View Full Version : I hate this soooooo much! :(
I only signed up here today made a thread in the ''introduce yourself section'' http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=66792 and I'm so glad I did, already I see I'm not alone which makes me feel a little better about my own situation because up until now I have felt alone since I was a child and a complete outsider who is not normal.
I'm 23 have 0 friends I never leave the house because I am worried ill look like a fool or someone will try and speak to me. I never use the phone because that causes my heart to race and a huge lump in my throat I cannot answer my front door cause that causes me to panic. I have been taking something called fluxotine for 2 months that the doctor gave me for my anxiety which appears to do absolutely nothing. Ill be seeing her again at the end of January so I can tell her they don't do anything for me.
She wants me to start counselling but I am to anxious I just can't do it no matter how hard I try to do something I can't take that first step.....Its taken me since I was a child up until now to actually build up the confidence to go and see the doctor about it, my family do not understand how difficult these tasks are for me and are always giving me stick about it. They throw it in my face and I feel pathetic!
My younger brother is out with his mates at the pubs, clubs and doing what he likes so is my younger sister and here I am day after day night after night in my house alone....
Right now typing this there are some people outside screaming, laughing and shouting and my heart is going crazy my hands are shaking and I'm boiling hot.
Seriously I don't know what to do I'm so fed up of this! I saw a thread on here for people to meet up in my area now id love to do that but I just can't its so frustrating.
Anyway sorry for my rant I just needed to vent a little, for anyone who actually reads my huge post thanks for taking the time to do so.
Sparks.
Well, you're having a tough time, aren't you? Anxiety is made even more difficult in some ways when you're young and feel like you should be out doing stuff, but hard as it is you've got to take that first step. After that it will get easier for you, believe me.
You need to go back to your GP as soon as possible because after 2 months the antidepressant you're on should have made a difference. I wouldn't wait till the end of Jan and suffer like this.
People that don't suffer from depression/anxiety don't always understand what we go through so it's good that you've joined NMP - there are loads of people here that can help and support you.
Lastly, talking therapy combined with medication is much better than meds alone. I know it's difficult to take this step but you'll be glad that you did. Keep in mind that you'll get better - this can be beaten.
Hugs xx I know what you mean its not nice for sure :-( It is strange when you do't go out hearing other people talk about going out, and how the talk about it casually, cos its almost an odd thing to do when you have agora/anxiety. I agree its would be good for you to go back to your doctor, even if they just do a telephone consultation. I think sometimes you can have telephone counselling as well. If you ever need to talk give us a message :-) :hugs:xx
Cheers guys, I called the doctor to get some more of the tablets because I was to afraid to go see her and see all the people waiting. I was supposed to see her before Christmas but I have put it off until the end of January. :lac:
My doctor really wants me to speak to someone but I am worried..... I get the feeling if I do that the person will be patronising and not really care what I'm talking about so long as he/she is getting paid. I fear ill become sort of a joke to him/her if you understand.
I'm not used to to discussing things like this, it really makes me feel weak and ashamed, I regret opening up last night and posting I fear I have made a fool of myself.....
Thank you for the support and advice, ill try my best to keep moving forward.
Sparks.
hello, you did the right thing by posting! you have definately not made a fool of yourself, you have done the right thing, the people here are so nice, and everyone understands. you should speak to someone if you can, even just go a few times to try it, if you dont like it, dont go back! (or ask to speak to someone different)
hi again, i realise i just posted, sorry, but i just wanted to say thank you for posting, i have also been like this from primary school, and had very few friends (now none) i worry constantly about embarrasing myself, or the people im with, ive made it to 26 before finally grinding to a complete halt. i was also really worried about posting on this site, in case people thought my messages were stupid, or wrong, or i said the wrong thing, in fact, im probably going to worry because ive posted twice here! but im really glad i did, because i only joined a few days ago, im so glad i did, because when things get really bad, i can come on here and read things from other people feeling the same way. im not alone! so thank you for posting because it helps knowing other people think the same sort of worries as i do.
I'm not used to to discussing things like this, it really makes me feel weak and ashamed, I regret opening up last night and posting I fear I have made a fool of myself.....
We're all in the same boat Sparkie - you shouldn't feel like that. There's nothing weak or foolish about having anxiety. It takes courage to open up and we all respect that.
We've all been there at certain times in our life, so I hope you carry on posting, because what you write can also help others that are experiencing the same things as you are right now.
hi again, i realise i just posted, sorry, but i just wanted to say thank you for posting, i have also been like this from primary school, and had very few friends (now none) i worry constantly about embarrasing myself, or the people im with, ive made it to 26 before finally grinding to a complete halt. i was also really worried about posting on this site, in case people thought my messages were stupid, or wrong, or i said the wrong thing, in fact, im probably going to worry because ive posted twice here! but im really glad i did, because i only joined a few days ago, im so glad i did, because when things get really bad, i can come on here and read things from other people feeling the same way. im not alone! so thank you for posting because it helps knowing other people think the same sort of worries as i do.
This place is fantastic, its amazing how quick a post can change your attitude and mood. It can change your outlook and makes you aware you are not alone. So thank you to you for posting twice I actually feel stronger knowing me and you are having the same difficulties as I'm sure many other people are. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to send me a pm, this just makes me want to push through this barrier even more. :hugs:
We're all in the same boat Sparkie - you shouldn't feel like that. There's nothing weak or foolish about having anxiety. It takes courage to open up and we all respect that.
We've all been there at certain times in our life, so I hope you carry on posting, because what you write can also help others that are experiencing the same things as you are right now.
Thank you, I have been reading a lot of threads on here and I am starting to realise I am not alone and we all need help and our problems can in fact help reassure other people.
I wish I had addressed my anxiety when I was younger instead of feeling like an outsider and as if something was wrong with me. It means a lot for you guys to share your experiences with me and to tell me you have been through the same things or are in the process of feeling the same way I am at the moment.
Sparks.
OMG - you sound very much like my daughter (who will be 22 soon). Unfortunately I passed on my anxiety genes to her. She has been dealing with anxiety for as long as I can remeber - not wanting her to go through what I went through I tried every Dr I could...they would not medicate a young child. I had to pull her from school and homeschool her - her anxiety made school terrible for her. At 18 she finally got on medication - after trying several different types/brands of medication we finally found one that is wonderful for her. She is a different young women now - but, she is still nervous about social events as she didn't have that socialization during school. She is having a hard time finding a job...it took her a while to learn how to call people and just chat. She still is not very good at small talk. So you are so not alone!! I totally know what youa re going through - it is a struggle. As a parent I really try to push her to do things on her own (Inside I am screaming and want to help her, but I know it won't do either of us any good). She wants to get out on her own as soon as she finds a decent job...what a pain anxiety is!!!
OMG - you sound very much like my daughter (who will be 22 soon). Unfortunately I passed on my anxiety genes to her. She has been dealing with anxiety for as long as I can remeber - not wanting her to go through what I went through I tried every Dr I could...they would not medicate a young child. I had to pull her from school and homeschool her - her anxiety made school terrible for her. At 18 she finally got on medication - after trying several different types/brands of medication we finally found one that is wonderful for her. She is a different young women now - but, she is still nervous about social events as she didn't have that socialization during school. She is having a hard time finding a job...it took her a while to learn how to call people and just chat. She still is not very good at small talk. So you are so not alone!! I totally know what youa re going through - it is a struggle. As a parent I really try to push her to do things on her own (Inside I am screaming and want to help her, but I know it won't do either of us any good). She wants to get out on her own as soon as she finds a decent job...what a pain anxiety is!!!
Are you looking to adopt? haha
She indeed sounds like she is going through exactly the same as myself, its a shame she does not post here because I'm finding people here with the same problems and we are working together to help each other. I find it nice to finally be able to speak to people who I can relate too, who understand what's going on, its really great.
I wish my family understood just how difficult it is but they really don't get it and probably never will unless they experience it first hand. To them Its nothing more than me being a big baby at least that's how they make me feel and its not great.
You sound like you are doing all you can for your daughter and that's fantastic with a parent like you It must really help her during the low times and help keep pushing her forward.
Thanks for replying, I hope your daughter keeps making progress. With someone like you behind her I'm sure she will do great.
I look forward to the day I can pick up the phone or make a call and not panic like crazy lol such a simple thing but at the moment its a very high, steep mountain for me to climb among many other things.
Sparks.
Hi Sparkie
Welcome to NMP.
Your sounding so much better - from your original post
Keep going, everybody is here to help.
Hi Sparkie
Welcome to NMP.
Your sounding so much better - from your original post
Keep going, everybody is here to help.
Thanks for the welcome Kate, I have made some progress already and have been in a better mood so all is going well so far I'm just expecting a major bump in the road soon and that bump will most likely be new years eve.
Sparks.
Hey Sparks,
Sounds like you're having a rotten old time of it. I can jsut say that seeing someone really did help me. It didn't cure my problems but it has made my life so much more bearable. It took me a few therapists but I've found one that I really like and we have built up a strong relationship. I can call her when i need to and it really makes my life easier. It might be tough at first but the pay off could be immense. You could get your life back.
You're doing the right thing by getting on here. Looks like a great site. Just keep positive and remember: none of these feelings can hurt you. It's just anxiety and nothing more...I know, easier said than done! True nevertheless!
fozzy is crying
29-12-09, 01:12
Hi Sparks,
New Years Eve is the last possible "bump" as you put in any year!
The next day resets it all and could be the start of the rest of your life dreams being a reality. So f$&k 31st Dec 2009. 1st of Jan 2010 will be your target , new year, new start and happiness.
Gordon
Hi Sparkie,
It's been really great to just read through that thread and see the progress you've made in the space of just a few posts. I'm 22 and have suffered from some kind of anxiety since I was very young, and it all came to a head a couple of years ago. Although this was awful and meant dropping out of uni, it meant I finally had to face up to my issues and learn about anxiety as a disorder that affects a lot more people than you realise. SOmething I've found annoying is how little health professionals understand the issue (so please don't be put off by them and their ignorance on the matter!) This website has been the best thing I've found, not only for the amazing support you get but also the advice on which resources can help.
The best two I've found are:
- anything by Claire Weekes - I cannot recommend these highly enough. It was like she'd written with me in mind!
- a book called At Last A Life by Paul David, he's been thorugh it himself and writes about it in an easy and knowledgable way. You can buy this at http://www.anxietynomore.co.uk/the_book.html
These books helped me see that the problem isn't me - it's the condition! And I'm finally on my way to kicking this thing's butt.
Don't lose heart, coming through something like this gives you so much strength and understanding, and gives you insight and perspective that a lot of people could do with!
Right, I've gone on too much now :) hope you continue feeling better!
Sarah xx
Thanks for the great advice and support guys in about 1 hour from now Ill be heading out again just to my front gate but my heart is already racing and I'm shaking hahaha it will be ok....:unsure:
Need to try and face this thing head on, *breathe, breathe* lol it would be nice if these damn pills actually did something! I'm thinking of taking two instead of one but I am not sure that's such a clever idea.
Thanks again I appreciate your words of encouragement. :flowers:
Sparks.
Hi Sparks....I pm'd you.
You can do it hun......nice steady breaths....wont be long and you'll be posting letters! :winks:
Lex xx
Sparkie are you back? Loli and I made it. How did you do? I must admit it would have been more pleasant on a warm summers evening, but at least no-one could see us tottering our unsteady ways down the path :D
Hope you are OK. :hugs:
Awwwww thanks guys, I posted in the other thread. I think I need to go rest on the bed for a while I'm not feeling to great at the moment.
And again well done to you guys! :hugs:
Sparks.
Sparkie you did great! You made it! No harm came to you and you are back indoors safe and sound. Well done :D
The headache is the result of holding yourself tense when you went out. Next time if you can, try a chewing action with your mouth, dropping your jaw and tongue. Clench your fists then let your fingers hang limp. Shrug your shoulders and drop them. It will all help to release the tension and prevent the headache.
I hope you are feeling better now and really proud of yourself :hugs:
Thanks Maddie. :blush:
I will definitely try what you have suggested tomorrow, I have chipped 4 of my teeth from biting my tongue bar so hard.....seriously.
Sparks.
See you later. We have blizzards forecast for this afternoon - should be fun outside :)
Sparky, this isn't a competition. If we move too fast for you, please say so. I'll come back and virtually hold your hand wherever you can get to. Baby steps - always stop at a point you can feel proud to have achieved. You may stay there days before you feel like moving on. It's up to you. :hugs:
Hi Sparkie
Hope you're feeling a bit better. From what I've read, it seems like you're definitely heading in the right direction!
Just wanted to leave you a quick message as the bit you said about your brother and sister being out with friends really struck a chord with me - I'm 25 and I get so frustrated when I see my friends going to visit friends far away, or going abroad with other friends - all the things I want so badly to do, and yet sometimes just going to work is such an issue!
The only advice I really have at the moment is to stay positive and stick at it. Anxiety is just a feeling, and I keep trying to tell myself "so what if I have a panic attack? it doesn't mean anything, it's just a feeling" (easier said than done, I know!)
I reckon 2010 is going to be a good year, and I'm going to do my best to beat this anxiety, or at least progress forwards a lot. It sounds like you are too, so hopefully we can all encourage each other - every little step counts :)
Take care
Lizzie x
Hi Sparkie
Well done for joining the forum, you'll find loads of support here to help you through this difficult time.
A year ago I had the same symptoms as you, anxiety, depression, unable to go out, didn't want to speak to anyone much less a counsellor. However, an event occured that made me go to my GP & eventually I reluctantly started taking Citalopram which is in the same group of meds as Fluxotine, they are SSRi antidepressants. I can honestly say that despite my worries about taking them they have been a lifeline, gone are my worries about the phone ringing, people at the door & I can leave my house with no panic.
When you feel strong enough to try to go back to your GP & discuss your meds it maybe that they need adjusting to suit your needs.
I've also been seeing a therapist for the last 10mths & it has been so beneficial. I understand your worries about counselling, I was convinced that mine would think I was making my problems up & tell me just to take the meds & get on with it. I was so wrong,
although it has been difficult to get through she has been so understanding, she has taught me strategies to manage my anxiety and how my past experiences have created my anxiety, this was a great relief as I was convinced it was all my fault for being weak.
Building a relationship with your therapist will take time, I went to mine thinking she was going to put everything right for me but she explained that what she would actually do is give me the tools to help myself. As I gained confidence in myself & also began to feel i could trust her with thoughts I had never shared with anyone & now feel I can tell her anything.
Recovery comes in very small steps, you've already taken two by seeing your Gp & asking for help here. To make those small steps into big ones take as much help and support as you can, it really will help.
Take care
Annette
Thanks Lizzie and Anneta that's some great advice and I appreciate all the encouragement people on here offer.
Lizzie I am doing this with quite a few other people at the moment and its going great for everyone! We have all made amazing progress in a short amount of time and we all support and encourage each other. Its great!
Thank you for telling me you also find it difficult with friends/family it really does suck, especially when I have no friends at all here and struggle so much with speaking to people. But like you guys have said its tiny steps, hopefully I will build my way up to that in the future.
I'm trying to meet some like minded people on here who live in Bristol so I can maybe have some friends once I recover but that ain't going to well.....lol. :shrug:
Annetta if its ok with you I will bring up what you have said with my doctor and ask about Citalopram. Ill explain how you had the same problems as me and it worked wonders for you and if she thinks I would benefit from giving it a try since the fluxotine aren't doing anything.
I'm happy you have managed to make good progress with therapy and you are responding well to the medication you have been prescribed it gives me hope!
I'm glad you understand my fears about starting therapy, you pretty much hit the nail on the head. If I am honest I would like to find some medication that works for me before going to see someone just so I have that little bit of help in actually going through with it.
Thanks again for the advice everyone. :flowers:
Sparks.
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