Kilasuk
15-12-09, 13:10
Hi All,
Just found this site and I hope I can share some of my experiences of anxiety and how I have come to manage them. And, I hope in doing so I might be able to pass of a few bits of knowledge.
Lets just say that in a way I'm very thankful to have had so much fear that it left me paralysed in every aspect of my life. I have grown to see it as a barometer to my mental well being. And, taking a few words from Churchill , I am who I am now thanks to the sum total of my experiences. I guess I would like to help a few people out as well. I know its tough, but I think there is a reason that fear exists....after all, without it how do you know when you may take a wrong turn, and how will you feel when you know that it no longer takes over your life.
It all started for me when I was at Boarding school. I went when I was 10 and I never really knew what fear was until I went there. In the first year I missed home badly, even know I choose Boarding School to get away from being at home (escaping a very dysfunctional family). However, I soon realised that your fellow man would not be there to help, and teachers ...well...if your face fit you seemed to get a lot of support and attention...but my face never seemed to fit. I spent the next 8 years, really becoming reclusive. Feeling very uncomfortable about me and my life, and grew up very shy. While everyone around me seemed to be booming in confidence, I became more and more introvert and depressed. Eventually, at the age of 16, I suffered my first anxiety attack (which appeared as immense fear, shaking, sweating, embarrassment, blank mind). I thought "Great, this is just the icing on the cake I need" . After all that I have been through , my mind and body choose to completely send me on a downward spiral of depression. This to me meant that every time I was in a situation where there was some kind of social contact (Interview, friends, Getting my hair cut, going to the doctor, signing my name on a cheque or debit card slip , walking around a shop) You name it, if I was in public, I was a gibbering wreck. I somehow managed to get to university, and having to take part in group exercises and presentations....well that just made me run away. First time I started shaking like a mad man in front of my class was hell, I never showed up to university again and became even more alone and kept myself away from people in general. Yes, I did turn to drugs, which did not help. And I did turn to God, which also did not help.
I think for me it was also the shear embarrassment that I felt and acted weak. I would say go to get my hair cut, absolutely terrified that I would start shaking and mumbling....and the fear was even worse because I was embarrassed that I felt so weak and did not want to let on....so I would fight it....and it would get worse.
Eventually I went to see a doctor, and he gave me legal drugs this time....which also did not help. In fact all my doctor did was prescribe drug after drug after drug.
I knew I needed help, I knew I needed some kind of therapy. And I never found it. So I started my own path, and after a few years I managed to slowly but surely build myself up. I have really enjoyed the journey, yes that’s right, looking back I really enjoyed learning about myself, people and how to think right.
Where am I today....well I’m 99% great. The 1% is still that last little bit of Ego holding on that pops up every so often. That old friend that makes sure you are on the right path.
I'm in a good job, no problems shopping and getting my hair cut, I’m in a high paced Business Development role that involves and lot of UK and World Wide travel, meeting lots of people and doing presentations in front of 000's of people. And, I feel stronger because I knew what it took to get me here. I'm also thankful for fear. For without it and would not have learned the lessons that I needed to learn to get me here today, and being confident enough to pass on those lessons.
Do I still get a little nervous from time to time? Yes. But, its no longer that fear that completely cripples me. Its just a positive fear that lets me know I'm doing something new....and I can handle it.
So why am I here. Simply to pass it on. I hope to learn from people here, and also to be the person I wished I had with me at the age of 16 to say those few words that would have made all the difference.
Feel free to reply to this and lets start the process.
Just remember as well, Panic won't kill you, it may be a tough at the start but it does get a lot better. Its just your own sub concious mind letting you know that your thoughts...and maybe actions and life style are not in tune with what you want from your own life. But, just remember, you are in a process and panic / anxiety can be seen as the trigger of that process. You already have the answer, you just need to re-learn what that is. So, don't worry. All IS well . And , you can over come fear.
Just found this site and I hope I can share some of my experiences of anxiety and how I have come to manage them. And, I hope in doing so I might be able to pass of a few bits of knowledge.
Lets just say that in a way I'm very thankful to have had so much fear that it left me paralysed in every aspect of my life. I have grown to see it as a barometer to my mental well being. And, taking a few words from Churchill , I am who I am now thanks to the sum total of my experiences. I guess I would like to help a few people out as well. I know its tough, but I think there is a reason that fear exists....after all, without it how do you know when you may take a wrong turn, and how will you feel when you know that it no longer takes over your life.
It all started for me when I was at Boarding school. I went when I was 10 and I never really knew what fear was until I went there. In the first year I missed home badly, even know I choose Boarding School to get away from being at home (escaping a very dysfunctional family). However, I soon realised that your fellow man would not be there to help, and teachers ...well...if your face fit you seemed to get a lot of support and attention...but my face never seemed to fit. I spent the next 8 years, really becoming reclusive. Feeling very uncomfortable about me and my life, and grew up very shy. While everyone around me seemed to be booming in confidence, I became more and more introvert and depressed. Eventually, at the age of 16, I suffered my first anxiety attack (which appeared as immense fear, shaking, sweating, embarrassment, blank mind). I thought "Great, this is just the icing on the cake I need" . After all that I have been through , my mind and body choose to completely send me on a downward spiral of depression. This to me meant that every time I was in a situation where there was some kind of social contact (Interview, friends, Getting my hair cut, going to the doctor, signing my name on a cheque or debit card slip , walking around a shop) You name it, if I was in public, I was a gibbering wreck. I somehow managed to get to university, and having to take part in group exercises and presentations....well that just made me run away. First time I started shaking like a mad man in front of my class was hell, I never showed up to university again and became even more alone and kept myself away from people in general. Yes, I did turn to drugs, which did not help. And I did turn to God, which also did not help.
I think for me it was also the shear embarrassment that I felt and acted weak. I would say go to get my hair cut, absolutely terrified that I would start shaking and mumbling....and the fear was even worse because I was embarrassed that I felt so weak and did not want to let on....so I would fight it....and it would get worse.
Eventually I went to see a doctor, and he gave me legal drugs this time....which also did not help. In fact all my doctor did was prescribe drug after drug after drug.
I knew I needed help, I knew I needed some kind of therapy. And I never found it. So I started my own path, and after a few years I managed to slowly but surely build myself up. I have really enjoyed the journey, yes that’s right, looking back I really enjoyed learning about myself, people and how to think right.
Where am I today....well I’m 99% great. The 1% is still that last little bit of Ego holding on that pops up every so often. That old friend that makes sure you are on the right path.
I'm in a good job, no problems shopping and getting my hair cut, I’m in a high paced Business Development role that involves and lot of UK and World Wide travel, meeting lots of people and doing presentations in front of 000's of people. And, I feel stronger because I knew what it took to get me here. I'm also thankful for fear. For without it and would not have learned the lessons that I needed to learn to get me here today, and being confident enough to pass on those lessons.
Do I still get a little nervous from time to time? Yes. But, its no longer that fear that completely cripples me. Its just a positive fear that lets me know I'm doing something new....and I can handle it.
So why am I here. Simply to pass it on. I hope to learn from people here, and also to be the person I wished I had with me at the age of 16 to say those few words that would have made all the difference.
Feel free to reply to this and lets start the process.
Just remember as well, Panic won't kill you, it may be a tough at the start but it does get a lot better. Its just your own sub concious mind letting you know that your thoughts...and maybe actions and life style are not in tune with what you want from your own life. But, just remember, you are in a process and panic / anxiety can be seen as the trigger of that process. You already have the answer, you just need to re-learn what that is. So, don't worry. All IS well . And , you can over come fear.