. I am terrified.
I had to break down and take one of my Xanax pills which I hate to do as that means all other methods I have developed to cope had failed. This is only the 2nd pill for me in 9 days. I have never taken them regularly as I desperately want to do this MYSELF...It scary. I ended up sobbing in my wife's arms and that soothed me a bit but was so humiliating. My wife is such a great wife though that the embarrassment need not be felt. Even with the xanax firmly in my system I still feel it lurking beneath. These panic attacks are SO SCARY...even after the self education, all the literature...the positive affirmations that I have posted all over the house. Just KNOWING that I am indeed not in any real danger and in no physical harm does not help sometimes with these.
I refuse to end this post negatively so I will say that tomorrow is a new day and I hope beyond hope that I do not have a repeat of today or of Friday which was also bad. I seem to have lost my "edge" and my confidence is shaken. Prior to this past Friday I felt great...But since Friday when I fell apart I feel once again intimidated...bossed around by my amygdala. "Amy G." as I like to refer to the monster as. The name is obviously based on the spelling of the part of the brain which controls (or doesn't) these panic situations and is not meant to personify it as a female so please do not be offended. I am just feeling scared and shaky, feeling unable to get control. Very scary. When a person such as myself wakes up in the morning with significantly increased anxiety than what would you all say is best to do starting out? What would you do ? How can I stop an attack that is currently at a lever 2 or 3 (on a 1-10 scale) from deteriorating quickly to a 8,9, or 10?
It seems with me that once it gets to a certain level such as a "4" or more that no matter what it is going to run it's course to a level 8,9, or 10. And worse yet, it seems that the "10's" get worse. I apologize for not offering more positive. I really am lost and confused.
I had to break down and take one of my Xanax pills which I hate to do as that means all other methods I have developed to cope had failed. This is only the 2nd pill for me in 9 days. I have never taken them regularly as I desperately want to do this MYSELF...It scary. I ended up sobbing in my wife's arms and that soothed me a bit but was so humiliating. My wife is such a great wife though that the embarrassment need not be felt. Even with the xanax firmly in my system I still feel it lurking beneath. These panic attacks are SO SCARY...even after the self education, all the literature...the positive affirmations that I have posted all over the house. Just KNOWING that I am indeed not in any real danger and in no physical harm does not help sometimes with these.
I refuse to end this post negatively so I will say that tomorrow is a new day and I hope beyond hope that I do not have a repeat of today or of Friday which was also bad. I seem to have lost my "edge" and my confidence is shaken. Prior to this past Friday I felt great...But since Friday when I fell apart I feel once again intimidated...bossed around by my amygdala. "Amy G." as I like to refer to the monster as. The name is obviously based on the spelling of the part of the brain which controls (or doesn't) these panic situations and is not meant to personify it as a female so please do not be offended. I am just feeling scared and shaky, feeling unable to get control. Very scary. When a person such as myself wakes up in the morning with significantly increased anxiety than what would you all say is best to do starting out? What would you do ? How can I stop an attack that is currently at a lever 2 or 3 (on a 1-10 scale) from deteriorating quickly to a 8,9, or 10?
It seems with me that once it gets to a certain level such as a "4" or more that no matter what it is going to run it's course to a level 8,9, or 10. And worse yet, it seems that the "10's" get worse. I apologize for not offering more positive. I really am lost and confused.