Back to being alone ...

[paradox]

I had major anxiety before Christmas. Then my son came home and things were easier. Now he's just left. And I'm back to being completely on my own again.

No friends. No family. No one.

I'm isolated because of body dysmorphic disorder and general/social anxiety. I'm agrophobic because of these conditions.

I feel stranded in my prison again.

I felt like my son couldn't wait to get away. Back to his busy life. Away from his crazy mother and her 'problems'.

I know this is dreadful, but it helps to know that there are other people who have similar issues. Makes me feel less of a freak. That others may understand my pain.

I'm so glad this site exists. I don't know how I would have coped today if I didn't have this point of contact. I'm feeling so very sad. Can't stop crying. I've taken some sedation to try and get through the rest of the day, but I don't know if it will be enough.

I wish my son cared more. I wish I wasn't such a waste of space. I wish he didn't feel like he has to run away. I wish things were different. I need a hug. That sounds self indulgent and needy. Sorry. Can't seem to get a grip.

I'm so pointless. An irrelevance. I've nothing to offer anyone.

[Deepest Blue]

Hi Paradox, you are certainly not alone in that and you're definately not pointless, I am in the same position, I live alone too and it isn't nice. So I feel your pain, I wished I could offer better advice but all I can do is send you the biggest hugs ever and hope it may make you feel a bit better knowing that I know how you feel.

Take Care.x

[Going home]

Hi, i'm new and still trying to figure out how thing work but thought i'd send you a hug...hope it gets to you ok....:hugs:

from Going home xx

[paradox]

Thank you both so much for your comments. It's the connection with people that's defeating for me. So you've helped considerably.

Plus my son phoned 5 mins ago to tell me he got home safely. I told him how I felt and he reassured me that it's not that he wants to get away from me. It's that he's 23 and get's bored quickly when not in his usual environment, ie with friends his own age, in his own flat, missing his boyfriend etc.

And he said he'll be back to see me in a few weeks. And he told me I did really well over xmas. Which is the icing on the cake. :emot-cheering: Because I always worry that my 'issues' will ruin the festivities for him.

So, I'm back to being alone. But I haven't alienated my son. I'm grateful for small mercies.

I return your hugs with gusto. Knowing that you both understand helps so very much.

Take care. :bighug:

[Gillian]

Hello i would just like to give you a :bighug:paradox you deserve a medal being on your own with this, my family is around me and i still cant cope, my younger sister lives on her own with a huge amount of mental health problems and she is another to be admired (but she is next door),
and about the son thing lol, my son is 21 and goes away with the army a lot, they just want to live there lives and who can blame them, i would rather him be happy than be like me suffering, and i guess you would too.
i hope you are feeling better soon,
Love and Light
Gill

[Sparkie]

Enormous hug from me! :bighug1:

Don't worry about alienating you're son he sounds like a really nice person and I'm sure he loves you very much. You are not pointless! We all have our weak moments, I'm sure its not the first and it probably won't be the last but you will fight through it!

*HUUUUUGS*

Sparks.