wyomingHA
17-12-09, 09:32
Hey everybody,
I've been reading many of the posts here for a couple of weeks now, and it has helped me some to deal with what I am currently going through, and tonight I have decided it might help even more to share my story/current problem and see if anyone has any information/advise/feedback.
First off, a little background information. I am a 24 year old male, just graduated from college, degree in Psychology (go figure). I am engaged and will be starting a new job in January. I have always been an anxious person, and would probably be diagnosed as having Generalized Anxiety and Health Anxiety by a professional, although I have never seen one. For as long as I can remember I have been overly anxious about just about everything, but the health anxiety started when I was about 12 or so. I am an only child, although I have a half brother, and my mother was a nurse, and my mother has also been chronically ill since I was little. All of these factors, combined with the fact that I think I am generally prone to anxiety in general, and I was basically destined to be a hypocondriac!
When my health anxiety started, I feared I had diabetes. This probably started because two of my cousins are type 1 diabetics. Over the next few years, I would come to think I had a brain tumor, alzheimers (yeah, this was one of the most ridiculous ones, alzheimers at 14), nerve problems, heart problems, kidney problems, eye problems, twitching problems, numbness and tingling issues, headaches, pain in my forearms and calves, a probably a few others I can't recall off hand.
These fears seemed to subside some around the middle of high school, and I think this was because I began to become distracted more by external things, such as girls, jobs, cars, partying, and most specifically alcohol. This will be important when I describe my current issue. Anyways, they remained somewhat lessened through college, although I did develop the heart worries my sophmore year, altough they only lasted a couple of weeks, and only reappear every now and then. For the most part I have always been able to reason and talk my way out of these worries. I know in the back of my mind that I have health anxiety, and that helps to work through them, but it still never fails that they continue to pop up again and again.
Sorry this is so long, but now on to my current situation. As I mentioned, I began drinking around the age of 16. From the beginning I always seemed to drink too much when I did drink, but it was always in social situations, and for the most part was limited to once a week or so. This continued into college. It was in college that my health anxiety began to creep over into my drinking habits. By this I mean, I began to fear that I was getting health problems from my drinking. In the beginning I obviously feared liver and brain issues, but they never got too out of control.
Then a little over a year ago, I went on a particularly long "bender" so to speak, where I basically drank heavily for about 3 days straight, basically sobering up every night while sleeping, but starting up again the next morning. After ceasing this on a Sunday morning, I felt horrible. Obviously hung over, which I has obviously experienced before, but much worse. By the time nighttime rolled around, I was basically having a panic attack. In addition, in the coming nights I began to experience major sleeping problems. Not so much simply not being to able to sleep, but scary feelings. I would wake up instantly after falling asleep, and would be very panicked when I did. This would go on for hours, until I would finally stay alseep for the most part, but it was never good sleep. After a few days this all promted me to go the ER, as I was pretty sure something was very wrong, and it was related to the drinking. The doctor gave me ativan as I was obviously anxious looking, and then checked me over and did a blood test. He concluded that nothing was majorly wrong, and agreed I was probably a little off from drinking so much, and indicated I would get better in time. Well, I did. The sleeping problems and daytime anxiety persisted for a couple more days, and then I was basically better. This whole episode led me to conclude the drinking days had to end, and I didnt drink for about a month afterwards. After a month, this event seemed to fade from my mind, so I did the whole thing over again. Not quite as much, but again heavy drinking over a weekend. Again the symptoms returned, but this time only lasted a day or two. Over the next several months it basically became standard that if I drank alot, particularly more than one night in a row, this would happen. It was never as serious as the first time, and I could often thwart it by having a beer right before bed the night after drinking, and would sleep fine, and would then be fine going forward.
Well, recently I drank (what was not that much compared to other times), and the same thing happened. Only this time, it didn't fade as usual. I am pretty sure this is because I added some new negative thoughts to the whole process. I began to convince myself that what was occuring at night might be seizure related, and due to withdrawal. In addition to this theory, I began to test my oxygen saturation with a pulse oximeter which my mom has for her chronic lung condition. My SATS would occasionally be in the low 90's, and I began to convince myself that the anxiety and sleeping issues were related to a heart condition. Well, I live at 7200 feet, and after much research, I concluded that normal SATs at 5000 feet are 90-95, so that helped qualm that fear.
Basically, now I have concluded that my anxiety and sleeping problems are not related to any major health problems, but here is the IMPORTANT part I hope someone can relate to... I basically continue to have panicky feelings that come in waves, and I am convinced that there is something causing them that is out of my control. I usually can talk through my fears over time, and they eventually fade away. But with this issue, my fear is basically centered around the anxiety itself. I feel like if it was simply anxiety, I should be able to tell myself that, and feel better. But I never do, so it just makes me worry more. I feel like seeing a doctor might help to reassure me, but I feel like if I tell a doctor all of this, he/she will just say, that is obviously just anxiety. Well, I know this, but I somehow want reassurance that this is anxiety that is not out of my control, you know? I want to know that I don't have some sort of brain problem, gland problem, heart problem, withdrawal problem which is causing the anxiety... this way I can just sit down and tell myself, you are feeling this way because you are anxious, and the anxiety is only over the anxiety itself. This would hopefully end the whole thing, and I can move on.
Anyone experience anything like this? And can anyone related to health anxiety centered around drinking, whether it is related to high anxiety after bouts of drinking, or being anxious about health consequences from drinking too much?
Thanks for any imput! I know from reading posts here that everyone here is very helpful, and many of you have thinking processes just like me.
I've been reading many of the posts here for a couple of weeks now, and it has helped me some to deal with what I am currently going through, and tonight I have decided it might help even more to share my story/current problem and see if anyone has any information/advise/feedback.
First off, a little background information. I am a 24 year old male, just graduated from college, degree in Psychology (go figure). I am engaged and will be starting a new job in January. I have always been an anxious person, and would probably be diagnosed as having Generalized Anxiety and Health Anxiety by a professional, although I have never seen one. For as long as I can remember I have been overly anxious about just about everything, but the health anxiety started when I was about 12 or so. I am an only child, although I have a half brother, and my mother was a nurse, and my mother has also been chronically ill since I was little. All of these factors, combined with the fact that I think I am generally prone to anxiety in general, and I was basically destined to be a hypocondriac!
When my health anxiety started, I feared I had diabetes. This probably started because two of my cousins are type 1 diabetics. Over the next few years, I would come to think I had a brain tumor, alzheimers (yeah, this was one of the most ridiculous ones, alzheimers at 14), nerve problems, heart problems, kidney problems, eye problems, twitching problems, numbness and tingling issues, headaches, pain in my forearms and calves, a probably a few others I can't recall off hand.
These fears seemed to subside some around the middle of high school, and I think this was because I began to become distracted more by external things, such as girls, jobs, cars, partying, and most specifically alcohol. This will be important when I describe my current issue. Anyways, they remained somewhat lessened through college, although I did develop the heart worries my sophmore year, altough they only lasted a couple of weeks, and only reappear every now and then. For the most part I have always been able to reason and talk my way out of these worries. I know in the back of my mind that I have health anxiety, and that helps to work through them, but it still never fails that they continue to pop up again and again.
Sorry this is so long, but now on to my current situation. As I mentioned, I began drinking around the age of 16. From the beginning I always seemed to drink too much when I did drink, but it was always in social situations, and for the most part was limited to once a week or so. This continued into college. It was in college that my health anxiety began to creep over into my drinking habits. By this I mean, I began to fear that I was getting health problems from my drinking. In the beginning I obviously feared liver and brain issues, but they never got too out of control.
Then a little over a year ago, I went on a particularly long "bender" so to speak, where I basically drank heavily for about 3 days straight, basically sobering up every night while sleeping, but starting up again the next morning. After ceasing this on a Sunday morning, I felt horrible. Obviously hung over, which I has obviously experienced before, but much worse. By the time nighttime rolled around, I was basically having a panic attack. In addition, in the coming nights I began to experience major sleeping problems. Not so much simply not being to able to sleep, but scary feelings. I would wake up instantly after falling asleep, and would be very panicked when I did. This would go on for hours, until I would finally stay alseep for the most part, but it was never good sleep. After a few days this all promted me to go the ER, as I was pretty sure something was very wrong, and it was related to the drinking. The doctor gave me ativan as I was obviously anxious looking, and then checked me over and did a blood test. He concluded that nothing was majorly wrong, and agreed I was probably a little off from drinking so much, and indicated I would get better in time. Well, I did. The sleeping problems and daytime anxiety persisted for a couple more days, and then I was basically better. This whole episode led me to conclude the drinking days had to end, and I didnt drink for about a month afterwards. After a month, this event seemed to fade from my mind, so I did the whole thing over again. Not quite as much, but again heavy drinking over a weekend. Again the symptoms returned, but this time only lasted a day or two. Over the next several months it basically became standard that if I drank alot, particularly more than one night in a row, this would happen. It was never as serious as the first time, and I could often thwart it by having a beer right before bed the night after drinking, and would sleep fine, and would then be fine going forward.
Well, recently I drank (what was not that much compared to other times), and the same thing happened. Only this time, it didn't fade as usual. I am pretty sure this is because I added some new negative thoughts to the whole process. I began to convince myself that what was occuring at night might be seizure related, and due to withdrawal. In addition to this theory, I began to test my oxygen saturation with a pulse oximeter which my mom has for her chronic lung condition. My SATS would occasionally be in the low 90's, and I began to convince myself that the anxiety and sleeping issues were related to a heart condition. Well, I live at 7200 feet, and after much research, I concluded that normal SATs at 5000 feet are 90-95, so that helped qualm that fear.
Basically, now I have concluded that my anxiety and sleeping problems are not related to any major health problems, but here is the IMPORTANT part I hope someone can relate to... I basically continue to have panicky feelings that come in waves, and I am convinced that there is something causing them that is out of my control. I usually can talk through my fears over time, and they eventually fade away. But with this issue, my fear is basically centered around the anxiety itself. I feel like if it was simply anxiety, I should be able to tell myself that, and feel better. But I never do, so it just makes me worry more. I feel like seeing a doctor might help to reassure me, but I feel like if I tell a doctor all of this, he/she will just say, that is obviously just anxiety. Well, I know this, but I somehow want reassurance that this is anxiety that is not out of my control, you know? I want to know that I don't have some sort of brain problem, gland problem, heart problem, withdrawal problem which is causing the anxiety... this way I can just sit down and tell myself, you are feeling this way because you are anxious, and the anxiety is only over the anxiety itself. This would hopefully end the whole thing, and I can move on.
Anyone experience anything like this? And can anyone related to health anxiety centered around drinking, whether it is related to high anxiety after bouts of drinking, or being anxious about health consequences from drinking too much?
Thanks for any imput! I know from reading posts here that everyone here is very helpful, and many of you have thinking processes just like me.