is this normal?

[mcfijrh3]

Hi,

This is bizaar! I am 25 yr old male, just finishing off a PhD and going through a pretty stressful time in general in my professional life. My social life is great and live with my girlfriend and no probs there.

However, I have in the past had some problems at high school and suffered from anxiety when I left high school and moved away from my "girlfriend" of the time. I didnt realise then but it was obviously anxiety at the time. I just thought I was insecure!!! HA!

Later I went through a few bad patches which triggered several patches lasting a few weeks each. Some I can totally understand due to the circumstances at the time and others that I do not understand.

99% of the time I am completely fine and get on with life very well, have many friends and a great relationship of 4 years. I am a very confident person who when not going through these patches is very active.

Now due the stresses and strains of having to write a thesis, conference papers and all that academic crap, I would be able to cope and understand if I was anxious about that. However, this time it has been triggered by good news that I received last Thursday about an excellent job that I was interested in. The problem is that it has triggered a previous worry and now I find this previous worry becoming a "Habit". Whenever, I am anxious, the main worry is not the one that triggered it but another worry that I had logically dealt with.

I am in a really weird cycle were I am having doubts about my future and my position in life and whether our plans to get married in a couple of years are going to happen. I have to do work and cant, I am just worried. When I tell myself that everything is fine, I am ok, but I still feel worried deep down and before too long I am back in the cycle.

I know that if I leave it long enough it will get better but unfortunetly, I fear that it will get much worse before getting better which I really dont want.

It was only on the last real bad patch in summer 2002 that I realised that maybe these really bizaar thoughts were anxiety and not real feeling.

I would appreciate any advise that you could give me regarding this. I read on several websites that herbal medication such as KAVA and St Johns Wort are good and would give them a try but I dont really want to go down the Pharmaceutical route if I can help it.

Thanks in advance

[mico]

Hi mc

You sound to me like your understanding this quite well, It's quite normal to be confused about it, I've suufered for about 6 years and I'm still learning about it all the time.

If your under a lot of stress from your current studies then your anxiety doesn't just have to come about when you think of studying, it can manifest itself in many ways. And because your under that stress 24/7 it can affect other things you do within that time. Thinking about a new career can be pretty stressful too, especially when you've worked so hard at getting there.

You can tell yourself that your ok but you will feel worried deep down. Just because you tell yourself your ok it doesn't mean that your subconcious is going to believe it. It may be good news but all the same it can be quite intimidating.

I think you know just as well as I do that you need to break any habits you are forming. But at the same time it is important not to worry about it too much, try not to bring it to your attention all the time.

Maybe CBT(Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) will help you at this stage, although I don't think I'm really in a position to comment on CBT.

Apart from that try to put a little time aside each day for relaxation it can be a great help through times of stress and you may even find it improves your concentration for when your studying etc.

mico

[Meg]

Hi ,

I think it may be 'pint pot too full' scenario where things that would normally be fine are being interrupted by other things and a bit of jostling for thought time is ensuing.

Bite size chunks for today and this month. Put aside specific thought time for anything further off.

Try to stop the spiral to start by temorarily fully distracting yourself - exercise is great as when pushing yourself physically it not only needs concentration it also uses stress chemicals and releases endorphins or do creative things rather than more academia.

You talk of pathches - what happens in these patches ?

Take a Vit B complex to support your nervous system before taking anything else, it may be all you need. Kava is off limits in EU at present, SJW is a mood enhancer rather than calmer downer. Valarian is good - to just take the edge off or try www.bachcentre.com and go through their checks for a bach remedy - maybe cerrato, elm or wild oat would suit -or just go for the old faithful rescue remedy.

It is normal for anxiety or worry to come from good news too. Congratulations on that too..

If you've been studying continually too , the thought of achievement through recognition can be very overwhelming .

The worry that you had 'dealt with logically' may not have reached a solution that your subconcious is happy with and in this case it will reppear at times of stress ..

Take care - let us know how you get on


Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[mcfijrh3]

Meg, Mico, Thanks for that.

As I say 99% of the time I am absolutely fine and happy with life, have the usual doubts about day to day things and am as my girlfried say "Easy going and sensitive" (SAD HEY!). These Patches that I have start out by worrying about whatever the problem is then manifests itself as an issue from my childhood, which I believe is the main problem. I better explain! My girlfriend when I was at school went through a really bad patch when her father decided that he was gay. This obviously had a huge impact on her, but the stress at the time also fell on me. The fact that I had been brought up in a village where that was a no no really messed up my head. This made me really homophobic. Anyway, I went to Uni and experienced life and got on with it. At the end of my first year found out that my best friend from school came out of the closet. That made me feel really bad as I was constantly trying to get him a girlfriend - whoops! Anyway, when I went back to Uni for my second year I had found myself feeling really misserable (probably a bit of quilt)/ Went through a really weird spell (about 3 months) when I thought I was going mad. I went through a period of about 3 months of constantly asking myself "who am I?". This led me to get real anxious about my future and my mind kept telling me that I am going to end up in the same boat as my exgirlfriends dad. Now as soon as the anxiety had passed, I found myself back to normal So I logically went through all my feelings and addressed all those issues and just couldnt understand what was going on at all as that just wasnt me. The only thing that I did know is that I have always been pretty emotional and have always worried a lot. I first noticed that I was a worrier after my drink had been spiked with LSD and thought that I would never be able to be a Pilot because they would find drugs in my system. Looking back - unbelievable!!!!

When I lived in America, I met a girl and started going out with her. After a while she got very obsessive and tried to cut her wrists blaming it on me. A couple of weeks later, she found out she was pregnant, she later had a miscarriage which was also quite stressful as you can imagine!

Having gone through several stressful periods without any anxiety, I thought I was ok. Then 2 years ago, it came back. I cant remember exactly why but I could tell then that as the days went on I was getting worse. It lasted for about 3 months and my girlfriend noticed that I wasnt myself somedays. I eventually found the meaning of anxiety, when at the doctors with my girlfriend, and realised that I shouldnt be scared of it. That made me feel much better as I just couldnt understand were it was coming from. So I tackled it by joining a gym and have had 2 years free of it. Again getting on with my life.

However,last Thurday, I received that email regarding the job, which was great. Then as the day went on,I found myself getting nervuous. Speaking to my girlfriend that night, I explained how I felt and deep down knew that my anxiety was back. Through the weekend, it got progressively worse. I was out on satuarday night with some friends, and I was fine. However, this week has been a spiral. Now I feel really bad and just want it all to go away!

The stupid thing is that no matter what triggers the anxiety, as soon as I feel anxuous, I start thinking about what is going to happen when I get married and have kids!!!
Its not anxiety about the next twelve months and the fact that my girlfriend and I may have to have a long distance relationship for a few months again.

Sorry that I have gone on so much about it but it is very difficult mentioning one thing without the other. God I could write a book!!!

I dont want these thoughts to go on forever and know that everything will be OK but just cant help having these stupid thoughts.

Thanks for listening (reading)

[Meg]

Hi , the length is fine . If we each had small compact issues then we'd cope beautifully and not be anxious. It's the nature of the beast.

Great that 99% is good. You're understandable nervous of being father, husband and earner. It's highly unlikely that you will pull a trick like your friends father though. Sounds mainly responsibilty and accountability related as you say from ages ago and as it's new it's scaring you again whereas before you got a handle on the fear side of it .
Maybe you went through it logically but somewhere you've stored it up and as common threads emerge then so do those concerns still.

You could try to drown them out
or you could refer yourself to a Cognitive Behaviour Therapist and do it again and try to purge it this time.

Yes, you will be fine.



Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[mcfijrh3]

Thanks Meg,

I explained all this to my girlfriend on Sunday, She is absolutely amazing and understands everything. She took me to the doctors yesterday and I told him everything. He has given me some beta blockers for the next couple of weeks and if that doesnt work then I am going to see a councillor /psycologist.

I have decided that the key to my problem is to get it out in the open and talk about it. On sunday when i was telling my GF about it, I just let go and cried. I felt much better after that, then thoughts started coming into my head about all sorts. Generally the are of my past and how my past in going to affect my future. I know who I am, the only problem is that my mind wants to associate with things that have happened in the past. When I am going through a more normal period, I do reflect on my past and experiences and while some of them are very bizaar, I can just laugh them off!

It is so hard to deal with because it is such a sensitive issue and cant seem to shake it off. I have always admired other people and think how lucky they are, while doubting myself (to a certain extent). I know that when this passes, I find myself in a wonderful life and so happy with my circumstances. There are two problems. 1. I cant just switch it off and 2. It is having an impact on my work.

Going to suggest CBT to my doctor in a couple of weeks I think.

Cheers.....

[Meg]

Hi,

Betablockers will only mask the physical symptoms so you might want to press ahead with the referral anyway.

Take care

Meg

Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...