Obsessed with death, afraid to sleep or eat ...

[BNCfan]

I've had a phobia about dying for 55 years. Now I'm afraid to go to sleep because every time I wake up it's to a 'wrecking ball' of dread, doom, despair and death and terror - both mental and physical. I hate myself, I don't want food, because I'm terrified of nausea, vomiting and anything related to my gastric system because all my mother's side of the family died of one kind of stomach cancer or another and none of them lived to be older than I am now. I'm alone and live every day beyond terror - mental health people don't want to know, they make everything worse.

[gypsywomen]

have you talked to docter about how you feel i feel for you sounds like you have this bad

[poppy1]

i agree, sounds like you are really suffering and you need help with this because you sound like you have no quality of life.

Find a sympathetic doctor that you feel listens to you, i really hope you can get help

Mel x

[Sweetpea6]

As the others said, please do see a doctor...or more than one if you don't feel listened too. It sounds as though you may be depressed (although I can't really say). However, your first port of call should be the GP's. You are a precious person and deserve to live a full life, without fear. You may have spent 55 years living in fear, but I think if you spend the next 20 or 30 years living in hope, they will be so much more valuable.

Take this first step to improving your life. Best wishes.

Sweetpea.

[lamentinglaura]

I can really relate to what you're going through. My HA makes my life a living hell. I can't sleep, can't relax, don't eat, and spend most of my day in a state of silent panic. I hope a doctor is able to help you.

[Andyroo]

im so sorry your going threw this... i fear death a lot to i really do... i always have its not as bad right now i just cant sleep a lot of the time so i can relate i guess... for awhile i was put on anti d's and somthing to help calm me down because i would burst into panic attacks thinking about it... now that fear of death just kinda evolved to HA.. im finally getting some control on my ha... for awhile i was posting every day now its every few months lol... im so sorry your going threw such a hard time im here if you ever need to talk!

[BNCfan]

Thanks everybody who replied to my post. I've been to my GP regularly, she referred me to the local Mental Health Crisis Team over a year ago - they have added to my problems by at least 40%, because they don't listen.

Because they weren't helping my GP referred me to a specialist Acute Anxiety Unit and I had been assessed by them and accepted for three + months treatment as an 'in' patient. The funding etc was all 'in place' and I was expecting to go there in the New Year, but the head of the Mental Health Crisis Team 'pulled' the funding because he said I didn't suffer from anxiety of any kind! That's how much they listen. I was registered disabled with 'ACUTE ANXIETY DISORDER' for most of my possible working life, so they obviously don't even bother to read my notes. I live in London and the people mis'treating' me are part of what is supposed to be one of the best psychiatric hospitals in the country, the Maudsley - if that's the case, God help us!

[steven67]

go and see the doc as the others said,i think you need someone to have a chat to, being alone is not easy i know ,how your feeling and your not alone on thinking of death, most of us on this site are thinking of it just try and relax ,close your eyes,deep beathing ,i wish you well god bless

[Corinne]

Can you file an appeal? Here in the US, if we are denied by our insurance carrier, we have a right to appeal.

[Maj]

Well that is just an awful feeling to have most of your life and I'm really sorry no-one seems to have helped you. If the mental health people aren't helping well that's a disgrace as well. What is your own g.p. like? Are they approachable? I'd go back to my g.p. if I were you and tell them how BAD I was feeling. It's awful that you're not getting the right help - there must be something they can do in this day and age - maybe a medication you haven't tried. My friend is bipolar and after feeling miserable for 15 years has tried a medication and it's turned her life around. There is hope. That can be the thing with mental health professionals: they probably have never experienced mental health problems themselves and will NEVER know what it's like, listening to other people is nothing in comparison to suffering personallyl I hope you get the help you deserve and there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Myra:hugs:

[BNCfan]

My GP was in the room when the psychiatrist said he'd 'pulled' the funding for the specialist Anxiety Unit. She had called a meeting to try to find out why I had got so much worse while under the 'care' of the Mental Health Crisis Team. The psychiatrist in question is in charge of the team. Her attempt to help me failed, because he pulled rank as if to say "don't think you can get away with criticizing me or my team". She's furious, but he holds all the cards as an 'eminent' psychiatrist. She's been tremendously supportive and doing her best to get my hospital place re-instated, but she's as 'impotent' as I am up against these mental health 'people' who think they know it all and actually know or care very little at all. All they're good at is prescribing the drugs which have us all logging onto website like this - ie 'RUINING PEOPLE'S LIVES. Here in my area of London it appears to be a case with the mental health services of 'IF THEY WON'T JUMP, KEEP PUSHING UNTIL THEY DO'! They get away with the way they 'mis'treat us because as 'mental health patients' nobody takes us seriously - except people like my GP, who deserves a medal and much more for standing by me and trying to support me through the last eighteen months of hell.