what if's

[Lou 1]

Hi - i've suffered from health anxiety since i was young but have always been able to push it to one side after a few days of intense worrying and several trips to the gp.
12 weeks ago my best friend was at work and fell down 3 stairs (yes 3) it caused a bleed on her brain and she died within hours - she was 24 :(
Since she has died i have become so anxious - i know its a mixture of depression too as i cant get over loosing her.
I am so worried that im going to go young too - im constatly spending my days thinking about the "what if's" ... i check my body for any signs/symptoms and if i find any im straight onto google then to my gp - my gp will tell me it's nothing and im anxious but then for days i think but what if he was wrong what if he was tired and wasnt looking properly and this sends me back into the same circle of checking and going to see a gp.
im having CBT which seems to help but it is still early days. some days i feel fine and can deal with things but on those days i constantly think but what if i start to feel anxious again, what if i always feel anxious - i have physical symptoms that come with this anxiety and one one them at the moment is this horrible pressure in my head - makes me feel off balance and its much worse when i think about it.
When it's not there i worry about when it will be there and think what if im always like this and what if i always have this pressure...
I really think im going mad and no matter how hard i try i cant stop myself from thinking like this.
I know im so devestated by the loss of my friend but would that really bring on feeling like i do?
Im not taking any meds although i've been given fluxotine and beta blockers - i want to try and avoid taking them if i can...
could i just be going mad? Thanks for reading.

[j2]

Lou,

I feel so badly for you as I know the havoc HA can cause on all aspects of your life. As a long term sufferer myself, I know what you are going through. Whenever anyone gets sick or I hear about someone having cancer, it sends me over the moon. The drugs do help some people so you may want to give them a try but I understand if you don't want to. For me, exercise helps but I have trouble being consistent as I simply don't feel like it too often. Anyway, know that we are here for you and that we never judge. Take care.

J2

[Cell block H fan]

Hi - i've suffered from health anxiety since i was young but have always been able to push it to one side after a few days of intense worrying and several trips to the gp.
12 weeks ago my best friend was at work and fell down 3 stairs (yes 3) it caused a bleed on her brain and she died within hours - she was 24 :(
Since she has died i have become so anxious - i know its a mixture of depression too as i cant get over loosing her.
I am so worried that im going to go young too - im constatly spending my days thinking about the "what if's" ... i check my body for any signs/symptoms and if i find any im straight onto google then to my gp - my gp will tell me it's nothing and im anxious but then for days i think but what if he was wrong what if he was tired and wasnt looking properly and this sends me back into the same circle of checking and going to see a gp.
im having CBT which seems to help but it is still early days. some days i feel fine and can deal with things but on those days i constantly think but what if i start to feel anxious again, what if i always feel anxious - i have physical symptoms that come with this anxiety and one one them at the moment is this horrible pressure in my head - makes me feel off balance and its much worse when i think about it.
When it's not there i worry about when it will be there and think what if im always like this and what if i always have this pressure...
I really think im going mad and no matter how hard i try i cant stop myself from thinking like this.
I know im so devestated by the loss of my friend but would that really bring on feeling like i do?
Im not taking any meds although i've been given fluxotine and beta blockers - i want to try and avoid taking them if i can...
could i just be going mad? Thanks for reading.

No you're not going mad. Its no surprise you are petrified after your friend died. I think when something terrible happens like that, it brings home to us that we aren't immortal. Its not unusual for peoples HA to increase then, I didn't worry about things at all before I was early 20's then when my father in law died, after a misdiagnosis, it was like a kick in the stomach to be honest, & ive never been the same since.
I dont know the cure either, because I am 38 now & haven't found the cure myself!
Big hugs to you, I hope things get better :hugs:

[Optimist]

What an awful time for you - the shock of losing your friend must be dreadful. You are not going mad, it sounds like you are worn out and your anxiety has taken hold. Just a thought to give you some respite... why not try the beta-blockers for a few days/ a week to give your body and mind some rest. I have had to do that a couple of times (when my grandmother died and when I had a bad attack of HA a few months ago) and it gave me a break and I got some much-needed sleep. Drugs are not the whole answer, but they can help if used at the right time and in the right way.

Sending you a big hug. XX

[Lou 1]

Thank you all so much for your kind words :) xx

[skippy66]

what i dont understand is that the majority of people DONT have health anxiety, so what makes us different? Are we more cowardly or is it only us who gets weird symptoms?

[KK77]

what i dont understand is that the majority of people DONT have health anxiety, so what makes us different? Are we more cowardly or is it only us who gets weird symptoms?

That's a good question. I think people with anxiety have to focus their energy on something and the more specific it is the more intense it seems to be. Someone with a phobia of flying may not have any other anxieties but that specific anxiety is usually very intense.

I think that people with HA have focused their anxiety in a very small area and it's become very intense, whereas someone with general anxiety may have loads of worries but not as intense. But even someone with GAD will focus their attention on certain things. It's like the phrase: "If I don't worry about one thing, it's something else!"

Also, constantly attending to every response the body produces creates symptoms in itself which further fuels anxiety. We could always argue about whether the symptoms came first or the anxiety but I don't see where that would get us...

[onceagain]

hi there

You are not going mad, you have suffered the loss of a friend at such a young age and also the way you lost her must have been very traumatic, you said it 3 steps who would think it could mean you would lose someone as they fell down 3 steps.

Stop being so hard on yourself, allow yourself to deal with the mourning it is perfectly natural and to be honest I think that if you lose anyone it does make you think of your own mortality.

Anxiety, stress and depression are all linked... maybe it would be possible for your GP to refer you to a counsellor to discuss your loss and your fears sometimes voicing what is scaring us is the best way to deal with things.. I wish you the very best and you will find the strength in you but right now allow yourself to feel that hurt who wouldn't ... big hugs sent x

[smudger]

Hi. Im so sorry for your loss. When Sam passed away 5 years ago with an inoperable brain tumour (he was only 6 and my husbands cousins son), I went through a period of worrying about my daughter who was 4 at the time. She has had a lump on her back since 3 years old which had been checked by 3 gps n a specialist. It is a sebacious cyst. When Sam died with his tumour I was convinced Lucy's cyst would transform into a cancer or she would have one in her brain like Sam.I felt ill constantly with worry. It started to rub off on my daughter n she started to ask about 'my little bump' a little bit too much for comfort. I realised I was spending far too much time worrying about it and worrying her in the process. My friend actually told me this! I still worry but what mother doesnt?But not infront of her and I can make sense of it as tyime has paseed. Its natural to worry and if you need help dont be afraid to get it, you are normal. Please dont feel you are being unreasonable. You need time to mourn and you have that on your side.xx