smudger

[smudger]

Hello. Im 41 and have been suffering with depression for 20 years. Ive been to uni part time while i worked as a Quantity Surveyor for 10 years. Left work n got married n had IVF 3 times, lost a twin baby during this but now have a lovely 8 year old daughter. Have had the normal crisis that life throws at you, husband has broken his back recently but is ok now, I coped really well concentrating on him as I always do with other peoples problems! Im at my worse at the moment n Im having cognitive counselling (which makes me more depressed) and the doc has changed me from 40 mg citalopram to 15g mirtazaprine (cit not working anymore). Been on it 15 days n I feel dreadful. Im irritable big time,unreasonable, illogical, moody, lonely sad n teary, dizzy,craving sugar (not good when I have the lowest opinion of myself!). I wud prefer to stay in bed all day n sleep even though the new med makes me sleep all night solid, dreamin like mad though. I know its the meds but i really HATE this drug. Wot a horrible xmas. The worst ever n yet I have a fab family n no worries other than how I feel for NO REASON! I cant decide if this form will make me dwell on my problems even more. seeing the doc n week.Shud I persevere. I went walkabout last week in a state n I was terrified I might hurt myself. It was the worse feeling.I really dont want to wake up in the mornings but I couldnt bear to cause my little girl pain. What if one day I put me first and end it all?.Thats what scares me! Hope this forum helps!

[diane07]

Hi smudger

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

[Maj]

Hi, I really feel for you. You sound as though you're having a rotten time at the moment. The fact you say you have a good family and no worries doesn't make any difference to how you feel if you are suffering from depression. There is no shame in this, so don't beat yourself up. It's an illness that needs treatment like any other illness. Bear in mind that this new med may not be the one for you. You can persevere for a while but don't wait too long waiting to see if it makes you feel better. Speak to your doctor again. Tell them exactly how you are feeling and about your thoughts. Lots of people on here have felt or are feeling like you so you are not alone. You'll get support and reassurance from this site and you've done the right thing joining. Keep us posted about how you are doing.
Myra:hugs:

[smudger]

Thanks for that I appreciate it. Your words made me cry but although I feel bad I havent had the freedom or privacy to cry out load today. I think that was a bad thing. What you say makes sense n Ive been told this but it means more from somebody who understands so THANK YOU.x

[KK77]

Give the mirtazapine time to work. Your body was used to citalopram and part of how you feel is probably the withdrawal symptoms. I wonder whether you tapered the citalopram slowly or whether it was a straight switch to mirtazapine?

Counselling can sometimes make you feel worse before it starts to help and you're able to make sense of things. You say that you've been depressed for a long time so I would expect recovery to take some time too but it can be done nevertheless.

Wish you well in your recovery.

[smudger]

Hi. Thanks for your help. The doc switched me straight to the new drug. I was surprised coz I know mirtazaprine is a different kind of anti depressant. The last time I tried to come off citalopram I did it very gradually but I became ill again.Hence my surprise that the doc didnt wean me off it! Not convinced bout the cognitive therapy working, its hard to change 35 odd years of self loathing and doubt! Its tattooed in my brain! Im back to it next week so I will give it a chance.Or at least I'll try.x

[KK77]

You're right: mirtazapine and citalopram are different classes of AD so tapering would have been better, especially since you were on 40mg.

Anyway, mirtazapine is a good AD and has worked for a lot of people here so I hope it helps along with the counselling/CBT.