relapse? Any advice please!

[bellabessnjet]

Hi all,
Hope you all had a 'nice' christmas.

Please can you offer any advice. I have been doing OK for about 8 weeks now, after suffering with depression and an ant phobia. (which seems an attached phobia!) Been to CBT and although hard and difficult is helping. Last couple of days, maybe due o christmas, have started panicking about ants, looking them up on the net etc, also very panicky unable to wind down. Dont feel as if I'm here, arguing constantly with the thoughts in my head and total insecurity. Dont no why this is happening! makes it worse not knowing. I've cut down my meds 40 down to 20mg of citalopram felt good at first, should I increase them? I feel down again and dont want to go there any help/advice is much appreciated.
Angela:shrug:

[Alicat]

Hi there,

Sorry you're feeling horrible again. I know it's easier said than done but try distracting yourself so you can't look ants up on the net.
Did you cut your meds down with the help of your GP? I'd suggest putting them back up again. Are you still having CBT?

[Maj]

Hi Bellabessnjet, I knew you hadn't been on for a while and I wondered if you had felt loads better!! You're probably feeling bad again with all the stress of Christmas. I think we're all a bit stressed by it, lovely though Christmas is!! Always remember, whenever we reach a setback if we can accept it and float through it then we are on our way to recovery. Setbacks are part of recovery. If you think your meds change has made a difference then maybe you shouldn't have reduced them just as quick. Why don't you have a word with the doctor again. And never forget, you were doing so well and will do again.
Myra:hugs:

[fozzy is crying]

Angela,

Look at it as a small setback not a relapse. You have made many big forward steps and this is a small one backwards. Be proud you did it once and you will again.

We are all here rooting for you.

Gordon

[magic girl]

hi angela i know how you feel i was doing really well until last week and then out of the blue i relapsed i rang my phsyciatrist and she has increased my meds back to my original dose before they were reduced i think it might be a good idea for your meds to be increased but please talk to your g.p first:hugs::hugs:

[bellabessnjet]

Thanks all, but I cant believe this I've just found an ant in the house, I now feel like I've wished it on myself. Its my fault, im trying to challeng my thoughts but I hate this, I dont understand it at all. Please somenoe help me. I dont want to be like this,
Angela:weep:

[magic girl]

your going to be O.K angela just keep telling yourself your producing to much adrenalin,if you can lie down somewhere quiet and put one hand on your chest and the other hand on your diaphram(just below your ribcage) and breathe so your hand on your diaphram goes up and down but not the hand on your chest i hope that helps you a bit:hugs::hugs:

[bellabessnjet]

I've scratched myself again. All my legs are red. I'm sorry. Why cant I be normal. I cant stop cying Why do I feel like this.

[bellabessnjet]

Pleeeeeeease help me

[Maj]

But you are normal - perfectly normal!! Just very anxious and going through a wee setback. And it's a huge coincidence that you found that ant just when you are so stressed. But as Claire Weekes says "just as the conductor of an orchestra can stop the music with one wave of the baton, you can stop all the symptoms of panic returning with one thing - acceptance". Try to accept that you are a wee bit sensitized again, you are not alone because there seems to be many feeling like this at the moment. Don't let this setback fool you into thinking your going backwards again.
Myra x:hugs:

[bellabessnjet]

Hi, Thanks everyone for advice. I just dont understand why this is happening again. I've had a brilliant family Christmas, but day after boxing day slipped and hurt my back, (I suffer from degenerative back diesease) been in mega pain. I dont know why the ant things returned again, I dont know whether its just a stress thing. God I hate this, just need to try to do the CBT things I think maybe thats part of the problem, Ive had to 'revisit' lots of bad/difficult stuff in counselling lately. Last new year had a really bad time, dont want this one to be as bad.

[bellabessnjet]

Still not good today, shaking, diahorrea, cant eat, the usual. Anyone any ideas what I can do, I've started looking on the net again for the ants, going over and over it, can't seem to concentrate. Ifeel like Gods punishing me for something, everytime I have a good period something happens. In the space of 4 weeks my sons head teacher made it perfectalyy clear she didnt want him in the school (hes got aspergers), so I've found him a new school which he starts in Jan. I've had to write comoplaints etc about the head. Christmas has happened and I pulled up a wooden floor for a new carpet. Also me and hubby have been poorly with chest infections, etc etc. Sorry for moan. and then on top of it all a blinking ant appears, I dont know what more I can do, why is it life is so unfair, yet criminals seem to get away with it and nothing bad happens to them. You might have guessed feeling a bit sorry for myself, I just cant fight all the time, i'm worn out. :weep::weep::weep: Oh and dreading new year more bad stuff to deal with.

[magic girl]

hi angela iv just noticed your son has aspergers my son has it too and i know what a battle schooling is in my opinion i think theey should be in speciel schools,im fed up with ohter parents giving me funny looks or if anything in school happens like a few boys having a bit of argy bargy my son is always singled out which makes me really angry.so im not suprised your so stressed especially having to move him to a different school but hopefully this school will be more sympathetic there are some good schools out there.:hugs::hugs:

[Maj]

Hello Angela,

Well no wonder you feel so low. Apart from anything I think when you have a child with special needs then life isn't always easy and it must take it's toll somehow. Even although you think you are coping it comes up and bites you when you least expect it. You are only human. I have a son with special needs and although he's an adult you never stop worrying about them and how they cope with life. So don't beat yourself up. The school thing is the last thing you need. They should be trying to support you and your son, not making you feel bad. If they think your son needs more help and that it will benefit him then that's fair enough, but they shouldn't be making you and him feel like outcasts. It's totally unprofessional. Chest infections can drag you down and it takes a while to feel on top form again. And the floor thing........!! Well, we'd all be driven up the pole by that!!! Don't automatically think that because you feel so low at the moment that this is the downward slope. The floor will get fixed, you'll feel better after your chest infection again, and you never know, your son may be a lot happier in his new school. When they are happy we are happy. So don't beat yourself up. You'll get there.
Myra x:hugs:

[bellabessnjet]

Hi,
Thanks magic girl and Myra, its comforting to know theres people in the same boat as me. Magic girl wouldn't it be wonderful if they had an autism unit within say 10miles of a major city that could cope with different abilities. I'm glad i wrote/typed this all out its been a sort of release just geting my thoughts out. Thanks everyone for replying.
Angela:blush: